Hello everyone! Exams are coming so I don't have too much time to write and it may take a while to upload the next chapter of this story. About the story itself, I still would like to focus on interactions between conflicted Genji and Angela before more action. There is more coming but until then, please be patient! (: Enjoy!
Chapter 4: Shame
'Genji, I will be going to the market today, do you want to accompany me?' Angela asked one morning after breakfast, it was her free day and traditionally she would go do some basic shopping in the city.
'With pleasure' he answered and was soon disrupted by loud noise that came out of Mercy's laptop. 'Lena?!' Genji asked surprised looking at the big face of a smiling Tracer on the screen.
Angela came up to the laptop and opened a message from her friend, soon the corners of her mouth raised.
'We um, correspond sometimes.' she admitted taking a sip of her coffee, still smiling.
'Do you miss her?' the man asked, looking at her curiously. It has been a while since he heard about Tracer and the news that she was doing well somehow made him feel relieved. She was a close friend after all. Angela hesitated for a moment before answering.
'I do, I miss so many people I've lost the count' Mercy sat on the chair and continued 'Lena is in England now, there had been several attacks on Omnics, two of them dead within a week' she added with a concern.
'That worries me, and I hope she won't get in any trouble. You know her...'. Leaving the rest of her thought to Genji who pictured that careless and eager to change the world girl with ruffled brown hair.
'She will be fine' Genji cut her off, trying to hide his doubts about Tracer's safety.
The sun was high on the sky, making the pedestrians hide in the few visible shadows of nearby roofs and trees. Heat was almost unbearable, but not for Genji whose upgraded armor kept in a neutral, pleasant temperature, Mercy however, seemed content while sipping her cool lemonade with mint as they walked among vendors. Almost everything Angela needed was hidden in her backpack or carried in bags by Genji.
He looked at the sweat drops forming on her arms and dark spots on the white top she was wearing and wondered how much he missed the feeling of hot air on his skin. Unfortunately, that was one of the few things he was to avoid. Sand or dust, hot dry air was able to damage his armor or prosthetics and to keep him safe, Angela insisted on covering at least the upper part of his body with light cloth.
He was alert all the time, keeping an eye on the surroundings and crowd of people moving around the market. The place was chaotic, people shouting, sellers calling for new customers, cars honking, but despite all that he had to admit it all had its own charm and again, he was not surprised why Mercy fell in love with that place.
'I don't think you would like the monastery' Genji said after a while and made the surprised doctor look at him.
'Monastery? The one where you stayed?' she asked and waited until the man nodded before questioning him again. 'Why do you think so?
'The silence' Genji smiled and continued 'Delicate humming and wind mostly, cannot compare with the noise in here but it seems you enjoy it. The same with the weather, complete opposites.' Just thinking about the place made Genji feel peaceful and relaxed, remembering the soft ringing of bells and the smell of incense spread all over the temple. Where no one was judging him about his appearance or questioned humanity.
Suddenly he felt a delicate poke on his arm and noticed Angela looking at him. 'Hm?'
'I asked you about Zenyatta, three times but it seems your mind was somewhere far away' Mercy said , fixing the strips of the backpack. 'When was the last time you saw him?'
'Months' the man answered shortly as if remembering his friend caused him pain. Genji was here thanks to him. His kindness and faith gave him a motivation to keep going, reminded what is important in life. If not the mask, Angela would surely see the grimace on his face which soon changed after he felt the woman's slender fingers slipping into his hand and twisting them together.
'I'm sure you will see each other soon. Besides, I want to meet your master and thank him' Mercy said as they walked past the fountain that sprinkled cold drops of water on their bodies. 'Thank him?' Genji thought, surprised at both her hand in his and, her spoken words.
'For keeping you alive' Mercy added quietly and just kept walking forward still holding tight onto Genji's hand.
He was too surprised to reply and with the sudden feeling of warmth that wasn't caused by the sun, just decided to go with it and kept heading back home with a small smirk on his face.
The evening was pleasantly chilly; a fresh breeze flowing through the narrow streets brought a relief the citizens so needed during the hot day. The cafes surrounding the main square were filled with people enjoying their drinks. Warm laughers and conversations filled the air and the shadows dancing on the walls casted by ornamented lamps, accompanied Angela and Genji as they were walking along the sidewalk. Finally they managed to find an empty table, which was situated close to the fountain they passed a few hours ago. Several surprised gazes fell on Genji and his metallic body as he was sitting down but he tried to ignore them, in fact he was almost used to them, and focused on smiling Mercy. She looked beautiful, there was no doubt about it, and somehow she seemed to be more cheerful and relaxed than on the first day they met.
'It has been a while since I've gone out like this' Angela said placing her elbows on the table, enjoying the hubbub around. Me too, Genji thought to himself as the doctor continued. 'I mean, I've gone out with some friends but-' she hesitated hoping the man wouldn't see her reddening cheeks 'Not with a man'. Stupid, Angela scolded herself, You're an adult woman and yet you're blushing like a teenager.
Genji chuckled and thanked himself for not taking off his mask yet. 'I used to come here every week when I first arrived in this city' Mercy continued 'I guess it somehow reminded me of home, the noise, how lively this place was. I mean, I'm happy to be here, don't get me wrong, but after all that happened I wanted to run away from big conflicts'
'Don't you work in a hospital full of victims of a civil war?' Genji noticed, looking at the doctor.
'I cannot escape everything, right? That is my vocation after all, to help those in need even if it means to be involved in something I would prefer to avoid'. She answered smiling sadly.
Angela have always thought that as long as she could save other people she would commemorate her parents whom she couldn't save when she was a child.
She looked at the shiny mask under which Genji's face was hidden and before she bit her tongue, a question fell from her mouth 'Would you take off your mask?' A dim light from the candle placed on the table shone on Genji's flickering visor and he surprised, straightened his back.
As much as he was in peace with his half-human body, being seen by strangers scared him and he preferred not to do it. His body felt stiff, not letting a single word escape his mouth, making him feel bad the more he stared at saddening expression on Mercy's face.
'Oh, don't mind me Genji. I'm sorry' she quickly apologized and put on a wide smile on her face. 'Let's just order something to take out, shall we?' And without waiting for his response, stood up and headed quickly towards the nearest waiter.
'Idiot' Genji hissed to himself clenching his fists under the table looking at Angela paying for their food. They were out to eat after all, what was he thinking he would do? Eat with the mask on?
His chest pulsated with anger as if everything that Zenyatta had taught him perished within a second. Acceptance was not the only important lesson the omnic repeated during their sessions.
'Finding peace is through interpersonal connection and engagement in life Genji. You are not meant for solitude and being ashamed of yourself will not set you free. Isolation will become your cage.' Genji remembered those words thinking of how much easier it was to agree with them while being in the quiet monastery. His master however, was right, he will not improve anything hidden behind a mask.
Mercy walked to him after several minutes holding bag containing their supper and asked 'Ready to go?'
Genji still lost in his thoughts, stood up and followed her until the lively bustle faded behind their back.
They were slowly reaching Mercy's house, accompanied by quiet rustling of tree branches, stuck in awkward silence since the moment they left the restaurant. Both feeling guilty at their actions or words, too shy to admit mistakes to one another.
They walked in silence as Genji peeked at the woman from time to time, looking at her face lighted up by the bright moon, and the mysterious impression on her face.
He took a deep breath and reached for his mask, taking it off with the soft hissing sound. Angela turned towards him, lured by the sound, slowing down her steps.
Now when the cool air brushed through his naked skin his thoughts felt clearer and tidier.
'I'm sorry for ruining your evening' he whispered after a moment still avoiding Angela's questioning gaze. 'Somehow I forgot that to eat, I need to take off my mask, and in that moment, it became more stressful than I thought. It has been a while since I have eaten out, been out like that in general. I feel like a child that learns how to live again. Forgive me, it was not my intention to make you feel bad'
Mercy waited patiently until the younger Shimada finished, when she abruptly stopped.
'Genji...' she started and the man prepared himself to be scolded by the blue-eyed angel but what he felt was her soft hand cupping his cheek in kind gesture. 'There is nothing to feel bad for, and I apologize too.'
Genji closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of Angela's skin on his scarred cheek. For a moment he wanted to move his head away when his body screamed in protest, in desperate need of the doctor's attention.
'It happened too fast, I rushed you, put you in an uncomfortable position' Mercy continued as she stroked the cheek she held, with her thumb. Her heart was beating fast, thinking of the intimate situation they were in. What was she so scared about? She longed to touch him, see his face without the mask everyday, looking into his bright brown eyes whenever she would want to. But indeed this time she asked for too much.
Angela wasn't sure whether she tried to protect him or herself from emotions buzzing inside, but was certain that she couldn't rush anything. She was not blind and saw the affection Genji showed her from the moment he came back, the desire in his eyes that made her heart rattle. Most of the time however, he was distanced as he was scared of making a move. Blaming him felt wrong as it was a feeling also hidden in the depth of her mind. They were both playing cat and mouse, running away when one was about to catch another. Slowly, Mercy thought and whispered 'For me you are perfect the way you are, don't be ashamed of anything'.
Genji felt a sharp pain at the kind words he just heard and reminded himself that it was time to back off. He opened his eyes and slowly moved away.
'I will work on that, I promise' he said smiling at Mercy, covering the tension he felt inside.
The doctor looked at his face and then at the visor he was holding in his hand. She smiled back and nodded, letting Genji lead the way to the small house. She understood everything.