Chapter Three: Welcome to the House of Fun
Perlman lead me into Sionis' old ironworks, now twisted into a carnival, bright colours splashed over the walls, rollercoasters and clown everywhere. He lead me through the maze of corridors until I got to a door.
"Don't panic, just talk." Perlman said. He pushed me through into darkness. There was a single light bulb which provided just a speck of light.
"What do you want?" Came a coarse voice out of the gloom.
"I want to see the Joker." I answered, looking around for the source of the voice.
"What the hell do you want to see him for? He a nutter." The voice answered.
"I want to join him." I said.
"Oh my God! A hammer!" Shouted the voice in alarm. I jumped and saw a massive hammer land where I was. A massive, muscular man stepped out of the darkness. He was covered in tattoos and had wild green hair and a red nose. He was shirtless, exposing his muscular body, but I couldn't criticize him as he was still wearing more clothes than I was. Oh yeah, his left arm was missing. I heard the voice laughing and then someone grabbed me from behind. I was twisted round and a knife was stuffed into my mouth, and the lights came on. Stood in front of me was the white faced, red lipped face of the Joker.
"So kid, still wanna join?" He laughed and I stood still, hoping the knife wouldn't slice me.
"Aww, ain't he cute Puddin'?" Said a voice behind him.
"Yeah Harley, adorable." The Joker said in a deadpan voice. I looked behind him and saw his girlfriend, Harley Quinn. She was dressed in a red and black corset and black thigh high skirt, with elbow length fingerless gloves and Knee high red boots, a large hammer next to her, but nowhere near as large as the once that the one-armed guy tried to attack me with. She had her hair up in a ponytail and her face was white, with harsh black eyeliner and eye shadow and dark red lipstick.
She jumped off the table and ran over to me. "Can we keep him Puddin'? Please please please?"
"Harley, you're embarrassing yourself." Joker said, still holding the knife in my mouth.
"But he's so cute!" She said. Joker kicked her out of the way and she fell over, and he sighed.
"What do you have to offer kid?" Joker asked and took the knife out of my mouth.
"Do you have a laptop?" I asked.
"Harley!" Joker shouted. "Laptop!" Harley quickly got up and grabbed a laptop from a draw and gave it to the Joker, who put it into my hands. I put it on the floor and reached into my boxers. "Whoa whoa kid, not here!" Shouted the Joker, laughing.
I pulled out my phone and connected it to the laptop, then gave it to him. As well as putting all of the files onto the memory stick, I also put them onto my phone as a backup plan.
"Well well well, Strangey, what are you planning?" Joker said. "Okay kid, your're in. I've been looking for a left-hand man for a while."
"Why not a right-hand man?" I asked, puzzled.
"Cause Mr Hammer here is missing his left hand, so he's my right-hand man." The Joker said. "Harley is of course my loyal fan-club and Perlman who you've already met," Joker said, gesturing to a corner where Perlman was sitting 'is also rather special in the Joker hierarchy."
"How did you get in?" I asked him.
"What do you mean?" Perlman asked.
"Well you stayed outside, and the door hasn't opened."
"Mate, I've came in behind you."
"Really?"
"Five minutes here and the kids already going crazy!" Laughed the Joker. "Right kid, we're going to train you so that you don't get shot in the face the first time you go out then you can be my lieutenant. Any objections?"
"None at all." I said, smiling.
A month passed after that, and I spent it training extensively. I was taught acrobatics by Harley, went through strength training with Hammer, sneaking and stealth with Perlman and the Joker himself taught me how to kill people in all sort of ways. I had killed a few people to cement my reputation in Joker's gang, and anyone who opposed me in it usually wound up dead.
I had just woken up, and was looking around my room. It was small, with an old bed and a desk, with posters of girls, films, bands and the like pinned up. Most of these were brought from Ratcatcher (who had the second largest black-market in Arkham, second only to Penguin). Harley opened the door and walked in and I quickly covered myself in the sheets of the bed.
"Don't you knock Harley?" I asked her.
"Cool it." She said, and ripped the sheets off me. "Actually, put them back on, and get some clothes on." I reached for the old clothes I had been wearing, but Harley grabbed them off me. "Mr J's got you some nice new clothes, specially made."
"And here I though you just liked me without clothes on." I said, smiling.
"Don't flatter yourself Con." She said bluntly.
"If I don't, who will?" I chuckled. She dropped the clothes on the bed and looked at me.
"You make a better killer than a comedian." She said as she walked out the room.
"Thanks?" I asked as she shut the door. I jumped off my bed and stood in front of the large mirror I had. It was cracked in the top corner and was just about big enough so that I could see all of myself in it. It had changed since I had first came in. My hair was messier and darker due to it not being washed, and my skin was paler. My face was gaunt from lack of food and my cheekbones were more pronounced as a result, giving my face an angular look, and my teeth were yellowing. I was slimmer and had a more defined six pack from the harsh training and lack of food, and I had some scars running down my arms from when I was training with knives.
I picked up the clothes and looked at them. I pulled on the bright pink boxers and then put the black skinny jeans on, looping the purple belt with the silver skull and crossbones buckle through the loops. I pulled the boxers up so that you could see them. I then went back to the pile of clothes and pulled out a bullet proof vest. I slipped it on and adjusted to its weight, and then grabbed the purple hoodie that was with it. It was sleeveless meaning my arms would be exposed, but it had coat tails added to it. I slipped it on and zipped it up halfway, leaving the top of my chest exposed. I finally pulled on some white socks and black pointed boots and some white fingerless gloves. Left at the bottom of the pile were my weapons. A black pistol and a black SMG, as well as two knives, one with an eight inch long blade, the other with a four inch long blade. I put the one into my pocket, when I felt some things. I pulled them out and found that they were eyeliner, mascara, lipstick and hair gel. I used the mascara and black eyeliner harshly, then applied the red lipstick in a messy fashion, before using the gel to mess up my hair, making me look like a blond Robert Smith. I pulled a packet of cigarettes out of my pocket and lit one. Yeah yeah yeah, I smoke and I'm only fifteen. Get over it.
I shoved my phone into my pocket (which I couldn't use to phone anyone or go onto the internet, thanks to Strange, so it was mostly just for playing draughts) and walked out of my room. I walked along a corridor, then stopped. I heard a groaning, and looked around, then heard the groaning again. I turned around and at the end of the corridor, was a massive three and a half foot high dog like creature. It groaned and I got ready to run. It placed a foot towards me, and I quickly ran. I heard it chase after me, and I dived down a corridor, causing the monster to overshoot. I carried on running, but stopped suddenly, another had blocked my path. I turned to run back the other way, but the first creature was blocking me. I was trapped. The pair pounced and knocked me to the ground, and I started laughing as they began licking me.
"Bud! Lou!" I shouted at the Joker's hyenas, "off!" The pair of spotted hyenas stopped licking me and I sat up again, looking at the pair of them. Bud was the smaller of the two and had a purple collar, as well as a more high-pitched voice, while Lou was slightly bigger with a green collar with a deeper voice. I motioned for the pair of them to come closer and began scratching them both. "Has Mr J fed you today?" Bud whimpered. "Aww, don't worry, Mr J'll have some new recruits for you today." I started laughing and the hyenas did too. I stood up and started walking through the corridors, and they followed me until we got to the Joker's office. I walked in and saw Joker sitting behind a desk, Harley was sat on the table, Hammer and Perlman leant against a wall. As soon as they saw Harley, Bud and Lou ran at her, and she jumped on the floor to greet them.
"Hello my babies." She said, cuddling them.
"Harley, please." Joker said, then looked at me. He wasn't looking well. He had small red marks over his hands, and he had a slight cough. "Looking good kid. Ready for your first mission?"
"Sure." I answered, twirling my knife in my hand.
"Good, cause you might be shot my Black Mask." Joker said bluntly.
I dropped the knife. "But, have you seen how good he is?" I asked,
"Yeah, and think how much better he'll be once he has the Titan." Joker said.
"You said there was no more Titan!" Shouted Harley, standing up and grabbing Joker by the lapels.
"Harley, Harley, calm down." Mr J said, pushing her away. "It's not for me, and besides, you'd rather Black Mask and Penguin have it?"
"Fine." Harley said, sitting back on the floor and crossing her legs. "But I don't want Conor to go on his own."
"Alright. Hammer, you're with him." Joker said impatiently. "Now go before I shoot all of you."
I saluted casually and followed Hammer out the door. "I'll meet you at the Steel Mill entrance, Kiska." Hammer said.
"Righteo." I replied. I made my way to the entrance and within ten minutes, Hammer had arrived with a group of ten other thugs. We made our way through the streets, towards the north end of Arkham. Strictly speaking, anything in the west belonged to Penguin, anything in the north belonged to Black Mask leaving the east to Mr J. We had been told that the Titan was supposed to go to the docks in the Amusement Mile, but had been attacked by TYGER guards, making it crash near the old GCPD building. That building was now occupied by Mr Freeze, who had so far stopped anyone coming in. Black Mask seemed to be fine with that, instead focussing on Penguin. Our group crossed a bridge into the Amusement Mile and Hammer motioned to us to stop for a second.
"What is it?" I asked him.
"There are people nearby, Kiska." He answered. Behind me, I heard ten gun load simultaneously, and I pulled out my SMG.
"Black Mask's?" I asked.
"Most likely. A border party." Hammer replied. I pulled out my pistol and readied it, then heard a movement. I spun and shot into the darkness, hearing a scream as I hit someone. Suddenly a group of people jumped out of the shadows. They weren't part of Black Mask's gang, that was for sure. I shot another one in the head and looked at his body. Not Penguin's either. None of them had weapons, so whoever they worked for wasn't a big player, probably just a small gang on the lookout for supplies. I looked at the other, turning just in time to catch Hammer crush a man's head while the others shot at the unarmed attackers. I grabbed one around the neck and slammed him against the wall, pulling out a knife and holding to his throat.
He wore a mask that had an almost reptilian pattern on it, and under his trousers and jacket I could see a wetsuit. "Who are you working for?" I asked him, holding the knife to him.
"Croc!" He shouted. "Please don't hurt me."
"Croc has a gang?" I asked, puzzled.
"Yeah. He's actually a lot smarter than he seems." The man said.
"Looks like he doesn't have a gang anymore." I said, smirking. I pushed the knife in and slit his throat, avoiding the blood and wiping the knife on his jacket. I turned back to Hammer and the rest of the gang, who had finished with the others. "Croc's men." I said to them. "Scavengers. Weren't supposed to get into any fights." I saw one of Croc's men still moving on the floor and crouched down, rolling him onto his front. I pulled his mask off and saw some sort of breathing apparatus in it. "Say hello to Croc for me." I said, then kicked him over the bridge, into the water, hearing his body splash into it. "Let's go."
We carried on walking, until we got to the GCPD. We were now in Mask's territory, and the air was decidedly colder due to Freeze. There was also a hotel nearby, in which Ivy had made her home. There were massive thick vines wrapping around the building, and brainwashed thugs guarding it for her. I had been in that hotel a few times before Arkham City was open, chatting to various visitors to Gotham, asking if they'd like tours of the City (for a price) and chatting to daughters of these visitors. After the earthquake that left much of the western area in ruin and chaos (go figure Joker would control it) it was largely separated from the rest of the city, only a few bridges joining it.
The Titan was supposed to have washed up close to it, in the old shipping district, who's shipping crates were now home to many inmates, and were also Sionis' private prison cells for anyone who annoyed him, at least until he could think of a fun way to torture them. Sionis was renowned for his torturing abilities, turning it into an art. As we walked into it, we stepped quietly, moving through the stacks of shipping crates until we got to a clearing full of large wooden crates. We moved through these until we got to one with the word 'Titan' stamped across it. We were about to step forward, when a voice sounded out of the gloom.
"'Ello again kid." Said Oswald Cobblepot. Our group span and raised our guns, pointing it at the tiny gang leader. There were twenty men behind him, outnumbering us.
"Ozzy, how've you been?" I asked as I raised my SMG.
"Just peachy." He replied. "Now, unless you want a bullet through your private parts, I suggest you put that gun down. You see, today's my lucky day. I get to walk away from here with a whole crate of Titan, Arkham's Youngest inmate and I get the complete set of Russian body builders." He smiled and took the cigar out of his mouth, dropping it on the floor and stepping on it in his posh shoes, and he raised his umbrella and pointed it at me.
"Well well well." Echoed another voice behind us. Our group spun and looked, and out of the darkness of the containers walked Black Mask, flanked by twenty men. He took his cigarette out of the gap in his mask and slid the opening back into place. He couldn't take the mask off, it had been burned into place, but he was able to slide the bottom part of the mouth down in order to eat, drink and smoke. "When I'm told that something's washed up, I expected something valuable. Not some washed up old bird and a kid who hasn't started shaving yet." He passed the cigarette to a man behind him, and pulled out his two pistols. He was the best shot here, known throughout Gotham for his accuracy.
"Get lost Black Mask!" Penguin shouted, as our group moved back, allowing the two leaders to see each other. "We was here first!"
"Actually we were." I shouted.
"Oooh, 'I was here first'" Mocked Black Mask. "What are you two? Children." He paused for a second. "Oh wait." His group started chuckling and he turned to me.
"Get lost kid." He said. "Let the big people play." He then looked at Penguin. "I use the word 'big' in the metaphorical sense, of course. Penguin's only big in one way."
"I'm not leaving without the Titan." I said, aiming my SMG at Sionis' face.
"Don't flatter yourself kid. Even if you could shoot me in the face, the mask's bulletproof."
"Oh don't worry, I'll just shoot you in the chest then." I replied.
"Enough of this." Penguin shouted. He shot his umbrella and one of Black Mask's men fell, causing Black Mask to open fire on Penguin's group. Meanwhile, my group shot at both. In all the chaos, I had to somehow grab the Titan. Fun.