Dear Postman,
Thank you for delivering my mail and gifts, and always making sure they get to me as soon as possible, but, there's just one problem, YOU'RE MORE OF A STALKER THAN TINGLE! And that's saying something. If I want to go on a nice Sunday ride with my horse, you'll come running up in front of my horse making me pull on the reins as hard as I can, cutting my horses mouth, just to avoid hitting you. I will than accept the letter/gift just to get you to leave me alone. don't even get me started on your outfit, oh wait, you just did. your shorts are WAY to small for your size, so, I'll send you the catalog i was sending Tingle. and by the way get a haircut:)
Love: your friend, and now enemy, Link