Note : Okay so this is super late because I lost my way a bit with this story. I hope it satisfies any BonKai fans still out there, please review and let me know, helps motivate me to continue this. :) Sorry in advance for any typos, I have not had chance to re-edit as much as I would like.

JustStockton: If you read this I just wanted to thank you so much for all your lovely reviews, and as a loyal reader for Bonkai fics. :) I just wanted to let you know I do read them, and you always leave great feedback that gets me thinking. I often forget certain plot points and you always remind me, so thank you so much! you rock.

Learning to cope

This was a nightmare. A literal nightmare. How was I here? How was I sitting across the table from my nemesis Kai Parker?

We were sitting at the table having lunch like an episode of' friends'. The whole thing felt absurd, as I found myself constantly staring at Kai Parker. He raised his eyebrow a few times in confusion, but then even he became uncomfortable with my watchful gaze. I looked down at my half eaten fish pie, not able to stomach the rest. I was not even sure how I even managed to eat half of it. I guess it was due to Kai's cooking skills, which I hated him for. No one that evil should be able to cook so well, but it was just my luck that he had many talents.

Caroline was next to me talking incessantly since we had all sat down. Luckily Jo seemed to be buying everything she was selling - which was her fake 'long lost friend' act. Jo was fascinated by mystic falls and Caroline's memories as a cheerleader. Something about wanting to visit the hospitals in mf for her medic class she was taking in college, as she wanted to be a doctor. I obviously knew that, as I was fully acquainted with her future self. I had stopped paying attention to their conversation from the get-go, too interested in watching Kai, whom was eating his food like a shy boy.

Shy. Not a word I would have ever associated with him. Then I remembered him in the snowy world of 1903, when we held hands as we did the spell.

His shy gaze was lay on me. His dark blue eyes searching my closed ones. I only noticed when I looked up upon hearing his lame 'you have nice palms' comment. I mean really? It was pathetic and sort of cute at the same time. I had so much rage within me towards him at that time, but that comment had managed to melt a little of the ice that had built around my heart.

He smiled shyly at me, and I could not help but feel that despite how he had fooled me in the past - it was genuine.

"Isn't that right Bonnie?" Caroline's loud voice woke me up from the memory.

"Huh?" I replied. Not even registering her question.

She sighed. Then gave me a look that clearly stated I needed to get my acting-game on. I felt bad, knowing she was doing all the work here. I just could not help being lost, as I looked over at Kai. He was staring at me in curiosity, and I wondered how I had looked at him during my little day-dream. His blue eyes were scanning me in typical Kai-fashion, but he gave a little shy smile that reminded me of the him in 1903.

"Cheerleading practice Bonnie. It was really grueling, right?" Caroline reliterated in annoyance.

Jo was fully focused on me a sense of excitement, wanting to know about my life as cheerleader. This all felt so surreal. How the hell was I sitting across from Kai Parker, in the very house he had murdered his siblings, talking to his twin sister about cheerleading? there was no logical answer.

"Yeah, it was it tough training," was all I could manage to say.

Kai smiled, looking intrigued, while Jo looked a little disappointed by my reply. Caroline was now glaring daggers at me. I knew I wasn't being a good team player, but this situation felt too crazy for me.

"Well I personally find it hot," Kai announced. Popping another piece of pie into his mouth, chewing with vigor. I forgot how much he loved food.

For a second I thought he was talking about the food, but realized he was talking about me. His flirtatious look was enough to confirm it. I felt heat reach my cheeks in that familiar feeling of embarassment. I had not felt like that around a boy in a while, well not since Jeremy. Which is silly because Kai had flirted with me like this before. Well before I found out he was bad news and he had stabbed me. Not knowing what to say in the moment, I concentrated on the half of my pie that was left. Caroline luckily took pity on me and decided she was better off making small talk. I sat there trying to work out what our plan was supposed to be.

"Well you and all the other high school boys. Oh Jo you would love them! I mean mystic falls has some real hotties." Caroline had turned to Jo with enthusiasm.

That was one thing Caroline had that I was always jealous of, that she could engage anyone into conversation. Or make anyone interested in any lame topic like our cheerleading days.

"I always wanted to be a cheerleader, but we got home schooled most of our life. Hanging around your Dad all the time is a real drag," Jo's voice was filled with annoyance and regret.

I could fully understand why it would suck. I knew of her father, and would not want any poor children to have to suffer under his control. I looked over at Kai who had grown agitated and silent. Just the mention of his father would do that. He was wearing the same look on his face as when he had told me about his father the first time. I instantly became worried, remembering how that resulted in me getting stabbed. I could feel sweat run down my spine and a cold chill reach my body as I stared at him, worried he would react at any moment.

Caroline continued to sway the conversation to a more cheerful topic, no doubt sensing the tense atmosphere.

"Wow that would suck. Hell my mother was a police officer, can you imagine being on lock-down all the time? Sneaking off to parties was a nightmare." Caroline turned to Jo and continued their conversation.

Kai who had now had enough of our small talk, stood up, grabbing his plate and knife. I immediately jumped out my seat when he picked up the knife. It was an instant reaction I could not help, as my body still remembered the stabbing. Caroline and Jo had stopped to look up at me in confusion, while Kai had also stopped to examine me with a puzzled expression.

We stood like that for a while. Him no doubt thinking I was a crazy person, and Caroline probably wanting to shake some sense into me so I could get it together. I calmed my breathing and tried to think of a way to explain why I was acting weirdly.

"I should help you clean up," I managed to mumble.

It took all the courage I had to reach out and take the knife from his hand. I was glad he let me take it, although he was staring at me like I had three heads. I grabbed my plate to try and make it look like I was really just trying to help out. My heartbeat felt so loud I would not be surprised if I had a heart attack on spot. The anxiety was not something I could control, especially when I was in another time period without magic to save myself in the moment of danger.

"No Bonnie you're our guest, let me get that," Jo had spoken softly next to me.

Her calming voice helped a little, and I let her take the knife and plate from me. As long as it was out of Kai's hands I was fine with it. I just did not want him to have his hands on any knives, especially when he had looked so much like his future self earlier. Full of hate and no doubt plotting revenge against his father.

I turned to see Caroline glaring at me. She stood up grabbing my hand before Kai could ask me something, no doubt about my behaviour.

"Can you excuse us a sec? I just need a little chat with my friend." Caroline didn't even wait for their answer.

She dragged me back outside of the house with her vampire strengh I had forgotten about. Her aura appeared so human you would forget she was a vampire, if not for her still having her vampire strengh and senses. I would have to remember that spell for future use.

"What the hell, Bonnie? Can you at least pretend to get with the plan?" She sounded angry.

I could not blame her really, as I was really messing things up.

"I'm sorry Care. It's just being in the same room with them, Kai with a knife and a younger version of Jo, is not something I can get used to. It's creepy and I reacted badly I know, but I feel pretty damn vulnerable without my magic and don't fancy getting stabbed again. " I had spoken so fast that if it were not for her vampire hearing, she would have missed it.

She looked at me for a few minutes with her arms crossed and a stern motherly look. Caroline had started to get that look when had got with Stefan. Also when the roles had reversed and she had become the reasonable vampire among my friends. As she had learnt to control herself early, she was more in control of herself than the salvatore brothers. I guess it also had something to do with the fact I kept dying and disappearing, Elena was too busy being infatuated with Damon, and Stefan had vampire-control issues. So really Caroline had to take the place of level headed mother of the group. Until her mother had died and she had decided to switch off her humanity. Of course just like with Elena before her - she finally managed to get a hold of humanity again, but the damage had still been done.

It's strange how I felt both jealous and repulsed by the fact they could switch it off so easily. Like a light switch, just turn it off and all those human feelings were gone. I had only dabbled in dark magic once, and even i was not able to enjoy the high it had given me for long. I had to use the magic to save yet another life, more lives to be exact, so it was never for selfish reasons.

"You got that far away 'i'm in dreamland' look, again." She sighed

It woke me up from my thoughts. I was zoning out a lot more than usual, but that could be due to the magic it took to get us here.

"Sorry. It's just hard being here and doing this. I thought this would be an easy mission, you know? get in and get out, but it's not. We could mess things up Care. For Jo I mean, even for us. I mean I didn't even really research this spell properly. I mean what if I messed something up taking us back here? Even our run in with Stefan and Klaus? What if Kai decides to go ahead and kill his family anyway? What if we can't stop it?" I was firing questions at her like bullets.

"Bonnnie please chill! You're throwing too many questions at me here. We will figure it out, now come here," she sounded concerned as she pulled me in for a hug.

I took comfort in the fruity perfume she always wore. Her soft pale hair tickled my cheek, as I contemplated how nice it was not to be alone. Sure since we met vampire I had acted like a one woman army, but I really was just a lonely soldier hoping he makes it back alive. I was a powerful Bennett witch but I was not immortal like my friends. Something they tended to forget, that every moment in life was precious to me because i would one day die. I didn't want to spend my life fighting villains. Yet here I was, messing up time to try and solve yet another problem.

"We should go in Bon, they're probably wondering what mental assylum we ran away from." She released me from the hug, which I already missed. I wanted to stay outside with her rather than go back into Kai's house.

"Okay. I know I have been acting weird, but I will try and focus on the mission. We need to get it done and go home," I put more confidence in my tone than i felt. My brave Bonnie-mode was now back in full force, which meant I was not prepared to do whatever it took

She looked unsure for a moment, before nodding her head in agreement. Holding my hand, giving it a comforting sqeeze, she lead us back up the porch stairs to Kai's house. She stopped before going in, making me raise my eyebrow in question.

"What is it?" I hoped she didn't hear anything creepy coming from the house.

I was happy when she let out a cheerful laugh of relief, making me feel at ease.

"Nothing to worry about Bon. It just feels weird, you know the whole threshhold thing. I keep thinking I will get thrown out." She gave me a sheepish grin.

I considered her words. It had not occured to me that the spell had also allowed her to bypass the vampire threshhold law. Another thing I had not checked before doing the spell, making me feel stupid. Also worried, considering I could have broken a good few witch laws by doing this. With powerful spells there is always some kind of price. I should have cosindered that messing with vampire laws might come back to bite