'Oy, Hiromi!'

Hiromi shifted in bed, her eyes still closed

'Hiromi, this is your phone! I'm ringing!'

'Go back to sleep...' muttered Hiromi

'Hiromi, quick, there's not much time!' A hand emerged from under the covers and crept across the floor until it reached the glowing phone and hit the answer button.

'Hello?'

'Hi, it's Mari. Can you call your team and get them to come down?'

'What...' Hiromi stifled a yawn. 'What time is it?'

'Quarter past five. Can you call them quickly? We need to be down there at six.'

'Why are you calling me at quarter past five?'

'Hamada just called me. Says the match is starting at eight and got very offended when I told her she'd said two. Don't bother with breakfast, she says Saunders always lay on a good one. Be down at six.' The line went dead and Hiromi yawned again before sitting up and scrolling sleepily through her contacts.

'Whassgoinon?'

'Morning Natsumi. Time to get up. We have to be at the garages by six.'

'What? Why? What did I ever do to deserve this?'

Five minutes to six, and Hiromi was standing in the middle of a group of girls swaying from tiredness, at least two of whom had put some clothing on backwards. Lieutenant Hamada looked irritatingly perky and well-turned out, and was sipping from a thermos between puffs. Waking up the Stridsvagn crew had not been easy; Natsumi needed everything explained twice, Ayaka slept through her ringtone at first and Aimi had sworn at Hiromi for a full minute before she could get a word in edgeways to explain why she was calling. Half-asleep, Yoko pushed a trolley holding three large boxes of Madalberta-Green overalls

'You lot need a proper uniform.' said Hamada. 'Your school uniforms have far too many bits that could get caught, so you'll all be getting measured up on Tuesday. In the meantime, pick one that looks like it fits.'

After some consideration, Hiromi eventually picked a medium and discovered, on putting it on, that the girls of the Maintenance Department who the overalls had been designed for were rather broader in the shoulder than she. With the sheer amount of baggy material, it did not seem like a great improvement on the school uniform. Ayaka was too tall for any of the overalls and white flesh poked out at the wrists and ankles, while Aimi and Natsumi used a roll of tape that someone had left in the garage to take theirs in a little. If Hamada's aim had been to make them look more like a proper fighting force, she had failed utterly.

'We're docking in ten! Get into your tanks and drive down to the front ramp!' The group wandered over to their tanks and started up the engines. As they drove through the streets, Hiromi saw an occasional face peering out of the window at them, and the odd early-morning jogger was forced to duck out of the way as their massive vehicles negotiated along the narrow roads. When they reached the front ramp, a queue had already built up and the driver at the rear looked nervously at them as they lined up behind him.

The site for the battle was a small and passably pretty island which catered mostly to tourists. As they docked, Hiromi saw a group of pale-faced Westerners snapping pictures of their schoolship; was it such an unusual sight for them? Of course, it could just be the unbreakable tourist habit of taking pictures of everything... The enormous Saunders schoolship already seemed to have docked, and sure enough they had set up their convoy of support vehicles. At the base of the ramp was what looked like a welcoming party in the green jackets and blue shorts of Saunders' Senshado team.

'Hey there! St Madalberta's, right?' The leader of the delegation was... big, blonde and bouncy. 'Y'all had breakfast yet?'

'Afraid not.' replied Mari, who was once again riding outside her tank.

'Well we're gonna have to do something about that then! Follow us, we'll show you the way.' The Saunders girls climbed into a jeep and set off. Their leader hung out the back, keeping up a shouted conversation with Mari.

At the Saunders camp, Hiromi grabbed a plate and at once the smiling girl behind the counter slapped a number of waffles on it that Hiromi had heretofore thought of as unreasonably large. She then slathered it with enough maple syrup to drown a relatively small ostrich and handed it back with a cheerful 'Y'all enjoy your meal now!' Hiromi left with the impression that the word 'y'all' worked a lot less well in Japanese than it did in English. She found the rest of her crew sitting on a group of fallen trees and staring despondently at plate piled high with pancakes.

'There's just... so much. How are we meant to eat all of that?'

'I don't know.' said Hiromi, sitting down and taking a large bite of waffle. It tasted like sugar and indigestion. 'They won't be too offended if we leave a bit, right?'

'So, this y'all's first match?' The Saunders captain and Mari walked by them, and Hiromi felt sure that there was something fundamentally wrong with that sentence. 'My first time as captain. Kay left last year, great girl she was, I'm a bit nervous to tell y'all the truth. Hope y'all'll go easy on us!'

'And the same to you, I suppose.' mumbled Mari around a mouthful of pancake. 'So how many of the team are new.'

'Oh, not so many, we've had a good influx but there's still a fair few girls who were freshmen last year...'

A whistling from speakers, set high atop telegraph poles. 'Would everyone please make their way to the the central field, the match between Saunders High and St Madalberta's will commence in fifteen minutes.'

'That's our cue!' said Ayaka and, picking up the half-finished plate of pancakes, walked over to the food booth 'Thank you so much for this, it was really lovely.'

'You're most welcome!' replied the serving girl. 'Guess y'all weren't so hungry today then?'

Ayaka chuckled politely. 'Guess not.' the group wandered over to the central field, where a large, tracked screen advertised that there was ten minutes to go before the match started. The stands had a few dozen people in them, mostly tourists from the look of things. A pale-faced man, middle-aged man waved at the Saunders captain who waved back enthusiastically.

'Win it for your old man, honey!'

'Captains and vice-captains, step forward!' The Saunders captain's head snapped round, and she skipped over, followed by a freckled, murderous-looking girl with short, brown pigtails. 'Shake hands!' The two captains extended hands and shook. The Saunders girl winked as the judge said 'Now everyone, bow!'

'Let's have a great match!' came the chorus.

'Wonderful! Remember, whichever team takes out the enemy flag tank will be the winner. Everyone, to your tanks, you have...' the woman looked at the big screen 'Eight minutes.'

'And remember,' said the American girl, talking to her vice-captain as they walked away, 'No listening in on the radio this time!'

'Everyone got shells?' A chorus of yesses came over the radio. 'Anyone still hungry?' Mari's question was answered with pained groans. 'Everyone had enough coffee?'

'No, but if I have more my hands will be shaking so much I could audition as a backing dancer for a jazz group. Any more questions, or can we go blow some people up?' The StuG commander sounded vaguely irritated.

'Does anyone want to go through the plan again?' An overwhelming majority voted NO. The radio was silent for a few seconds. 'Anyone got any good jokes?'

'Three women die in a car crash.' Higa's eloquent voice sounded over the radio

'How unfortunate.' The StuG commander was still fairly snappish

'Yes indeed, and they go to heaven and the angel says 'Alright, you can come in, just whatever you do, don't step on a duck.''

'A duck?' asked Hiromi.

'So they came in.' the ram commander ignored the interruption, 'and heaven is covered in a sea of ducks, quacking and fluttering around as far as the eye can see. Well, they're very careful but after a few days one of the women steps on a duck! And at once, the angel appears with a great chain and the ugliest man you've ever seen, hairy, beer belly, the lot and he says 'Now I am going to chain you together for all eternity.''

'Seems a little harsh'

'Those are the rules in heaven. You demonstrate your agreement by dying. So the other two are horrified, and they're really careful, but then a few weeks later the second woman steps on a duck! And the angel comes again with another great chain and an even uglier man, drooling, only one tooth and he says 'Now I am going to chain you together for all eternity.' So the last woman is utterly mortified and constantly watches her feet, and a month later the angel appears with a chain and says 'Come with me.' So she goes, and he takes her to the most gorgeous man in existence...'

'Satoshi Tsumabuki.' said the Sherman commander at once.

'If you like. And the angel says 'Now I am going to chain you together for all eternity.' And he does that and goes away, and the woman says 'Ah, what did I do to deserve this?' And the handsome man says 'Well, I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!'

Silence. 'Oh. I get it. Ha.'

'St Madalberta's, are you ready?'

'Yes!' said Mari

'Then the match will begin in three... two... one...' a rocket flew into the air and exploded into a cloud of red sparks. 'BEGIN!'

'Let's move out!' The six tank engines started up and the Madalberta team moved off, the flag nodding above the little TKS which sped off down a jungle path. 'Remember, keep in contact, and if anything goes for you get out of there, you can't fight it!'

Although the island did have a certain number of clearings; the largest around the port where they had come in, the vast majority was jungle, green, fetid and line-of-sight reducing. The Saunders team was nowhere to be seen. Their Sherman led the group, its turret turning from side to side in an attempt to see everything. The Stridsvagn brought up the rear, Hiromi peering nervously from the hatch. The enemy could be a hundred metres away and they wouldn't know.

'I see a gap. Crushed foliage.' the voice of the Sherman's commander. 'Could that be them?'

'Could be' said Mari. 'Everyone halt. Team five, check the hole. Team six, cover them. Team three, take rear arc.'

'Turn us around, Natsumi.' said Hiromi. The path was narrow, and Natsumi began executing a complex, multi-point turn. 'Watch out, you're about to hit that tree!' Natsumi halted and drove forward again, when suddenly there was a massive BANG behind them.

'Contact right!' The Somua blasted a round through the trees back at the Sherman which had just fired.

'Natsumi! Turn left! We're facing directly away from them!' Natsumi crunched gears as Hiromi stood up in the turret to see... another Sherman coming up the path behind them. 'Contact rear! Aimi, shoot them!'

'Got it!' BOOM! The shell smacked into a tree off to the side of the path. The Sherman's reply went high, showering Hiromi with leaves.

'Right, team four, try and flank the one on the right! Team five, move to support team three. Team six... try not to get flagged.'

Another round scythed through the trees on the right and scraped the Somua's top armour. 'We can't get through! The foliage is too thick!' Team five seemed to have got stuck.

BOOM! The Stridsvagn's round smashed against the Sherman's turret side. The Sherman slammed into reverse, firing another overly-high round. 'They're retreating to the rear!'

'Don't pursue! It's what they want!' Ayaka slammed another round home and Aimi fired a parting shot, which scored the ground in front of the Sherman. A second later, it rounded a corner and was gone.

'Retreating to the right as well!' shouted the Jumbo's commander.

'Alright, they know we haven't got the flag tank with us now! Get back into line everyone.'

'That could be tricky.' said Higa. A hatch popped open on the Somua, and Hiromi could make out Mari's blonde head peering from it.

'Oh my. You really are stuck. This could be a problem...'

'Alright, lines in place?'

'Yep!' replied Hiromi and the Jumbo commander. She patted the turret in front of her. 'This brings back memories a bit, eh? Back when you were working on that farm. Did you enjoy being a tractor?' I'm talking to an inanimate object. I really need some sleep.

'OK, start pulling in three, two, one, go!'

'Forward!' Natsumi gunned the engine and the Sherman beside them did the same. The vegetation groaned and complained, branches snapping until finally it released the ram from its clutches.

'Great! Right, we've wasted fifteen minutes now. Get going. Same order as before.'

'Excuse me.' The Sherman edged slowly past them on the narrow path to resume its frontal position.

'According to this map, there's a clearing a couple of hundred metres down this track. Teams four and five, you go across first, there's another path opens up about a hundred metre north-west, you'll see it. Cover us when we go, etcetera, we've gone through this enough times.'

The two tanks set off, turrets tracking nervously. Apart from their engines, everything was quiet, save for the birdsong and the ever-present cicada trilling. Suddenly, all the radios crackled to life at once.

'THEY'RE HERE! ALL SIX OF THEM! SAVE US!' Rin's voice was punctuated by the sound of booming guns and even the rattle of machine-gun fire.

'Where are you?'

'GRID REFERENCE...' Rin paused and there was the sound of a bullet ricocheting from the hull, '436078! HURRY!'

'Change of plan! Teams four and five, turn south. And hurry up, even machine guns could knock them out!'

'Always changing your mind...' the two tanks spun right and drove off. The Somua drove off after them.

'She said all six were attacking. We aren't going to get ambushed, come on!'

The StuG ahead of them surged off, and after a moment's hesitation Natsumi followed.

'NOW WE'RE AT 435083! COME ON!

'They're close!'

'They're here!' The Jumbo blasted a shell at the rear end of a Saunders Sherman, its turret turning too slow to respond as its flag popped. From behind it, the TKS sprung like a priest from a strip club who'd just seen the archbishop pass.

'THEY'RE AFTER US!' Rin swerved crazily to get around the line of Madalberta tanks. A shell whickered through the trees above them and another bounced off the Jumbo's front.

'Team five, hold them here until we tell you to retreat! Everyone else... retreat! Have I already said that?' With a parting volley, the Madalberta tanks reversed down the path as the Jumbo angled itself to block the way.

'One coming round to the left!' The whole group's cannons spoke as one, and the Sherman's track sprang off like a wounded snake. 'It's immobilised but not knocked out!' said Higa, squinting through the trees.

'Leave it! Just keep retreating!'

The sounds of battle drew further and further away. Ayaka tapped Hiromi's leg. 'Do you see any from Saunders?'

Hiromi popped the hatch and looked around. 'Don't think so...'

'Good. I'm going to dump these cases.' Ayaka opened a side hatch and began to throw the soot-stained shell cases out. The line left the trees and drove through the clearing to yet another of the labyrinth of forest paths before Mari was finally happy.

'Alright, everyone stop. Team five, retreat back to our position. Turn right as you leave the trees, then hug the treeline till you reach the second path. Turn down that, we're waiting at 421092.'

'Got it!' came the reply from the Jumbo

'Team two, come in, how are you doing, where are you now?'

'416135! HAVE YOU TAKEN THEM OUT YET?'

'What?'

'Weren't you going to take out their whole team?'

'No... no, that would have been quite difficult. We were just going to rescue you. Are you... still running away?'

'Of course!'

'Could you... stop. Please?'

'Ummm... you know a second ago when we said that we were coming back to link up with you?' the Jumbo's commander sounded rather shaken.

'Yes?'

'That situation has changed somewhat.'

'What do you mean?'

'They got us. Firefly I think it was, had a gun the size of a house. Also, they fixed their track.'

Mari took a deep breath. 'TEAM TWO, GET BACK TO 421092 RIGHT NOW!'

'We're coming, we're coming...'

Suddenly, the nose of a Sherman appeared around the corner. 'CONTACT REAR!' Aimi blasted a shot at it, too far to the right... Ayaka grabbed another shell and shoved it into the breach as a Firefly appeared behind the first Sherman, its long gun aimed at them like an accusing finger... I really regret accepting the rear position thought Hiromi as the shells slammed into their armour. A second's wait, and the flag popped. 'They got us. Sorry.'

'Not your fault. Everyone else, advance, quick! We can't fight them like this!' The line roared off, leaving the Stridsvagn alone as the Shermans drove past.

'Hey, y'all did pretty good!' called one of the commanders as she passed.

'Thanks!' shouted Hiromi. 'But the match isn't over yet!'

'True!' came the distant shout of the Saunders girl.

'Where'd THAT Sherman come from?' The Stridsvagn crew had been sitting atop their tank and getting bothered by mosquitoes for fifteen minutes when yet another Sherman in Saunders' colours appeared from the clearing. This one, however, was gunless and had a large crane attached to the back, two girls hanging onto it engrossed in a flickering screen which had been crudely bolted to the front.

'Sorry to keep y'all waiting! This forest's confusing, know what I mean?' The commander was a cheerful brunette with an oil-stained jacket. 'Could y'all hook this up for us?' The girl climbed out of her hatch and, together with another who crawled from the turret began to lower the crane, releasing a large hook as the M32 Recovery Vehicle slowly turned around.

Hiromi climbed out and attached the hook. The two girls on the other end strained at the winch until eventually the Stridsvagn tilted upwards. 'Looks good!' The commander rapped on the driver's hatch and the Sherman conversion started off, dragging the stricken Stridsvagn behind it. 'Come have a look at this. We'll fill y'all in on the bits you missed.' The screen was currently showing a large hex map, with blue and red shapes moving around on it. 'There's a commentator down by the big screen, but we'll try to explain what's happening. So basically, when y'all got knocked out we chased you for a bit but then lost you when y'all split up. We lost another 75mm Sherman, and y'all got your Ram taken out. Your flag tank is still wandering around lost. In fairness, so is ours...' The girls watched in silence for a few seconds as the camera showed a Sherman Firefly lumbering through the undergrowth. The commander looked lost on her own, and was chattering nervously on the radio.

BOOM! The girls jumped in shock as the StuG III fired into the Firefly's flank. The little white flag popped and the StuG shouldered the immobilised tank out of the way as it left its undergrowth hideout.

'So, three tanks each now!'

'Yup.' said the Saunders girl, who was chewing her lip a little. The remainder of the Saunders tanks had formed a line to go down a narrow path, the flag tank in the centre and the commanders hanging from their hatches. 'Could go either way, I guess.'

The camera cut again, this time to one with 'StuG III' written in the top right corner. 'I didn't know the tanks had cameras on them.'

'Oh yeah. Usually on the turret. Makes for nice, visceral... oh God, is that what I think it...' A flag was nodding proudly in the undergrowth ahead of the StuG. The Saunders girl let out a hiss like an angry kettle as a shell from the StuG teased the white flag up. 'Guess that means you...'

A white shield, with the star-and-lightning bolt of Saunders appeared on the screen, emblazoned with the legend 'Saunders Girls High School is victorious!'

'What?' said Ayaka.

The camera cut to a shot of the white-flagged TKS. Its crew, so far as could be told from the silent footage, were extremely unhappy about something. In the background, the StuG's smoking gun could be seen through the undergrowth.

'How could you not realise it was us?' Rin was incensed.

'Sorry, we just saw the flag and...'

'I mean, we're so much lower than a Sherman! How could you have got us mixed up?'

'Sorry, it's just that...'

'Hey, that was FUN!' The Saunders captain bounced over, a toothy grin plastered across her face. 'Try to aim better next time, huh!' The girl playfully punched the StuG captain in the shoulder. The barbershop girl's eyes were downcast, tears seeping from the corners, 'Hey, honey, it's OK! You did good apart from that!'

'Alright, I see I need to step in here.' Mari walked up to Rin and tapped her on the shoulder. 'Rin, do you promise not to run off again?'

Rin adopted an aggrieved expression. 'I don't know what you're...'

'Good! Aika, do you promise not to shoot our flag tank again?'

The StuG commander let out a non-committal snuffle.

'Good! Let's go have a bath, I'm FILTHY.'

Hiromi lay back in the hot water and let out a sigh like a contented lizard. The team had finally woken up, and after soaking for a while, Yoko had done her best attempt at an inspirational speech, chewing nervously on a strand of hair during pauses. Gradually, the Madalberta team stepped out of the hot water and made their way through the steam to the changing rooms. After a few more minutes soaking, the Stridsvagn crew exchanged glances and left the water.

'So what're we doing next session?' asked Ayaka as she towelled off her hair.

'Hamada said we'd get uniforms. Apart from that, I dunno.'

'Isn't the tournament coming up soon?' asked Natsumi.

'Oh yeah... will we be doing it?'

AN: Sorry this is so late. And short. I dislike having exams