A/N: I'm deeply sorry for the very long delay. This part is honestly most difficult and I can't stop editing it. Please enjoy…
Haven
Tezuka didn't want to recover. He knew he'd be sent away if he recovered. He wanted to stay here even if he wouldn't be able to be with Fuji.
The attacks toward Tezuka raised questions from members of the pack. Why would an alpha order an attack on an ordinary werewolf? For a moment, Tezuka was worried that his relationship with Fuji will be revealed. Like Yumiko, he also didn't want anyone to question Fuji's authority in the pack.
But before anyone could suspect anything, a gossip saying Tezuka was targeted due to being Fuji's favorite was spread. Tezuka suspected it was done with Yumiko's order in an attempt to restore order and erase suspicion toward Fuji. If so, then it worked very well. The pack once again showed their support and understanding, praising Tezuka for his loyalty and brilliance. They agreed with Fuji's decision to send Tezuka to his summerhouse as it was the best way to protect him from possible attacks in the future.
Only Oishi didn't believe the gossip. He knew the truth, though he thoughtfully kept it quiet. His loyalty toward Fuji disallowed him from letting the news out. Fuji wouldn't care about breaking the norm but the fact that he chose not to do so must meant something.
"He isn't ready." Oishi told Tezuka. "It's difficult and he isn't ready. Also, he didn't want to risk your safety, especially after what happened that day." He put a hand on Tezuka's shoulder to show support. He hesitated, but after making sure that no one was eavesdropping, he continued quietly. "He loves you. I know it. I can see it. But he is in difficult position. He has you on one hand and responsibility on the other. Trust me, this decision hurts him as much as it hurts you."
"… I know."
"Trust him, Tezuka. Have faith in him. That's what he needs right now."
Tezuka tried to believe in Oishi, but faith alone didn't do much to make him feel better. Fuji hadn't visited him, sent any message to him, or tried to contact him in any way. He was ready to risk his safety once again to get some sort of assurance that Fuji really cared. He was desperate to meet Fuji and talk to him at least for a while, but Oishi always stopped him, telling him that it could provoke another attack or worse. It wasn't just about his welfare, it's something bigger than that. Yumiko was the wife of a pack leader, fighting her and her attendants could start a war no one wanted. It's not just about Tezuka and Fuji. It was also about other people and Tezuka couldn't selfishly put his desire above others' well-being. Defeated, Tezuka could do nothing but wait in solitude.
About a week after his attack, Tezuka was deemed strong enough to leave. Oishi was among werewolves ordered to take him to Fuji's family's house and guard him while he was there. Fuji gave no indication about when Tezuka was allowed to return, not even assuring him that he would be taken back to the mansion once things had settled down. This convinced Tezuka further that Fuji didn't hope to ever be able to see him again. His heart was torn apart but there was no way for him to express this, no way for him to make it better. It was Fuji's decision and there was nothing Tezuka could do but obey and hope for the best.
When they left early in the morning by cars, Fuji didn't even go to see him off. The only sign that he still cared was in the form of tightening security that would disallow any of Yumiko's people to follow and pose threat to Tezuka. It was difficult for Tezuka not to look back as the car he was in drove past the gates of the mansion that had been his home for over a year now. He knew he wouldn't see Fuji there, watching him. He knew he'd probably not see Fuji again for the rest of his life.
Tezuka tried not to notice the thinning presence of Fuji as they drove away from the mansion. He didn't bother to look at the view outside, knowing that it would only hurt him more to realize that he was moving further and further away from his lover. It was best for him to ignore the concept of space and time, they would only make the distance and the pain grew. He was on his own now. Fuji was no longer beside him to provide support, protection, and comfort. Tezuka had to be strong for himself, for Fuji, for both of them.
"We're almost there." Oishi said quietly, not wanting to startle Tezuka out of his thoughts.
Slowly, Tezuka opened his eyes and looked at the passing scenery outside. He wasn't sure where he was, never having seen this place before. Tall pine trees line up on either side of the unsmooth road. He could also see the top of a mountain in the distance. As they moved closer to their destination, Tezuka saw very few other vehicles or local people, indicating that he might be coming to a small, rural area. He thought he understood the choice of location. In places like this, newcomers would be noticed immediately, ensuring Tezuka's safety from possible attackers. Tezuka allowed himself to smile despite his sadness. Fuji still cared after all, but for how much longer?
Nothing prepared Tezuka for his sanctuary, though. The house he was to live in was located on a small island in the middle of a lake. The only way to get there was by a boat which would quickly be noticed by guards on the lakeshore. Tezuka would live in the house with Oishi, the only one Fuji trusted with Tezuka's safety. No one else was allowed to be in the island for a long period of time. Food and other necessities would be delivered twice a week. Other than that, it would be just the two of them. Both were under strict order not to leave the island unless Fuji directly ordered it or if there was a case of extreme emergency. It was a jail, Tezuka realized. Fuji might intend to protect him initially, but in the end he was sentencing Tezuka to a live in a prison.
It appeared to be the furthest thing from a prison, though. The house had five bedrooms in it; one master bedroom, three smaller bedrooms, and one guest bedroom. Unlike the formal, luxurious design of the mansion Tezuka was more familiar with, this place looked more homely, like a place for a warm family. Despite not having been used in many years, it was well-kept. No speck of dust was found anywhere, the air in the house not damp and moldy like in uninhabited houses, the sheets had been changed recently, the eating and cooking utensils were new, and the kitchen had been filled with enough food for at least a week. Outside, there was a sea of warm colors from myriads of flowers in the garden. Lush green grass seemed to invite him to sit and contemplate the beauty of the mountain and forest surrounding him. Enormous trees acted as shades during burning summer days. There was a small dock there for the boat delivering the goods and beyond it was seemingly endless body of water that separate Tezuka and Oishi from the rest of the world.
If he closed his eyes, Tezuka could imagine a family of a father, a mother, a daughter, and two sons having meals in the dining room. He could almost hear the children's laughter, the conversations by the fireplace. He could almost sense Fuji in this place, could understand how he grew up to be the man Tezuka knew and loved. But when he opened his eyes, they were all illusions. Fuji was nowhere to be found and he was all alone. A fancy prison was a prison, still. It might hurt Tezuka even more here, surrounded by the images of Fuji's past, haunted by Fuji's future he might never be allowed to partake in.
Every night, after dinner, Tezuka went to the garden. There was nothing to be seen in this remote place but tiny specks of lights on the shore where the guard posts were located and the stars above. The mountain was quiet except for the distant sound of nocturnal animals. Tezuka was surrounded by the sound of the rippling water of the tranquil lake, the sweet scent of flowers in the garden, and the smell of forest.
It had now been weeks since he left the mansion now and never once he received a single message to show that Fuji still remembered him. He knew he shouldn't lose his faith on Fuji as it was the only thing that kept him going, but he too need conviction. He needed to know that his love and yearning weren't unrequited. He realized that there was a chance that Fuji didn't care for him as much as Tezuka care for the alpha leader. They were young, they were too different, they could change their minds –Fuji could change his mind. Tezuka fervently hoped that Fuji wouldn't change his mind, that he wouldn't stop caring, that he wouldn't leave Tezuka behind –he didn't think he could handle being left alone again, this time by the person he loved and respected the most in his life. But what could he do to prevent it? What could he do to let Fuji know how his feelings? How to abridge the distance between him and Fuji?
"How is he doing?"He asked to Oishi who was watching him from behind him. He knew Oishi had received messages when goods were delivered to them earlier in the day. The truth was he was envious of Oishi who received messages on regular basis from his friends. Tezuka never received any indication that he was remembered, that he meant something for someone. Tezuka looked up to the sky, not wanting tears to fall.
Oishi slipped away from the shadows and sat on the cool grass beside Tezuka. "He's doing well." Oishi answered kindly. He was constantly optimistic, supportive and encouraging when Tezuka found it difficult to keep his faith. If he was tired or bored of being trapped here with Tezuka, he never showed it. "He's trying to solve the trouble at the border but it's nothing he couldn't handle."
"Has he chosen a wife yet?" Tezuka asked the question he always asked every time Oishi received a message from the mansion.
Oishi looked at him in sympathy but thankfully shook his head. "No. But his sister has been pushing many potential wives to him. Tezuka…"
"I know." Oishi had said it often enough. Tezuka had told himself often enough. He knew he had no choice but wait. He knew there was a chance that he will be forgotten. He knew he'd better not ask. He knew there was nothing he could do with his situation.
"Eiji sent a message to me telling me that Master has been distraught since you left. He isn't happy with the prospect of getting a wife. He wants you and no one else, obviously. He's going to find a way to have you back."
Tezuka stood up. He looked at the distant world that he no longer belonged in. Oishi had probably lied to cheer him up. Probably he had read too much between the lines. Probably Fuji was only distracted by work. And yet a hopeful part of Tezuka wanted to believe Oishi, wanted something to keep his will to live. He needed to believe that Fuji loved him and would find a way to bring him back to his life. The time they spent must have meant something. Those kisses, those words, the little things Fuji did for no one else but him, they must've meant something. Tezuka wasn't like other werewolves in Fuji's pack. He was special. He wouldn't be forsaken. He wouldn't be forgotten.
But as soon as Tezuka closed his eyes, the wistfulness disappeared, defeated by grim possibility that wouldn't leave his mind. "Maybe he'll decide not to find a way."
"Tezuka…"
"He's our master, Oishi. We should support his judgment, whatever it is."
"So you will support him even if he decided to marry someone else?"
Tezuka looked away, hiding the tears pricking his eyes. "I have to." He had to even if he didn't want to, even if he'd never stop loving Fuji.
Tezuka had thought that the worst could happen to him was anxiety and impatience. He didn't know when he would be summoned back to the mansion or whether he would be ordered to return again at all. There was nothing he could do but resigned his fate to Fuji. He trusted his leader and lover's judgment, whatever that might be. But his faith was soon tested even further.
The news about the war reached Tezuka sometime after the New Year. A pack of werewolves led by a disowned purebred werewolf named Matsumoto had gained strength by brutally attacking human and then turning them into werewolves. With this new, albeit untrained, force they began attacking neighboring territories, including Fuji's. What had been dismissed as minor attacks quickly degenerated into the biggest since the territorial dispute that killed Fuji's father and brother. Many members of the pack had been called to defend their territories and warnings had been issued to keep young members of the pack and human safe. As days dragged on without any sign of the enemy withdrawing from the border, Fuji was forced to declare war.
Tezuka wanted to go, not only to meet Fuji but also to defend his territory. It was an obligation. It was what he's trained for. He couldn't sit idly by while his friends risked their lives in a war. Even Oishi couldn't argue this time and didn't try to stop him. It was indeed a case of emergency and he was ready to leave the island and follow Tezuka to the battlefield. But before they could leave, Inui Sadaharu, a medic, arrived in the island with a message from Fuji.
Tezuka's hand shook slightly as he accepted the message. For the first time since the day Tezuka was attacked by Yumiko's attendants, Fuji made contact directly with Tezuka. He hadn't been forgotten after all. He hadn't been forsaken. But Tezuka knew better than to expect this message to contain words of affection he longed for. Fuji's absence and Inui's arrival spoke louder than words. It wasn't the time for Tezuka to return to Fuji's side as a lover.
Stay where you are. Do not leave the island unless I order you to. Take care of yourself.
"He told me not to leave." Tezuka said, clutching the piece of paper tightly.
"Then you mustn't leave." Oishi told the quiet young man, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"You, too, must stay here with Tezuka, Oishi." Inui said when Oishi turned to him, seeing the determination in his eyes. "Master doesn't trust anyone else to be here with him."
Oishi's shoulder sank in disappointed but didn't argue, only nodding in silent acceptance. Fuji's decision was unquestionable, no matter how much he disagreed with it. Like Tezuka, he could only swallow his disappointment and obey. "I'm sure he's going to take care of everything soon. Everything will be all right." He told Tezuka to console him.
Tezuka nodded. The letter, though succinctly worded, gave him strength that loneliness had sapped out. It gave him the affirmation he needed that Fuji still remembered him and wished for his safety though he might not want Tezuka's presence beside him right now. Fuji still cared. He might even still love Tezuka. There might be hope for them after all.
"How is Master doing now?" He asked Inui carefully, not sure whether to reveal the nature of his relationship with Fuji or not.
"He's doing well. He's preparing to join us at the battlefield."
Tezuka's body grew cold with fear when he heard that. He tried to keep the emotion hidden but he wasn't sure he succeeded. He knew Fuji's strength well, having witnessed it many times. Fuji's mental power wasn't to be underestimated, either. But the knowledge didn't make him feel any more at ease. Was everything really going to be all right? Would Fuji be all right? Fuji had his allies and his immense power but their enemies couldn't be taken lightly. Their strength was in number, not necessarily in experience, but number itself could be lethal. Injuries were unavoidable during wars, Tezuka knew. It wasn't realistic to expect Fuji to escape it unscathed, but what kind of risk had his Master put himself into? Should he really risk leaving his pack leaderless? Could Tezuka let him risk his life like that?
"Tezuka…"
"… He will be fine." Tezuka told himself and Oishi, clenching his hands tightly into fists. He didn't know how much he really believed in those words. "He is strong. He won't be defeated."
"We will win." Oishi added with more optimism than Tezuka could conjure up at the moment. "Master isn't an easy opponent to defeat."
"Yes." Tezuka agreed. He tried to put up a strong front but he knew that he wouldn't be able to lie for a long time. He read the message over and over again and tried to make himself believe in victory, in Fuji's absolute safety, in a meeting in the future. He felt useless, powerless. He knew Fuji wanted him to stay safe but Tezuka would feel so much better out there, fighting Fuji's enemy and protecting him, instead of being confined here and tormented with worry.
Inui cleared his throat to draw attention from Tezuka and Oishi. "If you don't mind, there's something I want you to do." He said to Tezuka. When Tezuka didn't reply, he drew out a thick book from his bag and handed it to the brunet. "I want you to make herbal medicines for me. We will need a lot of medication for our wounded friends and there's a great chance that I won't be able to leave the war to find the ingredients and make the necessary medicine. Everything you need to know about making them is in this book and I believe this area has many plants essential to making them. What do you think?"
There wasn't a single doubt in Tezuka's mind. If he wasn't allowed to leave this place then he would find another way to help Fuji and his friends. He wasn't a trained medic or a herbalist, but he's more than willing to try to do this for Fuji. He accepted the book and nodded to Inui gratefully. "I'll see what I can do."
"Good. I believe I will really need your help in a month time. I will send a message on the specific medicine I need and send someone to take it for me."
Inui must be aware of Tezuka's relationship with Fuji if he's willing to offer such an opportunity. That must have been the reason why Fuji chose him to send the message to Tezuka. Did Fuji tell him or did he find out on his own? Yumiko hadn't revealed their relationship for a reason. While Tezuka was very certain that no one would dare disrespect Fuji for his relationship with Tezuka, he was also aware of the high expectancy toward Fuji to continue the family line by producing an heir.
This thought hurt Tezuka and so he focused on the matter at hand. After all, he had decided that he would accept Fuji's decision regarding their relationship, whatever that decision might be and no matter how much pain it might cause him. Right now what's truly important was assisting his leader and friends in the war.
As soon as Inui left, Tezuka studied the book. As he had predicted, it wouldn't be easy. He could barely recognized the names of the herbs needed, could hardly tell what part was dangerous and what was useful, didn't quite understand what he was supposed to do. But that didn't deter him from trying. He spent days learning about many kinds of medications, especially the ones that might become useful in a war. His greatest fear was that his medication wouldn't be effective or even be dangerous. He was grateful for the little notes Inui wrote in the book to guide him, but the best way to learn was to practice it. He must take a risk.
Oishi didn't disturb him, knowing that Tezuka needed to ease his anxiety by focusing on making his own contribution to the war. He was right, but trepidation was never far from the brunet's mind. During the day he could occupy his mind with Inui's request but at night he was left alone with his thoughts. He struggled to be strong but he had his limit and he loved Fuji too much to completely leave his worry behind.
"Do you intend to kill me with longing and anxiety?" Tezuka wrote down on a piece of paper one day when keeping his thoughts quiet was too much to bear. "Or do you love me so much you keep me this far away from you to protect my meaningless life?"
The short letter remained unsent, unanswered. Tezuka's heart constantly ached with loneliness but it wasn't time for romance. Fuji couldn't afford distraction. He shouldn't be distracted. There was nothing to do but to put sentimentality aside and focus on the task at hand; to protect the lives of others. They were going to war.
There was no way of knowing the condition in the frontline except from news brought to them by the guards on the banks of the lake. There were a large number of casualties of Fuji's side, especially after their enemy found an ally in a pack on the east border of Fuji's territory. Their pack managed to not let the enemy go any further into their territory but strong defense wasn't always good enough as offense. Fuji was forced to ask for reinforcement from his in-law's pack to help secure the border as well as patrol nearby towns. Along with allies from other attacked territories, Fuji also blocked the enemy's location to cut off the logistic, hoping that the alpha leader would be sensible enough to surrender when his people began to starve and suffer.
Yet despite all these efforts, there was no sign of the war stopping anytime soon. Death toll increased daily, injured and old werewolves were sent back for cover and treatment. Younger werewolves replaced them. Those who hadn't been called to the war dedicated their time polishing on their combat skills. Smiles disappeared from people's faces, replaced by frowns and looks of worry. Happiness seemed to be a thing from the distant past. Would victory return it to people? The scars and the trauma seemed too deep to heal. Would they ever return to the lives they once had?
As the war dragged on, Tezuka could smell new presences near the lake, human allies that Fuji sent to warn the villagers to stay away from the borders and human searching for refuge from the war. It was obvious then that despite their effort to stop the enemy at the border, the calamity had spread. Though Fuji had tried his best to keep human out of harm, he wasn't always successful. Tezuka heard too many stories of missing family, friends, and lovers and grieved for them. He wished he could give words of encouragement and hopes, but he would be lying. He knew all too well how unlikely it was for the missing people to return alive and well.
Many injured werewolves were ordered to return to recuperate before being summoned back to the war. From these werewolves, Tezuka heard the horror of the war: the surprise attacks, traps, and weapons. He listened to their heroic battle alongside their courageous leader, wishing nothing more but to be there. He envied them, those who could openly protect Fuji and voiced their devotion to him.
"You don't know how much help you've given us." Momo, a young werewolf returning from war, told Tezuka as the bespectacled man was inspecting his wound. There were plenty of scars on his skin, some were old but many were new. There were stripes of scar tissue from where their enemies had clawed him, no doubt causing a lot of blood loss. As if this wasn't bad enough, Tezuka also recognized what could be bullet wounds.
"I did nothing." He replied, hiding bitterness behind a stoic mask. "Did they use guns?"
Momo nodded, frowning in displeasure. "Yes. They have guns with silver bullets and silver arrows. You know how slowly we heal from wounds created by silver weapons. We lost many of our friends that way, when medics didn't arrive soon enough."
"How does our side deal with that?"
This time Momo grinned, easing Tezuka's worry a little. "We have our own weapons, too, of course. If anything, we cause more damage to the enemy with our weapons since Master use them really well. He is a brilliant strategist, you know?"
Tezuka turned away to hide his pride. He knew Fuji's intelligence very well and was glad it served him well during this difficult time. He was also glad to see that people never seemed to lose their faith in their leader, believing that everything his decisions were made after careful consideration. It showed Tezuka just how great Fuji's influence really was. His power wasn't confined in that mansion alone. He was a well-respected figure, a true leader. One of the greatest Tezuka ever knew about.
"Tezuka," Momo said just as he was about to return back to the post on the shore where he was to protect Tezuka while recuperating. "I'm serious. You've done a lot for us. If not for your medicine, a lot more of us would have died." He told Tezuka this with the most serious look Tezuka had ever seen on the young man. "We owe you a lot, even if you don't think so."
Momo's words gave Tezuka strength and confidence he didn't think he lacked. Perhaps because he was so out of his element, he began to slowly lose faith in himself. He was trained to fight, not to make medicine. Staying away from the war was a continuous struggle, he felt that he hadn't fully done his part if he hadn't fought anyone for his master. Tezuka hadn't really thought of how his medicine could help, mostly crediting paramedics such as Inui for saving lives. But perhaps Momo was right, that he was helping them more that he thought he had.
But as Momo had said, no everyone was managed to be saved. On nights of full moons, Tezuka could hear haunting howls of werewolves mourning for their lost friends and the endlessness of the war. He listened to them carefully, feeling a little guilty when relief washed over him when there's no news of Fuji receiving fatal injury or worse. He wasn't quite alone though, because many others found Fuji's safety as a sign of hope for victory and thus the end to the lengthy war. Together they hoped for an end to the bloody conflict as well as the safety of their leader. Hope was all Tezuka had, hope was what he would hold on to.
"Master leads us in nearly every attack. If not for his advisors' plea, he would've stayed in the frontline." Kaido, Inui's messenger, told Tezuka. He came every other week to get medicine from Tezuka and also to give the latest news. It was difficult to ignore the stench of death on him. He could smell blood, flesh, explosive powders, and medicine on Kaido; the scents stronger and stronger as weeks went by. He wasn't uninjured, either, once even coming with healing wounds all over him to show just how close he had come to death. Tezuka wondered how many deaths Kaido had witnessed in his young age, how much suffering he had experienced, and how this war would affect him in the future. There were exhaustion and grief hidden in Kaido's eyes, feelings he shouldn't express for he was required to be strong. It had been over three months, how much more horror should they bear?
"How is he?" Tezuka asked in an even voice that didn't belie his sadness and anxiety. He had noticed that Inui's demand had increased in number, showing how the war had become more intense. Yet despite this, there was still no sign of surrender from their enemy even though they must be close to running out of resources. Tezuka could only hope that Matsumoto would be sensible enough to not torment his people any more than this. They had gone to war and died for his nonsensical obsession that many of them didn't even believe in the first place. At times like these, Tezuka felt that werewolves' faithful trait was a weakness, it would only lead them to useless deaths. Human could desert their leaders, but the bonds between werewolves and their alpha was stronger than mere rank and money. Even if they disagree with their masters, there was no way to sever their connection but by death. Tezuka pitied those who were forced to join Matsumoto's army but there was nothing anyone could do for them. Their lives were no longer theirs, they had now belonged to their masters.
"He received some minor injury." Kaido said sadly. It was obvious that he didn't want to involve Fuji in this war, either, but the choice wasn't in his hands. It was Fuji's decision and they all must respect and support it regardless of their concern. "We do need him to scan the area for our enemy's presence since Matsumoto has the ability to hide his physical presence but still…."
"Has Master ever encountered our enemy's Alpha leader?" Tezuka asked, his voice quivered just slightly. He had never seen two alphas fighting each other, but from what he had seen from his practice with Fuji, he knew it would be a very dangerous battle. He also knew that if and when it happened, it would be a life and death situation. Letting the other live meant risking revenge from his pack, a risk neither would be willing to take. The fight would have to end with death.
Kaido thankfully shook his head. There was worry in his voice as he answered. "No. Not yet."
They knew it's only a matter of time before it happened. Ordinary werewolves had very little chance to defeat a purebred, especially one as strong as Matsumoto. That left the task to Fuji and other purebred werewolves joining the war. There was no point in sending their subordinates to their deaths like that. They would have to take the risk and fight the enemy's leader on their own.
Tezuka spent hours in a day to cut, grind, boil, and dry the herbs for worst case scenario he felt was coming. The routine was rather comforting though exhausting as it took his mind of morbid possibilities, of months coming and going without giving even a hint of an end to the war. His hands became rough from the labor, his muscles protesting from heavy workload he was not accustomed to. His body was aching from the effort, but he relished it. He thought of people who died during the war, injuries sustained, and knew that what he experienced was nothing. It was his only way to try to feel what Fuji must be experiencing out there now. Tezuka didn't realize how right he was.
When Oishi came running to him one morning, Tezuka immediately knew something was off. At this time of the day, Oishi was usually out in the mountain to collect herbs for Tezuka. The panic in his face and his voice quickly alarmed Tezuka who promptly left his work to question his companion.
"Master… He's injured." Oishi gasped out, scared and angry at the same time. He wiped perspiration from his face, clearly he left in a rush to tell Tezuka about this news. "He fell into a trap to protect our friends and then…." Here Oishi stopped, unable to contain his emotion. Tears brimmed in his eyes, fear and rage battling there as he struggled to continue. "Matsumoto forced him into a battle… He…"
"How is he?" Tezuka demanded, his voice cracking in fear. His mind was filled by an image of Fuji covered in blood, heaving his final breaths. His heart sank at the thought. No, Fuji was strong. He wouldn't be defeated so easily. But then again, werewolves weren't immortal. They would eventually succumb to death. Was it Fuji's time now? No, please let that not be the case.
Oishi shook his head. "He won. Master won, but… He's not well at all. He was hit by a large trunk covered with silver arrow heads and the wounds from the battle weren't light either. He's been bleeding profusely and suffered several broken bones. He's been taken back to the mansion to recover."
Tezuka's mind went blank as he heard the news. His body chilled from fear of Fuji's life. Would it happen again? Would he lose another person that he loved? He had been unable to safe his family then, would it be the same with Fuji now? He couldn't let it happen again. He didn't want to be left alone again. Tezuka swallowed to relieve himself from the tears clogging his throat, constricting his heart.
"I'm going." He said to himself, then to Oishi. "I'm going there now." He said, eyes shining in determination.
Tezuka rushed to the door. In his haste he didn't even think of how he'd cross the lake. All he could think about was Fuji. He didn't want to lose anyone else in his life. He didn't want to feel the pain of mourning for his loved ones again. He couldn't let that happen to him again. He didn't want Fuji to die. He didn't want to love in a world without Fuji. He wouldn't be able to live through that.
But Oishi grabbed his arm tightly to stop him. "You can't go!"He begged.
Tezuka glared at his friend. "How could I stay here knowing what has happened to him?" He growled, pain evident in his eyes and voice.
"I know it's difficult for you, but you shouldn't go. It won't be just us. There would be a lot of people visiting to wish him a speedy recovery, including his sister." The mention of Yumiko got Tezuka's attention, the memory of what happened the last time he met the woman returned. He let Oishi pull him away from the doorway. "She might still hold ill intent toward you and this time Master wouldn't be able to protect you. You are still the most important person in Master's life now! He wouldn't want to put your life in danger! Think of it! Don't hurt him anymore than he's already hurt now!"
Tezuka sat down on a chair heavily and lowered his face to hide the tears in his eyes. It felt selfish to stay here to stay safe when Fuji was probably dying in the mansion. But Oishi was right; Fuji wouldn't want him to come now. He had asked Tezuka to take care of himself. That's why he sent Tezuka here in the first place. That's why he wouldn't let Tezuka go to the war. But wasn't this taking things too far? Why couldn't he see Fuji now when he was injured? When would he be allowed to see Fuji? Would he ever see Fuji again? Was he a burden to Fuji? Should he remove himself from Fuji's life entirely? Could he live a life away from his love? The only thing that could put an end to their love was death, the one thing he wanted to cheat right now.
Oishi put his hand on Tezuka's shoulder comfortingly. "I'm sorry, Tezuka. I really am. But this is the best we could do for him."
"You're going to see him?" Tezuka managed to ask, still hiding his face in his hands.
"Yes. I'll be leaving for a few days to see how Master is doing. A boat will arrive to pick me up again soon."
Mentally bracing himself against the pain battering his soul, Tezuka stood up and went to a cabinet where he had stored all the medications he had made. He selected a few of them, the best medications for closing injuries, preventing infections, and strengthening body's natural immune system. He put them in a large box and gave it to Oishi.
"Take these with you. I hope these could help." He said as Oishi took the box with a sad smile on his face. "Tell him…" He stopped. There were so many things he wanted to say. There were so many feelings he couldn't relay through words alone. The need to be near Fuji nearly suffocated him, but he must stay. Even if this seemed selfish and heartless, he must stay. "Tell him… I hope for a perfect recovery for him."
Tezuka didn't watch Oishi leave. He couldn't. He only stayed in his room, staring at the ceiling until his sight blurred with tears that wouldn't be stopped.
TBC
A/N: This part is difficult not only because it depicts a war -something I have never written about before- but also because it focuses on someone not joining the war itself. I honestly have difficulty showing the horror of the war when Tezuka doesn't even know what's going on. He only relies on people's report and what little he perceives from the island but doesn't actually know what's going on. This chapter is also the reason why I said this fic would probably be better as a novel-length story. I wish I could show what's really going on all over Fuji's territory and the drama and action at the frontline. However, I don't want to break from the character who is the focus of the story, Tezuka. I deeply apologize if this isn't up to your expectation. I hope the next (and last!) chapter will be able to make up for some of my mistakes here.