~ Chapter Four ~

It didn't take long to get to Mexico. I tried to only think about the clothes and not any other painful memories that might involve hurting my loved ones. If I went to them now…

Hey, I threw a purse too! Though I doubted that would be there. I rounded a corner and somehow, miraculously discovered it was the right track. I had nothing to be afraid of now, though. I approached the bags carefully, trying to remember what I'd bought without dredging up other painful memories. I soon gave up, though and began to rummage through the bags. To my surprise the purse was still there and still full of its contents. I could hardly believe it. This must be a very disused path.

I continued to rummage, trying to find something 'sturdy', though it didn't matter really what I wore, as long as I lasted the days I would have to run to get to Forks. Unfortunately, I found nothing of the sort so I settled for good quality jeans and a floral blouse. I didn't know what to do with the bags so I launched them into the bushes, forgetting how strong I was. They flew for quite a while, their contents spilling out and raining down. I combed my hair with my fingers and hoped I looked 'presentable'. Well, it would do. I would certainly have to improve my table manners. I laughed to myself at the ridiculousness of it all. I was acting as if this was normalfor crying out loud. Maybe it would have to become the norm if I were to live with the Cullens. If they accepted me. Which they probably wouldn't.

I had to think positive. The first stage of which was to find out whereabouts the Cullens lived.

I began to run again. I found, for possibly the first time in my life, I enjoyed running (and boy, was I FAST!). The wind in my hair, the exhilarating speed. It was the best.

As I ran I pondered the myths behind vampires. Were they myths or true? Garlic was one I knew, as was sunlight. I seemed to be fine in the glorious rays as I ran but, then again I hadn't taken a proper look at myself since before my change. Was I gloriously beautiful now as well? Or was it only to prey eyes? An extra lure, as if we needed one. The temptation was alluring but I knew if I was going to resist feeding on humans, than the least I could begin with was resisting looking at myself to see if I looked amazingly beautiful. But I did need to find a map because knowing me I was probably running in the wrong direction.

I ran and ran, pausing only to satisfy my thirst, though it never truly went away. While I ran at an alarming speed I was trying to work up enough courage to re-enter the human world in order to enter a travel shop where I would buy a map of America.

I'd finally worked up the courage just as I passed the Utah border. I tended to myself and headed towards the centre. There, I found a good little travel shop which stocked just what I wanted. I bought the map and headed out. I found I enjoyed being 'human' again, though I didn't like all of the looks I was getting. Clearly, I looked good. I decided to spend as long as I could 'human' as I found I took quite a liking to it, so I wandered in and out of a few shops, eventually giving up. Surely people didn't need to stare that much? It was after I had wandered out of my final shop, enjoying the feeling of the sun on my body, aiming to go into a secluded, private area to study the map that I noticed the first gasps. I ignored them at first – humans were beginning to wear me out – but when they grew in number, and the screams began, I decided I had to look at myself for the first time. I'd been taking extra care with my dietary requirements, but perhaps not as much as I'd previously thought.

I couldn't be bothered checking out a real mirror – that would involve returning to a clothes shop – and, to be honest, I wasn't that keen on checking myself out. I had a feeling it would frighten me to see myself so different. I wanted to feel like I was still the familiarish human Phoebe Jackson, and not the unfamiliar slightly scary vampire Phoebe…Cullen?

I was lost in thought as I walked dream-like to a window where I would see my reflection in the glass. When I did, I gasped. I was beautiful! Flawless in every feature, bone-white and… glittering? Martin never glittered. Not that I was glittering exactly, my skin reflected prisms of shine that reflected off everywhere. No wonder people were staring and gasping (and screaming, though that was a little unnecessary). I had to get away from here…but not at vampire speed. I ran at human speed towards some trees, and from there accelerated to vampire pace. It didn't matter, right? None of the few humans would immediately jump to the conclusion that they'd just witnessed a vampire in the sunlight. Good Lord…I MUST stay away from garlic. And crosses. And holy water. And well, humans.

I was running for several minutes when I realised there was no need to run. I just needed to look at the map. I spread the map out and spotted where I was immediately. It took me longer to find Forks, as I wasn't even sure it was in North America, though some instinct was telling me it was. I spotted it in Washingtonand worked out a route. It shouldn't take me too long. A couple of days at most. And this time I would stick to the shadows. No human contact. I couldn't risk it.