Breaking of Logan

Warning: Possible trigger warnings apply. So sorry.

Hesh collapsed from exhaustion several days later. Logan panicked.

"Hesh!" He cried, running to his brother. "Hesh wake up, please!" Logan shook him and when Hesh didn't respond he threw himself on his brother, sobbing. "Please, don't leave me. I'm sorry, please don't go." Keegan came across the scene a few minutes later.

"What happened?" He asked. Logan could barely speak through his sobs. But Keegan seemed to understand. He called for help and two medics arrived. Logan reacted badly when they tried to move him to examine Hesh.

"No! Don't touch him!" He yelled. Keegan struggled to pull him away from Hesh to let the medics do their the job. "Let me go!"

"Logan, they're here to help. You have to let them do their jobs."

"Hesh!" Logan was not in a good mental state and Keegan finally managed to rip him from Hesh. Logan flailed and tried to get free. "No! Let go of me!"

"We're gonna need help in here."

"Hesh!"

"Give me 10 ccs of diazepam!"

"Hesh!" Logan wailed.

Between the medics, with Keegan's help, they manaaged to force the needle into his arm and give him the drug. Logan screamed and struggled until it began to take hold. Then his movements became sluggish, and uncoordinated. He sagged in Keegan's arms, his muscles going limp. He whimpered as they fell to the ground, Logan heavily drugged and Keegan exhausted.

"We'll send another team for him, let's concentrate on his brother first."

Logan whined from within Keegan's arms when Hesh was put onto a stretcher and taken out. He sounded much like a wounded, cornered animal and his actions had been much like it. The second set of medics strapped the barely awake man to the stretcher before transporting him to the infirmary. Hesh woke up twelve hours afterwards.

"What happened?"

"Your body was not happy about the lack of sleep. You passed out. Scared the hell out of Logan." Merrick said.

"Where is he?"

"He's fine. They had to sedate him when he refused to let them get to you. He's sleeping off the effects."

"I need to be there when he wakes up."

"You're no use to him like this. I know you want to be there all the time, but you aren't helping anyone like this. He needs help that you can't give him."

"I know. I don't want him to be labeled, it'll destroy his career. If he's declared mentally unstable, he'll have to leave and stay in a civilian facility."

"He is mentally unstable, Hesh. I know this is your brother, but unless he starts improving, there'snot much you can do."

"And he can't until he remembers what happened. He repressed those memories to protect himself. It's not fair that he has to relive them."

"They'll come back eventually. And when they do, they'll hit him like a brick."

Hesh bit his lip.

"I want your word that you'll find someone that won't do more harm than good."

"I want him to get better too. I owe your father that much."

Hesh was released six days later, after the doctors made sure that he was in no danger from his insomnia. Logan was forced to stay another two weeks, sedated most of the time he was there. It hurt so much to see Logan like that, and made Hesh feel like the world's biggest failure. If he'd just searched harder, gotten to Logan faster... Hesh was given directions on how to continue the sedative for the month to slowly wean Logan off of them. Logan was tired all the time as a result of the drug, now in oral form every six hours. Merrick let Hesh take Logan with him to the training yard because Logan just watched quietly from the sidelines. He was sleeping throughout the night, thanks to a second medication he was given. Hesh wasn't sure if he had the nightmares still but he was probably too heavily drugged to get that far in sleep.

The month seemed to drag on and though Hesh was finally getting his rest, he still worried about how Logan was doing. Outwardly, he seemed better now that he was with his older brother and it was sweet. Logan never complained, not that his words made a whole lot of sense, with his speech slurred because of the drugs. Hesh was also sharing a bunk with Logan, scared that he'd overdosed his little brother. Logan didn't seem to mind. He smiled at Hesh each night before lights out, his eyes distant and his smile lopsided before falling asleep. He ate when told and was able to function on a minimal level. By the second week, Hesh was asking the doctors if there was something else they could prescribe so that his brother wasn't a zombie. He had a bad reaction to the second one so they went back to the first.

When Logan was finally off the sedatives, he sat next to Hesh.

"I'm starting to remember."

"Everything?"

"No. It comes in flashes that aren't really memories, more like...impressions."

"What do you want to do?"

"Hesh, I need to see someone. Someone who has answers. Could you come with me? I don't want to go alone."

Hesh turned to Logan. They were in the mess hall and Logan was picking at what looked like peas on his plate. He always hated them when they were young but Hesh suspected that it was a nervous tick.

"I'll take you, if that's what you want. I'll wait with you, I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you're in good hands." Logan hugged him without warning.

"Thank you. I... I'm so scared, Hesh. I don't want...I can't..."

"I've got you Logan. You're safe now."

Logan followed Hesh the next day to the base psychatrist.

"Ah, you must be Logan. Have a seat." He gestured to a chair. "You can wait for him outside. I apologize about the small space."

"Can Hesh stay?"

"I would like to see you alone first, then we'll let your brother in. Is that okay?"

"I guess."

Logan followed.

"So, tell me about yourself."

"I was fifteen when the ODIN strikes hit." Logan said. "I lost my father to a madman named Rorke and from what I was told it wasn't pretty. I remember some of what happened to me."

Several months earlier, somewhere in South America...

Logan tried not to eat the food they gave him or drink the water, chosing to dump it on the ground and fill the cup with rainwater. But it didn't always rain and he was getting dehydrated. After a few days, he gave in and drank the poisoned water. The pain was incredible, and he felt nauseated soon after. After three days of being sick, he couldn't see, his vision failing. He shuddered and laid against the wall miserably.

"Hesh." He moaned, his left arm wrapped around his midsection. "Hesh, help me. I can't..." He shut his eyes. It was no use keeping them open if he couldn't see anyway. His right arm was still twisted in a funny way. They hadn't bothered putting a cast on it before throwing him down this pit. "Hesh. Please, where are you?"

He had no idea how long he was sick for, he knew that he got worse, but the days blurred together and he slept a whole lot. He was dragged from the pit and brought to Rorke.

"You stink, kid." He said, and splashed a bucket of ice-water over Logan. Logan cried out but he couldn't go anywhere flanked by two guards who held him by his upper arms. If they were unhappy about getting wet, they didn't indicate it. "Clean him up." Logan struggled but his movements were uncoordinated and weak, easily brushed aside. He was cut out of the clothes he'd been captured in and forced into a shower stall. He didn't have enough higher function to be embarrassed. He was scrubbed, none too gently and washed down twice from head to toe. When he was cleaned he was dragged out by his left arm and brought to Rorke still dripping wet.

He was forced to his knees and he fell forward onto his face. "Much better, I hate stink." Logan laid on the floor, shivering, gasping and trying not to pass out. He wondered what was happening. "Hold him still." He was pinned by the wrists to the floor and he wailed as the bones in his right arm ground against one another, his legs kicking wildly as he tried to free his body. His eyes widened in horror when he felt a finger slide across the skin of his rear end. He shook his head frantically. Then there was sharp, burning pain in his lower half and he screamed, going limp. "Relax, kid. I haven't even started yet." Rorke said, sounding maliciously gleeful.

He knew it probably wouldn't help but he still tried begging.

"No... Please... Not that. Please!" Rorke ignored him and Logan started when he felt something slick run down his crack. He sobbed, and shook his head again. "No, don't please." Then he howled when something that felt too big and hard began to force it's way inside. He shook from the pain, bit his lip to stifle the sobs and shut his eyes, praying it would be over soon. He needed his brother to come barging through the door now more than ever. Torture, he might have survived. But this, he didn't want to survive. Hesh was nowhere to be seen though and Logan wondered if his brother was dead from the injury he'd given him. Logan laid miserably on the cold, unyielding ground, pinned there by two guards and a psycopath.

An eternity seemed to pass for him before the weight on his back was gone, leaving him feel as if his entire spine was on fire. He struggled to get his breathing under control, tried to focus on the sounds in the room but it was hard. He finally managed to get his sobs under control and let out shuddering hiccups instead. He hadn't opened his eyes yet and he was so tired. Maybe now they would let him rest?

He was dragged from the ground and forced to face his attacker. He glared at Rorke, hatred rising from the pit of his stomach. Rorke laughed. "I like your spirit kid!"

"Fuck you!" He rasped.

"You know what to do." He was dragged to a small room with a table. He was strapped to the table and then Rorke came in.

"You were tortured, violated."

Logan nodded, not trusting his voice to not to crack. "I also remember them getting me ready for surgery, and I remember waking up afterward alone except a nurse. I think I scared her to death. And she told me what they did to me. I don't really remember much of what happened after that. I have an impression of it, surviving by hiding."

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired, confused and like a failure. I don't want to keep Hesh up at night with my nightmares. It made him sick. I wonder if it would be better if I'd died. My brother collapsed because of me."

Logan realized that he'd given the therapist almost all his fears. He didn't know what else to say and he bit his lip.