"James, Pal of Mine, you know I like a good drink as much as the next guy, but I don't think this is a good time for you to be getting pissed off your feet. No, not good at all." Sirius waved away the bar keeper, a surly looking witch named Grenna, who seldom tolerated talkers who weren't also drinkers in her bar. But, she wanted to hear James talk, drink or no, considering he was England's big story at the moment, and of course, she wanted some good gossip.
"Why not? What's it going to hurt?"
"You'll make one of your wives mad at you. I know you have a fall-back, but still, you-" Sirius trailed off at James's dark scowl.
"You do realize this is not a good situation to be making me mad in. My life if falling apart at the seams. I am in ruins. Granted, my life wasn't ever a bed of roses, but it sure as hell was a step up from a thorn bush at all times. Don't you get it? I love-ummmp!"
"I think it's time we leave." Sirius made the command decision and nearly scared James out of his wits by hauling him abruptly from his creaky chair. He tossed a couple sickles on the table and pushed James out of the pub and into Muggle London.
"Oh no! I don't want to be here! Not at all! I got here by a car here! They're bad news anyway, but especially here."
"James, calm down, I won't let you get hit by a car. I know what sort of trouble that gets you into. Frankly, you'll be beyond the point of no return if you get another wife."
James rolled his eyes. "I am seriously thinking about drowning you in that fountain over there if you aren't a little more sympathetic to my dilemma. In case you have forgotten, I am married to two women!"
"The whole world knows, genius. If they haven't read the papers, they've heard you repeat it every seven and a half seconds. My suggestion is quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something to remedy the problem. And the problem is the girl that you loved has came back into your life, but you're obligated to someone else."
"You-"
"I can look at this objectively, James. Let's take a stroll." Sirius indicated to a park with a few lights and a lot of trees.
"Lily says London after dark isn't a good place for wizards like me."
"Did she mean rich or stupid?"
"Bugger off."
"We are going to talk this out so you can have some sort of order in your life, or at least a game plan. First, we're going to discuss the facts."
"All right."
"Lily was the person that hauled you out of an unhappy pit of a dismal life. Penelope did the same, only that pit was caused by the loss of Lily."
"So we're at a draw."
"This isn't to be used to compare them, neither of us are sober enough for that. Come to think of it, neither of us are sober enough to even be walking around. Let's go home, you can stay at my place, Penny'll pitch a fit if you come in drunk."
"Thanks. You know, Lily was much more tolerable to our habits."
"She was used to it. Penny expects normalness." The two friends laughed drunkenly, but continued their stroll, oblivious to the shouting around them. Had James not been quite so intoxicated, he would have realized that Sirius wasn't as drunk as he was letting on like. "Umm, James? You do realize that Lily isn't going to be the old Lily anymore, right?"
"You act like she's some sort of…mutant now."
"You're a man of science, I'm sure you know what could have happened to a person in her situation, and the effects it would have on them."
"I haven't actually thought about it like that. She-uuuuchhh." Again, James was cut off by physical force, this time not by Sirius.
"You are under arrest for the violation of three park ordinances."
"What?!" James and Sirius yelped at the same time, having hand cuffs put on them.
"You also avoided arrest, a violation of this district. We suggest you make no statement without the advice of your solicitor. Once at the station, you receive one telephone call." A second voice, the one over Sirius, said loudly.
*~*~*
"Maybe it's a six instead of an eight." Sirius suggested, and watched as James dialed the number again.
"That's it!" James said excitedly when he heard Penelope answer the phone. "Oh, hi, sweetheart! Sirius and I got lost in Muggle London. Can you come pick us up? The address is 139 Lexington Street."
"Is she picking us up?" Sirius asked, and felt relief when James nodded. "So now tell me why you carry Muggle money in your wallet."
"Uhh, habit."
"Lily?"
James nodded again. "I didn't even realize I did it anymore. Sometimes we would randomly go to some Muggle place she knew or thought looked interesting."
Sirius whistled, "You are in some trouble."
"Don't remind me. I don't want to contemplate the Penny/Lily situation anymore. It's killing me."
"I was talking about when Penelope finds out we're in the slammer."
"How was I to know we were breaking park curfew? And it's just plain ignorant you can't be in that particular park while over the supposedly legal limit of blood/alcohol level. No one bloody well cares if a couple of drunks are stumbling around."
"Uh…James…I hate to say it, but it's a children's park. I can see where they're coming from."
"You didn't see it before the constable did, so shut up." James snapped crossly, and sat down on the bench to examine his meager surroundings. They were in the temporary holding cell right now, which was furnished with just three long benches, a bunk bed, a toilet, sink, and excruciatingly bright lights. Not quite the lap of luxury. "Just like I always imagined the waiting room to get into Hell."
"I always pictured it as a straight through type thing. You can't get in Heaven, so it's your only choice…the devil isn't especially choosey from what I gather."
"You aren't helping. I wonder if that clock is right. You know, they-"
"Yes, they took your watch, we know." Sirius indicated to himself and four other men sitting on the benches. "The whole bloody city knows, so cry about it."
"You're right. We have bigger issues. God only knows how long I'll be stuck in this filthy little pit. I'll probably contract some Muggle disease."
"They can't exactly let two drunks wander around, now can they?" Sirius asked, then grinned. "You know, this isn't that bad. I mean, it needs a little sprucing up, but seriously, it could be worse. We do have benches. Why don't you sit down and relax?"
"I am not going to sit down and relax., especially on anything in this place. It's nasty in here. I am James Potter, I do not sit on stained benches."
"You did when you went to get the marriage license before you and Lily got married."
"I was getting married for Christ's sake! Not rotting in a jail cell!"
"Would the two of you dimwit's knock it off before I tear your bleeding tongues out?" A rather scruff and large man said warningly, holding up a huge fist. Sirius jerked back, looking at the Muggle. He made a face at James, then said, "You've done it before, anyway, what's different?"
"It wasn't Muggle. And I wasn't so worried when it was Lily getting us out."
"Yeah…same here."
*~*~*
And, as it turned out, they did have serious cause to be afraid.
Penelope came gliding into the jail cell, looking disdainful and rather disgusted.
"Which ones, Ma'am?" The guard who was leading her asked, unlocking the door.
"Those two, officer, unfortunately." James and Sirius had just gotten out of the cell when the rampage began. "What do you two think you were doing? Getting drunk is bad enough, but then getting arrested in a Muggle park is terrible! And what will people think, what with Lily back an all?" Penny rubbed her temples, looking very stressed.
Sirius looked at James, clearly saying 'You take care of this, she's your wife.'
"Look, we didn't know, okay?"
"You didn't know not to get drunk?"
"If you were me, you would be drinking too."
Yelling ensued, and large amounts of it.
*~*~*
The next morning, the wizarding world was in an uproar, for several reasons.
The first was that an image of a drunken Sirius and James, being led by Penelope with the caption, "If you were me, you would be drinking too" made it on the bottom half of the first page.
However, that first page was shared with the blazing headline, "Lily Evans-Potter released from Lord Hubert's."
"How can they release her?" James shrieked at Sirius, thoroughly disturbed, and waved the rolled up newspaper in the air. He was an overwrought man, running low on sleep, food, patience, sanity, and solutions. "She was held prisoner for two years, they just can't let her out after five hours in the hospital!"
"She's been in there for more than five hours." Sirius said logically, "And she has no physical reason to be in there."
"But, as you have pointed out yourself, there is some mental issues going on right now! She can't just take the kid and go home!"
"She can and she is."
"There are bigger problems for the hospitals than a woman and a kid who are both physically and mentally sane. Every hospital in England is overcrowded with nutters mauled by You-Know-Who. There's no medical reason to keep them.
Author's Note: I drew a picture for this, and you can find it at, , but it might take awhile to load. If it doesn't load at all, leave a note in your review, and I'll e-mail it to you.
Now to the reviewers, everblue3, Stefanorkle, Stefanorkle, Kait, Julie Anna, Nicole Christina Potter, Tina, The EmeraldsEye, RBFfreak22, dolphingurl, Heather, WindRider-Damia, Kristin, Eleanor, LaughOutLoud, luvshoes, mooncancer, torifire126, ljpottafreak, Julie, myelfcandyob, The Elfin Child, Kelly, JazzNStu, SerraAngel, Bon, OneBrightStar, NattyNatterz, Clare, Strawberry Gashes, KeeperOfTheMoon, IGoBySancho, Lily, Céline, Rads, Rainfire. Thanks! Have a cheery day
A special thank you is extended to NattyNatterz for beta-reading my revisions and making suggestions! It was priceless.