Ratchet and Clank: All or…Something
Part 2 of Find the Metal Man.
Ratchet and Tensyon were standing there, aiming their weapons at the two Hairmons. It had to be a lot simpler than it looked. A Thugs-4-Less leader, a Lombax, a robot and two raccoon-lizard mutants. It couldn't be any simpler to figure out. Ratchet could take out his Heavy Lancer and shoot the Hairmon with the Blitz cannon at Clank's head, but his muscle reactions would trigger his finger to fire and kill Clank anyway. He could take out the other Hairmon, but what good would that do? The one with the Blitz cannon would simply fire and destroy Clank's brain circuitry.
That's when Tensyon suddenly got an idea. Both the Hairmons and the Thugs-4-Less henchmen had the same blood in them, so if he was insulted by a minor comment, then maybe they would be too. He just needed to get…creative with his words.
"Hey, Hairmon!" he yelled.
"What?"
"I just remembered that one morning when I was doing the Marlick maneuver with your sister."
"YOU WHAT!!"
"No wait…it was your daughter."
The Hairmon screamed, swore out loud to Tensyon and fired his Blitz cannon at him. He ducked and Ratchet made his move. In a stupid impersonation of The Matrix, Ratchet dived sideways while taking out his Heavy Lancer, aiming for the Hairmon with the Blitz cannon. He fired two shots at his head, watching the orange laser bullets zoom at his face and burn it. He was launched backwards and his body landed next to the wall. The other Hairmon saw what Ratchet was doing too late to have any time to react. He had two flaming hot bursts of plasma energy pierce into his chest, tearing through the ribs and organs.
It seemed like a lifetime when it happened, but it took only two seconds for Ratchet to kill the Hairmon thugs.
"Clank! You alright?"
"Fine, I'm fine. What's goin' on? First I get captured by those Thugs again and then some raccoon mutant thing attack me and…what're doing with him?!"
"We're going shopping at the supermarket." joked Tensyon.
"He's 'helping' me take on these creatures since he knows all of their movements and planning procedures."
"What do you mean by helping you?"
"He means the enemy of my enemy is my friend and I'm actually risking my ass to help you guys save the universe again."
"Why?"
"You're the robot; you figure it out."
"Hmm…as far as I know, the only logical reason you're helping us is because you know this species is tougher than you are and because you got no more of your Thugs to back you up."
Tensyon scratched his head. "If you put it that way…"
"Look…as it is, I'm a dead Lombax, you're a dead robot and you're a dead lizard. How are we gonna defeat these hairy hybrids before they tear up the universe looking for us?"
"eBay!"
"eBay. How is eBay gonna help us, Tensyon?"
"How isn't eBay gonna help us?"
"Okay now let's get suggestions from someone who's not a complete dumbass. Clank?"
"Why don't we fly down to Silver City on planet Boldan and see if there's anymore information we can gather there?"
"Sounds good to me. Let's go."
Suddenly a large stream of plasma fired right next to Tensyon and Ratchet. It was a Vaporizer, in the hands of one of the most accurate Hairmons ever known. His name was Gylles, and he looked a lot like Tensyon, except his right hand was furry and his vest coloring were mostly yellow.
"GO!" yelled Ratchet.
Suddenly a whole stream of Hairmons appeared behind Gylles and began firing their Blitz cannons and Seeker Guns.
"What the hell--THAT'S NOT FAIR!!" yelled Ratchet.
It was impossible to avoid the Seeker Gun missiles unless someone put some form of obstruction in front of themselves. At least, that's what Ratchet thought. One of the missiles stretched out from its ball formation into an actual missile, ready to attack. Ratchet back flipped at the last second, dodging the bullet as it missed its target and exploded on the ground.
"Clank! Hop up on my back!"
Clank attached himself to Ratchet's back so he would be able to make Ratchet hover in the air. Two more bullets zoomed next to Ratchet and Clank extended the fans in his head and arms, causing them to fly up in the air and hover a little bit. Tensyon quickly grabbed the Blitz cannon that was on the floor and gunned down the Hairmons with the Seeker Guns. Another Vaporizer bullet zoomed past Tensyon and Ratchet and they heard someone shout out, "Damnit!"
Ratchet and Tensyon began to slowly move back while firing at all the Hairmons. Two went down with plasma bullets from Ratchet's Heavy Lancer and another four had several holes in them from Tensyon's Blitz cannon. Once again, a Vaporizer bullet zapped between the two.
"STOP MOVING!!" yelled Gylles.
Ratchet and Tensyon opened up the back door of the warehouse to see that there was a teleporter that would lead them right back to Ratchet's ship.
"Huh…that's weird." said Ratchet.
"What's weird about it?" asked Tensyon.
"Who leaves a teleporter that leads directly back--?"
Two more vaporizer bullets came across the two. One of them went right through Ratchet's ear, leaving a sizzling hole not too much smaller than a fist. Then again, Ratchet does have big ears…
"Screw it, just get inside!"
Ratchet, Clank, and Tensyon arrived at Ratchet's spaceship, ready to leave Endako and escape the Hairmons for good…or at least until tomorrow.
"Just to be clear, we're not friends or acquaintances or just random creatures that are working together to defeat to hybrid species."
"I'm not an idiot Ratchet. I'm only working with you so I won't end up getting stabbed in a dark alley at night. Don't be surprised that the second after we're done here, I don't try to shoot you in the back."
"…You do realize that by saying that I know now that you're gonna try and kill me and thus realize I should be on guard 24/7?"
"Yes…no. Wait, what--I don't understand words that confuse me!"
"Great! Now let's go."
And so there they were, on their ways for another exciting and perilous adventure. Lots of things were gonna blow up, plots would be revealed, people were gonna get killed and somewhere in between, Ratchet was going to get involved in another gladiator arena.
Just another day in paradise.