Love on the Wheelchair

4th Wheel

-2003-

It was not her first time seeing the sea. Neither was it her first time playing on the beach. But it was her first time experiencing a strange feeling in her chest at the sight of the beach. The feeling was unexplanable but if she was asked to describe it verbally, she would say that her chest felt like it was going to burst anytime soon and she felt like shouting her name across the sea.

Because she was with him, the one who was so special... to her.

"I love the sun!" she shouted as she threw her arms high above her head. "I love the breeze! I love the white sand! I love this day!"

Natsume's gentle gaze rested on her face which seemed to glow radiantly from the reflection of the sun set. Or was it because she was so happy that she seemed to glow? He shrugged. It did not matter which as long as she was enjoying herself. Convincing her to skip school was sure difficult. She kept nagging about how bad it was to skip school and how they could do this type of thing without a reason. Well, what could he expect from a goody-two-shoes girl? He had skipped school countless times before... but of course, with medical reasons. Somehow, after lying to her that their teachers knew about their absence and they allowed them to spend a day out together as buddies of special needs, the dense girl had agreed. She actually agreed without questioning him further much to his surprise.

"You're too loud."

Mikan turned to look at him, smile fading away. Upon receiving her questioning gaze, Natsume immediately replaced his gentle eyes with annoyed ones. However, she seemed unaffected by his facade as she put on a smile again.

"Sorry, Hyuuga. I'm just so happy." She flushed. "Being with you makes me so happy."

It was his turn to grow flustered. He looked away from her and cleared his throat in embarrassment. So, taking her out to play on the beach could make her so happy. So happy that she could not keep her voice in check. Inwardly, he felt relieved that she was able to relief her unhappiness through shouting. If only his lung muscles were strong enough, he would have gone to the beach and shouted to his heart content.

"Hyuuga, try shouting. You can actually feel better!"

Natsume crooked an eyebrow at her. Was she serious?

She continued, "You can shout softly. As soft as a mouse, would be fine too. You must screw all those brats who look down on you!"

She balled her hand into a fist and held it up high. The way she was positioning herself made her look as if she was mimicking the statue of justice, except without the blindfold. He stifled a laugh. So, she remembered that he could not shout. But he swore to himself that if he had ever shouted like a mouse, he would rather keep his mouth shut and mentally picture himself growing a pair of bronze muscular limbs and bashing those annoying pests. Those brats had been killed by him over a thousand times in his head.

"Hyuuga?" her voice sounded worried. "I... I... You don't have to shout if you don't want to!"

Her fist dropped to her lap as she looked at him apologetically. She looked as if she had said something wrong and wanted to take back her words. Technically, she had just spoken something that made her sound as if she had not regard his feelings at all. But of course, he knew that she did not mean it that way.

"I won't shout," he spoke as he saw her head lower in guilt. "But I will shout for you."

She looked up at him, astonished by what he had said. "I was just kidding, Hyuuga. You don't have to shout..."

"If you try to be silly again... like the last time, I will shout," he interjected with a small smile. "Really shout."

Mikan flushed again. Even though his words were not like the sweet-coated ones her ex-boyfriend had used, Natsume had managed to send her heart beating very fast. Natsume was, in fact, a shy person. He did not demonstrate his thoughts and feelings in an obvious way but somehow, she knew that he cared for her. The only obvious way he had ever showed her what he was thinking was through his small smile, that was, if his threats which had gotten to do with his shouting were never counted.

Natsume narrowed his eyes at her redden face and then looked away, facing the sea which reflecting the reddish-orange sun. He could not believe it; Mikan had become tanned that fast.

No, it must be the sunset. The sunset had made her face glow red.

"Hey, Hyuuga." Mikan pushed her wheelchair closer to him and adjusted her position so that she could be next to him side by side. "The sun is really beautiful."

There was a short moment of silence between them, only the sound of the crashing waves against the shore and the yaking of the seagulls above them could be heard. The silence was so pure and comforting that both of them wanted to treasure this moment together before heading off. Natsume slowly turned his head to his right, wanting to look at her again. He wondered what kind of face she was making while enjoying the scene of the sun setting. She would probably be smiling away and inwardly thanking him for spending a day with her on the beach. As soon as his eyes made contact with her face, he froze.

She was staring at him... too.

"Thank you." She grinned happily as she tilted her head a little. "Skipping classes today was sure worth it. Being a bad child for once was sure fun!"

Natsume felt like smirking. As soon as he returned home, the fun would be gone. His parents would be worried sick as the school would contact them about his absence. Well, if Mikan was happy, everything including the his parents' nags would be worth it.

"Do you want to go home now?" he asked her.

She shrugged. "What about you? Do you want to go home now?"

"I want to stay here a little longer."

Her facial features softened as she relaxes her shoulders, letting herself to enjoy the final moment of the evening seaside breeze with him. "Me too."

Straightening her neck, she leaned her back against the back rest and closed her eyes. If this moment could last longer...

If the sun could remain this warm and pinkish-bright...

If they could stay like this for another hour...

If Natsume had been in her life since ages ago...

If...

"Sa... ku... ra..."

Her eyes flew open automatically upon hearing Natsume's breathy gasps. She turned to him and reached out to his trembling shoulder. Natsume clutched onto his collar and started pulling it as he leaned his body backward. He looked pained and that scared her because she did not know what was going on.

The only thought that struck her was that he was going to leave her.

That could not happen. Never could she let it happen.

"Hold on, Hyuuga! I will shout for help!"

"Sa... ku..." Natsume gasped again and looked at her worried face at the corner of his eyes. "Ra..."

His right hand reached out to grab her extended arm and weakly pulled her towards him. Then, he let out a cough. Mikan frowned. The cough sounded heavy, more like choking sound. Just then, she knew what was happening to him and began to panic even more.

"Somebody! Help!" she screamed at the top of her voice while the grip on her arm tightened. "Save my friend! He can't breath! Please help him!"

As the coughing sound next to her became louder and heavier, she became more desperate and the only thing she could do was to look for people herself. She gently patted Natsume's hand which was gripping tightly on her arm and she pulled away from his grasp. With a push backward, she reversed and made a turn towards a couple who was just happened to walk out of a bicycle rental shop located quite a distance away from her.

"I'll be right back," she said to him and headed towards the couple for help.

Still gasping for air, Natsume tried to hold onto her wheelchair so as to prevent her to move away from him. He did not want her to leave him. Even as he was to take his last breath at the seaside, he wanted her by his side. Seeing her figure move beyond his reach, tears welled up in his eyes and his vision slowly faded to total darkness.

The last sound he heard was not his gasps, but a sharp cry of help by Mikan.

-:-:-:-

-1996-

His eyes loomed across the room that was filled with mysteriously complex words and weird looking models. He recognised one of the models to be the heart while the other model on the doctor's messy desk to be a pair of lungs. He lowered his head and looked at the female doctor scribbling something down on a rectangular placard. His father was sitting next to him with a bothered look as he gently carrassed his son's head. Judging by how disturbed his father was, Natsume knew that nothing good would be coming out of the doctor's mouth. Finally, the doctor put down her pen and looked at Natsume's father with a straight face.

She spoke, "Natsume's lung muscles are weak. He needs therapy."

"Therapy... you mean, more therapy?" his father sounded mildly shocked. "Therapy for his lungs? Is there such a thing?"

"There is. Shinwa National Hospital offer weekly therapy sessions for patients with SMA. Mainly on maintaining the strength of their lung muscles. Because his lung muscles are already weak, I suggest you to ensure that he doesn't come in contact with the sick. Wear a mask if necessary."

"What will my son be doing in that therapy?"

"Breathing and coughing."

Both Natsume and his father stared at her quizzically.

Seeming to have read their minds, the doctor remained a straight face and added, "Learning how to cough properly... and do you know that coughing can help to develop lung muscles?"

Natsume's eyes widened in surprise and he turned to his father. "Does it?"

"Eh... ah..." his father stuttered in panic as he slowly turned to the doctor instead. "Does it?"

"It does," the doctor replied. "There's a higher chance of Natsume having lung infection too, which is extremely fatal. Attending the therapy session does not reduce the risk of getting it but the therapy can help to... increase his life span."

"I get it. May you excuse me for a moment? I need to speak to my wife about this matter."

The doctor finally smiled and little Natsume found it charming and warm. "Sure, Mr Hyuuga."

-:-:-:-

-2003-

"You! You little...!"

"Calm down!"

The woman pushed her husband away and pointed at Mikan. "That girl destroyed him! She destroyed my son!"

Mikan shuddered at the cold stare Natsume's mother was giving her. It was her fault. Everything was her fault. If only she had rejected him, nothing would happen to him. The woman grabbed her collar and tried to yank her upwards but her weak trembling pair of hands had failed her. Instead, she shook her back and forth, crying hysterically.

"What have you done to him?! Give me back Natsume!" she cried.

Mikan lowered her head, tears flowing out of her eyes as she allowed herself being shook like a ragged doll. Her happiest day turned out to be Natsume's downfall. She was the one who caused his suffering and she could not do anything to save him.

The legless Mikan was still useless.

"I'm sorry..." she muttered in a shaky voice. "Mrs Hyuuga... I'm very sorry."

"Being sorry doesn't save Natsume!" Natsume's mother shrieked and stopped shaking Mikan. "Do you know?"

Mikan began to sob loudly, so as the woman in front of her. Natsume's father looked at Mikan bitterly but when he caught her staring back at him, he looked down to avoid her gaze.

"Do you know?" the woman started again after taking a short breather. "What will happen to him if he has a lung infection?"

Mikan slowly shook her head, gulping in fear. She knew the answer but sometimes, it would be best if she feigned ignorance. Ignorance could get her out of trouble most of the time.

"You don't know, right?"

She knew. Before that, she didn't know. But after seeing Natsume become unconscious from the attack, she had come to know it.

"Natsume..."

Don't say it.

"... he..."

Please don't say what will happen to him.

"... will..."

I don't want to know...

"... leave..."

Because I'll be hurt...

"... us!"

No...

Mikan felt herself being shook rapidly again. Her tears continued to spill from her swollen eyes as the thought of Natsume dying kept playing in her mind. She wanted to carry on playing with the game of denial like she did earlier but since Natsume's mother had said it, she had to quit denying the fact that he was leaving her.

He saved her life but she could not do anything to save him. Such a pathetic girl she was.

Just then, the doctors stepped out of the surgical ward and greeted the father. It was probably a blessing from God that Natsume had survived, said one of the doctors.

Natsume's mother let go of Mikan and rushed to her husband's side. The couple thanked the doctors for their hard work and embraced each other, crying in each other's arms and saying how it was a miracle to have Natsume survived from the lung infection. Feeling extremely relief, Mikan covered her mouth and cried silently. She was glad that Natsume was fine and she could not be anymore glad than this.

"Can we see Natsume?" Natsume's father asked the doctors.

"Sure. But one person at a time."

Natsume's mother released her husband and followed a doctor into the surgical ward. As the rest of the doctors left, only Natsume's father and Mikan was left behind outside the surgical ward. Mikan wanted to see Natsume badly but his father had made it impossible for her to see him.

With a cold gaze down at her, he said in a low but soft voice, "Leave."

Mikan knitted her eyebrows, refusing to listen him. Couldn't he let her see him at least once?

"I want to see Hyuuga," she insisted.

The man knitted his eyebrows too. Somehow, when Mikan saw the look on his face, she knew that she should not press on any further. Her hands rested on the wheels, getting ready to leave, but the man spoke again.

"For the sake of Natsume and us..."

Mikan started moving her wheelchair forward and moved past the man.

"... please don't see him again."

Her hands stopped. She had to urge to turn around and looked at the man behind her, but she had no idea what kind of facial expression she should make. Should she make a sad one? Or should she make an angry one? Rather, should she remain a poker-face?

Deciding that she would just pretend to ignore his words, she moved forward, away from Natsume's father. After making a left turn to the lobby where he could not see her anymore, Mikan relaxed her shoulders and lowered her head, allowing her tears to fall onto the blanket around her lap.

"Hyuuga..." her voice came out high-pitched, like that of a mouse squeaking his name. "Hyuuga... I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She wanted to see him badly and apologised to him face-to-face as soon as he woke up. Maybe he could forgive her. Maybe he would continue to look at her with those 'gentle' eyes. Though he always switched to the 'I-don't-really-care-much' mood as soon he caught her staring at him, she could detect gentleness in his eyes most of the time. Maybe he would give her a small smile and assure her that everything was fine. Maybe they could be good friends again. How she wished she could turn around and barge into the ward... As her grips around the wheels tightened, she had chosen to do something that could possibly endanger their friendship. She might as well risk it so that she could protect Natsume and herself.

So, she left... for that day.

-:-:-:-

-1996-

Mikan felt like vomiting. She had not been eating for days but she was not even hungry. She sat on the floor where she could see many children, both younger and older ones, playing catch in the piazza. Their caregivers sat at the side, observing the children's play and feeding the toddlers with porridge. Bringing her knees to her chest, Mikan rested her chin on her knees and rocked back and forth to ease her discomfort. At times like this, her mother would call her to lay upwards and she would feel her mother's warm hands rubbing her little tummy with medicated oil while humming a weird melody which she believed could make her tummy feel better. No matter how weird the melody was, she would recover from her gastric problems like magic.

Just then, a caregiver called her name and Mikan stopped rocking. She tilted her head upwards and stared blankly at the smiling caregiver with a baby in her arms.

The caregiver asked, "Mikan, do you want to join your friends there?"

Mikan looked at the children who were playing catch and shook her head. Nothing had interested her ever since she stepped into the smelly place which she swore that smelt just as bad as a one star hospital. Not even the large play area at the backyard could interest her. She doubted that she had the energy to run about anyway. What she did not understand ever since she entered into this place was how those children could smile so happily that being orphans was not the worst thing in the world. She missed her parents badly. Her mental images of them were slowly fading away and she had nothing to remind her of their comforting faces.

"Then, would you like some food?" the caregiver asked again.

Mikan shook her head again. The caregiver furrowed her eyebrows, looking worried. Mikan quietly stood up, dusted her baggy shorts and walked towards the lavatory. Her little feet felt weak as if they had no strength left to carry her body. What could she expect when she hadn't eaten for days? She would always secretly give whatever food in her bowl to other children who were still hungry. The only thing she survived on was a cup of plain milk every morning. She just had to drink it to quench her thirst after she had woken up.

She walked past the kitchen and stopped at a familiar aroma. It smelt like her father's dark soy sauce chicken. For the first time of her stay, she finally smelt something comforting and fragrant. It felt as if she was back home again. She spun around and stood at the entrance of the kitchen as her nausea slowly ceased, watching the two caregiver-cooks stir-fry the dark soy sauce chicken and broccoli in two big separate woks. How she wished she could sink her teeth in the chicken flesh and savour the dark soy sauce. Unknowingly, her saliva trickled down her chin at the thought of eating.

"Do you know that girl?" one of the ladies in the kitchen spoke up, unaware of Mikan's presence at the doorway.

"Who?"

"Mikan Sakura."

Mikan snapped back to reality.

"Ah... Little Mikan. She hasn't been eating. I wonder if she's still thinking of her parents."

"I feel sad for her. To witness the final moments of her parents... she must be traumatised."

"She doesn't smile, does she?"

"She doesn't even play with other kids."

"Poor child."

Smile...

She had not forgotten how to do it; she had nothing left to smile for. As she felt the sudden need to fight her hunger pangs, she dragged her little feet into the kitchen and gently tugged the cooks' aprons, startling the two adults.

"Mikan! What are you doing here?" one of them exclaimed with a welcoming smile. "Are you hungry?"

"She must be," another cook spoke as she squatted and began caressing Mikan's wet chin. "Look at her. She must be so hungry."

"Mikan, do you want some chickens?"

Mikan's eyes lit up in delight. Of course, she wanted the chicken! She needed dozens as soon as possible!

The cook who was touching Mikan's cheek laughed. "Isn't she cute? She wants the dark soy sauce chickens. Give her four cooked ones for now."

"Alright! Give her some broccolis!"

"The broccolis haven't softened yet. Just give her chickens only for now."

The cook picked up a small bowl and began hunting for small chicken wings which could be cooked faster than the bigger ones. She put six chicken wings into the bowl and poured some dark soy sauce over them. Then, she handed the bowl to Mikan who was staring intently at the wok that was filled with chickens.

"There, there, Little Mikan. Have a good lunch!" the cook said. "After that, you will have lots of energy to play with your friends."

Mikan did not respond to her words, instead she snatched the bowl of chickens and bowed to the cooks two times gratefully before running clumsily out of the kitchen. She settled on the floor right outside the kitchen and took two chicken wings.

It was now or never, she mentally screamed before sinking her milk teeth into the piping hot flesh. Well, the hot could never bother her as long as she was dead hungry. Tears welled up in her eyes as she slowly chewed the flesh and savoured the chicked flavoured soy sauce. Although the chickens were not as tasty as her father's cooking, she felt herself teleport back to her former home.

At this moment, she wanted to smile... Smile for herself as the memories of love resurfaced, allowing her to clearly remember her parents' smiley faces once again.

-:-:-:-

-2003-

Mikan opened the door and entered into the staffs' office. The caregiver who had cooked the dark soy sauce chickens seven years ago noticed her presence and stood up from her chair. The caregiver had aged as her fine white hairs were noticeable from far and there were faint wrinkles next to her eyes.

"Little Mikan, what happened?" she asked worriedly upon seeing Mikan's tear-stained face. "Did your classmates bully you?"

"I wanted to smile for a friend... He's my only friend," Mikan said in between sobs. "But if I do, he might hate me."

"Why would he hate you? He's your friend, right?"

"Because I hurt him. Because of me, he nearly died!" Mikan cried. "I was told not to see him but I don't want to lose him. I don't want to lose anyone anymore! For whom should I smile when everyone leaves me?"

"Do you know, Mikan?" The caregiver stood in front of Mikan and squatted to her eye level. "Love is an amazing thing. We don't smile just for the sake of doing so. We smile because we're happy. Because we feel loved. Just like you, Mikan, you smile for the people you love and who love you. Those people who reject you for who you are now are blind to your love but nevertheless..."

The caregiver poked Mikan's forehead affectionately and smiled gently.

"... don't ever stop smiling for them because they still need your love."

Sorry again for the long update! I actually had this chapter prepared a few months ago but I have no time to proofread it. Instead, I went to focus on my other two fanfictions. So sorry!

But thank you for your patience! :)

Also, thank you for reviewing, favouriting and following this story! And thanks for all the encouragement and support as well!

Special thanks to the reviewers:

- Crazy Shortie: Thank you. On the other hand, my current specialisation is in Early Intervention for children with special needs. I did two projects on SMA so I have some knowledge on it. :)
- Eka19: Thank you! ^ ^
- XNatsumeXMikanX: I'm so sorry that I didn't update sooner!
- Yoshida Haru: Nice sarcasm. Even though this is fictional, there are real people out there behaving like those so-called friends in this story.
- Anilissa: Thank you! Haha... my writing is just normal. I am still a novice in the art of writing. ^ ^