Chapter 4: If Looks Could Kill

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. I wish I did because it would mean that I could command Ellen Pompeo and Patrick Dempsey to make out for hours on end. But I can't, because I do not own Grey's Anatomy.

Okay so I am really trying to get better at updating more often. If you yell at me and send me mean e-mails I will probably be scared into update more. So you could try that. And reviews always help (okay I'll quit begging).

So here we go, I'm moving forward and I know that there hasn't been a lot of action but the action is coming. Like next chapter I drop a bombshell. You know how Shonda likes to tell us in her pod casts that there is a big thing coming at the end of the next episode? This is that kind of thing. So please hang in there and I promise my next update will have something cool in it. Yay!

So here we are. It is a month later in this world. Things are going well. And this chapter is mainly filler for the next one and kind of short but some important things happen to help you understand the worlds of our characters. So here you are, and please review! )

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"Meredith, shut up," Cristina barked at her friend, her hand wrapped tightly around her mug of beer.

"You don't think that's weird?" Meredith whispered, tracing lines up and down the length of her glass, trying hard to not to seem as insecure as she felt.

"No, I do not think it is weird that you and McVet have yet to fight again. He's the true, un-married McDreamy. In fact he's better than McDreamy, he's McPerfect. Except for the fact that he does not do something totally cool like cut open brains for a living, he births baby horses," Cristina reassured Meredith, growing more frustrated by the minute. She couldn't help but wonder why her best friend had fallen for a horse-midwife. And then she remembered that the last man Meredith fell for turned out to be a married jackass, so she swigged the last of her beer and put a smile on her face.

"Well I do. Think it's weird," Meredith shrugged and mimicked her friend, drinking the last of her water.

"Mere, you don't know what to do when something good happens to you. That's what's weird," Cristina said bluntly, motioning to Joe that another beer was in order. Nursing Meredith through a night of reassurance required the addition of alcohol.

"Like you're one to give advice," Meredith pouted and dug through her purse until she found her cell phone to check for any missed messages.

"Seriously Meredith, I'm allowed to say this to you because I am a self-proclaimed bitch and I'm your person. Let's face it, you've had so many bad things happen to you that good things scare the shit out of you – they are new. I get it Mere but admit it, the pony midwife is good for you," as the words spilled out of her mouth, Cristina could barely understand why she was not in the bathroom vomiting. She, Cristina Yang, was encouraging Meredith to date a vet.

"But…"

"Is the sex good?" Cristina questioned, crushing the shell of a peanut in her hand.

"Well, yeah," Meredith answered.

"And the tequila-to-numb-the-pain… has that stopped?" Meredith only pointed to her glass of water and smiled.

"So then really, what else do you need?" Cristina begged of her friend.

"You get that I hate you, right?" Meredith muttered in defeat.

"You just hate that I'm always right. Now shut up and drink your water, you big baby," and as Cristina took another sip of her beer, Meredith's phone began to ring loudly in her purse. The picture of a grinning man that flashed on the screen of her best friend's phone told Cristina she was about to be subjected to a night of pure torture: stories from the animal kingdom.

"Finn's coming," Meredith couldn't help but smile. Her friend was right; Finn was the best thing to happen to her. He listened, he cared and he had never hurt her. That was worth a hell of a lot more than earth shattering sex and the painful memory of meeting your boyfriend's wife… right?

"Joe, could I get a shot of tequila please?" Cristina joked.

"You're not allowed to steal my coping mechanism. Besides, you said he was McPerfect!" Meredith defended her boyfriend, laughing as Cristina pretended to vomit.

"McPerfect for you and McPerfect for me are two totally different things. And Burke doesn't cry during sex," Cristina pointed out.

"So you just admitted that Burke was your McDreamy!" Meredith pointed a finger at her friend, taking note of her weakness.

"Burke cuts open peoples' chests, tinkers around with the very essence of their being and sews them back up again so that they can live. Finn cries while he's thrusting inside of you and castrates dogs. I don't think it's much of a stretch for me to say that we have different definitions of perfect, Mere."

"That's not always what McPerfect was to me!" Meredith shot back before she could stop herself. The fact of the matter was that it wasn't the lack of fighting that scared her… it was that she didn't have to coax Finn into sharing information with her, or try to talk him out of operating on someone's back and she certainly didn't have to worry about whether or not her roommates would think she was jeopardizing her career. Finn was safe and Finn was stable and the concept that there was no concrete reason to doubt their relationship left Meredith in a new and scary place.

"Touched a nerve, huh?" Cristina asked, cursing herself for her choice of words. Nerve… neuron… neurosurgeon… McDreamy… it wouldn't be long before Meredith would be reaching for the bottle of tequila.

"Maybe," Meredith answered, frustrated by the tango that she and Cristina were doing. Meredith had grown tired of having to be convinced that dating Finn was the right thing to do. She had grown tired of wondering whether or not she should tell her best friend that she compared sex with Finn to sex with Derek on an unhealthy and constant basis. She had grown tired of waking up each morning next to Finn's sleeping form knowing that she had to go save the lives of humans while he saved the lives of those humans' pets. Meredith had grown tired of trying to replace Derek.

"Stop trying to replace him, Mere," Cristina whispered and startled Meredith. Did Cristina really know her that well, that she could predict Meredith's thoughts?

"I… I can't help it," a tiny voice in Meredith's throat escaped.

"It will get easier with time."

"How do you know?" Meredith questioned meekly.

"Because you are strong. That's how I know. As beautiful and as touching as this moment was, it makes my skin crawl. So can we just savor the few minutes we have before I have to hear about Balto's litter being delivered today?" Cristina smiled.

"Okay, but come pee with me first," Meredith insisted, lifting herself from her seat and wiping some peanut shells off of her outfit.

"You can be such a girl… really Meredith, it doesn't suit you," Cristina protested, following Meredith to the bathroom. They made their way through the small crowd of people and into the bathroom at the back of the bar. As her friend closed the door to her stall, Cristina examined herself in the mirror. "I am really good looking," she commented.

"You want to know who is really good looking?" Meredith questioned from her secluded place as she squatted above the toilet.

"Say the vet and I will kill you," Cristina interjected, her voice falling as the door to the bathroom opened and none other than Addison Montgomery-Shepherd entered the small space.

"Good evening Doctor Yang," her pleasant voice echoed and drowned out the noise of Meredith's hitched breath.

"Um, yeah hi Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd," she squeaked, a small part of her considered fleeing and abandoning Meredith.

"I'm surprised that you are not doing pre-rounds already," Addison joked and smiled at Cristina who did not even bother to respond. "You can say it, Yang. 'I'm surprised that you are not showing up in town and destroying Meredith's life.' I get it, you guys hate me. And I can't blame you but you have to know that Derek is worth fighting for. I hope you can come to understand that," Addison insisted, turning her head to see Meredith's slouched body nearly crawling out of the stall.

The air in the room seemed to disappear and Meredith felt as if she were choking. Being trapped in a dingy bathroom with the perfect wife that ruined her life was far from an ideal way to spend the night.

"Doctor Grey," Addison managed, her voice much quieter and a degree kinder than it had been before.

"Hi," Meredith breathed, quickly moving to the sink to wash her hands.

"Well, this is awkward," Addison tried to ease the tensions but saw not even the slightest movement in Meredith's determined demeanor.

"Doctor Shepherd, you don't have to try and explain yourself. He's your husband, I was just the stupid intern dumb enough to be his mistress. Really, I'm over it. I'm seeing Finn now," Meredith stated quietly, surprised at how easily the words tumbled out of her mouth. In that instant, a small piece of Addison broke. Suddenly she had an explanation for Derek's increased complacency and quiet anger: Meredith had moved on. Clearly, Derek hadn't… even if he was sleeping next to his wife each night.

"Enjoy your night," Meredith added as she left the room, a startled Cristina on her tail.

"That right there… that is why you are my person," Cristina commented as they got back onto their seats at the bar.

"He's here… and Finn is coming soon. And I can't deal with that because he will watch me. It's bad enough to have to work with him, but to see him hang his head over his scotch is just too much," Meredith admitted, silently begging Cristina for some sort of answer with her eyes.

"Mere please don't tell me that I have to call you Bambi now. Seriously," Cristina replied, scanning the room for Derek.

"Okay," Meredith nodded and placed a peanut in her mouth, slowly chewing it as a means of something to concentrate on.

"Don't worry, they're leaving," Cristina referred to the Shepherds who were exiting Joe's Bar, one behind the other. The jangle of the bell alerted Meredith's attention to the door, where Finn was standing face to face with Derek.

"Doctor Shepherd and the other Doctor Shepherd," Finn smiled, and extended his hand while smiling at Addison.

"Finn," Derek mustered in a voice that was far detached from being pleasant.

"You're leaving? You two should join Meredith and me for a drink. I know she's here somewhere," he insisted as he scanned the room for his girlfriend.

"Sorry, we've got to get going," Derek rejected the invitation, eager to get out of the bar as soon as possible.

"Oh well sometime later then, have a great evening," Finn smiled at Addison and grinned when he saw Meredith sitting at the bar, nonchalantly observing the scene unfold. Derek watched as Finn stared at Meredith, and fought hard to keep his hands at his sides. The jealousy that consumed him was something foreign to Derek and he struggled with the new emotion. But beyond the jealousy lied something much scarier: all Derek could think of as he watched Meredith look at another man was that their sacred place, their bar, was no longer theirs. Meredith had replaced him; she had even brought that man into the very place where she and Derek started the tangled weave of love and angst. The realization that Meredith truly was no longer his, that she had truly moved on filled Derek Shepherd with pain.

As they left the Emerald City Bar and Derek jetted through the parking lot, Addison held her breath. This was it… the defining moment of her marriage. The moment where she knew that the eleven years of faith she had were meaningless now – Derek truly did not love her. As Derek slammed the door of the car, Addison smiled. She was finally ready to let go of Derek Shepherd and she only hoped that her husband was ready to admit that being noble was a silly mistake.

By the time they had reached the trailer, Derek's breathing had turned into a series of repeated huffs. He did not even try to hide the fact that rage was swimming through his blood. He marched into the trailer and locked himself in the bathroom. Derek cursed himself for denying his heart when during the couple of months since Addison had returned it grew more and more difficult to ignore the voice inside his head that told him he made a mistake. Derek was angry at himself more than he was at Finn; he pushed Meredith away. He had been fooling himself all these months and in the meantime had destroyed so many people; himself, Meredith and Addison. As tears fell from Derek's eyes, he knew it was time to stop destroying people for the sake of nobility. When he emerged from their bathroom, he finally settled his nerves. Addison sat on the bed, a small understanding smirk gracing her face.

"Addie, we need to talk…"