What. The. Fuck? Did he really just break into my house? I looked at him like he was crazy, he just stared at me waiting. For what? I don't fucking know. He should be the one explaining himself right now, not me.
"Why didn't you let me in?" he finally asked after a very awkward silence.
"because I didn't want to" I replied like it was obvious. No reason to lie to him.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay." he stated as if that was a substantial reason for his crime. I had to laugh because this day was just all kinds of fucked up and if I didn't laugh I might die.
"I'm fine" I stated flatly because I didn't want to talk about this with him. I didn't want him to be here. I didn't want this to be happening at all. Maybe I should just quit school and be homeless. Yeah that seems like a much better situation than having to deal with all this shit.
I focused back on the fact that Cullen was sitting not two feet away from me talking about something I had no fucking clue about.
"and I don't know what happened but the next thing I know you lunged" he was babbling. It was annoying me.
"Cullen" I interrupted because it was either that or slap him. He stopped. "really I'm fine. Thanks for caring?" the last part sounded like a question because I wasn't sure what the fuck was appropriate to say at the moment.
"how's your hands?" he asked glancing down at my knuckles. I flexed them and winced. They were a little sore. Nothing too bad. Definitely worth it.
"there fine" I diverted my eyes to the TV because I knew he was going to try to talk about this.
"so are you going to pretend you didn't go beast mode on Tanya and walk away or…?" he tried guessing my logic, which was impossible.
"I was mad"
"yeah I got that."
"I don't really know what happened Cullen. One minute I was under control and the next minute I snapped." I tried explaining. I didn't really expect him to get it. I mean it's not like I could tell him the real reason why I hit her. Besides that she is the most disgusting excuse for a human being I've ever met. But I'm not bitter.
We just kind of sat there. Leaving plenty of things unsaid. Yes, it was awkward. He looked like he wanted to say more about today but thought otherwise.
He looked pretty uncomfortable. I felt a little bad because he did come all the way over here to make sure I was okay. Even though it was completely unnecessary it still was pretty fucking nice.
"want to watch The Three Stooges?" I asked because there really wasn't much else to say.
"umm… yeah sure." He sat back and got comfortable while I stretched my legs out over him and relaxed back into the couch.
It was just about seven when Edward went home and I headed up to the roof to watch the sunset. I got a pretty good sleep earlier so I knew I wasn't going to sleep much tonight. That was okay with me.
When I was done on the roof I went into the kitchen to find myself something to eat. I was absolutely starving. I went into the snack cabinet and got myself a Rice Crispy treat while I found a real meal to eat. I looked through the cupboards in search of something I could cook myself and decided on ordering some pizza.
I cleaned up the house while I waited for pizza and when it came I went back into the living room and played sodoku while I ate.
Today was actually rather boring at home. I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook and my list from my bedside table and started working on this weeks issue of the comic book I draw the pictures for. I have to make money some how and since I'm pretty good at drawing and this job lets me work from home I can't complain.
I was lost in my drawing and didn't realize it was going on four in the morning until I went to get a glass of water and seen the goddamn number glowing on the microwave. Fuck. School in about three hours. Today will be interesting.
I looked at my list and chuckled to myself as I crossed off throat punching Tanya. That shit made my day.
I napped for about an hour before I woke up in a cold sweat from another nightmare. This one wasn't nearly as bad as they had been before so I wasn't to worried about it.
To say I didn't want to go to school today was the understatement of the century. I didn't want to have to go see Tanya's stupid face. I didn't want to have to reject Mike again. I didn't want to have to sew Stanley's lips shut but she's kind of leaving me with no other choice. And I definitely didn't want to go have a nice chat with the principle which is most likely going to happen. Today's going to be pretty rad. Note the heavy sarcasm.
I got into the shower and got dressed in my ripped up skinny jeans and a gray and blue flannel button up shirt with my gray vans. I decided that since I had so much time to get ready I would actually look appropriate for school and put some eyeliner and mascara on. What? I said look appropriate not go all out. Give me a break. I let my hair dry in its natural waves and ate some cereal. I grabbed my ipod and locked the doors on the way out.
I had a lot of thinking to do today which I wasn't fucking looking forward to. I pulled into the lot a few minutes later and took a pretty mandatory deep breathe to remain calm. This place just got me into a fucking frenzy of emotions that I choose not to deal with. I miss being numb. I guess that's what I get for letting emotions play a part in my life again.
I rubbed my face and gave myself another pep talk before getting out of the car and going into hell. I went into my first class when the bell rang and was scribbling random stuff down in my note book when I hear.. "Isabella Swan please report to the principle's office" I snorted at the whole cliché-ness of it all. And then wondered if that was even a word. I half expected the whole class to pitch in at the end and go "oooohhhh" but for once every lame person at this school didn't have anything to say.
After I gathered up my things and left I had to sit in the worlds most uncomfortable fucking chairs just to wait and talk to this guy. Didn't he just fucking call me down? Why do I need to wait.
I was fifteen minutes into thinking that he was just doing this waiting game to piss me off when he opened the door and called me in.
"please take a seat Isabella" ugh that name turned my stomach. I don't know what my mother was on when she named me that. Or after that for that matter. I was already done hearing his voice.
"lets make this quick. I have a class to be in." I stated crossing my arms and looking at him. He seemed surprised by my words but gained his composure back. He narrowed his eyes at me.
I narrowed my eyes back at him, and threw an eyebrow arch in for good measure.
The way I see it, is if you let people think they run you, well they will. But if you let them know right away that you don't deal with bullshit they don't give you any. Plain and fucking simple. Right?
Well with this guy not so much.
He was a talker. And by talker I mean talk my fucking ear off for about a half an hour about a bunch of shit I couldn't care less about and when he was done I was told that I have to apologize to Tanya to which I politely declined by saying "the day I apologize to her is the day they put me six feet under" then there was voice raising… Lots of voice raising.
But I had to be loud to get my point across.
When we were finished we came to a conclusion that I cant hit anyone else, I have detention for two weeks and I have to talk to a counselor. The last parts mandatory if I didn't want to get taken to court by Tanya. I guess the principle decided that after talking to me I had anger management issues and I could use that to my advantage. Win.
By the time I was out of there I was late for my second class and I had to apologize to Mr. Gregg. This is the most apologizing I have ever done in my whole life. It sucks. A lot.
I took my seat besides Jasper and he smiled up at me silently telling me hello. I smiled back at him and took my notebook out to start taking notes on what Mr. Gregg was saying.
After what felt like for-fucking-ever the bell finally rang and I just about crawled to Spanish trying to not sit next to Stanley again. I'm sure I have succeeded on getting on her bad side since I hit her friend.
I amazingly got to class before Stanley which was ridiculous because I tried being late. So I took my next option and sat in between two seats where she couldn't get anywhere near me.
I smiled to myself since I successfully averted "the mouth" as I pulled my books out and waited impatiently for 2:30 to come so I could leave.
That class was over soon enough and it was time for my favorite class of the day. Lunch. I got in the line first and thought about whether or not I should purchase my lunch the right way today. I decided not to. I have all year to learn. I'm too hungry for that shit today.
I carried my tray over to the table where I sat down and immediately started eating when I realized how fucking quiet the place was. I looked up after I finished swallowing my bite of pizza and groaned loudly when I seen every face in the place staring. Hardcore staring. I'm pretty sure my face almost melted off with the way they were all grilling me.
I almost laughed out loud at the sheer corniness of that joke but I couldn't risk anymore embarrassment. Then I thought about it. Like really thought about it and came to the conclusion that I Isabella (gag) Swan did not give a fuck. I really didn't know why I was obsessing over what these pointless people thought of me. I never did before. So why the fuck start now?
I lifted my chin up a little higher. Sat a little straighter and puffed my chest out a little prouder and I ate my pizza and ignored every fucker in that place because they honestly didn't matter.
"Hey does anybody know a place I can buy a kitten?" I finished my pizza looked up at the faces around my table who were staring at me with a mixture of awe and adoration like I just fucking found the cure for cancer. I ignored the stares.
"yeah there's a local shelter down in Port Angeles that has tons to choose from" Alice was the one who answered. " I could go down there with you if you'd like. I'm not doing anything today" she offered.
"that'd be great" I answered truthfully I really wanted this kitten. Its going to be so boss. I'll think of names later.
I finished eating and continued to ignore all the looks and eventually forgot all about them. The next few periods past by quickly and Tanya wasn't even in school today which was a major plus.
Alice met me in the parking lot and after we dropped her car off at her monster house we were on our way to the animal shelter. The building wasn't terribly big but it wasn't little either. I hoped it wasn't to hard to pick one because all kittens are amazing. But I'm looking for a specific one.
There was some boy at the front desk who looked to be about our age. He wasn't bad looking either he just looked like he was on some type of steroids. He turned to talk to us and I got a full look at him and he was pretty fucking hot. He had to be at least six feet easily nice tan skin dark short hair and deep brown eyes. Wowza! I was not expecting that. I took a look at his beefed up arms and noticed he was tatted up, which was extra sexy if you ask me. Full sleeves and most likely more because they are addicting. I should know I have four and still want more.
I finally stopped eye fucking him enough to notice that he was doing the same to me. Alice coughing brought him out of whatever daze he was in.
"Hey, welcome to Port Angeles Animal Shelter was there anything you were looking for in particular today?" he questioned and you could tell he probably had to say that a whole lot.
I'm not going to tell the truth and say I was speechless because well fuck! that's just not me. So I very fucking casually answered him.
"I wanted to buy a kitten. Got any?" I acted nonchalant about the situation but this boy was doing things to me. And I'm not sure if I'm imagining things but Alice looks.. Worried.
Nahhhh that makes no sense.
"Sure thing." he smiled a perfect fucking smile. Pretty sure I smiled back like a goober but it's whatever. I will say that I checked his butt out as he led me and Alice through the doors leading to where they kept the kittens.
As soon as I stepped foot through the doors I was attacked by the on slaughter of cuteness. Now I am far from a girlie girl. Seriously. Cute things don't make me melt and I don't fucking squeal and jump up and down and never I repeat never do I ever. Stomp. My. Foot. That shits not even a little bit cool.
But come on ! kittens were my soft spot. Especially multiple kittens. Alice was in heaven too. We looked all around some cats weren't even in cages. I kind of wanted to let all of them out because I felt bad but the tatted beauty was standing there with us so I didn't want him to see me. Plus he would most likely have to be the ones to catch all of them and put them back. So I refrained. For now.
I was walking down the rows when I seen it. A little gray puff ball attacking a rolly toy. Then he got distracted by its tail and started flipping around trying to bite its own tail. I got a huge smile on my face. I went up to the cage to get a closer look. I could tell it was a him by the blue mat under him so he didn't fall through the cracks in the cage. Girls had pink. Typical.
He looked up at me and I fell in love. No joke. He was little with a little pink nose and little grayish blue eyes and like charcoal grayish fur with white . I knew right away I had to have him. I told the tatted beauty I found one and him and Alice came to look a which one I wanted.
"awe Bella he's so cute!" Alice was the first to speak.
I got to hold him while I paid for him. Kittens were more expensive than the older cats but I didn't care.
Tatted beauty who's named I learned was Jacob -Amazing what you can learn when you pay attention to name tags- gave me all the information and the kitten already had all its shots and stuff I would just need to stop at a store on the way home and buy other supplies. We were about to walk out the door when Jacob spoke again.
"so Bella is it?" he asked I looked at Alice and she walked out saying she'd meet me at the car. I walked back over to the desk and answered him.
"yes"
"is that short for something?" he smiled. Melt.
"yes" I laughed like I was going to tell him my full name. bleh.
"well Bella do you have a number?" he got nervous like he wasn't sure I would give it to him. I don't usually do this but things were going good so far and I thought why not?
I gave him my number and told him I had to go. I didn't want to keep Alice waiting. I got in the car and she asked what happened.
"he asked me for my number" I said with a smile sitting my new kitten in my lap before driving to the pet supply store.
"you think you'll go out with him?" she asked warily like it would be a bad thing.
"nope" I answered truthfully popping my mouth on the p.
"really? Why?" she asked skeptically. Why she wanted to know I'm not sure, maybe girls always talk like this. You know like about there feelings and shit.
"because that would be pretty foolish." she looked at me like I had three heads. "look Alice I know you and jasper are together and going great but that's not in the cards for me. I gave up on it because it doesn't exist. To me at least." I was trying to say this in the nicest way possible because she was in love. Well believed she was in love. I really hoped things go well for her and jasper to, there really great together. But that's like a one in a million thing.
"what doesn't exist for you Bella ? Love?" ugh there's that word again.
"yeah I don't exactly believe in it. I know its possible. For some people. But I don't think people know how to love anymore. they've soiled the meaning. Love doesn't exist anymore." I wanted to just say fuck love but she might take that a wee bit offensive considering she was in love and all.
"what happens if you ever fall in love one day? Then will you believe?" she asked like it was fucking possible or something.
And since I'm being nice I didn't say what I was thinking. Which was ' what happens if you see Santa one day? Then will you believe?' she was talking about love like it was real. Like as real as herpes and government population control.
"that wont happen" I answered 100% positive.
"how do you know?" I was getting a little tired of answering questions.
"because no one will ever get close enough to me for me to fall in love. I wont allow it." that shut her up quick.
We made good progress at the store today I bought a cat bed and if it was possible I would most definitely shrink down to size and sleep in that fucker myself it was that comfortable. I got a litter box and a black cat collar that had a specialized name tag plate thing where I could engrave his name on. As soon as I figured out what it was I'd get that done. I also got a bunch of toys, cat food, and some cat nip because its necessary. Me and Alice passed the pet clothes and had so much fun making fun of people who put jackets on there animals like they'll get cold or some shit. They have fucking fur people. Really. Then a lady came in the isle with a dog wearing a sweater and we left that part of the store pretty quickly because its rude to laugh in people faces.
We were on our way back to the monster house when Alice asked if I wanted to hang out for a bit. I checked the time and it was only five so I'd stay for a while.
Everybody was in the living room or hangout room I guess you could call it since there was already a living room but they had a separate one that they actually used. Yeah I didn't get it either. Emmett held the kitten and it was fucking hilarious because it fit in the palm of his dinosaur hand.
I'm pretty sure the cat had A.D.D or some shit because it was off the wall. It was perfect. I knew this was the beginning of a wonderful friendship.
Edward loved him. Like loved. He couldn't stop laughing at the things the cat did. Me and him sat on the couch while everyone went and got something to eat because I wasn't hungry and didn't want to stop playing with the cat.
"have you picked out a name yet?" he asked scratching him behind the ears. You could tell he was getting tired because he was snuggling up to us. The cat. Was snuggling up to us.
"no I was waiting to see what I thought he was" I told him laughing when he yawned and curled up into an even smaller ball.
"he's pretty energetic" he rubbed his back softly as the kitten started falling asleep. I brilliant idea came to mind.
"Mosh Pit Warrior!" I whisper shouted trying not to wake him.
"what" Edward chuckled clearly shocked.
"moshes for short. Yep that's the perfect name." I was decided. "what do you think?" I ask turning to Edward and realized just how close he was. The green of his eyes got even greener close up. Like intense green. I was staring. I knew this. But I couldn't stop. He didn't look like he minded. Not one bit. He was looking right back at me. Not like checking me out or looking at my boobs. He was looking at me. In my eyes. I wanted to look away. I wanted to so fucking badly. But something about his stare wasn't letting me. It was like a spell or voodoo or some other unexplainable thing.
The fact that we were leaning in closer to each other wasn't lost on me either. Or that Cullen's lips were starting to fucking pucker. The door to the "hangout room" as Emmett dubbed it earlier crashed open because Emmett can do anything quietly- literally nothing at all- and I shot up like someone lit my ass on fire. I looked down at Cullen and tried to read his face but he seemed just as shocked and confused as me. I mentally thanked Emmett for being such a loud ass and decided it was time for me to leave. I said goodbye to everyone and hauled ass out of there.
On my way home I put moshes in the passenger seat because he was still asleep. But he kept waking up and snuggling into my lap. Most likely for warmth but I'm going to tell myself its because were best friends. Score. First best friend. Ever. That I'll actually keep.
I put on some soft music in the background to not wake up moshes and enjoyed the nice ride home. After I got home and watched the sunset I cooked dinner and then sat at the island in the kitchen and ate with my kitten on the counter next to me eating. Don't judge me. Were too cool for simple humane boundaries. After we ate I took a shower and got a surprise visit when moshes jumped in and then freaked out after getting wet. Then I did whatever homework I had for the week and then I schooled moshes in all things music. He's a boss cat and has to live up to his name. He moshes like its his job title. Just saying.
I never really knew how much kittens sleep before today. It was about a quarter past three when I was tired enough to fall asleep so I picked moshes up and carried him upstairs instead of waiting for him to do it himself. He's to little and it would've taken forever. Brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. He curled right up next to me and I had a feeling that the kickass bed I bought him was going to go to waste.
Before I forgot I pulled my list out and crossed off two things.
get a kitten
Get a kickass name for said kitten.
check and check. Today was mighty successful were my last thoughts before I fell asleep snuggling with my kitten.