Chapter 4
Later that morning, Chakotay returned to his quarters to retrieve some of his own clothing and a few personal items. He checked his messages and then with a deep sigh, he settled at his desk to call his sister. He told her about Kathryn and their planned trip to Indiana. She was happy for him, but he could see a bit of sadness, too, when she realized he was not going home for a while yet. "I'm sorry," he said. "I will come, I promise. I just need some time. Maybe after this trip. It helps a lot to be together with Kathryn. I feel more centered than I have in quite a long time."
"You really love her," Sekaya said with a smile.
"I do," he responded, the lines around his eyes softening. "She is an amazing woman, and I know you will like her."
"I already like her, Chakotay. Any woman who can help my brother find his heart again is nothing short of amazing in my eyes."
Chakotay grinned as he promised he would call again soon. He ended the link and sat back in the chair. Talking to Sekaya was always bittersweet for him; as much as he loved his sister, seeing her reminded him that she was his only family left except for some distant cousins on Earth. The pain of those memories did not seem quite as gripping after this conversation, though. Maybe, just maybe, with Kathryn he could face the ghosts on his home world again.
Kathryn had given Chakotay the security code to her apartment and when he returned, he found a message from her that she had gone to the market. He carried his bag up to her room and realized it was the first time he been in there. The space was decorated simply, mostly in soft, neutral tones, and bookshelves stuffed with books lined one wall. There were a few photos scattered around, as well, and he looked over them all. A photo of Mollie who remained with Mark, photos of her mother, her sister and family, and a photo of Voyager's senior staff together in the mess hall. He smiled when he saw it, remembering that it had been taken when Neelix started a celebration for Ancestor's Eve.
He had just set the bag down when the door chimed. He went downstairs and opened it, a bit surprised at the visitor. "Tuvok," he said. "Come in. How are you?"
Tuvok entered the apartment and looked around the room. "I am well, Commander. I was expecting to find the Captain."
"She went to the market but should be back any minute. Would you like some tea?"
"Thank you, yes," Tuvok replied. Chakotay waved him to the sitting area while he went to the replicator. He returned with two cups of tea and sat in the chair facing Tuvok's.
"So," Chakotay said, "are you returning to Vulcan soon?"
"Yes, I will be leaving tomorrow. That is why I came to see the Captain. I wished to tell her goodbye."
"Kathryn will be happy you did," Chakotay smiled. "We have missed seeing everyone every day."
"Commander, I sense a familiarity that was not there before when you speak of the Captain," Tuvok stated matter-of-factly, one eyebrow slightly raised.
Chakotay cleared his throat. "Oh, right. You left the dinner early last night."
"Clearly, I missed something," Tuvok replied.
"Tuvok," Chakotay started, "You know I have had feelings for Kathryn for a long time. Now that we are finally home, we can share those feelings openly." He tugged his ear. "Kathryn and I are a not just a command team now. We are a couple."
"I see," Tuvok replied.
"I love her, Tuvok, and she loves me," he said with a grin.
The door opened at that moment and Kathryn entered the apartment with market bags in her hands. Chakotay jumped up to help her and she kissed him as he took the bags from her. It was then that she noticed Tuvok sitting across the room and her eyes widened. "Tuvok, I didn't know you were here," she said, looking embarrassed. Chakotay carried the bags to the kitchen to put away the items while Kathryn went to the den.
"Hello, Captain," he said. "The Commander was just informing me that I apparently left the dinner too soon last night."
Kathryn's cheeks turned pink as she flashed a grin at Chakotay then looked back to Tuvok. He continued, "I am pleased for you. Clearly, this is a happy event for you both."
Kathryn's face lit up at his words. "That means a great deal to me, Tuvok. Thank you."
"I came by to tell you I will be returning to Vulcan tomorrow."
"Oh," she said, her mood deflating a bit. "I know you miss your family. How long will you be gone?"
"I am undecided. I may return in three months to teach again at the Academy. However, I have also considered finding a position on Vulcan. In light of our long history together, that is why I wanted to tell you in person instead of a message. I owe you a great debt, and I am uncertain when we might see each other again."
Kathryn furrowed her brows. "No, Tuvok," she said softly. "I owe you more than I can ever repay. Your loyalty and skills were essential to Voyager and to me." She sighed. "When will you decide?"
"There are valid reasons for both courses of action. While my son has performed the fal-tor-voh, I find that I am still a bit unsettled. I believe some time of intensive meditation on Vulcan will help me to fully recover my focus. I do not know how long that process may take."
"I understand, Tuvok. The whole crew is unsettled, it seems. It must be difficult for you."
"While I cannot experience the feelings of the rest of the crew, I do recognize that my logic is not as balanced as it should be. At any rate, I will keep you informed of my plans."
"Please do, Tuvok. Chakotay and I will be visiting my family in Indiana in a few days. We will be gone for a couple of weeks, but I can be contacted at my mother's house."
Again, Tuvok's brow arched slightly but he did not comment on her reference to both of them taking the trip. Instead, he stood up and curtly nodded his head. "Thank you for the tea, Commander. I must be going now."
Chakotay met him at the door and said, "It was an honor serving with you, Tuvok. You will always have my gratitude and respect."
"As you have mine, Commander," Tuvok replied.
Kathryn laid her hand on Tuvok's arm and said softly, "Goodbye, old friend. I am deeply grateful for everything you did for me and for Voyager. I will never forget your counsel and guidance. Please tell your family hello for me."
"Of course, Captain. I am pleased for you and the Commander, and I wish you happiness together."
When the door swished closed, Kathryn turned to Chakotay, a sadness dulling her eyes. He put his arms around her and she leaned her head into his chest. "I will miss him," she said softly. "He has been a dear friend for a long time, and his support carried me through many tough days."
Chakotay hugged her tighter and said, "I know he considers you a friend, too; a high compliment from a Vulcan. He may not feel as deeply as we do, but I know he cares for you as much as he is able. It will be a good thing for him to see his wife and children, and the Masters on Vulcan will be able to help him far more than we can here."
She stayed in his arms for a few moments more and then tipped her head up for a kiss. It was pressing, almost forceful, and her hands pulled him roughly to her. He let her taste and feel his strength for a moment before cupping her cheeks with his hands and gently pulling away. "Kathryn, love, what's wrong?" he asked.
"It is one more loss, Chakotay," she said. "We came home to lose everything. Voyager was our entire life. We spent all that time fighting to get home. For what? To have everything we built taken away?"
He kissed her forehead, his hands still caressing her cheeks. "Not everything, Kathryn. Yes, we have lost a lot. More than most people will ever realize. But this is where we belong. You know that, hon. We fought to get back to where we are supposed to be. We gained a lot, too. Friendships, memories, experiences, and enough data charts and reports to keep Starfleet busy for the next decade. We did what was right. We returned the crew to their rightful families and homes." He hugged her tighter to him. "And we gained each other, Kathryn."
He had forgotten how strong she was as she nearly crushed his ribs in her arms. But he understood that she needed his solidity, to feel him both unmoving and immovable. Little by little, her grip eased and she turned her face to his. "I don't know how more of this I can take, Chakotay. Promise me you aren't going anywhere. Promise me that I am not going to lose you, too."
"Shhh," he soothed. "I'm not going anywhere. We are in this together, and we will get through it together. We will find our place again." He pressed his lips to hers, this time her lips soft and supple as she sought his love. He took her hand and said, "Come on. I brought some things back from my apartment. Come show me where to put them and we can talk."
She let him lead her upstairs, the idea of his things being in her apartment calming her a little. He unpacked his bag while she gathered some hangers for him. She showed him an empty drawer in the dresser and then put his toiletries away in the bathroom. At the bottom of the bag, she found his medicine bundle. She ran her hand over the wrap, remembering the first time she saw it when he tried to help her find her animal guide. She also remembered how private some of his meditations and vision quests were.
"Chakotay, you can keep this in the guest bedroom if you want. Consider it your room for your meditations or whatever else you want to use it for."
He kissed her again, touched that she was willing to give him his own space in the small apartment. "Thank you," he said as he went downstairs to store the medicine bundle. When he returned to her bedroom, she was sitting on the end of the bed looking at the picture of Voyager's senior officers. He sat down beside her and slowly slid the photo from her fingers, replacing it on the shelf. "We will make new memories, Kathryn," he said softly.
She turned her face to his and her hand rested on his chest. She leaned into him and found his lips, softly at first, then parting them with her tongue as the kiss deepened. Her hands began to move lightly over his shoulders and arms, grief turning to need. She pushed him back on the bed and laid her body atop his, her hand sliding down to his hip. He was responding to her touch and she said, "Make love to me, Chakotay. Show me that you love me."
He began undressing her, planting trails of tiny kisses over her body as he did so. When at last she was nude, her body crying out for the return of his soft lips, she slid up the bed to the pillows while he removed his own clothes. He kissed his way back up her form, studying her, learning how she responded to different sensations and touches. He took his time, and when he reached her mouth again she moaned as his tongue found hers. He felt her hands on his chest and she pushed him onto his back, beginning the same study over him.
Her fingers left little plasma fires in their wake, and her tongue flicked and played over him, eliciting quiet noises from him. The sensations were driving them both wild and she lay beside him and pulled him over on top of her. Their shower that morning had been about sexual desire, release, and claiming love. This was expression of purest love, the consummation of two hearts beating together and two souls joining in union.
He entered her slowly, his upper body braced on his elbows as his hands cupped her face and his thumbs caressed her cheeks. Her fingertips lightly trailed over his back, her hips swaying with his, her blue eyes locked to his dark brown. They gently rocked together for minutes, a gradual heat building from the tips of their toes to the tops of their heads.
In unison, they began to breathe faster, to grip a little tighter, to thrust a little harder. He felt her back arch and gasped. She felt him enter deeper and moaned softly. Her eyes closed and she pulled her knees back further. He softly nipped her neck and his hands snaked under her shoulders. Their rhythm picked up pace, she tightened around him, and he swelled within her. They were both taking short, shallow breaths, trying to hold back the flames threatening to rage through them. Her stomach tightened and her head curled forward, his back bowed as he pushed deep inside of her, and together they shattered in each other's arms. The world around them faded as their souls soared the heights, freed from all but the other in a blinding love far more powerful than the pain of loss. They held to each other until their warm tears ceased and the trembling stopped. He turned over onto his back and pulled her head to his chest as they drifted into a dreamless, healing sleep.
Kathryn awoke first, her body still draped over his. They were nude and lying atop the covers. Although he was keeping half of her warm, she shivered a bit in the cool air over her back and legs. Chakotay stirred and opened his eyes. "Hi," he said quietly. She tucked herself tighter against him and he felt that she was cold. He reached to the edge of the bed and pulled the blanket over them both in a cocoon.
She nuzzled his neck and rolled on top of him. His hands roamed over her, caressing and warming her at the same time. "Hi," she said. "I could get used to this."
"Mmm," he sighed. "I think I am addicted to you, Kathryn Janeway."
She giggled and kissed him. "I am also addicted to food, and I'm getting hungry."
He looked at the chronometer and was surprised to find it was already late afternoon. "Why don't we go out to eat? There are bound to be a hundred restaurants close to the Officers Apartments. We can walk until we find a place that looks good."
She smiled at the idea and said, "First, I need a shower." He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she laughed. "Alone, this time. I'm not sure my body will hold up to a repeat of this morning."
He groaned playfully and pulled her into a tight hug before sliding the cover off of them. She raised herself off of him and stood up, her nipples hardening in the cool air. He grabbed her waist and sucked in her breast, playing his tongue around the pebbled flesh. She ran her fingers through his hair and then pulled away from him. "Later," she said huskily.
He watched her walk into the bathroom, the sway of her round hips and the perfect curve of her back sending tingles through him. He was surprised that he could respond to her for a third time that day, knowing that no other woman had ever affected him the way she did. He grinned at the thought, then pulled on a pair of pants and went downstairs to make her fresh coffee before getting ready for dinner.