Previously on Magical Girl Glitter Glynda-Chan

"You expect me to read all of THAT?"

"No, I don't! Nobody EVER DOES!"

"You will write up that incident report or there will be no cookies for a week!"

"You monster!"

"Concerning Manna Transfer-,"

"Okay, not that page!"

"Can I use her powers too?"

"We've got a job to do,"

It might not inaccurately be said that the life of a Magical girl is not all sunshine and lollipops – however ironic such a statement may seem – and it was a fact that out fashion-forward Heroine was presently learning the hard way. Specifically, by ramming repeatedly into telephone poles. Indeed, in her haste to respond to the call of her magical duties and prove that she could save the world and look fabulous doing it, our heroine rushed from her room with the aid of the red fairy's powers, thinking to arrive on the scene at the shopping district faster than ever before. Unfortunately, unaccustomed to the Red Fairy's Cookie-fueled speed powers as she was, Our Heroine did not account for the cluttered urban sprawl in which she lived, and thus, consequent of numerous accidental – and not at all humorous - impacts, tumbles, and face-plants, a trip that should have taken ten minutes had been stretched – for dramatic effect, obviously – to half an hour. Magical Girl Punctual Glynda she was not.

When she did finally arrive on the scene, trailed by the chronically facepalming White fairy and sluggishly distressed Red fairy, it was clear that their assistance would probably have been more expedient twenty minutes previously. The cake shop was a mess, the cabbage cart was a shambles – much to the cabbage man's dismay – and every cage in the pet shop had been thrown open. Perhaps the worst of the damage, however, was to the newly opened waffle house – Pancake Land. Sadly, Our Heroine had arrived too late for any breakfast confections to be spared, or indeed the owner to be rescued from being covered in pancake batter. It was truly a tragedy, yet when she arrived, ready to intervene, she found that her hands were tied…

"Whoa," Our Heroine commented upon the scene of utter pancake-based desolation, to which she now bore witness, unsure whether she should be awed or horrified, "What kind of Grimm does this?"

"Not a Grimm," The White fairy shook her head, "Worse,"

"What-," The Red fairy stopped to catch her breath; Magical Glynda had apparently borrowed the Red fairy's immeasurable stamina along with her speed, "What could be worse than a… than a Grimm?"

The White fairy just pointed, "Her,"

Before them, bouncing up and down atop the maple syrup covered stomach of the unconscious manager – who was presently sprawled on his back upon the cash register – was not a slavering beast or cosmic monstrosity, but rather, a positively adorable red-haired Pink fairy, sloppily guzzling a bottle of maple syrup. She looked harmless- rather friendly even, but Magical Glynda was on her guard… though she could not understand how a tiny little fairy with an evidently overactive sweet tooth could possibly be a greater threat than a Grim.

"Really?" Our Heroine asked with a raised eyebrow – wisely cautious, but noble in her desire not to jump to unfounded conclusions about people, "But isn't she a fairy like you?"

"Yes…" The White fairy admitted, "But that just makes it worse."

"Let me guess… more paperwork?"

"You have no idea…" The White fairy nodded, "But whatever you do, no sudden moves; if she perceives you as a threat, you're screwed, and if she gets it into her head that you'd be fun to play with well… Dust help us all…"

Our heroine wasn't quite sure how to feel about what she was seeing; on the one hand, she was plainly surrounded by a display of wonton destruction and confectionary cruelty, but the Pink fairy was just so cute! "Umm… what do you suggest then?"

"Simple," The White fairy whispered, tugging Glynda around the corner by the lapels and out of view, "You can't give her a chance to resist. You need to go in there and take her out. Deep sixed. Put her on ice. Take her down before she knows what's hit her, or all is lost…"

"Isn't that just a tiny bit of an exager-," the Red fairy started, only to be cut off by a withering glare from her supervisor.

"Do you remember the cake incident that we discussed earlier, you Dolt?"

"Yeah… but what-?"

"She was the supervising mascot."

"Oh my God…"

"Wait, so I have to fight someone powerful enough to turn the world into cake!?" One should not mistake the visible drain of color from our Heroine's face as a sign of fear. It was only cake after all.

"Yes," the fairy nodded, "Which is why I cannot stress enough why it is crucial, that you end this quickly! Use the dolt's powers to run in there-,"

"Not so fast," The White fairy flinched, eyebrow twitching angrily at the interruption, but she did not continue, "Accounting Fairy Weiss Schnee, did I hear correctly that you are scheming to attack another fairy-and fellow agent of MAMI? Why, that would make you an accessory to assault~"

"Legal…" the White fairy's voice dripped with venomous pixie animosity, "What a wonderful pleasure it is to see you here…"

Our red-clad Heroine turned to greet the two new arrivals on the scene, a mixture of curiosity and inexplicable dread toward the three inch tall newcomers prevailing within her. One wore black pants and a white blouse, under a stylish black top, and had a cute little bow in her hair – she was the one who had spoken – and the other wore a fancy foreign-style green jacket and simple trousers, but most notably –

"OHMYGOSH!IT'S A CUTEBOYFAIRY!" Our Heroine squeed, pointing and bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet, "OOH I JUST WNNA TAKE HIM HOME-!"

Our Heroine's gushing was abruptly interrupted by a pointed swat to the back of the head by an unamused White fairy who angrily whispered, "Shut up! Do you have any idea how hard these two are about to make our job?" Then, after a brief moment to straighten out her tiny little bolero jacket, the White fairy responded to the accusation from the newcomers, "Why now, Blake, We were conspiring for nothing of the sort. Now if you wouldn't mind, what, may I ask, has brought you all the way here from that insipid frat-house you call a department?"

"We are here to assess damages for the insurance department," the black-clad newcomer answered coolly, to be punctuated by a nod from her Green—clad partner, "Oh, and Weiss, just because you don't know how to have fun, doesn't mean you have to take it out on the rest of us,"

"You mangy little- Happy place…" The White fairy forced herself to calm down, "I know how to have fun! I just indulge responsibly!"

"Ugh… you accounting types are such sticks in the mud…" the Black fairy rolled her eyes, "but tell me, if you weren't scheming to viciously assault our co-worker just now, then what were you doing?"

"Oh, that's easy!" the Red fairy chimed in, "We were gonna-!" but the White fairy silenced her with a smack upside the head.

"We were… Discussing our options! That's right, we were discussing our options!" The White fairy hastily answered, "Obviously. You know, since deadly force isn't an option – not that I was considering it – and massive blunt-force trauma to the voice box is frowned upon…"

The Black fairy just smirked, and her partner raised an eyebrow, "Really? Because I could have sworn I heard the words 'Put her on ice' among certain other things,"

"The White fairy chuckled nervously, "Don't be ridiculous…"

"You've been trying to get rid of her for years," The Black fairy accused, and her partner nodded in the affirmative.

"Oh come on! You know how much harder she makes all of our jobs – not that what you're saying is true, mind you – But she is a menace!"

"So your solution is to 'take her out' using a Magical Girl as your personal hit-man?"

"Don't be absurd!" The White fairy balked, "You think I planned this? Call up the dispatcher! Right now! He sent us!"

"And why should I believe him?" the Black fairy challenged, "He's hopelessly infatuated with you! He'd do anything you said – it's actually kind of pathetic,"

The White fairy snorted, "Whatever happened to 'innocent until proven guilty?'"

"Pfft, I'm with the internal affairs section, remember? As far as I'm concerned, you're always guilty…"

"You're just jealous because I have beaten you for employee of the month for the past five hundred straight years!" the White fairy spat vociferously, "And you've been trying to get me fired ever since I denied that ridiculous 'requisition' for catnip vodka! That has got to be the pettiest reason to hold a grudge that I've ever heard of! At least I have a good reason to want somebody gone – at least if I did, I would have one!"

The Black fairy's smirk soured, "Being a kill-joy hardly makes you employee of the month materiel if you ask-,"

Suddenly the heated exchange was interrupted by the sound of an explosion coming from inside the oddly named waffle house, splattering an ungodly large volume of pancake batter out the smashed front door and all over the sidewalk. Attention thusly restored to the matter at hand, four fairies and one very confused heroine poked their heads around the corner to see the bubbly pink fairy balancing atop a pile of frozen strawberries partially submerged in an oozing glob of pancake batter. Several tables and chairs were now broken.

The White fairy heaved a sigh, "You know what, fine. I'm going to be the bigger pixie here and-,"

"Except that you're five millimeters shorter than me,"

"It's a figure of speech, DAMMIT!" The White fairy seethed in response to her rival's nit-picking, "But I'm sure even you can't argue that something needs to be done about this! So, my Magical Girl partner and I are going to fix this situation, and we can argue about it later! Unless of course you'd like to call in your Magical Girl- Oh wait," The White fairy clapped one hand over her mouth in disingenuous shock that barely covered the self-satisfied smirk on her face, "You don't HAVE ONE! So SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

The bow on top of the Black fairy's head twitched in irritation as she grumbled, "Fine…"

Meanwhile, our confused and one-hundred percent not terrified Heroine was still watching the pink fairy inside, half awed and half horrified by the way she devoured frozen strawberries the size of her head by the dozen, "Where does it go…?"

"Glynda!"

Ack! Yes Ma'am!" Our startled heroine abruptly started, turning to salute to her little floating drill instructor.

"Since deadly force is out-,"

"So you were-,"

"Not that it was ever on the table to begin with," the White fairy hastily added, "You're going to have to distract her while I summon a glyph powerful enough to-,"

"Ah-ah-ah…" The Blake fairy waved a finger reproachfully, a smug look on her face, "Article Two, Section Seven Expressly prohibits the mascot from taking direct action in a combat scenario,"

The White fairy's brow twitched angrily, "This isn't a combat scenario, it's damage control!"

"Subsection-,"

"OKAY FINE! I GET IT!" The White pixie took a moment to center herself, "Then you'll have to enact the capture too Glynda,"

"By myself?" Our Heroine gaped.

"Of course not," The White fairy dismissed, "You have me and the Dolt here…"

"But she just said-,"

"For moral support…"

"Great…"

"Look, you can use the Dolt's speed to-,"

"What was that?" the Black fairy and her very stoic partner both raised an eyebrow. That pink strand of hair on the side of his face really was rather adorable…

"I-I mean run really fast," The White fairy corrected, "And while you're at it, mix up a batch of Pancakes-,"

"Seriously?"

"We did skip breakfast this morning…." The Red fairy complained.

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response, Dolt," the White fairy rolled her eyes, "but as for you, Magical Glynda, the pancakes are for her!" She pointed at the pink fairy, who was currently juggling a half-dozen blueberries, "Pancakes are her favorite food, and food is the only reasoning she understands!"

"Well…" the Black fairy began deviously, much to her partner's chagrin, "I wouldn't say that's the only option…"

"If you have something positive to contribute, Belladonna, then spit it out! Otherwise, shut up!"

"Nah…" the Black fairy shrugged, "I'm gonna enjoy watching you screw this up too much…"

"Um… there's just one problem…" Our Heroine, who never liked to be the wet blanket, reluctantly admitted, "I don't know how to make pancakes…"

"And it's a lost cause anyway, with Nora in the same Zip Code…" the Black fairy remarked.

The White fairy facepalmed, "Then we're screwed,"

"Public displays of pessimism; that, Schnee, is a Mascot demerit," The Black fairy's smirk returned.

"I hate you… So much…"

"Ooh, put-downs, that's two! Do I hear a third?"

"If I'm not mistaken…" The White fairy was positively shaking with either glee or murderous rage – we shall assume glee, as it is the more family-friendly option – as she spoke, "Your contract expressly prohibits you from visiting an active area of operations, Miss Belladonna… And what's that? Subsection 37 of Article 8 clearly states that doing so is grounds for dismissal…"

"Wait! It does?!"

"Aren't you supposed to be from the legal department?" The White fairy sneered triumphantly, "Don't tell me that you didn't even read your own contract?"

"S-Shut up!"

"Or could it be that you were too busy reading your SMUT instead of doing your job!" The White pixie pressed.

"Ninjas of Love is not-!"

"Oh, yes! Please Jigoro-!" The White fairy recited from page 108 of the offending book which she had peeled off the drunken face of her Black-themed counterpart during the cleanup from the last office party.

"Okay, fine! Why don't we just call it a wash… alright? Nobody gets in trouble and you can keep being a stick in the mud, alright!?"

"Hmm… Better…" The White fairy turned back to our bureaucratically challenged Heroine, "This personal victory though, however satisfying, doesn't fix our current predicament…"

"Can't she just magically conjure some pancakes?" the Red fairy asked, head cocked.

"We've been over this Dolt; Magical Girls are expressly prohibited from magically conjuring confections-,"

"No, she can do that," The Black fairy cut back in, "And I should know; I had to re-draft that stinking section of the contract over and over and over again every time you came up with some new way to ruin our fun…"

The White fairy, disbelieving, swiftly conjured a fairy-script copy of Magical Girl Glitter Glynda-Chan's contract and examined the section in question, "Well I'll be…"

"I take it you want me to add pancakes to the prohibited list too now?" The Black fairy griped.

"No actually; we'll probably need that to reel Nora in next time too…"

"But how do we capture her with pancakes?" The Red fairy questioned, couldn't she just eat her way out?"

"An excellent point~"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" The White fairy commanded silence, and all obeyed, for she was from accounting, and thus had dirt on everyone, "That is what this is for!" she exclaimed, producing a butterfly net and presenting it to Glynda, "Use this; butterfly nets render magic utterly useless."

"What."

"Trapped inside a butterfly net, a fairy's powers are useless," The White fairy clarified impatiently, holding up the butterfly net to our Heroine, "So all you need to do is catch her in this,"

"That's it?" Our Heroine cocked her head, not unreasonably dubious, it must be said.

"Yes, that's it, but you still have to be-,"

"Alright then! I've got this!" Our Heroine boldly – and not at all foolish or recklessly – declared, seizing the whimsical butterfly net and charging in an entrance truly worthy of Leroy Jenkins himself. The results of this brave – if perhaps ill-conceived – effort played out pretty much how one might expect…

Valiantly our bespectacled Heroine stormed onto the battlefield, wielding courage in her heart and an instrument of unimaginable whimsy in her hands, ready to join glorious battle against a mighty opponent one twentieth her size. In her devious cunning, however, the horrifying pink pixie menace had been prepared for this new challenger, and had left traps strewn across the scene of the wretched destruction of a variety so diabolical that only a monster such as herself could possibly have anticipated them – the pink one, in her infinite evilness, had strewn the floor with frozen fruit for the express purpose of undermining any champion of truth and justice who might dare challenge her – the fact that it looked like a careless accident to occur amidst the pink nightmare's playful glee only bespeaks the depths of her madness. Regrettably, our noble Heroine, blameless and tidy as she was, could not have hoped to have been prepared for such a sinister and underhanded tactic, and so was laid low by the pink demon's trickery…

"Ow…" Our heroine grumbled as she wiped the pancake batter into which she had face-planted at approximately Mach 2.5, "Stupid frozen blueberries…"

"Well hi there!"

Our Heroine froze, looking up through pancake-batter smeared glasses at the face of her enemy, "H-hi…"

"Whatcha doin?"

"Ummm…" Our Heroine was in in no state of mind at the moment to concoct a plausible excuse, and besides, it was always right to tell the truth, "Trying to catch you in this net…?"

Somewhere, Mr. Goodwitch the stay-at-home dad was very proud. Weiss Schnee the Accounting Fairy on the other hand, facepalmed.

"Aaaaahhhh…" The Pink fairy responded in exaggerated fashion to our Heroine's untimely honesty, "Can I play too?"

"Wha-?"

Without warning, the pink fairy swept up the butterfly net from our helpless heroine's hand, caught her head in it, and before our startled and confused Heroine could react, produced a truly massive hammer – with cute little pink hearts painted on the sides – and swatted poor, beleaguered Magical Glynda back out of the waffle house, at which point she collided with a nearby telephone pole. Again.

The White fairy winced, "You know, I hate to say 'I told you so-,'"

"Don't fib Weiss!" The Red fairy objected, "You love to say 'I told you so!'"

"Not important right now Red!" the White fairy snapped, before turning back to Magical Glynda – who was presently plastered to the aforementioned telephone pole – to speak again, "You forgot the pancakes…"

"Ri-Owowowow! Right…"

"LET'S DO IT AGAIN!"

"Oh crap…" the Black fairy paled, "We uh… have some… stuff… to go take care of back at the office-,"

"Oh no you don't!" the White fairy shouted, pulling the butterfly net off of our dazed Heroine's face and used it to snare the Black and Green fairies as they made to escape, "You know what you're problem is down there in legal!?" The White fairy seethed, totally not in a fit of psychotic rage that might be somewhat concerning to MAMI's Public Relations department, "You're always too 'busy' having your stupid little frat-parties that you only get away with because you get to interpret the regulations, and you don't understand how much that all costs because you just shrug your shoulders and LAUGH because making sure it all gets paid for is MY JOB!" She let out a totally not maniacal chuckle, "Well, let me help you broaden your horizons DAMMIT!"

With that – and a surprising bout of rage-induced strength, the White fairy slung the butterfly net – helpless fairies from the legal department included – into the waffle house. Much to the surprise of all though – a wobbly-kneed Magical Glynda included – the spastic pink fairy did not opt for her hammer again, but rather…

"REEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN!"

"Huh?" Magical Glynda and Ruby Rose the Red fairy tilted their heads in simultaneous puzzlement as the pink fairy epically glomped the Green boy-fairy through the butterfly net.

"Hmm…" The White fairy was taking notes, "Armory fairy Nora Valkyrie has massive crush on Legal fairy Lie Ren… That'll probably come in handy…"

Walking over, still perplexed, Magical Glynda picked up the butterfly net again, reversing the mesh as she lifted, at once freeing the two fairies from legal – Well, sort of; the Green one was still caught in an epic bear-hug – and ensnaring the suddenly witlessly infatuated pink fairy, "He look! I got her!"

"The White fairy sighed, "Yes, yes you did…"

"Now uh…" the Red fairy asked nervously, "What do we do about all of… this?" She spoke of course of the horribly mangled establishment in which they were now standing – or floating as the case may be – as well as the rest of the less utterly destroyed, but still ravaged shopping center.

The White fairy sighed, "We have to talk to the insurance department and have them get a hold of AKEMI Insurance-,"

"Ooh! I love their jingle!" the Red fairy chimed in, "'We'll fix it again, and we'll fix it AGAIN! However many times it takes just to make the fix stick~'"

"Ooh, that is catchy!" Magical Glynda agreed eagerly.

"I'm surrounded by idiots…" The White fairy lamented.

And so concludes another exciting installment of the adventures of Magical Girl Glitter Glynda Chan! What will be our intrepid Heroine's next challenge? Will the Pink fairy ever stop glompingg the poor, stoic fairy from Legal? And how much paperwork will the exasperated White fairy have to do this time? All these questions and more shall be answered next time! Until then, props to ElfCollaborator for lending the name Jigoro to the fictitious protagonist of a fictitious book series in this particular fictitious universe. Read his stuff. It's hilarious. That is all.