A/N: Ok, here's more of the variety show, without shorted cameras or lawsuits or anything like that.

The Faramir Variety Hour

BritCom/MidCom hosted by Elrond

"Ok, let's turn things over to our comedy expert—really, he's an expert?—Elrond, the halfelven here to tell us about some funny stuff we really don't care about." Faramir says, looking bored.

"Why the heck did we get an Elf to tell us humorous stuff? We really should have got a hobbit." Boromir says.

"How are hobbits funny? All they do is sit around, eat, sleep, drink, and smoke!" Faramir says.

"That's what makes them funny!" Boromir protests.

"Anyway, let's take a walk to Lord Elrond's Hovel—I mean, Lord Elrond's House—and watch some funny stuff on TV!!"

So the two of them take a walk to Lord Elrond's House.

Getting to LEH (Lord Elrond's House, I'm too lazy!)...

The two man crew walks up to the desk at Gondor Air: Ticket Sales.

"Can we get two tickets for the next flight to Rivendell?"

"Where?"

"Imladris?"

"OOOH! You're going to Rivendell! Ok, I can give you...10:59." The receptionist says.

The time is 10:49.

"Sure!"

So they get the tickets and race to customs.

"We need to speed up..."

But the security dude guy thing is just sleeping, so they race through customs at the time of 10:45.

Finally, they arrive at the boarding area thing and wait for the flight. Faramir goes to sit down, but...

"MILO!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Milo is sitting there, reading a magazine and looking as lumpy as ever.

"Please say that Crackpot Joe isn't on this flight..." Boromir says.

Milo growls and duffels off the chair, boarding the plane. Faramir and Boromir follow suit.

"I can't believe that thing can move around of free will. Maybe it's possessed." Boromir whispers.

Milo hears this and roars, then springs up from the ground and slams into Boromir's face, knocking him flat on the ground.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Boromir yells. The rest of his screams are muffled by Milo and the fact that he's saying some colorful words.

"Get it off!" but this comes out as "Gey mit hoff!"

"What?"

"Gey mit hoff!"

"Oh! Get it off? Got it!"

"Mank moo!" This literally means, 'Thank You'.

Faramir kicks Milo until Milo comes off.

Milo growls and slinks up the ramp. Boromir gets up and shudders, his face covered in bruises.

Faramir and Boromir take their seats, with a bit of fighting over who got the window seat and who gets the aisle seat. Faramir gets the window and Boromir gets the aisle.

"I hope this won't take too long. Last time it took me 110 days to get to Rivendell." Boromir says.

"You were riding a lame horse. You think that had something to do with it?"

"Shut up, Faramir, you weren't even there." Boromir says.

The flight takes off and in about 20 minutes they're in Rivendell.

"Ok, let's get to Elrond's house!"

They walk up to Elrond's house.

"Hey, dudes, come on in!" Elrond says as they walk in.

They all go and sit on beanbags around a large screen plasma TV.

"You're living the life."

"Well, since Arwen married Aragorn, I've been getting income from all the royal banks and that, so what can I say?"

"And I'm the Steward and I don't get a red cent."

"Well, whose fault is that?"

"Whatever, can you just show us the comedy?"

"Ok. We're gonna start off with my favorite comedy ever, the Stuard Family!" Elrond says.

The Stuard Family!!

"Hey, kids, come here!" Says a guy that looks an awful lot like Denethor.

"Yes, dad?" asks a kid who looks like Boromir.

"Where's your good for nothing brother?"

"Er, I don't know, he fell into a ditch."

"Really?"

"Probably. I was just eating some salad in the field and he disappeared!"

"That's the best bit of luck I've had all day!"

Suddenly, a kid who looks like Faramir stumbles in, looking beaten up.

"Hey, dad."

"Hi, you worthless piece of dirt."

"That's not that nice..." The Faramir look alike says.

"Whatever. Ok, Toromir (this is Boromir) go to get a Ring or something. Caramir (this is Faramir) go fall off a cliff and die."

"Wow...those are big orders..."

"GO!!!!"

THE END!!

"How do people find that funny?" Faramir asks.

Boromir and Elrond are cracking up and laughing like maniacs and crying.

"That...was...the...funnies...bit...of...TV...I've...ever...seen!" Boromir laughs.

"Wasn't it great?" Elrond laughs.

"NO!" Faramir yells, walking out of the house.

"Wait, I have to get the host...well, I'll come over some other time to watch more funny stuff with you!" Boromir says.

Boromir runs out and finds Faramir boarding the express flight to Minas Tirith.

"That was the worst segment ever filmed!"

"You said that about Mr. Nature, too, remember?"

"That was different."

"Ok, we have 3 more segments of this comedy and then we can stop."

"Roll credits."

"Ok, boss. The Elrond Charitable Trust Foundation: Providing Money to the Poor; the Rivendell Artist Society: Giving Art to Fine Collections Throughout Middle Earth; and the Minas Tirith Library Society."

"Cool. Next on TFVH..."

"What's TFVH?"

"The Faramir Variety Hour."

"Oh."

"We have a Tour of Rohan with Eomer!"

A/N: Hope you liked, I know I did! I will be taking another short Holiday to a convention, I will be back Sunday night. So never fear! Review while I'm away. I leave Friday and come back Sunday. That's not so bad! Er, yeah, those names were really bad names, I was in a rush..