The Girl in Question – Part 4

When we showed up at Wolfram and Hart, looking battered and beaten, Ilona met us again. "What happened?" she asked. "No grazie, prego, kiss, kiss?"

"More like grazie, prego, kaboom," I told her, letting her know with a look that I wasn't at all amused that she'd sent us into a situation that got us blown up.

"Oh, do not worry, Angel," she said with a chuckle. "They are always doing this to first timers in this country! We will figure out how to get your head back to you. But in the mean time," she said, putting a hand on my arm and holding me out so she could look at me, "we need to get you some new clothes! Eh?"

"Oh, look at you!" Ilona exclaimed when I came back into her office wearing the clothes and the motorcycle jacket she'd picked out for me. It was gaudy and didn't move well, and the neck was too tight. Spike was laughing at me under his breath beside her, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to join him in the joke or kick his ass.

"It's not really me," I told her, trying not to show how uncomfortable I was, but the tilt of Spike's smile said I was failing.

"But it's just the style!" the woman said, reaching out to lay an approving hand on my arm. "You will be the definition of handsome for years!"

As I joined them, I unsnapped the collar and zipped down the jacket, enjoying the new freedom of movement. Reaching toward Spike, I fingered the lapel of his jacket, saying, "This looks just like the old one."

"It'll do," he shrugged and I could feel him struggling not to lean into me. Spike wanted me, wanted to be with me. He'd said he wouldn't go back on his promise and I wondered just how well his conviction would hold up if Buffy asked him to break it. Especially if his feelings for me were just a default option, so he wouldn't end up alone.

"Smells better, that's for sure," I smirked, about to run my hand up to his shoulder before I realized Ilona was still there, watching us. It used to be easier to avoid touching him in public, before I realized I loved him, no matter how he felt about me. Spike raised an eyebrow, and I took my hand away, shoving it into my pocket for safety's sake. Who knows? Maybe Buffy would be so infatuated with the Immortal that she wouldn't want Spike back and I could just take him home. And then maybe things would return to normal and we could ignore how he was only with me for lack of other options.

"Don't you two look quite the couple?" said Ilona, with a knowing smile.

"Couple?" asked Spike. "What, him and me? No way, luv. You gone round the bend?" He hated denying we were together, and I wondered if there wasn't just a little too much vehemence in his denial.

"Yeah," I agreed, giving him a careful look. "We pretty much hate each other. He almost killed me a few months ago."

"And," Spike added, "this is the wanker that kept stealin' my girl from me for all those years."

"Hey," I pointed out. "Dru was mine first."

"But you had Darla, and then Buffy."

"Boys, boys! Why do you argue? This is not an occasion for argument!"

"What do you mean?" I asked her. "We've lost the head, we can't seem to find Buffy, and now for some inexplicable reason you think I'm with this moron?"

"You were not copied on the memo?"

"What memo?"

"The company-wide memo that was sent out to all the branch leads. When was it, eh? Ah...six weeks ago. Yes, that was it. It says Angel, Mr. CEO in Los Angeles, has a seer and a lover named Spike. I did not expect him to be so handsome, Angel."

"There was a memo about my love life?" I asked, my voice cracking in indignation. The Senior Partners had known about us for the last six weeks?

"Si, Signore Angel. It is a fairly standard practice, you know, keeping the branch CEOs updated on major changes in each other's lives. It makes the holiday parties much less awkward, si?"

"How come I never knew about this memo? How did they even find out in the first place?" Was this whole thing with the Immortal and Buffy a plot to break us up? The Senior Partners were quite fond of taking away anyone and everyone who meant a damn to me. They wanted me as cruel and evil and heartless as Angelus. What better way to break me than to make sure I fell in love, and then just take that away from me?

"Well, that part wasn't in the notice, but if I had to guess … Yes, I would guess the psychics employed by Wolfram e Hart had something to do with revealing your secret," she chuckled. "It is quite difficult to hide things from those who see all, no?"

"Fuck," I replied, looking to Spike and trying to gauge his reaction. The idiot looked almost relieved. He'd always hated hiding our relationship. Maybe it reminded him too much of how he'd let Buffy use him. And why hadn't the Partners just let Buffy know Spike was alive again? That would have done the job. Maybe they wanted her to see him alive with her own eyes. Maybe they were the ones that killed the Capo in the first place, to lure me into sending Spike here.

And the Immortal kept getting in the way – keeping Buffy out of the house, having his goons steal the head, blowing us up. All so she wouldn't see Spike and decide she wanted him back. Damn, he was good. I wasn't giving him too much credit, was I? No, he was actually that fucking sly. I wasn't sure whether I still wanted to kill The Immortal for touching our girl, or if I wanted to send him a grateful fruit basket for keeping her away from my…what? Lover? That didn't sound quite right for what Spike meant to me. Boyfriend? No, that was even worse. Friend? No. Fuck-buddy? Not really. Grand-progeny? Partner? Pain-in-the-ass? Significant Other? Anchor?

Soul mate?

Well, whatever he was, Spike was mine. Always.

"Do not fret so, Angel," Ilona said with another bright smile. "I would guess the senior partners find Spike very interesting. A vampire with a soul who sees the future? Who has a connection to the Powers that Be? Magnifico!"

"Uh," stammered Spike, "thanks, luv. I think."

Shaking my head, I changed the subject, "How are we going to get that head back? If we have to deal with a demon war in LA, it could be costly."

"Do not worry about it!" Ilana said, directing me by the arm from her office. "We will take care of this for you. We will make sure that the Capo's remains arrive in Los Angeles in plenty of time! Relax and go home, it is already done!"

Still confused and upset that Wolfram and Hart had found out what Spike meant to me, I let her usher both of us from the office before I knew what was going on. Once the two of us were clear of the doors, she shut them and locked them. "Hey! This is our problem!" I yelled through the door, feeling slighted and unappreciated. "We don't need your help!"

"Oh, give it up, luv," Spike said, grabbing my hand and pulling at me. "Can you just, for once in your poncy life, let it go?"

"What do you think we should do instead?"

"Let the bint take care of it. She seems capable enough. And a bit scary," he admitted, a slight wry tilt to his brow.

Sighing, I saw that under the humor Spike looked almost as weary as I felt. "Should we just go home?" I asked.

"Probably," he nodded, waiting for me to move toward the elevators before he followed. "But I'd like to talk to Andrew once more. Just to make sure Buffy's alright."

"Fine," I sighed, trying to disguise my desire to see Buffy and my fear that we would find her. Hopefully without The Immortal Bastard there to gloat. "I suppose going back there once more won't kill us." Though Buffy might, if she found out we were together.

"Plus," he smirked as we boarded the elevator, "Andrew needs a bit of a talking to about what happened with Illyria."

"Because he wouldn't help us by calling Willow?"

"Aye, luv," Spike nodded, catching my hand and letting his side touch mine from shoulder to knee, leaning against me as if to apologize for everything.

Andrew answered the door at Buffy's apartment again, showing us in. "Hey, guys. She's still not here." He was fresh from a shower, clothed in a heavy bathrobe and hair still dripping wet.

"Damn," said Spike under his breath, pushing his way in. I followed closely, suddenly wishing that she was here. Because my heart broke at the thought of never seeing Buffy's beautiful face again. And being in the same city without seeing her seemed like a fucking missed opportunity. Even if everything would go to shit afterwards.

"So, Andrew," Spike started, giving the little guy a cold look. Andrew leaned with one arm on the back of a chair and nodded pleasantly. "Did you think I'd forgotten about how you refused to help us?"

"Well, yeah," he looked down sheepishly, "I was hoping you had."

"If Buffy wasn't in town," he growled, "I'd wring your scrawny little neck."

"Ah," Andrew chuckled nervously. "Angel? A little help? I mean, I was just following orders. Seriously."

"Lay off the squirt, Spike," I sighed, catching the back of his neck in my hand. Spike generally pretends to hate authority, mine especially, but this subtle dominance from me calms him and makes him feel safe. I suppose it makes him feel loved.

"Aye," he murmured, leaning back against my hand for a brief moment before stepping away. "Hey, Andrew," Spike asked, more pleasantly this time, "has Buffy been acting…off?"

"Good question," Andrew replied, and the way his eyes flashed back and forth between us vampires told me he'd recognized a shift in our behavior since earlier. After shaking his head and looking at the ceiling for a moment, he replied happily, "No." He left the main room, presumably to continue getting ready.

"Is it some sort of mind control?" I asked, loud enough that Andrew could hear me.

"Or a love potion?" Spike added. "Did she drink a love potion?"

"No! I don't think so," was Andrew's confident answer from the other room.

It finally hit me – Buffy was with The Immortal. She saw fit to put my arch-nemesis in the same category as me, or even Spike. God, did that mean she loved him? It was really over between her and me, wasn't it? I'd been waiting for her for five years, and now it was really over. Never happening, forever-love or not. As the realization hit me, I snapped, "But I was waitin' patiently because Buffy says she's not done baking! Because that's the drill. So I'm sitting here, waiting, while the Immortal's eatin' cookie dough!"

"That's all you're doin', Peaches?" Spike asked quietly, giving me the same hurt look he'd been sporting all day. "Waitin'? What happened to 'always', you bastard?" The pain had morphed into anger, and I can't say I blamed him. I hadn't meant it. I'd just been surprised.

"Spike?" called Andrew. "Is Angel crying?"

"No!" Spike replied, as if insulted for me. Then he turned an angry fist toward me and called, "Not yet!"

Sighing, I stood up and approached him, hands up in surrender, which Spike seemed to accept as he lowered his fist. Carefully drawing him close by the waist and burying my nose in the crook of his neck, I whispered, "Always, always."

I inhaled deeply, trying to shut out the surrounding smell of Buffy by losing myself in him, in his scent. Remembering the taste of his blood and the feel of his body and the way I loved him. I'd been fighting for years to get my humanity back, so I could be with Buffy, so I could give her everything she deserved. But she wasn't waiting for me, and my world shifted when I realized this. I would always love her. But maybe I wouldn't wait anymore. Not when Spike was right here for me, with me every day, making me feel loved and content. Making me feel like I was home whenever we were in each other's arms. I smelled like him and he smelled like me and it was the two of us against the world, together. "Sorry I got confused."

"Been confused all day, haven't you, pet?" he replied, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and leaning his head against mine.

I laughed. "Yeah, I really have. You?"

"Aye, luv. Outta my mind."

"You guys," Andrew called from the other room, and I realized I'd forgotten about him. I gave Spike one last hug before pulling back as Andrew continued, "Buffy found the Immortal on her own. But don't worry. He's cool and everything, but he's not all that. He has his flaws."

"Really?" asked Spike, looking genuinely surprised and a little doubtful. "What are they?"

"Buffy loves both of you, but she's got to live her life. You might just catch her one day. Well, one of you, anyways," he said and Spike and I looked at each other. Did we even want her? Okay, fine. We did. Andrew continued, "But that won't happen if you're running in place. She's moved on." It probably wouldn't happen at all. The boy came back into the room, dressed up in a tux, his hair slicked back. "People change," he concluded. "You should try it sometime."

"Move on?" Spike asked Andrew, but I saw his eyes flash to meet mine, a glimmer of understanding and hope.

"Yeah, duh," Andrew replied, his debonair manner disappearing with two words as he passed us to answer a knock at the door. Two beautiful young women were out in the hallway, dressed just as elegantly as Andrew and he greeted them easily. Turning back to us, Andrew said, "Ciao!" and left, shutting the door behind him.

"We should get out of here," I said, putting my arm around Spike's shoulders and walking us toward the door.

"Don't wanna shag on Buffy's bed in revenge for her dating The Immortal?"

"No!" I cried, hitting him upside the head. I was torn between disgust and amusement, "I really don't!"

Spike shrugged, following me from the apartment, "Your loss."

A/N: I have a harder time getting into Angel's head than into Spike's, so this chapter was a little challenging, emotionally. I hope it turned out well and made sense. What do you think?