Disclaimer - I do not own Homeland. That pleasure belongs to Showtime. No copyright infringement or money making scheme intended. This is purely for reading enjoyment.

LuckyU - thank you very much for the review. Thanks to everyone reading and/or reviewing.

A/N To be fair to me, I did tell you not to quote me. I am clearly no good at concentrating on one thing. Please R & R

She was thinking a lot and that might be good if she were thinking a lot about work, but she wasn't.

It's not as if there's not lots to do or to be done. There is, it's just that now she's here in Istanbul and settled into a routine, she has time to think. She knows her way about, has learned the fastest routes. She has people working for her, she gets to delegate...and she's finding that she doesn't really like it. It means she doesn't have to do all the running around. Most bosses are happy with that, but not her. It's not that she doesn't trust those working for her, because with the exception of her Depute, Tony, she brought everyone else with her. Max is always finding something to complain about, to the extent she's considered ordering Quinn to shoot him just for some peace and quiet. Though, the part of her easily irritated with Max, finds itself so often in conflict with the part of her that's glad Max's complaints give her something else to focus on, if even only for a few minutes. Anything to avoid thinking about what's really bothering her.

Her dad, true to his word, had respected her decision to leave, but she hadn't missed the disappoinment in his eyes as they said goodbye to each other, hadn't missed the effort he put into not saying whatever he really wanted to. She hadn't taken him up on the offer of speaking about Brody. It had been enough to know he was supportive.

Maggie hadn't been as understanding this time round. She made it clear what she thought of Carrie's decision and this was the last straw. Next time Carrie needed something, she should forget about asking Maggie. Carrie had laughed, after all her sister always relented in the end. Carrie could usually count on Maggie, even if it were sometimes in reluctance, Maggie was always there when Carrie needed her. However, it seemed Maggie's patience had finally run out. Carrie had never really considered that she took her sister for granted, but as she thought back to their last "conversation", she saw now that's exactly what she'd done.

flashback

"Oh, you think I'm bluffing, do you?", Maggie demanded of her.

"In a word, yes", Carrie replied, going back to packing. She knew her sister too well for the angry threat to be taken seriously.

"Don't fucking laugh at me, Carrie!", Maggie ordered her.

Carrie stopped what she was doing and looked at her sister. It wasn't just the venom in her tone or Maggie swearing that caught Carrie's attention, it was the look in her eyes. They were full of fury.

"Maggie, I ..."

Maggie interrupted Carrie before she could continue "Save it. I know what you think, because you think you're right about everything. You think I'm just angry and that next time you need my help, I'll be there because you're my sister".

"Maggie, listen..."

"No! You listen, for a change, you are going to listen. Do you even think of me as your sister or just a Doctor who happens to be related to you? For too long you've taken me and dad for granted and we've let you because you're our family", Maggie continues.

"Maggie, what are you...",

Interrupting again, Maggie is radiating burning heat, "Of course, of course, what am I thinking about? How stupid of me to expect you to understand anything about family or love. Let me spell it out for you then. Ever since the day you met that Saul Berenson, this family has always come second. Yet whenever you are in trouble and they dump you like a hot potato, it's me and dad who are left to pick up the pieces. Then the first hint you can get back in, off you go, not giving us a second glance until the next time it goes wrong. Well not anymore. I am fed up of you expecting us to accept it because that's the way it is. Dad and I didn't sign up for this. It's too much and, because you're my sister, I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore. I can't let you do it to me and the girls anymore. If Dad wants to leave himself open to it, that's his choice, but don't expect the same from me. I am fed up of you putting them first, fed up of you treating us like last night's garbage disposal. You say you love Brody, but he died in some CIA op, didn't he? Yet, here you are abandoning your child and still working for them. Of course, just like they taught you, you'll find away to justify it. Growing up with dad might not always have been a picnic, but he made sure we knew he loved us and you have forgotten it for a group of people who will shit on you as soon as look at you and...", Maggie trailed off, exhausted from her rant.

Carrie couldn't say anything. How could she when she hadn't realised how Maggie felt? When the thought hadn't even crossed her mind.

"You go to Istanbul, do what you want, you always do. Just don't come running to me when it goes to shit", Maggie finished, before walking out without a backwards glance at her sister.

End flashback

Carrie had wanted to go after Maggie, but didn't. This, she didn't know how to fix. So she pushed it away and got on the flight to Istanbul anyway.

She'd been so busy when she got here at first, she hadn't the time to think. She'd convinced herself she was fine and was coping. Now that she had plenty of time to think, her feelings were trying to take over. She can't allow that to happen and feels the panic rising because there's nothing she can do to stop it. She'd been so convinced that she needed to get away and so determined to do just that, she hadn't considered that everything would come to Istanbul with her. It wouldn't just stay back home like a forgotten bit of baggage. It was with her and it hurt everyday as it beat against her chest, with the reminder of who wasn't here pounding with every beat and, the horrible truth about his death, searing it's way to the front of her mind, threatening to consume her...she didn't know what to do.