Bar Brawl
Penelope is going through something personal from her past. Those issues have made her other emotional turmoil come to the surface. Luke tries to be there for her but he was so blind to what was happening, he doesn't understand his part in it. When Penelope finally reveals how she was feeling about their interactions, Luke realizes he has to try and make it right but Penelope isn't sure that she can let him.
Attention: This is NOT smut. This is NOT romance. It's angst-y and emotional. There is hope in this piece but this does not end with everything wrapped in a pretty bow, only the possibility that it can get there. Please be aware of that. If you're not up for some drama then please skip this one. I have more coming out that are full, happy endings.
The team walked into the bar and made their way to an unoccupied booth. O'Keefes' karaoke night got too crowded, so here they were at the Tavern. Luke asked Matt to bring Kristy so Lisa didn't feel as out of place. She had only met the team briefly. Penelope was the only one not in attendance because she had been feeling ill.
After everyone else was seated, Luke was still standing next to the booth, staring across the room. Everyone followed his gaze. Penelope was in a small booth, speaking very animatedly to a man whom they could only partially see.
Everyone exchanged glances, but Luke never took his eyes off of her as he spoke. "Why would she lie about feeling sick?"
"I honestly have no idea." JJ knew it wasn't like her best friend to be deceitful.
"Maybe it wasn't planned." Matt glanced around again, but his eyes landed back on Luke.
"It looks planned enough." Luke gestured towards the woman who was so deep in conversation she didn't see nine adults staring at her from across the bar.
"Who is she talking to like that?" Kristy questioned genuinely.
"Lover's quarrel? You don't argue like that with a friend," Lisa mentioned.
Everyone else exchanged glances, even Kristy. Matt told her about the Penelope and Luke situation - how it existed and didn't exist all at the same time, how it was building, only to fade into stagnate comfort. Except, right now it seemed like Luke definitely thought it existed.
Emily was about to tell everyone to give Garcia her privacy, but she halted when the man leaned over and started yelling in Penelope's face. Every person at the table, minus Lisa, was ready to jump up, throw Penelope over their shoulder, and punch the man who thought he could do that. But Luke was already a few strides away before anyone else could even slide from their seat.
Penelope hadn't noticed Luke until he was already at the edge of the table. Her eyes were wide as she saw his menacing face and heard his intimidating growl. "Garcia." The man across from her glanced towards the stranger that was now intruding on a private conversation. "What's going on?" Luke's eyes never left the man who was staring daggers at him.
"What are you doing here?" Penelope's annoyed tone made Luke tear his eyes away from the man he had been sizing up.
"O'Keefes was busy," he answered in a cool tone but narrowed his eyes at her. Why the hell was she mad at him?
"We're in the middle of something, so can you?" The unnamed man made a shooing motion with his hand which made Luke's nostrils flare. He crossed his arms as he stared the man down. He had dark eyes and naturally tanned skin, much like his own.
"No, actually I can't. I seem to be stuck right here," Luke commented with an attitude as his eyes roamed over this person he already hated with a passion.
Penelope rolled her eyes. Tonight was already bad enough. She didn't need this shit. "Alvez, we are in the middle of something. Just go."
Luke scoffed. "But you haven't even introduced me yet," he said coldly.
Penelope set her jaw, then took a deep breath. "Alvez, this is Carlos. Now that you've met, can you excuse us?"
There was a loud vibration, and Carlos' phone screen lit up. "Lucky for you I have to take this." He slid out of the booth and leaned into Luke's face as if he was going to start a fight, but he swept his phone to his ear and walked away.
The team followed the good looking man with their eyes. Luke's gaze fell back on Penelope. "What the fuck was that?" His own voice now raised.
"What do you expect? You came over in a huff to stare at him? Was he supposed to try and be your friend?" she asked in angry disbelief.
"No, Penelope. I don't want to be his friend, but it sure as shit is my business if someone speaks to you like that." The irony that the action Luke just denounced was what he was currently doing, seemed to escape him.
"Right, sort of like how you're speaking to me now." She yelled back as she grabbed her purse and slid out of the booth to stand in front of him. "It's not your fucking business. I'm not your fucking business."
"The hell you aren't. Why in the fuck wouldn't you be my business?" Luke was certainly not intimidated by Carlos, so he had no problem closing in on Penelope either.
"We're not at work, Luke! That's the only place where things I do are your business, and even then, not so much," she said derisively.
"Were you there when we were meeting in secret outside of the job, fighting for this team? We are all each other's business."
"That's different. That was ultimately about work, or at least about the team. My personal troubles are not, never have been, and never will be, your business."
"We're not even friends? Hell, I'm not even a decent enough coworker to wonder why in the actual fuck someone is slamming a fist down on a table as he screams at you? That damn well is my concern, and so are you." His hands came to his sides as he clenched them into fists.
Penelope closed the last couple of inches between them. She was too short to be face to face, but their chests were not even a centimeter from touching. Her voice was menacing but distinctly lower. "No, Luke. It's not your concern at all, but you know what is? Your girlfriend, who is sitting over there watching us have this redundant and pointless conversation. So, since I am not your concern, I'll be leaving now. Give everyone my best." She chose not to glance in their direction and whirled around to take the back exit.
Luke stayed rooted to his spot, fuming, as he watched her retreat. He didn't notice that the other man had returned.
"Where is she?" Carlos questioned.
"She was obviously done with you." Luke got closer to him.
"Really? Because she didn't leave until you showed up." Carlos took a few bills out of his wallet to throw on the table.
"Maybe she decided she didn't want to have someone scream in her face," Luke said as he narrowed his eyes again.
Carlos let out a loud humorless laugh. "Like you just were? She's always had terrible taste in men." Luke's eyes wavered, wondering what the hell this guy meant. "You're the boyfriend she's been texting to come to her rescue? Well, I don't give a fuck. Tell my sister she's testifying. It's the least she can fucking do." Carlos spun on his heel and took the main exit.
Luke was staring after him but seeing nothing but red. Nothing was filtering in his brain except the bold color. Until Matt's voice pierced through his anger. "Luke, what the hell is happening?"
Luke shook his head, as if to erase it. "I have no fucking idea. I need to find out." He started off in the direction Penelope went.
"Dude, what about Lisa?" Matt was certain Luke's actions were going to have consequences.
"Tell her I'm just making sure he's leaving, okay?" It wasn't the complete truth, but it was enough for Matt to work with. He nodded and watched Luke turn the corner before he returned to his seat.
Matt cleared his throat. "Luke's making sure the guy is gone. He'll be right back." He spoke the last words to Lisa who seemed to have a face full of question and anger.
Rossi saw a familiar form making its way through the crowd, and he shouted for the man. "Morgan!"
Derek's fuming gaze turned in the direction that the beckon came from, and he stomped towards the table. "Where is she?" He didn't bother with greetings. He needed to know where his girl was.
"She left five minutes ago," Tara informed him.
"Tell me you got rid of him already." Derek was grimacing as he tried to maintain some composure.
"Alvez did." Emily told him.
Derek pulled out his phone. "She stopped answering me about fifteen minutes ago."
"Are you her boyfriend, or was that her boyfriend?" Lisa asked in confusion.
"What? No -" Derek had no idea who the hell this was, but his explanation was cut short when his phone buzzed.
Lisa was still confused, but got distracted when her beeper went off. "Can someone say goodbye to my boyfriend for me? I've got to go to the hospital." Her voice was laced with annoyance as she grabbed her jacket and purse.
"Sure thing. We'll explain." Rossi faked a smile.
"I get that it's not an ideal way to spend your night, but is she really mad? Clearly Penelope was in trouble." JJ almost gritted out in disbelief.
"Who was that guy?" Spencer questioned Derek.
Derek tried to calm himself. "That's Carlos, Penelope's step brother. He thinks she owes it to him to testify at the parole hearing for the guy who killed their parents."
Everyone's face dawned in recognition. "So, not a bad boyfriend she was trying to hide then," Kristy said in relief.
"She told Carlos that keeping the guy locked up wasn't going to bring her parents back. It wasn't intentional. The man made a mistake, but she wants to put it behind her." Derek's anger was climbing again.
"That's her prerogative," Tara stated.
"It's actually commendable," Spencer said with a nod.
"That's our Garcia," Matt stated.
"She won't answer me." Derek's fingers moved across his phone screen again.
"I'll try Luke. Maybe he found her." Matt nodded at Derek who seemed to calm for a moment. Matt's phone lit up, and he swiped the screen. "Luke says she's fine. He'll bring her back since Carlos is gone."
Derek sighed in relief. "Well, I could use a drink."
….
Luke knew he should've just followed her, but at least he had a way to find her. He asked her to show him how to ping a phone since she had found him that way. She used their phones as an example, and they were still connected. He got in his car and hit the buttons on his phone. He waited for the dot to pop up on the map, indicating her location.
He walked through the gardens and found her sitting silently on the park bench. He knew the second her eyes recognized his because her scowl came back. "What do you want, Alvez?" She harshly wiped a tear coming from her eye.
He took a seat next to her. "That guy is your brother?" It was more of a statement, but he did still need the explanation.
She closed one eye in annoyance. "You thought I was dating someone who was practically spitting in my face? What in the actual fuck do you really think of me?"
Luke shook his head. "Come on, you know what it looked like. What conclusion was I supposed to draw?"
"None. No conclusions. Not your problem," she gritted out.
"Garcia, tell me what's happening. I'm not leaving until you do." His voice was exasperated.
Penelope scoffed again. "He wants me to testify that the guy who killed our parents shouldn't get out on parole. My life was changed irrevocably, but the guy made a mistake, and he served his time. Carlos thinks I owe him since they were searching for me because I was late for curfew. Otherwise no drunk driver would've killed them." She felt the angry tears on her face, but it wasn't from recounting the tale, but from the constant barrage of emotions lately.
Luke sort of knew the story, but he certainly didn't know the guy was up for parole. "Penelope -"
"No." She glared at him. "Don't Penelope me. Garcia is enough. I don't want to fake familiarity right now."
"Fake it? Are you serious? We are pretty fucking familiar." He scolded her.
"Yeah, Alvez. I remember, but you seem to have forgotten." She fixated on the lighted path across from her.
He felt his nostrils flaring again. "What the fuck does -" He cut himself off. "I didn't forget anything. I didn't realize -"
"No, you didn't, which is more than enough answer, isn't it? More than I ever needed." She lowered her voice. "Just leave me the fuck alone, Alvez. The last thing I need is you. Believe me, I figured that out the hard way."
Luke pushed off from the bench. He was fuming, but he wasn't sure he had a right to be. "Fine, Garcia. You don't have to talk to me, but you sure as shit need to tell everyone you're okay. You need to get back to your car, or I can wait until someone shows up." Luke was gazing past her, as if she offended his eyes.
She kicked off her heels so she could hustle to her car quickly, to get out of his presence. She felt him following her, but she had no intention of acknowledging him. She started her car, and she picked up her phone to tell everyone come to her house. The alcohol was free, and she would feel better in her leggings and fluffy socks while she held a strong drink in her hands.
She ignored Luke as he walked past her car, ignoring her. She pulled out of the parking lot and went on her way, not bothering to look back at the headlights she knew belonged to him.
….
Penelope found the group gathered outside of her house. She hugged Derek, and then everyone followed her inside. "I'm going to change into crying attire. You know where the liquor is." She threw her keys on the table and disappeared from sight.
When she returned, someone thankfully already poured her a rum and diet cola. They'd all taken to the couches and floor. Penelope happily sat in her big chair that she loved because it felt like sitting inside of a warm hug. "I assume Chocolate Thunder briefed you on the issue."
Emily spoke for the group. "We can be there or take you out afterwards."
"Or instead," JJ added.
"I'll let you know." She held up her drink. They all nodded and gave her comforting smiles.
"Did Luke - Is Luke on his way?" Matt questioned.
"Nope." She got up to head to the fridge and pulled out a jar of cherries and threw way too many into her small glass.
Derek and Matt exchanged glances. Derek had been informed about what occurred before he arrived and was aware of the attraction that never got off the ground.
"So is he -"
Penelope cut Spencer off with her raised hand. "Let's not. I want you all to distract me. Otherwise, I'm going to drink until I don't remember my name"
They nodded their acquiescence and guided the conversation elsewhere. After more than an hour of idle chatter, boisterous laughter, and reminiscing, they had all but forgotten the tenseness of the evening, until there was a knock on the door.
Penelope instantly stiffened. She knew it was Luke because Carlos wouldn't bother leaving his hotel. The fury that consumed her face didn't go unnoticed by anyone as she went to the door, swinging it open with rage. "What?"
Luke glanced around. He had seen their cars out front, but he was hoping some of them carpooled and left already. "Nice greeting," he said dryly. The team basically saw them ready to have a bar brawl. What the hell did it matter now?
"Well, that's what happens when no one fucking invited you." She retreated but left the door open for him to enter.
Luke made eye contact with no one but nodded, acknowledging their presence. "We need to not leave on the note we did earlier," he stated.
She actually didn't give a fuck what note they left on, but, if she started cursing him out, she feared she would look like the crazy homicidal maniac she knew she could become, simply from knowing this infuriating man. "Fine." She gritted and then pleasantly addressed the group. "Be back in a minute." She led the way down the hall to her bedroom. Luke followed without a word.
Everyone was flabbergasted. "I'm not sure I expected that," Emily stated as the others nodded in agreement. They purposely stayed quiet, knowing they shouldn't eavesdrop. However, it didn't seem to matter because the raised voices that started moments later would be heard either way.
"What note do we need to leave this on? It doesn't matter," Penelope screeched.
"That's what I thought, but apparently it does," Luke sneered back.
"If it didn't matter then, then why the fuck should it matter now?"
"Are you seriously, honest to goodness, upset? Now?" he shouted.
"What does that mean? Now?"
"You've had fucking months haven't you?"
"There's a time limit on feelings? Excuse me, Agent Alvez. I was unaware."
"Penelope -"
"Don't," she warned.
"Garcia, what the fuck do you want me to say? Didn't we decide to ignore it?"
"Did we? That was you."
"Oh, me? I don't remember telling you to do that," Luke sarcastically sneered.
"I don't remember you telling me anything at all." Her voice was laced with indignation.
"You didn't want me to say anything, and you have been perfectly fine pretending like -"
"Am I?" She let out a dark chuckle and a disbelieving snort.
"Then tell me what I'm supposed to do. All of a sudden it matters? Fucking spare me." Luke's tone was unwavering. He was certain there was nothing to talk about. Too much time had passed.
"Nothing. I want nothing from you. I can honestly say, I want nothing from you," she screamed at him.
"Then why are you acting like this? Explain to me why you were better, then worse, then better, then you decided there was nothing special you had to say to me at all, so… I can't imagine why suddenly it's my fault?"
"Nope. We're both at fault. We can keep pretending like we get along when we're with everybody else, but not if you continue to act like you have a say in my life."
"You really think I would've let someone scream at any of the team like that? For real, you're mad about this?"
"Only because you wouldn't have also gotten into a yelling match with them, while simultaneously stating, it's essentially your right to act and decide on their behalf. You see the difference there, Alvez?"
"Fine, you don't want me to treat you any different? I won't. Not a problem."
"Yeah," she scoffed. "You have made that abundantly clear."
"Are you fucking serious right now, Garcia? You just got mad at me for treating you differently, all because I didn't treat you differently enough. You see the insane dripping out of you right now, right?"
"Yup," she answered resolutely. "I've felt nothing but utterly psycho since then because I cannot seem to grasp what in the actual fuck I'm supposed to do about it."
"Join the fucking club, Garcia. I'm not even allowed to say your first name."
"Ugh, are we fucking done? I'm seriously over discussing this. Don't you need to head on home? Won't she be worried about your whereabouts?" Penelope was speaking loudly, but had lost some of her steam because it hurt to even say.
"I'm sorry. Is that wrong somehow? Am I not allowed to hang out with my girlfriend?"
"Oh no, you're one hundred percent allowed to do that. It doesn't matter anymore."
"Did it ever?"
Penelope waited a beat before screaming even louder. "It did. Until you decided that sleeping with her, five seconds after sleeping with me was not supposed to be any of my concern. You made that decision for all three of us, didn't you, Alvez?"
The voices stopped. Every person currently occupying the living room had to pick their jaws up off the floor. They thought it had been, will they or won't they. They didn't think it was, they have and now they aren't.
"We need to leave. Now." Rossi motioned with his hands for everyone to move their asses.
"We can't leave them fighting like that." Derek made no move towards the door.
"Yes, Son. We are. This is not a situation we need to be a part of. Let's go." Rossi's voice brooked no argument.
"Do we tell them we're leaving?" Derek questioned sincerely.
"I - let me do it. Luke is my best friend, and Penelope is my sister. Neither of them will feel like I'm influencing anything." Matt nodded at the group, and swiftly made his way down the hall. He lightly tapped on the door.
Luke was pacing in front of it, so he opened it without looking. "We're leaving, but call anyone of us if you need to." Matt glanced between both of them as they nodded.
Luke shut the door. "No need. They're gone." Penelope indicated the closed door, as she sat on the edge of the bed.
Luke raised an eyebrow in agreement, but it didn't seem to matter. "Pen - Garcia, what do I need to do to make this better?" He spoke in an even tone, which made her laugh. Now that they were alone, they finally weren't loud enough to hear.
"You can't, Luke. It's done. It's over. Never was. I don't care. No, I can't care." Penelope shook her head.
"That's not acceptable. I have to do something. We're friends." He saw her swivel her neck to glare at him. "Were friends. We're friendly coworkers -"
"Too friendly, I imagine." She placed her hand over her forehead, closing her eyes. "We were becoming friends, finally, but we fucked that up. I've done my best to act normal. I've succeeded, almost too well, but you know why I was able to? Self preservation. I couldn't think about it, so I had to act like you were just another team member." She shrugged.
"I thought you were indicating you didn't want to deal with it. Fine by me. I'm not going to force it. Why make you hate me more?"
Penelope laughed. "You're incredibly thick, aren't you?" She couldn't even look at him. "I didn't want to assume it was anything other than a drunken decision. If you wanted anything from me, before or after that, you never showed it. I gave it time. I didn't know the answers either, but then… You have a girlfriend, Luke. Why are we even discussing this?" She was staring blankly at the wall, with tears rolling down her face.
Luke's face fell in agony. "Pen - Gar-"
"Save it. Even if you loved me too, it doesn't matter anymore. You broke my heart, Luke Alvez. I was in love with you, and you slept with someone else. I'm so disgusted that you - with her. I feel used and idiotic. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. It's irrelevant. I'm not the girl." She never let her eyes move from the wall in front of her. "I've already had a hard day. Please, leave. I can't do this anymore." Her voice was devoid of emotion, her face as stone as he'd ever seen it. The only thing that made her look alive were the heavy stream of silent tears running down her face.
He realized he'd done far worse than yell at her across a table. He'd done the one thing he thought was impossible. He'd made her cold. She was fantastic at happy. She was an expert at sad. She ran the gamut of human emotion. She didn't just feel, she felt. But here she was, with nothing left to give because of what he unwittingly took from her.
"I didn't know, Penelope. I didn't know." He knew it wasn't an excuse, or maybe that's all it was, an excuse, but it couldn't excuse what he'd done. But she needed to know that he didn't know how she felt.
She didn't move a muscle. He let his eyes fall to the floor, where they stayed as he exited her front door to the pathway. There were eight curious people, standing in a circle, obviously talking about him and the girl who he'd broken.
He was gazing past them. "Someone should go in there. She's crying. A lot. She doesn't want me here though." He let his eyes fall to the ground again and silently moved towards his car, never turning around to see if anyone was watching him.
"We should all go in," JJ stated.
"We're just ignoring…" Derek gestured to where Luke had been parked.
"We have to, not just for his sake, hers too. We don't know the exact logistics, and until or unless we do, turning on someone and making it their fault, we're isolating and making the team a negative place to be. It won't actually let her feel better either." Emily answered him but made eye contact with a few of the team members.
They found Penelope sitting in her chair. She was holding her refilled glass to her cheek as she stared blankly ahead of her. Her eyes were empty except for the flood of salty water that seemed to be endless.
The group took their previously abandoned seats. "He told you to come back in?" she asked evenly and waited for the silence that was her answer. "Nice guy." She took a sip from her drink and then continued her silent glare.
Matt stared at her, almost scared he couldn't really see her in there. "Do you want to-"
"He broke my heart, and he wasn't paying enough attention to notice." Her voice carried no intonation.
"You haven't seemed heartbroken, when - how - did he -" Rossi didn't actually want to pose the question.
"He didn't cheat on her. This was before he even met her, so you might see my confusion as to why Alvez went on a blind date at all." Penelope's eyes were heavy, not from sleepiness but still, somehow, from exhaustion.
"Penelope, what happened?" JJ practically whispered it.
Penelope scoffed. "Believe me, I've been trying to sort it out. Look, no one needs to be shitty to Luke. To be honest, it wasn't like he was trying to hurt me. I get to be upset, but everyone else, just, don't bother. It won't help." She took another sip of her drink but continued to gaze past them. "We were headed somewhere, and then there was a lot of misunderstanding on both our parts."
Tara quietly spoke. "I don't mean to sound naive, but, if you care about each other..."
"And if it was a misunderstanding…" Kristy continued.
Penelope shut her eyes. "If it was only a miscommunication still, then I'd say 'hell yeah, let's fix it right up,' but it's too far gone now. Do any of you actually think I could have him here next to me and not think about the fact that he literally decided to come inside of her while I was at my house crying? Is that a thing I'm supposed to forget because he says, my bad. Honestly, I love you all, but fucking spare me."
JJ and Kristy had wet eyes. Tara and Emily were both biting their lips, as they attempted to stop feeling the words she had spoken. Spencer exchanged glances with Rossi, who let his eyes shoot between Matt and Derek. Derek and Matt shared equal looks of helplessness. No one seemed to be sure they understood, and no one seemed to be sure that they didn't know exactly what she described.
"I - there's nothing that -" Matt heard her say it was helpless, but he didn't want to believe this was over already.
"Aww, Shug, I know. Believe me, I still love him, but the thought of - it just - I'll never ever feel secure, will I? I tried to convince myself I could forget, but I will never forget. No one wants to think of anyone's exes, so how can someone expect me to forget a girl he fucked right after me, and then back to me again? That's the worst sandwich I've ever heard of."
Penelope knew they could understand her point of view, but she also knew that, if they weren't feeling it themselves, it probably seemed like a hurdle that could be crossed when the tide subsided. It wasn't. There was only about a month in between their encounter and his new one. All she could think about was the comparisons Luke could make in his mind. Had he already made them? And if he ever touched her again, all she would wonder is if he would think of someone else's body while holding hers. She would wonder if he could feel the difference in how it felt to be inside of them, if she was better than another woman at pleasing him. She would be too wrapped up in thought to enjoy pleasure. Usually these things were in the past, not the present, when you thought someone might want to belong to you.
"You should get going. I'll be fine. Other nights have been much worse than this one. I'm not even in the thick of it anymore."
They gave her hugs and dispersed. Penelope took a deep breath, downed the rest of her rum and then went to bed numb.
….
They all flew together but were staying in separate hotel rooms. Penelope was pacing in the hallway of the courthouse. Luke had shown up early and seated himself on a bench against a far wall. He was observing her as she paced. They had said nothing to one another, even though they were fully aware of each other's presence.
Carlos walked in and rushed towards Penelope, backing her in a corner and speaking harshly, but quietly, to avoid awareness from security.
Luke had his arms crossed over his chest as he observed the scene with a menacing scowl. He couldn't intervene. She didn't want him to, but it was torture to watch. When he saw the familiar faces enter the hall, he instantly made his way to them. "Someone go over there." His eyes never left where Penelope was being intimidated by a man, half a foot taller than her.
Matt, Rossi, and Derek nodded at him. Carlos and Penelope both took steps away from each other as they approached. Carlos said something else to her harshly and then made his way into the courtroom. The three men escorted her to the group. Luke had distanced himself but paced nearby.
She got comforting greetings and hugs. "Thanks for coming. I need to do this alone, but stay here in case I change my mind." They nodded, and Penelope quietly moved towards the double doors.
During the long wait, the group had taken to the benches that Luke previously occupied. He never stopped pacing and hadn't said a word, even though he partially listened to them make casual conversation.
Matt made his way to Luke. Rossi saw them moving further down the hall, and he tapped Spencer on the arm. Derek narrowed his eyes, but Rossi gave him a slight shake of his head. Derek and Luke didn't know each other that well, and this was about connecting with their team member.
Luke put his back to the wall, waiting for them to speak. "Luke what - is there something we can do?" Matt inquired.
"Do you need to talk about it?" Spencer questioned.
"No one's mad at you, Son. We aren't allowed to be." Rossi smirked.
Luke didn't quite let a smile come to his face, but he let his scowl retreat. "There's nothing to do. She's made that abundantly clear." He made eye contact with the three men in front of him. "I didn't know. I didn't know that she felt that way. She - did she tell you what happened?"
"She only said that you slept together, and then the next thing she knew you were going out on a date, and she had to act like she was as… unaffected as you were." Rossi summarized what they knew.
Luke pursed his lips and then clenched his teeth. "Sort of - we were almost - then we both pulled away. I thought that was it. I thought that's what she wanted." Luke almost wanted to let tears form. He felt like scum. He didn't know how he let it get here, how he closed himself off, or why.
"So there's nothing else?" Matt didn't think this could really be it. Maybe he was a romantic, or maybe he knew these two people could be something to each other.
"She doesn't even want me to call her by her first name. She's been doing really well these past couple months, acting. I didn't know what to do either, but I thought she was telling me to do nothing. Finally treating me like everyone else..." Luke shook his head at his own stupidity. Didn't he know her well enough to know that she hid behind her actions? She treated him differently, and then she treated him the same, and both things were meant to hide how she really felt.
"How do you feel now?" Spencer's concerned voice made Luke sigh.
"I have no fucking clue. I broke up with Lisa, but Penelope doesn't care about that now. As far as she's concerned there's no way to rewind, so it doesn't matter what's currently playing. Maybe it will make her feel better, but then what? I already broke her heart, and there's no glue in the world that can fix that." Luke was getting upset again, and he roughly ran his hands over his head in frustration.
"Do you want to fix it?" Matt asked the question slowly.
Luke put his hand to his forehead. "I know this sounds like a cop out, but until our argument, I didn't even know there was something to fix."
Penelope came out of the courtroom, and the four men made their way closer to the group, but Luke kept his distance. "I don't want to recount it all right now. Can we just go?" Penelope's voice was exhausted.
"Yeah, we'll all do brunch when we land, all you can drink mimosas," JJ told her as Derek put his arm around Penelope's shoulder and pulled her into his side.
Luke nodded at the three men he had been speaking to and then quietly moved past the group and exited the building. Everyone watched him go but said nothing. "Let's get going," Rossi instructed.
….
"I'm glad we got the pitcher of mimosas." Penelope giggled as she set down her glass.
"More economical." Tara agreed with a tip of her own glass.
"So, do you want us to take you out to a movie or mini-golf maybe?" JJ laughed.
Penelope chuckled. "I should go home. I'm tired. I should recuperate from the travel."
Everyone smiled at her. "Sure, so I guess we need to down the rest of these. Shame." Emily brought her glass to her lips.
As Penelope was laughing along with the others, her eyes caught the figure coming towards her. She felt the tension morph her body again. The table got quiet as they watched the man approach.
"Phil, hi," Penelope said sadly.
"Hi, Penelope." He smiled at her with a hint of sadness.
Derek furrowed his brow and turned to the others for explanation, but everyone seemed just as puzzled.
"Are you here by yourself?" Penelope asked.
Phil let his eyes fall to the ground. "Actually, I'm meeting Lisa."
Penelope nodded. "Right. Makes sense."
"I'm early, so it should be another twenty minutes." He talked to Luke last night and this morning. He talked to Luke after it happened. He talked to her and Luke right before it happened. He had been apprised the whole way through, but, yet, he felt clueless. He only had Luke's side, and, until Luke told him what Penelope said, he was as certain as Luke that nothing mattered.
Penelope gave him a grateful nod. "We're leaving soon." She turned towards the curious faces surrounding her. "This is Luke's best friend, Phil. Phil, this is our team." The group smiled at him kindly, if not, sadly.
Phil gave them a half smile but turned back to her. "Look, Penelope, I -"
Penelope held a hand up. "It's not your fault."
Phil nodded. "Uh, Lou says hi. I'm sure he'd like to see you."
"I miss that little guy." Penelope smiled.
Phil chuckled. "Well, we can take him out. We'll leave Luke out of it. He's annoying with his alpha dog crap anyway." He quieted. "You can call me to talk..."
"Sure, I'll text you later." She watched Phil head to a table to await his breakfast companion and then addressed her friends. "We should head out."
As they were saying their goodbyes, they saw Lisa pull into the parking lot. She noticed them and ambled towards them slowly. She came to stand in front of Penelope. "It was before, not after?" she asked in a low voice. Penelope nodded. "So when we met and we talked - it already happened, but it wasn't still happening?"
"Nope."
Lisa gave her a curt nod and tried to smile, so she didn't seem menacing, but she knew she failed.
Penelope watched until she disappeared through the door. "This just keeps getting better and better," she muttered. "I gotta go." She went to her car, waving goodbye, but needing to get away.
"This is fucking stupid." Emily gritted her teeth.
"It's not like we can make her feel better, and it doesn't seem like Luke can either," Spencer stated.
"I don't think she wants to let him," Matt stated.
"Should she?" Derek knew his tone was biting, but he couldn't fathom why that was the concern.
Tara glanced between the two men. "I don't think any of us are saying what they should do. We're just stating where we are."
Derek nodded. He knew everyone said Alvez was a good guy. If Penelope loved him as much as she must've, then he couldn't be a bad guy.
"He broke up with her," Matt informed the rest of them.
"So what does that mean?" JJ questioned with a hint of hope in her voice.
Rossi spoke, "It means Penelope matters to Luke. But it doesn't mean that it will change Penelope's perspective."
….
Penelope had been binge-watching. She didn't realize how many episodes you could get through if you didn't move, other than to refill your snack bowl and pee. It was ten at night. Only eleven hours ago she was with her friends at brunch, but it felt like she hadn't seen anyone for days.
She jumped when she heard the knock on her door. Everyone checked in via text, and those that didn't were getting their info from someone who had. She sighed. It was him. It had to be. She shuffled to open the door. Her unamused eyes came to meet his.
"I don't want to fight. I would like to talk though. I really want to know how I could let this happen." Luke's solicitude was evident.
Penelope waved him in, shutting the door after him. She took a seat on the couch and hit pause on the tablet which was connected to the screen on her wall. Luke sat on the other end of the sofa with slight trepidation.
"First, do you want to tell me about the parole hearing?"
"I said what I had to say, so did Carlos. The parole commissioner listened to both of us and she decided that the guy was sincerely remorseful and served his time." Penelope shrugged.
"And you're okay?" She gave him a sad smile and nodded.
"Talk." She flicked her wrist.
He wasn't going to beat around the bush. He'd obviously made the mistake of not being direct already. "When we went to Phil's that day, did you want what happened to happen?"
"I didn't think it would happen that day, but, at some point, yes."
"So it wasn't an alcohol-influenced decision?"
"It was. But I would've done so sober, under different circumstances. I had to put a shield up. You acted like it wouldn't have happened if it weren't for the alcohol."
Luke scratched the back of his head. He had no idea. He couldn't see it anymore. It was all blurred. "So Pen - Garcia, what did I do that made it seem like you couldn't even acknowledge what happened?"
"When we woke up, you seemed embarrassed, and not morning-after-awkward, I mean embarrassed that it happened. I thought I'd let you take the time you needed. Maybe you were just uneasy, but time turned into nothing. And then… you're going out to dinner, and I'm pretending it felt completely normal to meet her."
"I was embarrassed how it happened. We were shit faced drunk. You don't sleep with a coworker or friend in those circumstances, and think it's a great idea."
"I agree, but, once it happened, it either becomes a mistake or not. It was a choice, Luke."
Luke nodded, acknowledging he understood. "I felt bad for letting it happen. I thought I was the douchey guy who uses alcohol to take advantage of a situation. I assumed you knew I wasn't really like that and did me the favor of letting it fall by the wayside. So we could laugh about it in ten years as that one time we had too much sangria."
"Believe me, I knew it wasn't romance. I wasn't thinking we were in a fairy tale, but I sure as shit didn't think it was some one night stand."
"I never thought you wanted anything more from me. I wasn't sure you even wanted that, at least, not beyond that moment in time."
Penelope crossed her legs underneath herself. "I never thought you would sleep with someone, already in your life, without having any further intentions."
"Why not call me on it? Why start welcoming me in the fold without hesitation?"
"When I was giving you a hard time before, it was because I was trying to push away any chance of developing feelings. They developed anyway, so I had to keep it up despite the fact that it was getting ridiculous. Along the way we still had to become friends. That day, going with you to Phil's, I couldn't see beyond that. Why would you take me? Why trust me with such personal things? Why would you ask me to have drinks and dinner afterwards? And not, a round at O'Keefes, but at your house, alone? You didn't mean any of that?" She felt distinctly vulnerable at that moment, but it was what she needed to ask finally.
Luke sighed and settled back into the cushions. He stayed quiet for longer than she expected, but she could see the wheels turning in his head. "I did mean something by it, but I didn't know that I did. It just felt natural to have you help me. All I knew at that moment was I wanted to be around you. I didn't realize what it seemed like from your side. I should've been honest with myself and figured out my intentions. Not thinking it through bit me in the ass. My inhibitions got lowered, and I acted on what I felt."
Penelope was watching him as he spoke. She could see it was the truth. He wasn't even sure where it was buried. His eyes came up to meet hers, but she couldn't quite feel the jump in her heart that she used to. "Okay, I believe you. I do. But, it doesn't un-break my heart, so just like then, I don't know what you want from me."
"Ideally?" He raised an eyebrow at her to ask if she truly wanted to know. She didn't move a muscle, but she kept her eyes trained on his. "Ideally, you'd say something like, you're an idiot, but you're cute, so it's okay." He watched her lips almost turn upwards. "More realistically, you'd try to forgive me and at least tell me there was a chance."
"I'm already nice to your girlfriend. How much do you need from me?" She didn't use a harsh tone, but she didn't know if he realized how chill she had actually been.
Luke shook his head. "No, Penelope. I mean we move past this, but you've made it pretty clear that there will never be a we."
Penelope let out an incredulous scoff, but there was little venom behind it. It was more of a true moment of disbelief. "My God, if there was ever a moment where too little, too late, applied. Does your girlfriend know you're over here saying this shit to me? Because if she doesn't, you need to go tell her." Penelope glared at him.
Luke met her eyes. "No, Penelope. I broke up with her." He watched as her eyes wavered. Despite saying nothing mattered anymore, he at least knew the news brought her some relief, whether she wanted it to or not. "I can't have a relationship that started with… bad karma." Luke saw Penelope roll her eyes and then plant her feet on the floor. "See, right there. What was that? Why not tell me what I said wrong, rather than secretly jot down another reason to hate me?"
Penelope put her tongue between her teeth and then took a deep breath, "You're right. Might as well show my cards anyway. I felt better for half a second. You weren't going to fall in love while I rot in a corner watching you. But you only broke up because you don't want your relationship to have bad juju. It's not that you want to at least figure out why you did this, and it's sure as shit not about me, which I should already know. God, I'm stupid. I already told myself…" She stopped talking as she felt the tears well up in her eyes.
Luke moved to comfort her, but she shrunk towards the arm cushion. He pulled his hand back. He placed his elbows on his knees while he cursed himself. "Penelope," he said her name whether he had permission or not. "I did do it for you, even if you don't want fuck all to do with me. What I meant was, there is nothing good that can come out of something I started without knowing where I stood. Maybe you and I aren't meant to be anything, but I know that holding onto something isn't worth it when I'd rather know if you and I can be everything."
Penelope knew the words sounded nice, and they almost made her feel better, but there was too much hurt to be erased by a few niceties. "I hear what you're saying, but right now I just can't see why it would matter."
Luke took a breath, "You can have time to figure that out. I'm not going out with anyone else until we know. I don't care how long that takes. But are you really saying that what I did, even if I was just being dense, it's irrevocable?"
"I don't want this to sound sarcastic, but are you telling me you can un-sleep with her? Because otherwise, what you did, is irrevocable, is it not?"
Luke clenched his jaw. "I understand that part, the logistics. What I mean is, the feeling, the place you are in right now, is that the only place I can live from now on, forever?" Luke swallowed as he watched her close her eyes.
"Luke," she turned to make eye contact, "it feels that way." She felt the tears spilling over and the inevitable hiccup came from trying to hold in her sob.
Luke could feel his own emotion building up, and he cleared his throat to contain it. "But what if - what if it isn't? If I work to prove... with some time..."
She started shaking her head. "I can't promise that, Luke. I can't see past my pain right now."
"Can you just give me the chance? At least to be friends... Maybe it can be more again..." Penelope saw the sincere hope in his eyes.
"We're both on this team, and I have to process this anyway. I might not be able to give you more, but I won't kick you along the way." She shrugged as she wiped at her tears.
"I can work with that." He smiled at her.
"Can I ask something that might seem petty? It's not meant that way." Penelope knew they had come to a tentative agreement, but she wanted to know if he could fathom how she felt.
Luke was apprehensive, but he just promised to do the work. "I won't take it the wrong way." He assured her as he angled himself to show he was listening.
She crossed her legs on the couch again, facing him. "When you brought Lisa to the bar last month to meet everybody, did you see the blonde guy I was talking to by the jukebox?"
"I did." He almost smiled. It seemed funny that he was so attentive to her even though his date should've occupied his night.
"Well, I carpooled home with Tara, but, after she dropped me off, he came over, and I had sex with him." Penelope stopped when she saw Luke's eyes narrow.
"What is -"
"I had sex with someone else. I saw him naked. He pinned me on my back as he thrust into me. I straddled him. On this couch, actually." Luke glanced at the smooth surface underneath her. "Genuinely, can you think about that and feel nothing? Can you imagine that I was wet as he slid into me easily, but it was still a nice stretch that made me moan and dig my nails into his shoulder. If I told you I didn't know you liked me, would it be enough for you to erase the image of me on my knees in front of him?" Penelope's head was titled in curiosity. She wasn't trying to be cruel, but this was all she could see when she thought about him with someone else.
Luke's eyes were rage-filled, and his nostrils were flaring. "Are you trying to start a fire, Garcia?"
"No, Luke. I am not," she said adamantly. "I need to know if you understand even a speck of what is imprinted on my mind. What was etched on my brain the moment I heard you tell Matt that you were late to meet him at the gym because you were - Maybe just a slice of the mind fuck, just a fraction of what I felt, because you weren't waiting around, thinking I was coming for you, only to be blindsided by the fact that you weren't even on my radar. So I want to know, can you wipe it out of your mind and not think about him coming inside of me?"
Luke stared straight ahead at the screen in front of him as he clenched, unclenched, and set his jaw. "No, it's fucking difficult to not think about it. To not be utterly disgusted by it. I see your point." He gritted out.
Penelope nodded. "I'm not crazy, Luke. So please, don't act like I should be able to do this just because you're aware now."
Luke scoffed, but he understood, even though a big part of him wished he didn't. "Alright, Penelope, but, even knowing that, it doesn't make me not want you, so I'm going to hope that we can work on you feeling the same way. I might even beg at some point."
Penelope shrugged and wiped the rest of her tears away with the back of her hand. She hit play on the tablet and fluffed the pillow behind her without saying another word.
Luke chuckled. "Am I allowed to stay and watch you watch tv?"
She shrugged again. "If you're that pathetic."
Luke laughed again. "It's not pathetic to want to spend time with you. Although, I did say I wasn't above begging, so maybe."
Penelope pursed her lips as she tried to contain her giggle. He caught her eye, and she reluctantly had to smile, but after a moment she quieted. "Luke, what happens if I do forgive you?" He might have said he wanted to move past this, but she needed to know what the hell that meant.
"I want to date. No, not just date, have a relationship with you. A real one, one that…" Luke turned towards her again. "I have never thought about settling down until I knew you. I realized that the only reason I changed was because of you, and you weren't even trying to get me to. I think I fell in love with you a really long time ago, so if you're asking what I want… I want all of it."
"I wish I still did."
Luke nodded but leaned back into the couch. After a few silent minutes, he spoke again, "We had an argument at a bar."
"You're lucky I didn't hit you," she said dryly.
"Would it help?"
"I'll let you know."
I am perfectly content leaving this here. It has been suggested that this can be a longer fic. I can show Luke winning Penelope over and how they finally do the work to get there. I am not entirely opposed to that, but it was not in my plan, so if I did, it would be a long way out. As most of you know, I have many open fics right now that need updating so it would be a wait. For now this is a one-shot that just isn't a happily ever after.
Thank you for reaching out in any capacity, it is always genuinely appreciated. Once again, I am having serious physical therapy right now so sometimes I can't type for extended periods of time and I might not get back to you or update exactly when I'd like. Thank you for sticking around!
Thanks to BookDragon2013 for reading this so quickly! You know it was haunting me.