Panel Discussion Chapter 4
A/N
Thank you to LesserWraith, HavenFan1, Ferdoos, cute polar bear, and Alu in Chains, whose questions got used in this chapter. To the others who suggested questions, wait patiently – there will be more chapters. Keep those questions coming!
o
The moderator called on someone else. "Aside from Stoick and Spitelout, where are all your parents?"
The teens all looked at each other, puzzled. Astrid dried her eyes and asked, "Ruff, wasn't it your day to keep an eye on our parents?"
"That was last week," she said. "I thought it was Snotlout's turn to watch them."
"You guys gave me the week off," he answered. "I put in all that work to net them and tie them up and drag them back after they got away last time, remember? It was Tuff's turn to watch them yesterday, and I've got them starting on Monday." Everyone peered at Fishlegs.
"Guys, I swear, their cage was locked after I fed them this morning!" Legs sputtered. "If they got away again, I don't how they... how they..." He snorted and broke up laughing, as did all the others.
"I warned you guys, we had to practice this scene more!" exclaimed Astrid, who was laughing as hard as any of them. "We all knew they were going to ask that question, and if we couldn't keep a straight face when we answered..." She waited until they'd all regained their composure.
"Seriously," Snotlout began.
"Yeah, right," Tuff cut in.
"No, the complete absence of our parents is our gift to you, the fan fiction authors," Lout finished. "We've left that question wide open so you can answer it any way you want. And honestly, we've seen some pretty interesting answers."
"Some of you show our mothers and fathers as good, kind people and excellent parents," Ruff went on. "They're kind of the Ward and June Cleaver of the Viking set."
"If they're named after a cleaver, they can't be all bad," Lout interrupted.
"But others take a darker view," Ruff continued. "We've seen our parents shown as disinterested, neglectful, abusive, alcoholic, absentee... pick your dysfunction and one of us has probably had a mother or father who suffers from it, and makes us suffer from it as well. That kind of stinks for us, but all we have to do is switch to another story and things will probably get better."
"Believe me, that's an advantage we have over most of you, and we appreciate it," Hiccup chimed in. "I mean, look at how my dad appeared in the movie, or Lout's dad in "Thawfest"! I'm sure some of you would love to switch to a different set of parents just by clicking a link on a web page."
"It's possible that some of you write bad parents for us, and then show us overcoming that problem, just as a vicarious escape from your own not-so-great parents," Astrid added. "We certainly won't judge you for that."
After a brief pause, a woman in her 30's raised her hand. "I'd like to ask the entire panel what they think of themselves as they appear in the movie franchise, compared to the way you appeared in the books."
"I guess I'll start," Hiccup sighed as he took the mic back from Astrid. "Book or movie, I'm still someone who isn't expected to be a winner in Viking society. In fact, from what I've seen, you wouldn't expect me to be a winner in your society, either. Of course, that's the appeal of the books and the movie and the cartoons as well – people like it when the underdog wins.
"Just speaking for me, the movie gave with one hand and took away with the other. The books made me a master swordfighter; the movie took that away. The movie made me a barely-competent smith's assistant, which some of you have taken and turned me into a master weaponsmith or something; that sure wasn't in the book.
"Of course, my real gain in the movie was Toothless, who changed from a whiny, selfish, lazy little git into the most awesome dragon who ever flew, and –"
"Hey!" all five of the other teens shouted.
"...and also my best friend," he went on. "So if the question is just about me, I couldn't say which is better, book or movie. But if you include Toothless, there's no question, I'd rather be in the movies." He passed the microphone to Astrid.
"I can't really answer that question, because I'm not in the books," she began. "If you treat me as a re-imagining of Camicazi, then I much prefer my movie role. Camicazi had some awesome skills, but her attitude went too far in some directions and not far enough in others. I mean, I could let my hair get all tangled, and paint Stormfly different colors, and start shouting, 'Boys are stupid!' all the time, and people might think I was Camicazi. But that approach doesn't get you very far once you're into your teens. Yup, I like me the way you see me." That drew a scattering of applause.
"No question, I am totally better off in the movie," Fishlegs exclaimed. "Who would want to be a totally useless, nearsighted, allergic loser whose only claim to fame is that I was an even worse Viking than Hiccup? No offense. Now I've bulked up, I don't need glasses, I'm an expert in at least one field –"
"Geekiness?" someone called from the end of the table.
"Dragon statistics," he replied. "And, best of all, my dragon went from 'hopeless' to 'awesome,' and now I can ride her! So, yeah, I'm much better off now.
"The one thing I had going for me in the books was that I was Hiccup's best friend, and I kind of miss that. But Hiccup's new best friend is a dragon, so I don't feel envious or anything. Besides, can you see Hiccup fighting the Red Death while he was riding on me?" The audience laughed.
It was Snotlout's turn. "I don't do pity parties, so don't think this is one, but when they went from books to movie, I was the big loser. In the books, I was the best young Viking there was, at everything that mattered – Bashyball, Frightening Foreigners, Rudery, Boarding Enemy Ships, Burping, everything! And everybody knew it! I'm still awesome now, but nobody seems to know it, and everybody thinks Astrid is the best. I feel like I've been demoted or something!
"Not only that, but in the books, I was always trying to get rid of Hiccup so I could be the future chief, and whatever I tried, it usually worked, for a few minutes at least. Name one thing I've tried to do since I got animated that has worked the way I wanted it to!"
"You still got the Monstrous Nightmare," Tuff said, "and it's a lot more monstrous than it was in the books."
"Well, yeah, Hookfang is a lot more awesome now," Lout nodded. "But if I'm destined to be nothing but a speed bump on Hiccup's way to the top, can't I still be a cool one, like I used to be?" He rested his chin on his fist and sighed deeply.
Tuffnut accepted the mic from him. "When I was in the books, I might as well not have been. I was just a name that came up now and then, usually because St. Cressida needed somebody to take a fall or something. I had no personality at all. I'm still not a prime-mover for plot lines, but at least I'm a real person now, and I'm glad about that."
Ruff shrugged. "I wasn't in the books, period. They invented me for the movie because they wanted another girl. I'm glad I'm here, but I can't answer the question, sorry. How about if I tell a knock-knock joke instead?"
The moderator reclaimed the microphone. "Yes, you in the third row?"
"Tuffnut was talking earlier about how he didn't want to be the comic relief," the pre-teen girl said. He quickly resumed his Derpy face. "He was just talking about having a personality now, and I'm wondering, what kind of character would you like to be, if you could?"
"Are you asking me for ideas for your next fanfic?" he smirked. "Hmmm. What kind of character would I be if I could? I think, for starters, I'd like to climb walls and spin webs out of my wrists, then rescue a rich girl from a huge ship that hit an iceberg and sank, then learn to use the Force and fight a Sith Lord with a lightsaber, and finish up with some Irish step-dancing." The audience was laughing nervously, not sure if he was joking or not.
"Seriously, I like who I am. I'd just like a bigger slice of the action. I'd like to be the one who has the great idea that solves the big problem, or who catches the bad guy in the act, or gives the moral lecture at the end of the CN episode."
"Sorry, Tuff, you can't have that one," Hiccup called from the other end of the table. "That's in my contract."
"That figures," Tuffnut grumbled. "Well, you can't kill a guy for asking. And if one of you authors could send a set of OC twins to Berk, a girl for me and a guy for my sister, that would be totally awesome. That's just in case you did want some ideas for your next fanfic."
"Knock knock," said Ruffnut.
"Maybe we can get to that later," the moderator interrupted. "Yes, over there?"
One of the few boys in the audience stood up. "Hiccup, why do you let Astrid initiate all the kissing? Why don't you kiss her now and then?"
"Uhhh... because it's safer that way?" Hiccup quavered. "Seriously, it doesn't matter that much who starts it, or even who finishes it. It's the middle that matters, and... I've got no complaints."
"Good answer," purred Astrid, whose fist had been cocked and ready.
"But don't you ever want to be the man and make the first move?" the boy asked.
"Considering how Vikings weren't supposed to kiss at all before they got married, I don't think I have anything to complain about," Hiccup replied. "But, if and when we get married, things will be different after that. I'm going to be the man of my house, and I have her permission to say so."
"Knock knock," said Ruffnut.
The moderator tried again. "I think I see another –"
"Knock knock," Ruffnut repeated.
"Fine, let's get this over with," Snotlout groaned. "Who's there?"
"Atch."
"Atch who?"
"Gesundheit!" Ruff answered, and burst out giggling. Her brother joined in after a few moments, but he looked like he didn't get it. The rest of the teens did facepalms. Dozens of cell phones and iPads snapped pictures of them in that pose.
The moderator called on the girl she'd tried to call on earlier. "Snotlout, when are you going to realize, Astrid just isn't that into you?"
Snotlout looked stricken for a moment, but regained his composure. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said firmly. "Everybody knows Astrid is strong-willed and a little stubborn, so I don't expect her to fall into my arms on the first try, or even the second."
"Or the forty-third?" the questioner asked.
"Have you been counting?" Lout challenged her. "I figure, eventually you authors are going to get tired of the same old Hiccstrid, and you'll want to write something different, and that will be my big chance! Once she sees me for who I really am, I know she'll never want to leave me again."
"But you'd consider an OC girl while you're waiting?" the girl continued.
"Sure, why not? My awesomeness is a renewable resource. There's plenty of me to keep a whole shipload of OC girls happy, and still save the good stuff for my dream girl when she bows to the inevitable. That's me."
"You say that while she's talking marriage with Hiccup," the girl persisted.
"Well, yeah, I know that's what they're talking about, but talk is cheap," he said, not quite so confidently. "But, just to be on the safe side, could you authors get that ship full of OC girls headed for Berk soon? It's not that I'm worried; I just don't want to keep them waiting."
"Good answer," nodded the moderator. "Yes, young lady over there?"
o
A/N
If you're curious what would happen if a fanfic author did what Tuffnut suggested, and sent "a set of OC twins to Berk, a girl for me and a guy for my sister," then check out my story, "Ruffnut's Wish," which I wrote as a semi-sequel to this story.