Windstar: I'm editing the first three chapters just a little - and you'll notice the change right away on this one. There are going to be dates to let people know where exactly in time we've landed on this Carmen San Diego road trip. Thanks very much for the reviewers I got last chapter- I really appreciated it. I love reading all of your supporting words, and your insight is truly helpful. This story is not betaed, and so all mistakes are mine, that's why reviewers like you help me fix them. Thanks very much, and have a great time!
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Chapter Four: Of School and Parties Part II
November 16, 1995
Alex could have punched Nick when he'd somehow convinced her to put her hair into braided pigtails. He insisted it made her look younger, and she was certain he was right, but that didn't stop her from noting he'd given the idea with a smirk and that obnoxious look had yet to leave his face entirely.
It seemed that every time he glanced towards her, his eyes would be drawn to the braids and he'd have to conceal another laugh. He was enjoying her discomfort and it was bothering her more then she was going to ever admit. Not for the first time she recalled that old saying that she'd been told growing up: if he's bullying you it means he likes you.
That thought soon led her to imagine him as a seven year old flirting with girls on the playground by pushing them off their swings and basically being a menace. Gap in his teeth and all, she couldn't help but find that idea more then a little fun to consider while he was busy laughing at her.
It didn't last too long though, because somehow she couldn't imagine him as truthfully being that kind of demon child. He was much more likely to be the person that gave girls his extra cookie from his lunch box and to pull seats aside. He probably was reading books on etiquette when he was nine and had mastered the art of flattery by ten.
While that became an amusing mental image, it didn't make her feel any better when he was busy laughing at her and she was quickly getting fed up with his completely and totally inappropriate sense of humor. "What's your problem?" She hissed at him in utter frustration.
He repressed another giggle, and when the subway they were on took a sharp turn, he almost lost his usual balance before he grabbed the bar to keep steady. A few other passengers sent them dirty looks, but she could care less. She was getting more and more annoyed with him with each passing minute.
"Nothing, it's just…you look so cute." It would have been better if he hadn't snorted half way through, but he did and she felt a certain amount of hatred towards him growing in her heart.
"Just you wait Mr. Higgins…you'll be sorry." She growled lowly, and he tilted his head slightly.
"Seriously? My Fair Lady?" He caught the quote much faster then she'd assumed he would and then she realized that he probably knew countless amounts of information on the discussion of musical theatre.
"It could have been Pygmalion." She defended awkwardly, and he shook his head.
"No, that line was definitely My Fair Lady. Trust me…I have a friend who quotes things constantly, I think it's a game. He keeps quoting obscure lines and expects you to know exactly where it came from."
"He must mess up sometimes." She offered hopefully, but he was shaking his head.
"He has perfect recall, and I think he forgets the rest of the world doesn't."
"You're close."
"Well thanks, that's very kind of you, but I'm not close at all. I remember images better then lines or words. He's been helping me out with that I guess, though. Since that's the way I recall things, he suggested that I remember the particular image of when things take place and what they look like because of it. I'll mess up a lot though, because I'll be able to remember what the page in a book looks like, not necessarily what's in it."
"Still, you do have a rather good memory."
"Thanks." He grinned at her, and then his eyes traveled to her pigtails and he started laughing again. She swatted at his arm and he chortled even more.
"This was your idea you jerk." She snapped darkly as she looked at him with a scathing look. He rubbed his arm where she'd hit him and shook his head.
"I thought you said I was adorable?" Leave it to him to latch onto her description of him but not the fact that he had started this mess to begin with. His evasion tactics were admirable.
"I amend that foolish description." The subway stopped and a few people shuffled out. They were given a few brief moments of breathing room before a new crowd crammed in and she found herself being pushed even closer to him. Her eyes scanned the people around them, and they were instantly drawn to a pocket that was bulging out just a little bit more then it would if it was empty.
His eyes seemed to follow hers and he scoffed slightly. "Too easy." He proclaimed, and she hated to admit it, but he was right. There wasn't any fun in swiping the wallet when they were crowded the way that they were. He tilted his head towards someone just behind him, and she glanced at the perspective mark. It was a far richer looking man that was holding a brand new phone in his hands.
Cell-phones weren't all that common, and the clunky device looked like it was more trouble then it was worth. She never had one, and she noted that Nick and his parents didn't have them either. Still, they seemed to be a bragging right to anyone who had them, and the idea seemed pathetically foolish.
If he could afford a cell-phone, he could afford to have his wallet snatched, and from the look that Nick was giving her it seemed clear that he was enjoying the idea of it as well. She wondered why anyone would consider him an angel, the kid was downright devious when it pleased him, and it clearly pleased him. He was enjoying the idea of stealing it, and she found herself enjoying having a partner.
"Your father said not until after you graduate." She reminded him in a bored tone, and he rolled his eyes. She shifted slightly so that she was standing behind him more. She was easily within reaching distance of the man.
"What dad doesn't know won't hurt him." He replied, turning his head to look at her. His lips whispered closely to her ear and she felt a shiver of anticipation course through her. "Besides, it's a harmless amusement to pass the time. Careful of the turn." He warned her and she glanced at him in confusion for a brief moment before the subway took a sharp twist.
One of her hands reached out to catch her balance. He turned and caught her the best he could, but she was slipping. The man with the cell phone looked at her in surprise, catching her fully when Nick couldn't grab her in time. She gave him a thoroughly embarrassed look.
"I'm so sorry!" She cried out as she looked at him. Her face blushed harder then it had done so in a long while, but the man was shaking his head.
"It's no problem, are you alright?"
"I'm fine, I didn't realize it'd be quite as sharp!" Nick was shaking his head.
"I told you there was a turn." He pointed out, and she glared at him.
"Yes, thank you." Her tone was darkly sarcastic, but he just shrugged and looked at the man with the cell phone.
"Sorry about all that." The train was reaching its stop, and the man was shaking his head.
"Don't worry, off to school are you?" He asked, as he looked them over.
"Yeah, it's her first day here. She just transferred in from Pennsylvania and she's not used to the trains." She scowled at him, but he kept talking. "This is our stop though, sorry about that again. Come on Alley, and keep your damn footing this time." She glared hard at him, not appreciating the comment in the least. Apologizing once more for her own benefit, they started to shift to head out.
The doors opened and they slipped outside. The man watched them leave, and his hands went to his pockets for a moment to check something. Nick and Alex barely noticed when he let out an infuriated shout of protest and went to chase after them – but the doors of the subway were already closing. By they time he managed to get out of the train…they were long gone.
Alex hated to admit it, but they made a rather good team. Nick's guileless blue eyes and his genuinely friendly face was a rather good distraction to begin with. Add that to his silky smooth words and he seemed capable of making anyone believe anything.
He was quick too, and she understood his cues when he gave them. Warning her about the turn had been perfect, in a word, because it had given her the excuse she'd needed to get close enough to the man to find his wallet. His reaching to grab her had made the fall look accidental and not deliberate. Then his cover up seemed even more believable.
One thing was certain; Nick could lie on the spot without any problems. He was one of the smoothest talkers she'd ever known. Holding up the wallet she'd snatched, she opened it up and thumbed through the bills on the inside. She pulled out the cash, and counted the take.
"Only fifty dollars? You'd think he'd have more." She grumbled as she passed the wallet to Nick to look at. He took it, and pulled out the driver's license. Quickly he pulled out a pen and paper from his pocket. She looked at him curiously and watched as he penned down the address on the card. "What are you doing? Going to rob him later tonight?"
"No, there's a post office up ahead. They don't send their trucks out until eight, and it's only seven thirty."
"So?"
"So, they open at seven- and I have stamps." She looked at him with a dumbfounded expression, but followed wordlessly as he walked into the post office and dropped the wallet into a small box. He'd wiped it clear of all prints first, pulling a cloth from his pocket in order to do so. She stared at him as he carefully penned down the man's name and address on the box. Putting the correct amount of postage on it, he smiled charmingly at the lady behind the counter and walked out.
"I take it you do this a lot?" She asked as she watched him lead the way towards his school. He shrugged.
"You can't use the bank cards because most people cancel their accounts as soon as they realize their wallet's been stolen. That and you leave a trail if you do. So you can only use the cash. That's all well and good, but then what are you going to do with the rest of the wallet? People have pictures of their kids and things like that in those. If you're just going to throw it out anyway, why not just mail it to them so they don't lose it?" It was the sweetest most criminal thing she'd ever heard and she ruffled his hair affectionately.
"Come on, I'll buy you a doughnut – Matt McCormick is buying." It amazed her how he could go from bullying her to charming her so quickly. Just then, he hadn't even been trying to flirt. He was just explaining himself, but his reasoning was some of the sweetest things she'd ever heard. He really did have a heart of gold.
"I really do like your pigtails." That smirk was back, and any ground he may have covered was instantly lost. He had a unique way of making her love and hate him at the same time.
"Keep it up, and I'll throw away my ring." He glanced down at the band on her finger and he frowned.
"You wouldn't do that." He murmured softly. He almost looked disheartened at that idea. She shook her head though, and threaded her fingers with his.
"No, I wouldn't." She agreed. "Because a much nicer version of you gave this to me." He rolled his eyes.
"I take it you like 'Nick' better then 'Neal'?"
"Nick is a bit nicer." She smiled at him, and they stopped by a street cart. "Two jelly doughnuts please." She requested, and the man behind the counter quickly retrieved them for her. "Thanks." She paid, and handed him his food before they continued on their way.
"Yeah, but it was Neal who helped you steal fifty bucks." He pointed out once the coast was clear, and she laughed.
"Darlin', you didn't help me do anything. I could have done it perfectly fine without your help."
"Hey, that's not very nice." He told her with a sour expression.
"Well, whatever. I never said I was a nice person."
"True, but that doesn't change the fact that you do have a nice side too."
"Hold off on any impromptu names, you're the only one around here who's going to be calling his split personality anything."
"You, clearly, are no fun." They rounded the corner that led to his school, and they hesitated before approaching the building. "You ready?" He asked calmly, and she rolled her eyes.
"Of course." And they entered.
The first thing that she noticed was that the moment they entered the building, Nick Halden disappeared and was replaced by Neal Caffrey. It was a very subtle shift, but it was there nonetheless. There was a small difference in his face…a small change in his posture.
He walked with the same fluidity that he always had, but it looked almost more graceful then usual. He was almost more relaxed or casual. His face adopted an expression she'd never seen before – and she'd been rather good at memorizing his looks.
It was calculating, decisive, opinionated, and almost by default – closed off to the world. She looked at him in surprise. The teasing boy she loved and cherished had vanished almost immediately upon entering the school. He disappeared and was replaced by this double, this doppelganger. He looked so completely foreign to her that she wasn't sure what it was she was supposed to do.
She felt an urge to take his hand, make him look at her, and see if he truly was the same boy she'd come in with. The corners of his eyes were pressed downwards. His lips – while smiling – weren't forming the same expression she was used to. An urge to leave suddenly came upon her. She didn't want to see this. She didn't want to see an extended period of Neal Caffrey, she wanted to see Nick Halden – the boy who was quickly becoming her best friend.
They approached a locker, and she watched him absentmindedly turn the combination. There was a mirror inside the door, and after he opened it he glanced towards it. Her face was reflected there and he must have caught the expression on her features, because he turned and looked at her with surprise and worry all over his face.
"Are you alright?" He asked, and that was Nick. She recognized him again. She recognized this look. This was a look he gave towards his mother when he came home and wanted to know how she was doing. This look was familiar, comfortable.
"Fine." She told him softly. "I don't like Neal." Her mouth moved around the words before her brain caught up with her and told her that she sounded crazy. He blinked at her in confusion for a brief moment before a flash of pain crossed his face. Her heart tore, she hadn't meant to hurt him – she truly hadn't. She hadn't meant to cause him any injury.
His hand reached up and touched her face now, and he leaned close to her. His blue eyes met her brown ones, and she could almost feel his Charm as it snaked its way into her body from his fingertips. She could almost feel the weight of his feelings crashing down on her to let her know that he was still there.
"I'm still me." He told her gently.
"Are you?" She asked quietly. "You're lying to everyone!" Perhaps that was what bothered her the most. Perhaps that was what had truly gotten to her. She had seen the way the other students in the school had immediately given him a few steps of grace room so that he could pass by unmolested.
He was sending off a metaphysical electric wave about him. It shouted stay away, but his eyes were screaming for someone to come close. He was creating stagnant space. People saw him – they stopped and turned, but they did nothing. They were frozen. He was freezing them. His simple presence caused them to stutter and halt. They didn't know what to make of him, and he was giving them no explanation.
He was giving the aura of someone who was dangerous and someone who was not to be bothered, but that wasn't who he was. He was giving that impression to the world, but that was not the person that he really was. She knew it wasn't. She had seen him. She had seen the gentle and the loving heart that he really possessed.
So why was he acting in a manner that was so stand offish? How could he live his life like that? How could his entire life be a lie? Wouldn't that simply get exhausting? She was certain that it would. There was no way that it couldn't be like that. There was no way that it could be anything but that. "How can you possibly be the same person?" She asked him, feeling the words choke in her throat.
"Because they don't matter. No one else matters." He told her with a determination she wasn't used to seeing in him.
"How do I know you're not lying to me?" She asked him softly. "Who's real, Nick or Neal?" She asked him painfully.
He looked at her for a long while, his eyes scanning over her face. He eventually lowered his hand from her face, and looked at her calmly. "Nick's real." He decided eventually. "Neal doesn't exist."
"Then why pretend?" She asked him. A pained look crossed his features, and he shook his head.
"Because it's easier to push people away then watch them get hurt, or to be hurt any more by them."
This argument sounded eerily familiar. This argument sounded like she had heard herself give on more the one occasion. She had left home for that reason. It was easier to push people away. If she were alone then she wouldn't have to worry about betrayal or betraying. She wouldn't have to worry about someone hurting her or her hurting them.
If she just used people, if she just used them and then threw them away then there was no relationship. There was nothing that could be torn apart. There was only ever the feeling of intense and unnatural loneliness. It created a gaping hole in her body, and yet over the past few weeks and months…Nick Halden had started to fill it.
For the first time in years, she was letting someone else in her life. She was letting someone else get close to her. Perhaps that's why she was so terrified. She was terrified because she watched him easily and without any thought- push away all the people in the school. He pushed them so hard that they were no longer apart of his life. They were gone, and he was simply alone. He only allowed a few people in. He let his parents in, he let her in (for some reason) and he let this supposed best friend of his in.
Everyone else was given the mask. Everyone else was given the clever artist and thief that Maire had named Neal. Everyone else was given the lie. He was living her psychosis, but he was doing so with more connections then she had ever had.
Where she had simply detached herself from the world, he had created two different parts of himself. He had created Nick Halden, the true person he was behind all the bullshit. And he had created Neal Caffrey, his lying and stealing persona that was more then capable of keeping everyone at arm's length, but using them for all they were worth while he did so.
"Alex?" She focused back on his face. He was looking at her with worry in his eyes. "Do you want to go home?" She shook her head. She came to see what he was like at school. That was her mission. If that meant that she was going to truly and honestly see Neal Caffrey for the first time, then so be it. She would meet this person, and she would get to know him. She was determined to be the first friend that Neal Caffrey ever had. She was determined to befriend every part of Nick Halden, because he had done that for her. He had become her first friend in years. She owed him that much.
"Carry on Neal, show me the life that you live." He nodded, and glanced over her shoulder. She was about to turn to see what he was looking at, when he lowered his lips down to her ear and whispered to her.
"You're the only one I won't push away, Alley. You're the only one I've ever wanted to keep near." And she was so stunned by his words, that she was motionless with shock. He closed his locker, and locked it. His hand slipped into hers and he gave it a gentle squeeze before releasing it and starting back down the hallway.
Keeping that in mind, it didn't seem to matter anymore that Neal Caffrey existed. Because at the end of the day, she was the one person that he never wanted to see go away. She was the one that he said he wanted to stay with. Her heart soared. She felt nothing but complete and undeniable love for this boy.