Hey guys…
I'm not really sure what to say. I just… I haven't felt like myself recently. I haven't had any really spark to write anything since… I don't know anymore. I sit down to write and even though I have all of these ideas and all of these different things I want to add to my stories, when I sit down to write said things I just… can't.
Lately I haven't really felt myself… and I haven't really felt like watching YouTube either. I've been so off this last week that there are times – even right now – that I want to just lay in bed and close my eyes and never get back up… never wake back up- just drift off into my own head and think about why in the fucking world I feel so… just… off.
Lately I haven't had any spark to just write stuff in general. I've had so many ideas and yet I never sit myself down to actually implement said ideas into my stories and get chapters posted… And I just don't know why. Maybe I do know why somewhere deep down but right now I have no clue. I've felt like… this… this almost sick feeling when I think about writing down my stories- when I think about transferring the stories from my mind to the keys and onto the computer screen. And so I've been procrastinating… more… and more… and more…
I just… I don't know. I feel like I just might need time again, even if I have no reason for needing it. I'm not recovering from some traumatic social situation and nothing has really happened to me at all. My friends have all been there… my grades in summer school are fine… and my stories aren't boring, but yet… I just…
I think I need time and I know I'm asking this so suddenly and out of pure selfishness, but I… I just think that I need time to think about things right now. I don't know why, but I do. I need to get my thoughts in order. I don't know when I'll be back but I promise you that I'm coming back no matter what. I will not leave any of the sites I post to until each story is finished and you aren't left with any reason to hate me. I will finish any series currently on my sites and any solo books currently posted. For the other ideas I have, I don't have a clue what'll become of them. It just depends on, well, I guess what I decide I'm going to do by that point. I just… Right now I need time.
I guess I just don't really feel appreciated. I know that my friends and family all love me, but I'm not talking about them. I just feel like I'm not appreciated by the people who read my works. On Quotev I rarely get any feedback from my Internet friends anymore on things I post and expect feedback on, and I know it must sound stupid but to me those kinds of things are important. I made a journal about three different original works I'd be (hopefully) posting sometime in the future and yet no one gave two flying fucks and I've come to realize that that's because no one gives two shits about my works- about the works that are entirely my own and created from nothing… because no one cares about my ideas, all of you just seemingly want my works for the fandoms I write about to give some sort of life to and… I just feel like no one is here for me, and what I offer, and what talents I possess as an author and…
And I guess that's why I'm taking another break. There are a few of you here and there that show me support, but… but I honestly just don't know who's here for what anymore and I'm just kind of tired of it all by this point. I'm tired to the point where I want to lay down and close my eyes and think about why the fuck I just feel so… hopeless… hopeless in myself and I want to lay there and drift to sleep and never wake back up…
And I just… I don't know when I'll be back but right now I think I just need time to decide what exactly it is that I want of myself, and of my writing. And if you're still here when I come back, then… thank you.
Sincerely yours,
Daniel