"Christmas is in two weeks." Castiel was sitting on the ground in front of the impala and I was as sitting next to him, our knees touched every now and then.

Sometimes I found myself comfortable around him, but then I remembered who he was; Heidi wasn't the only person I've seen him kill. That man from yesterday made four and ever since that first time he's offered me the same deal. We could fuck; killing seemed to make him horny. "Cas bud, I wouldn't be expecting much from our friend in the north. You're not exactly on the nice list."

Castiel laughed and so did I, "Yeah well I've actually been better since you've been around, who knows, maybe I'll just keep you around forever. Like my own personal conscience."

"You're 'spose to have one already." I bumped his knee again, "Although you do listen to good music so I'll give you points."

We were in California, northern California and we were close to the sea. I could smell it. But he said he didn't want to see anyone else and if I were him I wouldn't want to either. I had no idea where we were going, or if he even had somewhere to go to, but as long as we were driving he liked my company and that meant I got to live just a little bit longer. He was a good person to hang out with too. "You want to do anything special for Christmas? We could go up in the mountains with the snow."

I shrugged, "Before this I've never left Lawrence, Kansas. I love snow though."

He smiled, "Mountains it is, but for obvious reasons don't expect a present."

My smile faltered, this Christmas Sammy and I were going to go around and sing carols. I didn't want to but that little shit has always wanted too and mom said he could this year. He was old enough to be a little shit and not want to sleep at nine. And mom always baked for one whole day, I would even help her some. Dad would play outside with us and we'd toss a football around and he'd tell us stories about when he was younger. Also, since we didn't have any other living family we would eat all the food ourselves and it was too much but it was good and it was warm and it was safe and I would never get to do that again.

"Dean?" Castiel gripped my shoulder.

"No." there was no use lying, I was never very good at it anyways. "I miss my family," there was a hole next to me and I started to pick at it, "Christmas is Christmas, you know? And it's been over a month and I'm betting the cops consider me dead and I know there's no point in trying to run or leave, I just miss them." I bet if the cops don't have any good leads, and they've closed the case, then mom hasn't talked since she found out, I know that Sam wouldn't sleep in our room. Not at first anyways. It would be hard for him to go in there. Dad would probably be the best, he was always the best at hiding his emotions; that's what he always wanted me to do, men weren't about talking and sharing.

"We could decorate a tree, I haven't done that since my dad was alive, I was maybe…eleven then? Anyways it'll be fun." He shoved my shoulder, "But if we do then we'll need an angel topper and a few decorations, feel like going in public?"

"Yeah." Not really.

Later that day, around dusk we found a Wal Mart and we casually made our way to the Christmas section. A lady in a blue shirt came up to us and asked us if we needed any help; I felt Cas put his hand on my arm and I could feel him right behind me. "Well it's our first Christmas and we're just looking for a few things for our tree." His voice was happy and I bet if I turned around I would see a smile on his face.

The girl smiled at us, we're in California after all, and this was one of the first places to legalize gay marriage. "Well that's two isles over, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas!" Cas and I said at the same time. the worker smiled even bigger and went on her way.

We went to the isle with the decorations and I couldn't help but ask, "So what's with the friendly act over there?"

"When you think serial killer do you think gay?" Cas picked up an object and tossed it back to the shelf.

I picked it back up and set it back down too, "Well Moriarity did seem to obsess over Sherlock, and so did the Joker but he had Harley." Castiel just stared at me, "Dude where ever we go has to have a TV because you suck at pop culture references." He shrugged and continued on his search for the perfect tree topper, "What about this one?" I held up a fluffy angel with a pretty face.

"Not even remotely good enough." I swear we spent an hour like that. In the end he decided on a simple angel with white wings and black lights underneath, so when you plugged it in the wings looked to be black and dark. It fit him perfectly.

He pointed to a box of decorations and we checked out. "We can stay at a motel tonight, if you want."

"Well you do kind of smell." I joked and he smiled

I laughed and he turned serious again, "I'm going to go out then."

I looked out the window.

"I read in the paper that there's a known rapist in this town, he picks up young guys at bars and takes them out back. He's killed a few too; I'd be doing everyone a favor." He turned onto another road, "It's not like he's a good person."

"You could just drop him off at the police station." Castiel laughed but it wasn't his normal laugh. "You wouldn't be able to get him anyways; you said he goes after young guys."

"I'll watch for anyone suspicious."

"Since when did you start picking people like this, I thought it was just someone at random." I hated how I could talk about this so easily.

Castiel shrugged, "Maybe you're being a good influence on me Dean."

"You don't have to kill people; don't you worry about your soul? I'm not a huge believer but there has to be some kind of supernatural power going on out there."

"You were raised to brush your teeth and wash your hands and say nice things. I was raised like an executioner."

Just like every other time Cas went out he chained me to the bed and left the do not disturb sign on the door. And just like every other time I had to sit in the dark with nothing to do other than think of the person losing their life today, even though this guy is bad he could maybe be reformed. No one deserves to be killed; I even bet Cas will go slow.

I hate how I know this.

By the clock on the wall I've been chained up for over two hours, this is how the second one went. Castiel didn't get back until almost morning. He didn't have one drop of blood on him, but I could tell what he had done. And when he came back he was more persistent than any other time and it was hard to say no because he liked to play with his knife that night. It's hard to hate him, I'm stuck in the car with him for almost every second of every day and he has a nice personality and he's handsome. I don't know how many more times I can hold out.

It's not like he would be my first. I've known for some time that I've liked everyone the same; guys, girls it didn't matter, I just didn't want to feel anything for Cas, I wanted to go home. And if I went home I would never leave again. My mother wouldn't let me and my father sure as hell wouldn't like me bringing home a guy. Sometimes it's weird but I like being out here, I like being away from Kansas. It was like I was born to be on the road, to travel and never settle. I love the sound of the impala, I love everything about her actually. Not only her curves are sharp lines and the chrome in all the right places, but also what's underneath the hood. All the guts she has is perfect and when my dad first let me help work on cars I nearly lost my mind from how awesome everything fit together.

Someone's shaking my shoulder and I wake up to Castiel hovering over me, "Sleeping." I mutter and try and turn away from him.

"Can I sleep in this bed."

"What's wrong with the other one?" he's waking me up more and more and soon I might not be able to fall back asleep.

Castiel slides over and crawls under the covers next to me, "I don't like big beds to myself."

"If you fucking kick me in your sleep again I will push you off." I roll over and shut my eyes. I hear Cas laugh and it makes me angry. I'm tired and I don't function well when tired. I sit up and glare at him, "What's so funny? And don't you dare try and jump me in the middle of the night, I love sleep almost as much as I love sex." really I shouldn't talk within the first hour of waking up.

"I'm not going to ask you anymore Dean, it's obvious you don't want to and I find it funny the way you talk with your voice broken and horse from lack of sleep and your words are so blunt compared to how you normally shelter your words around me." Cas smiled again and closed him eyes, "You can sleep easy Dean, your honor will remain intact for another night."

"Damn right it will."