4. Travelling to Lancre
Two weeks after the talk we had with Death, on a foggy spring day, things were gaining momentum. I had requested for a one week vacation, and after several discussions, William de Worde had granted it.
On this morning, I chose my knock about dress. It had a long black skirt, long black sleeves and red lapels making the top part looking like a short jacket. A red cloth covered my breast from the narrow red belt up to the middle of my bosom. Fine white flowers were ornamenting the edges. White cloth covered the part up to my chin.
Carefully, I packed my dragon skin bag, took my dragon skin cloak and waited for Death to pick me up. He had promised Rincewind that he would take me to Lancre. The wizard himself would follow a few days later, if everything would go according to plan. If Ridcully might find both of us gone from Ankh-Morpork, he might smell bacon which was just about the least thing Rincewind or I wanted to risk.
Death had assured me that he would bring me in good health to Lancre where the witches Esmeralda Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg lived Lancre was about 40 miles away. So he showed up in time. But I soon learned not to count my chickens before they were hatched.
Out of a sudden, Binky stopped flying, shook his mane and snorted.
"What is it?" I turned around to face Death who raised his head and sniffed.
"DUTY CALLS," he said, "SOMEONE IS DYING OVER THERE IN THAT VILLAGE. I CAN'T TAKE YOU FURTHER." I looked worried.
"NO NEED TO WORRY. LANCRE IS NOT FAR FROM HERE. YOU CAN'T MISS IT."
Almost an hour later, I was desperate. I cursed at the entire world. The cold and wet from the afternoon crept underneath my cloak, and I was completely lost.
"IF YOU GO ON IN THIS DIRECTION, YOU WILL FIND A CROSSING," Death had said, "TURN LEFT THERE AND WALK ABOUT TWO MILES. THEN YOU TURN LEFT AGAIN AND FOLLOW THE WAY TO LANCRE."
Finding the crossing and turning left had been easy. But when I wanted to turn left again, I stared at a wall of rock. So I had to go back. But I didn't have any idea how far might be two miles. So everything had to take its course: I found myself back at the crossing.
"A nice start..." I murmured, closed my eyes, crept further under my cloak and wondered what might be next.
As if on cue, the bushes right in front of me crackled and rustled. I swallowed hard and started searching for the small crossbow Lord Downey had given me. I drew the bowstring and aimed at the bushed with slightly trembling hands.
Out of a sudden, a huge ball of dirty, grey and very damp fur jumped at me and landed in front of my feet. It gave me a start. Then I realized that the furry ball contained a cat which sat down and started cleaning itself.
Normally, I like cats very much. I favour them over dogs because they can be trained but not drill them into mindless killing machines. Yet this tomcat here seemed to be its own master who could give me short shrift if this thought might come to its mind. I was sure that this was no feline who had spent its nine lives behind a warm stove.
The dark grey fur was covered with some many scars it resembled a crazy quilt. The ears might have been big and pointed once but now there were only short and ragged stumps left. The most impressive thing on this tomcat were its eyes. One was covered with a milky white coating. The other one looked at me in an awesome shiny yellow and kept looking at me.
Slowly, I put the crossbow aside. I didn't have any idea how this tomcat would react when I would twitch. But I could have sworn it was smirking at me.
I thought about the cats I had met during in my life and this one seemed to be a very special guy. Then my remembering stirred. I realized that this really wasn't a usual tomcat. This was no one else than Greebo, the tomcat of Nanny Ogg.
"I'm sorry if I scared you, friend." This was the only thing I could say. Greebo uttered a scoffing sound and continued cleaning his fur.
"Would you like some grub?" I asked hopefully. Greebo stopped licking his front paw and raised his head. I reached for my bag without taking my eyes off him and brought forth a little food parcel with some bread and sausages. Cut-My-Own-Throat Dibbler had given it to me. He had said more than once that this was premium goods. So far, he had given me fine goods every time, due to my special status as "Roundworld-Miss". So I was glad it was still lasting.
I opened up the parcel and spread the content in front of Greebo who stepped closer with dignity to see over the sausages and feast on it.
"Maybe you could help me," I said, watching him gobbling down the food, "I'm headed for Lancre, and now I'm lost. Maybe you could show me the way?"
Greebo licked his furrowed muzzle. By now, the only thing left in my food parcel was soaked bread. Watching him, I took it back and put it back into the dragon skin bag. Then I got up and looked at Greebo.
The tomcat uttered a rusted sounding meow and gave me another piercing look before he jumped and climbed upon my shoulder. I clenched my teeth when I noticed that there was indeed something the cloak of dragon skin didn't protect me from: Greebo's impressive claws. Of course, the tomcat didn't think of pulling them in.
Greebo laid down onto my shoulders like a stola and pinched me with all of his claws at once. More blood trickled down my dress, and this time I couldn't help moaning. Greebo snorted. Then he released the pressure of the left front and the left hint paw. I obeyed and moved forward.
Via the pressure of his claws, Greebo directed me to Lancre. Death had been right; it wasn't far from the crossing. If you knew where to go, that was. I looked at the first houses of Lancre coming in sight. I wasn't really surprised that this town seemed to be much cleaner than Ankh-Morpork. After all, Ankh-Morpork was a real big city, wasn't it? Lancre, however...
I searched my remembering for a suitable comparison and remembered a few visits in cities like Berlin, Dusseldorf, Frankfurt and some other smaller towns on Roundworld where I had had some good friends. Ankh-Morpork was to compare with a moloch like Berlin, and Lancre was more like a mid-size town like Marburg, a Hessian city I had liked to visit a lot.
Greebo led me towards a house quite in the middle of Lancre. When we almost had gotten there, he jumped down from my shoulder and ran towards the little house. An old woman opened the door when he sat down and meowed. She was clad in a black dress and a pair of high-heeled red boots.
The woman picked up the tomcat that snuggled into her arms and suddenly became Mr Little Cute Kitten himself. Effusively, she patted the tomcat and wanted to go back inside when she spotted me. I gave her a friendly and polite nod.
The old woman had a small rotund figure, white curly hair and an open wrinkled face. Most of the wrinkles seemed to be laughter lines. A small hedgehog shaped pipe sat in the left corner of her mouth.
"Good Day!" she exclaimed, "Please, do come closer, Roundworld-Miss!" Astonished, I obeyed. My face must have shown a lot of puzzlement, because the old woman laughed out loud.
"You do wonder why I know about you, don't you?" she cheerily asked, "Well, you're really big news to all of Discworld, and news use to spread very fast around here." She extended the hand that didn't hold the cat.
"I'm Gytha Ogg, but most call me Nanny around here. And I can see you have met Greebo already."
"Yes, I did," I said, finding my speech and manners again, "My name is Barbara Meta. Pleased to meet you."
"Likewise."
"Greebo was so kind to lead me here, Mrs Ogg." I looked at the tomcat that was looking back.
"Thank you so very much, Greebo," I said. Somehow it felt not alright to me if I wouldn't thank him personally. The only reply of the tomcat was a hearty yawn. The few teeth he had were yellowish and very sharp looking.
"You look hungry, Miss," said Nanny Ogg and waved the free hand at her house, "Welcome to Tir Nani Ogg."
I didn't know what to think about the house of a witch when I entered Tir Nani Ogg. But I surely didn't expect a small house quite similar to mine, both in the exterior and the interior. The only differences were a couple of shelves, crammed with knickknackery.
Nanny Ogg gave me some slices of dark tasty bread and a big bowl of viscous flavoursome soup. At this sight Appetite started yelling. The soup had a taste of carrots and pumpkin. Altogether, it was delicious.
While I was eating, Nanny Ogg asked about Roundworld. The witch was most interested in cookery and interpersonal relationships. Finally I told her about the reason for my journey, and the old woman smiled broadly.
"You want to marry this man," she said, sounding amused, "A wizard, of all people."
"Well, he isn't any wizard," I shyly objected, "There really aren't very much of wizardry skills in him."
"But basically he is a wizard, isn't he?"
"Well..." I hesitated. Rincewind wasn't really much of a wizard, but he was able to do small magic."
"Yes, basically he is a wizard," I confessed.
"You do know about the consequences, don't you?" Nanny Ogg looked me over.
"I was told about them once or twice, yes," I said, "But I love Rincewind, and he loves me."
Nanny Ogg seemed to think. For all I knew, she had been married more than once, and she hadn't been averse to hook up with someone. So I hoped that she might understand me.
"I'm not sure what Esme might think about it," she finally said, "But I think we could help you."
"You really could?" I brightened up.
"But I can assure you this won't be easy. It depends on many things to make this thing turn out all right."
"I'm ready to face them," I said firmly, drawing hope again. Nanny Ogg nodded.
"And it's very important that you'll follow all of our instructions without asking silly questions," she said, "If Esme agrees, that is."