Arthur had asked more questions, and each answer had brought ten questions more, and Merlin was just so tired, and Arthur was keeping on asking things that were not reaching Merlin's mind anymore.

"By the way, you spoke against magic many times, was it all an act then?"

His tone was light and there was no trace of resentment in his words, he was just trying to understand.

But Merlin could barely focus on anything else than his violent headache or his feet that felt so heavy. Arthur's voice was no more than a fuzzy noise at the back of his mind. He pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to refocus on his surroundings.

"Mer-lin! Are you listening?"

He has stopped walking, eyes closed, struggling to keep is balance. His world just started spinning. Arthur kept on walking a few meters before checking if his manservant was sulking or just gone mute. He paused a moment, hesitating.

"Merlin?"

Concern filled his voice. Pushed by instinct, he rushed to his friend's side and caught him just in time as he was falling over.

He lowered them both to the ground, still holding his friend.

"Hey, Merlin, open your eyes." he said while slapping lightly his friend's cheeks.

Merlin groaned a bit before doing as he was told.

"What happened? …Good lords Merlin, you're burning" Arthur noticed as his hand brushed Merlin's forehead.

"I'm just...a bit tired that's all" Merlin pushed slightly Arthur away as he tried to stand.

"We'll make camp here, you need to rest."

"Arthur we need to move, everyone is waiting for your return," the warlock protested.

"I don't want to have to carry my idiot of a servant all the way to Camelot."

Although he was partly joking his tone was firm and didn't permit any more contradiction. Merlin didn't feel like arguing anyway and gave up, he grabbed the hand his friend was holding out and went to lie down against a tree.

"We still have time before night falls, we'll stay here a couple of hours. Just rest Merlin, I'll keep watch."

Merlin nodded and closed his eyes. He fell asleep immediately and when he woke up again it was pitch black. Arthur was not far from him, adding wood to the fire he lighted.

"How long did I sleep?" his voice was rough.

"Quite a while" Arthur said absently, staring at the fire

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I felt like being nice…" he smiled before adding, "you are exhausted Merlin, we wouldn't have walked long before you'd have fainted again like a girl."

"I didn't faint!"

"Yeah whatever you say, come here and get some food."

He sat upright, feeling a bit dizzy but his headache had stopped for now.

He took some of the meat Arthur had grilled.

"It's not rat is it?" he said as he gave his friend a doubtful look.

"While you were sleeping," Arthur said, ignoring Merlin's question, "I had time to think."

"Oh, that can't be good." He joked as he was having a bite of the strange meat.

"I thought about…all these times where things don't add up, where I thought we were just being lucky…and now I know it was probably you. All this time Merlin, I still can't figure out how you never been caught."

"I was counting on your inability to notice obvious things."

"At least I was helpful in something"

"You have no idea...If it was another king I was serving, I would be long dead by now."

But Arthur acted as he didn't acknowledge the joke.

"It must have been hard…all this time. Hiding your powers…staying quiet when you knew the truth… and all your funny feelings…I'm sorry I 've barely listened to you."

"Oh I wouldn't say 'barely' sire…more like 'never'."

"ha-ha"

Arthur chewed a bit of the unknown meat before continuing.

"When the Disirs asked me to choose between Mordred and Magic, you tried to get rid of him when you could have me accepted Magic back to Camelot …Why? "

The thought of Mordred was enough to bring back the awful and so well known feeling clutching his chest.

"I was warned many times before of what Mordred was destined to do…my stupidity pushed me to think I could change people…that this little boy couldn't really be the druid destined to kill you…and so many times I had the chance to get rid of him, and yet I didn't…I curse myself for this, if I had acted before…"

"Merlin…what you think is your weakness is actually your strength…you believe in people…you see what's good in them…you even believed in a prat, you believed I could be more than what you saw."

"Maybe…" he smiled remembering those times when Arthur was even more unbearable than now. "But that doesn't change the fact I didn't act when I should have to...so when the Disirs spoke, I've seen my chance to get rid of him, it was like giving them my burden, I wouldn't have to kill him myself in the end…it was hard to tell you this…because I was pushing you to condemn a friend…and because I was probably turning you against magic for ever. "

"But you took the risk."

"No Arthur, I took the chance, the chance to save you from what Fate had decided."

"I don't get it…you told me your destiny was to bring back magic to Camelot"

"To be honest it's been a while I stopped caring about destiny…in the end your life meant more than anything else. In any case, with you dead I don't see how magic could come back." he smiled.

"But in the end they didn't kill Mordred…" Arthur said as he frowned.

"No…and I've been a fool to don't realise it before. Because they knew Mordred was meant to be your doom, so when you refused magic they actually let Mordred live, it was your condemnation. "

"So there wasn't a good answer to this bargain. Either I said no to magic and Mordred was still there to kill me, either I accepted, Mordred would have died and I would have turned on magic anyway…"

He took one last bite and drunk some water before continuing.

"All those years…were you really thinking I would kill you without a second thought?"

It was painful for Arthur to think his best friend had lived in fear of him for so long.

Merlin had stopped eating long before, talking about all those things just didn't make him hungry.

"I…thought about both eventualities…one being you, accepting me, and the other one was less happy than that…I…was scared yes…I'm not gonna lie, I had nightmares more than once about being caught and sentenced to the pyre…"

Arthur gulped at that, the thought was just unbearable.

"And all the time I was witnessing executions, I couldn't think of anything else than "It could be me". "

Arthur swallowed and closed his eyes. Imagining the terror his friend must have lived in.

"But as time passed I realised, that I wasn't as afraid of being burned alive as I was of loosing your trust. "

Arthur stared into his friend's eyes, reading all the raw emotions in there.

"So many times I was about to tell you..."

"But then I was saying something like "magic is evil"."

"Pretty much."

"I'm sorry…for everything you had to pass through…I wish I could have helped you."

They stayed silent for a while. The night was calm, only the sound of the wood cracking into the fire could be heard.

"About those things that don't add up…" Arthur finally said, bringing back Merlin for his thoughts.

"Oh here we go."

"You told me the great dragon helped you to bring me to the lake."

"Yes"

"And that you called him"

"Yes"

"I didn't ask back then 'cause I thought you called him using one of your strange magic thing…"

Merlin would have rolled his eyes but knew too well where this conversation was leading and didn't want to talk about it. Really.

"But now that I'm thinking about it, when the dragon attacked Camelot, we needed a dragon lord to call him off…"

Merlin hung his head for a while, thinking of his answer.

"I'm a dragon lord Arthur."

"W-what ? But, why didn't you…?"

"I just didn't know I was one back there. The dragon lord we found…just before we left to find him…Gaius told me he was my father."

Shock printed on Arthur's face.

"He never knew he had a son…he had to leave my mother to save her from any harm during the great purge…"

"Oh gods, Merlin…"

Arthur remembered perfectly what happened that day, how this man died on the way to Camelot, Merlin's tears for him made sense now…and what he said to Merlin after that.

"No man is worth your tears," he thought.

He closed his eyes once again, letting the guilt sink in.

"You didn't know. It's not your…" Merlin guessed what his friend had in mind.

"You see, " he cut, "this is exactly why I'm still angry with you for not telling me!" he stood, anger flooding in him. "I could have been there for you Merlin, all those things I said about magic being pure evil, all those moments when you had to hide your grief to not be discovered…it's just making me mad!"

He walked a few steps away, trying to calm down. Merlin gulped and just stared at the ground before him. Arthur breathed deeply before turning back to face his friend.

Merlin's eyes were wet with unshed tears although he was doing his best to hide it.

"I'm sorry I had to lie…I hope you'll can forgive me for that…"

Arthur felt bad for what his friend had to live and for how he was treating him now, the younger man was clearly shaken and the only thing Arthur was doing was shouting at him while making him remember how his father died. It was clearly not the moment. He sighed deeply.

"I shouldn't shout at you. We are both tired and it's a lot to cope with, I just need time… but believe me, there's nothing to forgive. You did what you thought was right." He said as his voice calmed down.

Merlin just kept still, and Arthur went back to sit next to him.

He sighed once more.

"I feel like missing half the story…everything I thought to be true, you surely have another version of it…but I shouldn't push you. When you're ready…will you tell me about everything I missed?"

"I will…but there are things I'm not proud of…things you will be mad about…"

"Everyone makes mistakes…and I know I made a lot of them myself, so I don't think I'm in the right place to judge you."

"Still…you will be mad anyway."

"I promise to do my best to don't chop your head off."

He wasn't sure if his joke would work but Merlin finally smiled and he allowed himself to do it too. Whatever Merlin had to tell him, he was sure this was promising a lot of future sleepless nights.