Title: 'Home By The Sea' by Genesis :) Also: I've drawn a little sketch of Nakua ^-^ Interested? Go to: http:/rhartist. deviantart. com/#/d4x4ckb

I~I~I

Hatake Kakashi || Inner Self || Things That Go To Make Up A Life (Chapter 04)

I~I~I

Kakashi didn't like to drink in public, it opened up the opportunity for too many problems – namely, he often ended up opening his big mouth; but on this occasion, he thought it more than justified. He hadn't even bothered to head to his apartment before he stopped at the bar for a drink; he ordered a large bottle of warm saké, a cup and settled himself in the far corner of the bar. His mind had been working overtime in trying to analyse and come-to-terms with the sudden rush caused by Tsunade's denial of his request – it had thrown him, he'd fully expected to have at least some way of dealing with the feelings that the mission had dredged up.

As his mind whirred away trying and failing to come up with plans for how to deal with the kuniochi when he finally got a chance to speak with her – whenever he got that far, all he could think of was how long he'd waited for the day to catch up to the one truly responsible – but he'd always imagined it to be on the battle field – where his anger could be immediately and effectively channelled. But here? In Konoha? His feelings had only the ability to be destructive – and, even as confused as he was, he didn't relish the thought of just where his destructiveness might take him – irrespective of just how badly he wanted to take it out on her…all that time ago, that last mission with the only remaining member of his team...

Rin hated ANBU missions and avoided them at all costs, but on this occasion, she'd been drafted for her medical abilities and she wasn't able to refuse. She'd been teamed with him, Ibiki and an Uchiha – Tsurugi; Obito's brother, they'd discovered half-way through the mission…and for a long time, he'd blamed that revelation to be the cause of Rin's demise – but that had quickly changed to cursing himself and his apathy. Now, his half-drunk self, flung the blame squarely on that woman's shoulders. That damn woman he shouldn't have bothered saving…if he'd known then what he knew now…he sighed silently to himself as he poured out another cupful of saké and knocked it back, his mind drifting to the first and last mission he'd been on since Obito's death almost two and a half year's previous.

"Wh-what?-!" Rin stared in shock at the Uchiha across from her, who continued to stare passively at the fire between them, "Y-your…brother?" He nodded,

"That's right…" He shot a look at Kakashi, who was doing his best to keep his face passive, "I was two months into a yearlong reconnaissance when he was killed," Rin either missed or ignored the tone in Tsurugi's voice,

"But…we didn't even know Obito had a brother!"

"Unsurprising," Apparently, Obito's un-Uchiha-likeness was a one-off,

"Why?"

"…Obito was a disgrace; he was a brother through shared parentage only," Kakashi raised an eyebrow and Tsurugi rounded on him, "Enjoying your stolen eye, Hatake?"

"…" There wasn't really an appropriate answer to that question, but Rin apparently thought otherwise,

"It was a gifted eye! Obito wanted Kakashi to have it!" The look Tsurugi shot Rin was one of such disgust and abhorrence that even Kakashi was surprised by its intensity,

"It was not his gift to give," This sparked Kakashi's attention,

"Then whose was it?"

"The clan's…he had no right to so wastefully throw away such a precious eye!" Tsurugi turned his eyes back to the fire, apparently having managed to calm himself, "He was as much the fool he'd always been…though I'd certainly hoped that he'd at least have the decency to die with both eyes intact," Rin huffed heavily as she glared at the Uchiha, her naturally reserved nature lapsing momentarily from the prodding of Tsurugi,

"How dare you! How dare you speak about Obito that way! That he was one of the kindest people I knew who sacrificed the last vestige of his body to help his friend!" Tsurugi shrugged nonchalantly,

"A waste," Rin, at that, rose to his feet and stormed off, claiming that she was going to check on the traps on the far side of their perimeter, Ibiki was currently patrolling a little further out, closer to where the land of Fire bordered with Hot Springs – they'd tracked their enemy across the top of Fire, to where they'd mysteriously set down and Ibiki expected and exchange of some sort was going to be dealt; they'd paused to assess the situation.

They'd suspected some sort of connection to Iwa and the intel department were worried about any exchanges of information, they'd hoped to kidnap any and all of those involved for interrogation – although the Third war had been over for a number of years, the distrust and espionage activities of all Nations – whether they were directly involved or just on the periphery – had yet to fall back to peace-time levels. Kakashi had barely noticed Rin as she wandered off, his attention still on the Uchiha.

Things had been strained between himself and his previous and sole female teammate, with Obito and the Fourth dead and himself more often away with ANBU than not, they were already unsure of what to do with each other. Obito's pleas for Kakashi to take care of Rin still weighed heavily on him, but they couldn't resolve the awkwardness that persisted after Rin's attempt to confess her feelings for him – she'd been conflicted over her tireless attraction to him, but equal remorse over the loss of Obito and her ignorance of his feelings for her; they'd tended to avoid each other, (Kakashi satisfied that whilst Rin took on the medic side, she'd be safe enough) but that was its own betrayal, they weren't much more than strangers now, with the shadows of memories.

"Why would you want someone's eyes? What good would they be?"

"They're a clan's kekkei genkai, why do you think we'd want to take them?" Kakashi barely managed to resist the urge to roll his eyes, "You were lucky to have the protection of the Fourth, Hatake, and you're lucky to now be in demand of the ANBU department, but remember, that one day of these days, you'll falter, and we won't hesitate to take that eye back, take whatever secrets you might have learned and kill you for your audacity," Kakashi merely raised his eyebrow, apparently unfazed,

"Well, when you're done hiding in fear, I'll be waiting," The Uchiha bared teeth slightly in what was either going to be a scathing return comment or, possibly a snarl when he was immediately cut across by a bitten off scream not far from them; the Copy Nin was swift to his feet and darting towards the sound in seconds, followed by the Uchiha, to where he found a kuniochi crouched over the strewn and limp body of Rin, the enemy nin's hand glowing a hateful orangey-red from its grip around a kunai buried in Rin's chest, roughly above her heart. The kuniochi noticed the other presences immediately and Kakashi wasted no time in diving in throwing, first some shuriken followed by his steadily growing array of jutsu.

Kakashi's strikes had been hard, but designed to incapacitate her – instead of to kill her – and this gave the kuniochi leverage, she'd played her cards extremely well and, for the fact she had apparently not come alone, Kakashi's lack of punishing attack had allowed her to slip through the net. They'd never really discovered the purpose of her attack or who she was affiliated with, but if she was after their team as a whole, then she was smart to take out the medic first – the back-up she had were all skilled and enough to occupy the ANBU long enough that the kuniochi had time to escape (and do a good job in covering her tracks) and for the group they'd been tracking to escape from the sounds of the scuffle.

It was one of the biggest failures Kakashi counted in his track record, even Ibiki had been ashamed of the fiasco that mission turned out to be. Rin's death had been felt keenly through Konoha as one of the top medics, capable of coping with ANBU missions (there weren't many who could replace her, and even if the potential existed in the shinobi, it took years to train them to any sort of competency level)…and again, Kakashi had lost yet another member of his team, the penultimate vestige of it – when his sharingan eye failed him, Team Minato would truly be dead.

Kakashi threw back the final cup of rice wine and pick up the bottle for another, but sighed in irritation at the realisation of its emptiness; he rose to his feet and took only minutes to return with another, apparently catching the attention of some of the other Jounin,

"Kakashi? You're hitting the bottle unusually heavily…and in public, that pretty rare; a bad mission?" Silver-hair eyed the dark haired kuniochi stood in front of his table, holding a bottle of saké of her own as Genma and Aoba appeared at her side,

"Hey, Kurenai, what's takin' ya…oh, hi, Kakashi," The tokabetsu Jounin appeared at the table, immediately spotting the sullenness of Kakashi, despite his notoriously challenging façade to read;

"What's up?" Kakashi half-grunted, half-shrugged as he tipped out a fresh cup of the in-spirituous beverage, realising just how far his senses had been dulled at the difficulty he had in controlling the full bottle and momentum carried by the liquid, the three other nin settled themselves around him, cautious not to invaded his personal space then ignore him, but equally careful not to put him on the spot;

"Kakashi?" Kurenai began again, as the nin threw the contents of his cup down his throat,

"…Are you aware that…there's a new kuniochi in the village?" Kurenai blinked for a moment,

"Yes, I'm aware of it, why?"

"Where is she?"

"I don't know, probably in her apartment," He only just managed to resist a dangerous eye twitch.

"They gave her an apartment?"

"Apparently…why does it bother you so much?" Genma was listening in by this point,

"Where is her apartment?"

"I don't know, you'll have to ask Yuugao, she's her chaperone…of sorts," The Copy Nin gave no outward acknowledgement of the sentence, although his lips pursed, and he began rising to his feet, only to be halted by Genma,

"I don't like that look in your eye, Hatake, sit down and tell me what's going on,"

"None of your damn business," Somehow, the appearance of the others sitting around him, so oblivious to the turmoil made him want to leave – and just go and resolve the entire thing right now, the hell with the consequences…

"Sit down and talk," Genma didn't generally like to, but he knew how to turn on the authority when needs be – he also didn't like dealing with a livid Kakashi, but some things just had to be handled…maybe it was because he only had one on general display, but the Copy Nin seemed to be a master at the evil-eye. "Your drunk and angry, even in this state, you know it's a bad idea to do anything other than calm down and sober up,"

"That doesn't matter," Kakashi made to stand again, but was met with more resistance as Genma grabbed his wrist, himself rising a little out of his seat,

"I don't believe you – the very fact your angry is proof that you do care and that it does matter…sorry, but you're not going anywhere, at least, not until you cool off a little,"

"There isn't time for this," Sicne when was Genma so damn perceptive?

"Because what? This kuniochi is suddenly going to disappear off the face of the earth within the next five minutes?" Kakashi was extremely tense, Genma could feel it under his grip, he was almost about to expect him to take a swing, but in a second, the flickering tension fizzled and was gone; Kakashi inexplicably planted his ass firmly back on the seat and was busying himself pouring out another cupful of rice wine. "Now talk – what the hell's eating at you?" Kakashi sighed heavily, the sudden break in tension bringing him back to himself slightly. The combined stress of the disturbing findings in the laboratory, the discovery of Rin's murderer, the sudden fire-fight, Riichi's kidnap and then the long but ceaseless marathon back to Konoha had come down harder on him than he'd initially thought,

"I just…the last mission was stressful that's all," He took a slow sip of saké before turning to look at the slightly older shinobi to his right, whose eyebrow was raised in utter disbelief,

"…You've been raging at one person in particular, so don't fob me off with that – was she on the mission with you?"

"No," Genma nearly rolled his eyes,

"But you found her some way out of the village, right? A couple of weeks ago…so why the sudden desire to see her? What happened?" Kurenai queried, cocking her head slightly as she tried to piece it all together,

"I just…discovered some information about her, alright? I need to talk to her about it," Kakashi pushed his cup away from him, his thirst for alcohol finally quenched – the more he thought about the events leading up to his discovery (and the memories that dredged up) beginning to make him feel the slightest bit queasy.

"…Now I'm starting to think you're as confused as you are drunk," The blonde nin muttered from behind his raised cup of sake, his elongated toothpick sticking out of the right side of his mouth allowing him to knock the beverage back,

"I'm not drunk," The Copy Nin griped back,

"Oh, yea, because you've been making complete sense up 'til now," Even Aoba smirked at his as he'd just been staring slightly confusedly at the other three Jounin – who was this kuniochi? He hadn't heard anything, so far…

Nakua had been ambling through the village – the sun had set a couple of hours ago and she was enjoying the warm, calm night; her leg had felt ten times better after she'd awoken from her short nap and she'd been itching to get outside, although held off until late that evening, she wasn't a belligerent character by nature, and thought it wise to avoid situations which might cause as much tension as possible. If Yuugao's attitude was anything to go by, it certainly wouldn't be wise to make her presence any more known to the village than at present.

She'd eaten a small meal and was, by the time after, restless from having been sat still for too long with nothing to do or read or analyse – her work in laboratories might be a little taxing and grim, but it occupied her and gave her something to focus on, other than her predicament. After a while, one's surroundings become home whether they're beautiful or ugly – and for someone who spent most of her formative years in constant upheaval, she adapted perhaps a little too quickly for having a guaranteed bed for the night and a roof over her head…she still thought, on occasion, about Iimara and Tsubaki, the Wallflower Sisters as she used to jokingly call them.

They seemed to be able to overhear any and every conversation they chose, and had been a great asset to her, when she needed friends – both for allies and counsel – if it hadn't been for them, perhaps she would never have come within fifty miles of Konoha ever again and perhaps the Third would have died a lot sooner. How long had it been since she'd seen them, now? Years…she hadn't dared contact them and barely even think about them for fear of Orochimaru getting his hands on them – or disposing of them for the potential security risk he might perceive them to pose.

Still, they knew that the possibility of their being reunited was slim-to-none when she'd left and they'd said all that needed to be. As the kuniochi traced her way through the quiet and mostly empty streets, they began to give way to more secluded paths, were the houses and buildings fell back to phalanxes of trees and bushes, the tarmac, too, crumbled to earth. She breathed more deeply as the smell of nature returned and she began to feel more at home – but it seemed to fade almost as quickly as it had come for the concrete path returned with a small, but irritating step which nearly tripped the unsuspecting kuniochi; she could just about see, through the residual light from Konoha and of the waxing moon, a number of monuments.

Stepping inside the small, stepped boundary, she took in the unformed nature of the layout and, upon bending to read one of the plaques, discovered it was a graveyard. She traced the steps forward, her eyes flicking from one monument to the next, although too dark to read the individual names, the significance of the place wasn't lost on her, she meandered down the path which split the area in two up to where, at the far end was a large statue with carved out curls of red flame – and another plaque – signified who was begin adorned with such a commemoration – in a sense, who Nakua had come to Konoha looking for.

She wondered what the Third would have to say about her current predicament, where he alive to meet her like they'd agreed; Orochimaru was notorious for keeping his cards close to his chest, but she'd expected to at least hear about the fact he Hokage had died – it was probably more to do with the fact the snake Sannin didn't trust her that he'd kept her in the dark and never told her a damn thing. He only ever gave her just enough information that she wouldn't need to ask any more questions – although that by itself didn't remove any desire to on her part.

She remembered clearly her work for the past few years had been very out-of-the-way, in south eastern Fire here, HaHa Island there…she'd never been allowed into the central and most secretive of Orochimaru's bases – but of course, it was also possible he'd somehow erased her memory, which would certainly make sense…though that didn't mean there weren't more valuable things to learn about enemies than simple facts or statistics – or even plans and locations which were easy things to erase or suppress from someone's mind – the sense of an enemy, their tactics and personality – the instinct one has about their enemies, those are things more ingrained in the psyche.

Tsunade, apparently, wasn't completely ignorant of the situation, at least, which gave Nakua the leeway she needed-

"So here you are," A sudden and snide voice caught her attention and pulled her from her train of thought, she half turned around, keeping her posture and expression passive and relaxed, setting eyes on a man standing behind her, his shock silver hair waved lightly in the wind as he stood in something just off an aggressive posture – although his fists were clenched;

"Can I help you?" He narrowed his single visible eye at her, the kuniochi, meanwhile, looking him carefully up and down – he had about a half-a-head in height on her and a good few inches in width; she fully turned to face him,

"You're that woman I found outside of Konoha close to two weeks ago,"

"Oh, you're the one who found me?" He gave a vague nod, "Then I guess I am indebted to you, Mr…?"

"…Hatake Kakashi,"

"Ah, right, of course! Then I thank you, Kakashi-san," She nodded her head lightly in a polite greeting and flashed a small, smile along with it; he didn't budge or change expression,

"Do you remember what happen-what you did, over a decade ago?" She raised an eyebrow, apparently unfazed by either his threatening tone or darkening expression,

"I'm afraid you'll have to be a little more specific,"

"At the Fire border – near to the Hot Springs country, you killed a young woman with red hair and facial paint of the same colour…she was a medic," Nakua frowned lightly and averted her eyes as she considered his words,

"Hmm…well, I've have killed a lot of people, but yes, I think I remember someone vaguely like that…" Something in Kakashi snapped at her blasé attitude and he grabbed her collar dragging her slightly closer,

"Do you have any idea who she was?" The kuniochi was still unimpressed by his display,

"What? Was she your lover?"

"No…" Kakashi answered perhaps a little too quickly, and she felt his grip relax slightly, "But she was entrusted to my care,"

"So what? She couldn't look after herself? Bah, she didn't put up that much of a fight," He immediately tensed again, apparently struggling to rein in the desire to attack her, "…Now you want to kill me for killing her?"

"Yes," She offered a light smirk, "I do want to kill you," His eye continued to narrow as his hands shook slightly, "I should have killed you a long time ago,"

"Yes, you should have – see all the trouble that mercy gets you into?" She tutted slightly as she shook her head, a teasing smile creeping to her face, "Tut, tut, the great Copy Nin, who'd have thought he'd falter so easily?" She gave a breath of laughter just before Kakashi flung her backwards; but the kuniochi flipped and managed to avoid slamming into the memorial, she stuck to it with chakra at the soles of her feet, before pushing off and diving towards Kakashi, who blocked her punch and swung her around, again hurtling her backwards. Nakua skidded on the balls of her feet to a slow halt, rising gently back upright,

"Wow, you certainly have a temper, don't you?" She grinned again, and reached around to drag kunai out of her pouch,

"They've even given you weapons?" He crouched himself as he too drew out two kunai, "They trust you more than they should,"

"Seems to be a common theme around here, ne?" He darted forward and the blur of movement was broken by the harsh gnash of metal blades biting – they tensed and resisted against each other for a few moments, "Will you really kill me? Tsunade won't be pleased," He forced her to take a step back with a sudden thrust of force – her arms began to buckle as his full strength was more than she could cope with; but just as soon as he bared down on her, the pressure was gone, he was a few feet away with his back turned. He'd caught her off guard, but she didn't show it,

"You're trusting me again," He shrugged his shoulders as a third nin appeared from behind Nakua,

"Aeyaki-san, Tsunade-sama wishes to see you," She turned slightly, enough to see the artificial and barren mask of an ANBU agent, she returned her eyes to Kakashi's back, it appeared relaxed, his hands were in his pockets, the kunai that had once been gripped in them nowhere in sight and his head was still held high, as though no confrontation had ever taken place between them.

The kuniochi slowly replaced her kunai to her pouch and turned her back to the silver haired shinobi,

"I'll see you soon, Kakashi-san," She offered innocently as she followed the nin who leapt away, it took barely a few minutes before they landed in front of the administration building and walked slowly up to the office – the halls were still fairly busy, even for the late hour;

"Tsunade-sama, I have brought Aeyaki Nakua to you,"

"Good, show her in," The ANBU stepped back from the door and allowed the kuniochi to walk in, "Nakua;" She greeted, and as soon as the door was closed behind her, the Hokage invited her to sit, "I think it's time we discussed why you came back and just exactly what agreement you made with the Third,"

"Why now, all of a sudden?"

"I've been looking over the old files, left behind by the previous Hokage and there are a few things I'm not sure about, I need as much information as you can give me,"

"…Hmm…it won't complete,"

"Why not?"

"I suspect Orochimaru will have altered my memories, so I can't tell you any direct plans…but I can tell you the gist of my research, the locations of one or two old labs,"

"How much time did you spend directly with Orochimaru?"

"Not much, I was always often at one of the outer bases, training, researching – one every few months to a year I'd check in with Kabuto – I only recall one or two times I'd ever seen or spoken with Orochimaru directly,"

"Hmm…Well, we should start at the beginning, tell me, which came first, your arrangement with the Third or Orochimaru?" The kuniochi leaned back in her chair and averted her eyes to the ceiling,

"It's been so long, I've almost forgotten…I think I was lost, I was brought to the Third and he and I spoke for a long time – he remembered me from when I left Konoha…he convinced me to keep in contact with Konoha, even though I didn't want to return,"

"Why did you leave in the first place?"

"The Jounin instructor for my group was the one responsible for my parents' deaths," Tsunade raised an eyebrow,

"And Sarutobi didn't have you reassigned?" Nakua shrugged slightly, a small and somewhat watery smile appeared on her face,

"It was the principle of the thing…but, I left anyway, and after my dealings with the Third it must have been…six – maybe seven months after when I had a confrontation with Kabuto…"

…

As soon as Nakua had leapt away Kakashi too had taken himself off towards one of the training grounds – and a tree took the brunt of his rage – even he could barely believe just how angry he still was; the rage thrummed through his veins at not only having come face to face with Rin's killer, but her amused and uncaring attitude had riled him more than he thought possible – his chakra focussed automatically as threw his fists at the trunk as hard as he could, uncaring for his splitting, screaming knuckles – or the equally protesting bark.

It felt good just to channel all of his aggression into something; he wanted to destroy something, to make it suffer the way he had been made to…he could only feel the conflict between his raw, explosive need to kill her, the want to make her suffer for everything she'd done – and the innate knowledge that it was wrong, that he could not justify the cold, vengeful murder of that woman…especially not when she had the ability to help fight against one of Konoha's greatest enemies.

He was conflicted in a way he hadn't known before…he was still just so angry, and he couldn't begin to rationalise it – it was just cold, raw hateful, everything negative and destructive. Finally, as his strength waned and the pain in his hands got the better of him, he swiped one last clumsy punch at the bark before he slumped against it – the sudden exertion combined with his sense of helplessness and indecision.

He felt stupid for his loss of control, the pain of his hands bringing him back to reality as he shifted awkwardly to rest his back against the tree, sighing heavily averting his eye up to the inky black sky, pitted with diamond stars…what the hell was wrong with him? He never lost control like this and he couldn't afford to do so again… True he had drunk earlier in the evening, but he'd taken a long walk and had sobered significantly before he came across her – although apparent, enough remained in his blood stream that it had inhibited enough of his inhibitions to attack her without thought of the rules of a proper spar.

Damn, he'd need to keep himself away from her – even that accursed attitude of hers would set him off again, how could she be so uncaring about the deaths she's responsible for? How could she care so little about the pain she'd caused? Had she really been so twisted that life was now so meaningless to her?

It beginning to make him angry again just thinking about it as he pushed off the tree and darted back to his apartment – he wasn't going to apologise for his actions, but he certainly wasn't about to allow them to happen again, either – he couldn't risk losing his cool and, equally, he resented her attitude. He didn't want to see how continually blasé her outlook was – it so invalidated the agonising he'd done over the years and the work he'd done in learning how to resolve his pain.

Even so, she was still not fully trusted and had a limited rein in Konoha – it shouldn't be too difficult to avoid her…he couldn't manage it indefinitely, but if all went well, he could at least lie low until he'd be able to deal with her on less emotionally charged terms. It shouldn't be too difficult, should it? Tsunade would, in theory keep her busy, and Kakashi knew every nook and cranny in Konoha in which to hide…and Yuugao was her chaperone, was she? Then maybe he could pull a few strings and have the ANBU keep her well out of his way? A small twitch of a smile pulled at his lips as he'd finally reined in the worst of the emotion coursing through him.

No…it wouldn't be too difficult; as Kakashi unzipped his flak jacket and kicked off his sandals, he made his way to his bathroom to wash his hands, gently tugging off his blood encrusted gloves all the while, his mind work more on his plans for avoidance and as he held his knuckles beneath the steady stream of cool water, he could feel his anger and frustration ebb along with the red stains on his skin.

..

.

A/n - I donpe you don't think Kakashi was too out of character - but personally, I don't see him as an unfeeling monster, I think he can get pretty riled up if someone pushes his buttons right (or wrong, whichever lol) and I reckon that someone making light of killing his team-mates would be one such large and very shiny button which which to piss off Hatake Kakashi lol...