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Chapter four

It's very difficult to know how to handle myself as I stand there, still in shock and unable to look Maya in the eyes myself now. As much as I want to stand up so fast my chair is knocked over and storm out, slamming the door, it seems a little over-dramatic. What right have I got to be sad about this? And yes, I am sad about this, but we broke up four years ago – why shouldn't she be engaged?

However, I do hold the right to question why the hell she invited me to ignore me and show me she's engaged. Judging my her reaction, mind you, it's pretty clear she didn't want to show me at all.

The plot thickens, as they say.

Standing up slowly, suddenly exhausted for some reason I look vaguely over in Maya and Walter's direction. "I'm happy for you both...congratulations." I offer my most convincing smile and then a far less convincing yawn. "It's been a long day and I'm really tired, so I might go to bed. I'll see you all tomorrow, night."

All silent, except for Elder Helen who looks irritable and impatient, they watch me leave. I'm regretful that the room is so large because my footsteps echo and they are all watching me walk away – even Maya.

The minute I leave I hear some shouting on Maya's part. She sounds furious and a moment later there are footsteps beyond the door. It opens behind me and she shouts my name. I am already by the stairs.

"Nick! Wait up! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Oh God, I don't even know how to explain this." she whimpers.

"You're kidding? Even now I don't get an explanation?" My calm collected response was certainly short-lived. It seems I'm now furious. "You invite me down, ignore me and then I find out you're engaged!? Did you want to gloat or-"

"That's absurd, how could you think that of me? What have I got to gloat about?"

"Well why did you invite me then?" I had the sadness shining through in my voice. I sound pathetic and I wanted to mask my disappointment with anger. "Please...tell me?"

She swallows, standing in front about a meter away and sighs desperately, her whole body dropping. "I...I...I didn't."

"You didn't?"

"It wasn't me."

"You didn't invite me? Then how -"

"I got engaged a few months ago...it's sort of arranged and about a week and a half ago I said something stupid to Pearl and she wrote to you asking you to visit. She had mad ideas in her head about reuniting us...you know how she is...it's always been me and you for her."

I pause for a second, thinking and trying to process what she's just said, "And...for you...has it always been me and you...for you?" I wince as I realise how stupid that sounds.

"I don't know what I want...that's why I haven't wanted to face you, but I knew I needed to. I should've rang, explained the whole thing and told you not to come, but I couldn't. Elder Helen's furious, Walter's confused and Pearly's got all these crazy ideas about eloping and God-knows-what in her head."

"Eloping...?" I chuckle, "Blimey, this is a lot to take in, Maya. When I got your letter...Pearl's letter, rather, I thought – I hoped it meant something a little different to this." There's something else bothering me, but I'm not sure I want to ask.

"I'm so sorry...these weren't the circumstances under which I hoped to see you again."

"What do you wanna do now then? Should I go? I mean, you're getting married..."

She shakes her head straight away, but stops herself and shrugs, "I-I don't know what to do."

"Do you love Walter?" It's the right thing to do. I need to know this, even if the answer upsets me.

She's silent and then answers, "Walter's nice and we care about each other and I was definitely going to marry him until something changed."

"What changed?" I say with bated-breath.

"I started thinking about when we were together...more and more and then I said something to Pearl about how...okay, I don't want to repeat it, but she acted and now you're here and I've missed you. I have missed you do much, Nick."

I rush to her and hug her tight. She grips my back firmly and I nuzzle her hair. Taking a deep breath I tell her: "Look, I don't want to play coy here...when you called I hoped you wanted to be with me again. I know things were difficult with Trucy to think of and you wanted other things, but that was a long time ago. If you're in a different place now and you want something else...me perhaps? If you don't want this marriage then all you need to do is say something. No one can make you do anything."

Her arms grow limp and she pulls away sadly, "Nick, it's not that simple. I have to marry – the image of Kurain is a stake..."

"It's not a commercial village, Maya. No one cares! Whether you're -" I stop suddenly when I see how her expression has changed. "That's not what I meant. Obviously people care, but it's not such a huge deal as the Elders are making it out to be."

She's scowling at me and backs away, "I can see how it would seem unimportant to you, Nick, but as Master it's thought important that I demonstrate strong, family values. Family is everything here. I'm not thrilled with it myself, but I think it has to be done."

I'm scowling as well now, "Then what's the point in me being here? I can't stop this, so I might as well just go home!"

There are tears in her eyes, but she looks furious, "Just go ahead, breeze over everything I've said and think about yourself! You're right, you might as well go home!" and with that she turns and walks haughtily back in the direction from which she came.

I'm left standing by the stairs, wondering which direction to go in myself.