Spotlight: Father
Lime Ricky's presents, Real Kids of Genius
(Real Kids of Genius.)
Today we salute you, Mr. Evil Fire-Bending Single Dad.
(Mr. Evil Fire-Bending Single Dad.)
You take the phrase "hot tempered" to a whole new level. Sure, you punish your kids like any other dad; time-outs, no TV, washing their mouths out with soap, and of course, spanking. The only difference? You do it with FIRE.
(That's gotta sting!)
The wrath of your furious flames knows no bounds, but that doesn't mean you're afraid to show your sensitive side. In fact, it just amplifies your evil. When YOU bake a cake, the ingredients are: 2 1/2 cups cake flour, a teaspoon of vanilla, and about a hundred of the neighborhood brats. And then you serve THAT cake to your own children. Oh you cheap, sick bastard you.
(Blood makes the best icing!)
Every ridiculous scheme, every overly complicated stratagem, all concocted with an eye towards making foes and innocent children suffer as much as possible.
(I'm such a sadist.)
One thing is perfectly clear: you've got some serious issues. If you didn't have a happy childhood, then why should anyone else?
(Daddy didn't love me!)
So cool off with a root beer, Daddy-o. If the PTA ever needed someone to lead a workshop on how to mentally scar their children for life, they have you on speed dial.
(Mr. Evil Fire-Bending Single Dad.)