Love And Loss

Chapter 4

Dave felt like crying. If he hadn't been a strong, Italian alpha-male with a reputation as big as Texas and an ego as big as the whole United States he would probably let the tears run freely, but a man like him didn't cry, especially not in front of an audience.

He should have known. He should have known that Erin Strauss could not be trusted.

Never before, not even with his ex-wives, had he felt so betrayed. Over the weekend! This could only mean she'd heard his phone conversation with Hotch and drew her own conclusions. And instead of talking to him, she'd done what she always did: Use the information to her own advantage, to inflict the biggest possible harm on Hotch and his team.

But she would not get away with this. Not this time.

Brushing past her assistant, who jumped up from her desk and tried her best to stop him from entering her boss's office, he yanked the door open and stomped inside.

"David-"

"You've gone too far this time, Erin," he shouted furiously. "Of all the things you've done, I never would have thought you could deceive me in such a way!"

Erin held his violent gaze, and tried to stay calm and focused.

"Why don't you sit down so we can talk?"

"I don't know what's there to talk about. You betrayed me, and you betrayed my team! But the last word's not been spoken on this! You're going to regret this!" Dave fumed.

His not so subtle threat didn't miss its intended effect. Erin sank back in her chair, trying desperately to keep her cold, arrogant mask in place. Looking into his eyes, she noticed the hurt and disappointment in addition to his anger.

She knew she had screwed up. She had already known before she talked to JJ that he wouldn't take this lightly, but if she was honest with herself, she had underestimated his reaction. She would not have expected it to be that furious. And for the first time in her life, she really wished she had handled things differently, she wished she would have been the person David Rossi seemed to bring out when they were alone.

"David, let me explain, please!" She made an attempt to get him to listen to her.

"What's there to explain? You used me! You used me to get information about my team. I knew you'd do a lot of things to destroy us, but I honestly didn't think you'd play me like that. Tell me, was there anything real about it when you were with me? What else did you steal while you were at my house?" Dave kept yelling at her.

"It's not like that- " Erin tried to defend herself.

"The hell it isn't! Did you at least have fun while you fucked me?"

"David, please-" She began again, but was cut short by Hotch appearing in her office.

Having heard Dave's last sentences, he stared at him in obvious shock about the revelation, but caught himself quickly.

"Chief Strauss, I believe there is something we need to talk about," he stated.

"Of course, Agent Hotchner. Have a seat."

"Dave, would you please leave us alone?" Hotch said to Dave, who shook his head.

"I'm not leaving until I get some answers."

"Why don't you sit down, too?" Erin said, and turning to her assistant who was fearfully peaking into the room, she added: "Gina, close the door please, will you?"

It took another long, dark glare from Hotch to get Dave to sit down as well.

Hotch was the one who started then.

"Chief Strauss. Is this really necessary? Agent Jareau has always been an impeccable agent. Losing her would be a great disadvantage for the team."

"I'm afraid it is, Agent Hotchner. Although, you should rather see this as a promotion for her. She's going to have a lot more responsibilities in Baltimore. But these rules that you've decided to ignore are there for a reason."

"Come on, Erin, you can't seriously insist on abiding by the same rules you are violating as well. We all know you're just looking for an excuse to break up the team. Why don't you just do us all a favor and at least admit it?" Dave threw in.

"Agent Rossi!"

"Really Erin," Dave continued, ignoring her exclaim, putting a distinctive, hateful emphasis on her first name. "You're the biggest goddamn hypocrite I've ever met. What do you call what we did? Oh, I forgot, being Erin Strauss must mean those rules don't apply to you."

"Dave, it's enough," Hotch hissed angrily. He knew Dave was right, and he wanted nothing more than to slap Strauss' face, too, but they wouldn't get anywhere by pissing her off even more. Besides, right now he did not want to hear anything about his best friend's affair with Strauss. It was hard enough to have found out about it like that, and he was going to talk to Dave about it later, but his main focus was JJ at the moment.

"Mine and Agent Jareau's relationship has never for one minute affected our work. If anything, we work even stronger and closer together now. There has to be a way to evade these rules," Hotch continued firmly.

"They're not even married, don't these regulations only apply to married couples?" Dave asked. "If you hadn't used me to spy on the team, you wouldn't even know about Aaron and JJ. So let's cut the crap and be reasonable here."

"For the record, David: I didn't use you. For anything. And I also didn't spy on your team." Erin replied harshly. I'm not having this conversation with you now, but if it is any consolation: I was with you, because I wanted you, because I cared about you. I still do. But it's not as simple as it seems, gentlemen." She took a deep breath and went on with her explanation.

"Every department in the Bureau is facing budget cuts and redistribution. You of all people should know that, Agent Hotchner. We barely got through the BAU's last budget."

"So you're using JJ as a scapegoat?" Dave asked incredulously.

"The director has been after me for weeks for a decision to downsize the BAU's budget. You probably won't believe this right now, but I have actually fought for your team, and every single one of its members. I've tried to find a way to save costs elsewhere, but personnel costs simply make the biggest part of a budget. There is no way around of having someone released from this team. I needed to make a decision."

"Well, I don't accept it," Dave burst out loudly.

"With all due respect, Ma'am, but has it ever occurred to you to talk to me as well?" Hotch asked. "This is my team we're talking about here, and I should have a say if someone needs to get transferred."

"And who would you have chosen?" Erin questioned. "Are you telling me you would have been able to make this decision, and if yes, it would have been a different one? I understand your frustration, Agent Hotchner, but all things considered, Agent Jareau is the only reasonable choice."

Hotch bit his lip and drew in a deep breath. He hated to admit it, but she was right. It wasn't that JJ didn't have a valuable position on the team, but she was not a profiler. The rest of the team could take over her job, as harsh as it sounded. They would all have to face an exponentially increasing amount of workload, but at the end of the day, they'd be able to do it. Plus, if he hadn't chosen JJ, it would have looked like he'd play favors, because she was his girlfriend.

Hotch stared at Strauss for a few moments before he broke the eye contact.

"Fine. If Agent Jareau has to leave, then I'll go too."

Dave's and Erin's eyes widened in surprise.

"Hotch-"

"No, I mean it. I'm not going to let my relationship be destroyed by this." He stood up abruptly. "If that's all, you'll find my letter of resignation on your desk by noon."

Without another glance at either Dave or Strauss, he left.

Dave got up as well, but before he turned to leave, he said, not hiding his disappointment: "Why not me, Erin? If you're going down this argumentation, why didn't you pick me? It would save the Bureau a hell of a lot more money, and you know that."

She couldn't say anything. Of course she'd thought about him, too, but she didn't want to admit that she feared if he was gone from the FBI again, their relationship would be over as well.

"You could have just talked to me and we would have found a solution. I would have helped you, you know. Now you're all on your own." He finished.

Leaning down and into Erin's personal space, piercing his dark, angry eyes into hers, he whispered dangerously: "If you don't find a way to fix this, I swear to God, Erin, I'll take you down with us all."