Chapter 4

Outside the Old Haunt, a weed sprouting out of the sidewalk started trembling on its own. A climbing vine nearby shivered and spread the news of Darkwing's capture to a very distraught Bushroot.

"Now what am I going to do? If I help Darkwing, Quackerjack and the others will never forgive me and I'll be in loads of trouble if Negaduck returns. But if I don't help, who will save the city? I have to do something. Maybe I could devise a distraction? Yeah, that's it! I borrow some of Darkwing's ideas and come up with a smokescreen to free him. Then the Fearsome Three won't know I helped and Darkwing can save the day!"

Half way across the Audobon Bay, a small steam-powered boat chugged toward one of several warehouses near the water. At a casual glance, it looked like one out of hundreds of private and commercial similar boats, but to an experienced eye, one would see it had a titanium shell under the hull. It sat lower in the water than one would expect for a boat its size and it was currently the only vehicle operating on the beleaguered water, passing dozens of wrecks in various states of a destruction.

Below the deck, Darkwing found himself strapped to a metal chair. The queasiness he felt was partly a reaction to pain, and part seasickness. He grimaced as he steadied his nerves. Megavolt must have had a full charge when he zapped Darkwing. Normally when the crime fighter was hit, he was barely disoriented.

Any further thoughts on the matter were disrupted when Quackerjack entered the cabin.

"Ah, good! You're awake! Just in time, too!"

"In time for what, Chuckles?" Darkwing retorted blearily.

"Oh, good one," he laughed. "You'll see soon enough, Darkwing Dolt!"

"Fine, I'll play along," Darkwing scowled, fidgeting with his binding. "Just let the fish woman go! I came alone like you asked. Time to hold up your end of the bargain!"

"Oh, don't worry! I already have! Your little fishy has been freed! I even have the footage to prove it," Quackerjack produced a camcorder from somewhere on his person and flicked on the video screen.

Darkwing saw an unconscious Neptunia thrown overboard just as Liquidator and Megavolt dragged his disreputable looking body on the boat. Darkwing gulped. He hoped Neptunia had recovered quickly. Any length of time in the bay would have killed her within an hour. Quackerjack gauged Darkwing's reaction and his grin broadened. He did a handstand.

"So now we have all day to play! And I have dozens of games lined up!"

Darkwing straightened and glared.

"First, stop polluting the bay and give up the waterworks! I know Liquidator has his watery hands in this somehow!"

"My, someone's cranky today! Whatsa matter, Chump? Get up on the wrong side of the bed?"

"As a matter of fact I did, thanks to your clown!"

"Oh I'm glad you liked him! Wasn't that fun? Of course, Sparky ruined the prototype, but I have a couple of spares at home I'll introduce you to!"

"I can hardly wait."

The Liquidator slipped into the room.

"We're here!" He announced with a flourish.

Darkwing squinted around the villains to determine where "here" was. Megavolt entered and held up his laser gun. Glancing at Quackerjack, Megavolt nodded at Darkwing.

"So, Boss, how do you wanna transport him?"

Quackerjack rubbed his hands together.

"As painfully as possible."

Megavolt adjusted a setting on his gun.

"Alright. Lights out, Duck."

Darkwing's eyes teared and burned from the brightness before losing consciousness.

A familiar, unexpected cackle woke him, along with the tang of pine-scented floor cleaner. Darkwing knew where he was without having to open his eyes, but he was confused. Why would the Fearsome Three bring him to Ammonia Pine's warehouse? She was an agent of FOWL, and as far as he knew, independents like the Fearsome, never willingly took orders or shared profits from somebody they didn't meet personally.

He heard Ammonia talking to someone, but her voice was distorted. Looking around, Darkwing found himself, still tied, in a sealed glass tank. It didn't take much imagination to figure out what the tank was normally used for. The smell was strong enough to be dizzying. A colored blur tapped on the glass and Darkwing forced his watery eyes to focus. Quackerjack waved at him.

"Sorry for the holdup, but we'll get to my games later! Right now, you get a firsthand look at how our newest "acquaintance" is getting along with our group! And I say it's a match made for "Mystery Date!" Byebye for now, Ducky!"

Darkwing fumbled with his sleeve. He still had a buzzsaw cufflink. If he could free himself from the chair, he might be able to escape these fumes. It just took a bit of manipulating. Twisting his wrist around to the chair back, he slid his arm back and forth until he felt the button catch. A second later, the cord snapped and he leapt triumphantly from the chair.

"Aha!" he couldn't help exclaiming.

Realizing he was standing in something wet, he gulped and jumped back up on the seat. The holding tank wasn't quite as empty as he'd thought. No wonder the fumes were so strong. Amber liquid was slowly trickling down the sides, forming an ankle-deep puddle.

Darkwing glanced up and felt a droplet land on his beak. Before he could wipe it off, it started to tingle and burn, as did the hard skin on his feet. Darkwing yelped and wiped his face and feet vigorously with his cape. Grateful for his wide-brimmed hat, he tugged it down snugly and scanned his surroundings.

The lid had a large hose attached to it, siphoning the cleaner. If Darkwing could get up there, he might be able to crawl out. On second thought, though, it might lead him to a bigger batch of the cleaner. Maybe he ought to wait this thing out a little longer. Though he was very tempted to use a smoke bomb just to absorb some of the smell.

Checking his multiple pockets, Darkwing was relieved to find everything in place, including the tracker, though he seriously doubted the bug had survived two zaps from Megavolt and Liquidator's pre-rinse. Darkwing took off an acid cufflink, stuffed it in his gasgun, pushed the chair against the glass to keep it from tipping, and climbed as high as he could. He prayed his idea would work, otherwise he'd be in serious trouble. Standing on tiptoe, he fired into the hose.

Moments later, a thread of smoke wafted out of it and he saw something fall outside the holding tank. Leaping to the lid, Darkwing squeezed through the hose opening, ignoring the burning in his hands and legs as he was coated in cleaner. Finding that the acid had done its job, he dropped down from the hose, directing his landing so that he didn't touch the still sizzling cufflink on the floor. He was about to congratulate himself on another daredevil escape when he felt a light mist and was knocked off his feet.

Sputtering, Darkwing looked up at the Liquidator's grinning face.

"Hey! Couldn't you give me half-a-second of bragging rights?"

"Sorry, Hon, but you needed a rinse cycle," Ammonia smirked as she rounded the corner with the other Fearsome members. "You see, my ultra-strong Pinescrub was made to dissolve the toughest stains. Without water, it could literally eat the skin off your bones."

"Eww," Darkwing groaned as Licky picked him up off the floor and dangled him, dripping, by his cape. Silently, he grouched to himself. Great. As if I needed another reason to be indebted to a villain.

"And my new pals here add the finishing touches," Ammonia continued. "Waterboy provides an endless supply of suds, and Megsy powers the tools. And of course, Quacky comes up with ideas for new scrubbers and vacuums," Ammonia folded her hands fondly as she regarded her new allies.

"Right." Darkwing raised an eyebrow, keeping the villains' attention on his face and away from his hand as he reached discreetly around his back. "So why flood the bay? Polluting the environment doesn't exactly fall into the cleaning category…"

"Oh that's where you're wrong, Dirtwing. I'm turning the bay into the world's biggest mop bucket. With all those suds, I'll clean out the city within hours! And once St. Canard's washed up, I'll move on to Duckburg, Spoonerville, and who knows? Maybe even Cape Suzette. Of course, it'll take a toll on wildlife, but I never cared for smelly old seafood anyways." Ammonia pinched her nostrils for emphasis as she walked over to a monitor, surveying the cleanup efforts at the bay.

Noting that S.H.U.S.H.'s undercover helicopters and ships were not part of the operation, Darkwing stalled for time. "What about you guys?" He scanned the faces of his other three opponents. "Why the sudden interest in teaming up with FOWL?"

"Oh we're not working for FOWL!" Liquidator corrected. "Our hostess of clean struck out on her own. I just happened to be visiting the area where she was getting her water tank refilled and VOILA! Instant partnership!"

"And, after we split the profits from the first wave," Megavolt rubbed his hands together. "We get to keep whatever we find on our own! At last I'll get to liberate all those poor enslaved light bulbs and appliances!"

"And I will get all the latest toys!" Quackerjack amused himself on a pogo stick.

"While I will make a tidy profit selling potable water and insurance to the poor stranded citizens who find themselves flooded out of home!" Liquidator produced a sample of what he intended to sell from somewhere nearby without losing his grip on Darkwing.

"Yeah, and wipeout savings accounts while you're at it, too…" Darkwing scoffed.

"Naturally," Licky grinned.

"So, now you know our plans, Darkwing Doofus! With you out of the way, St. Canard will never know what hit 'em!"

Quackerjack stopped bouncing to produce a jack-in-the-box. A boxing glove sprang out the top and slammed into Darkwing's face. Grimacing, Darkwing tried to straighten the dent out of his beak as his left eye quickly swelled shut.

"It's PLAYTIME!" Quackerjack started to chortle merrily but he was cut off mid laugh by an explosive web kick to the gut. He was sent flying as Darkwing recovered his balance and whipped out his gas gun.
Darkwing was about to fire a canister when his gun was smacked out of his hand.

"Not so fast there, Dirtwing," Ammonia sneered, wielding a mop. "We have a 'no smoking' policy around here."

"Oh yeah? Since when did criminals start going clean?" Darkwing dodged her downswing and cartwheeled to a broom, snatching it up and wielding it like a sword. "En guard!"

Ammonia fenced with him while the Fearsome three got into position. Darkwing neatly blocked one of Ammonia's blows and knocked the mop out of her hands, pointing the end of his broom at her. She backed away.

"Touché. Now let's see you dodge this!" Megavolt said as he fired several bolts at the masked mallard, forcing Darkwing to backflip out of range. Liquidator met the crime fighter with a water mallet, sending him flying across the room. The team cornered the hero with sneers on their faces.

Darkwing waited until Ammonia stepped within his reach and vaulted up onto her shoulders, using her height to leap past the other villains.

Megavolt and Liquidator both went after him, trying to zap and trip him. Quackerjack wound up a troop of toy soldiers and chattering teeth, sending them after the caped duck.

Darkwing dodged the killer toys, electricity bolts, gurgling water monsters, slippery puddles, liquid mallets, a steam shower, a giant vacuum, and soap bubbles from Ammonia's sud gun. All in all, the usual when dealing with the Fearsome Three and Ammonia Pine. And he'd gotten by relatively unscathed. Only his costume and his previously blackened eye hinted at the disaster he had narrowly evaded. Then his enemies started getting lucky.

Quackerjack's Terror Teddy confronted him at the same time that Megavolt fired at him and Ammonia walloped him with the mop. The results were a nasty little gash on his shoulder from Teddy's dagger teeth, a sprained wrist from getting walloped by Ammonia's mop handle when he'd tried using his gas gun, and smoking tail feathers from Megavolt. Liquidator whooshed down on him like a tidal wave, putting out the fire from Megs' hit, but also bowling the masked mallard into a cleaning closet. Of course, these slowed him down a bit (mainly due to dizziness), but Darkwing was pretty confident in his ability to outlast the villains. He had in the past.

He bounced back up, ready to take whatever they could throw. Megavolt tried zapping him again and set a vacuum cleaner on fire. Ammonia freaked and tried to put the fire out with her sud gun. It was out of water. She turned to Liquidator, only to see him flatten one of her buckets when Darkwjng used it as a shield. She cried out. "No! I needed that!"

Quackerjack's toy soldiers peppered the walls with mini bullets as Darkwing dodged their fire. Drywall dust sprinkled the floor.

"Stop! You're making everything...so...dirty!" Ammonia whimpered.

Darkwing smirked and opened a canister of Silly Puddy that he had confiscated from Quackerjack a while ago. He molded it into a ball and rolled it into the soldiers. They stuck to it. The ball rolled into a wall and splattered everything within two feet of it. Including Ammonia's shoes and dress. Darkwing surveyed everything with an arrogant smirk. Then the last thing he'd expected happened. Ammonia cracked.

Thanks to her new acquaintances, the warehouse was trashed. There were scorch marks, miniature bullets, puddles, broken toys and appliances, and dents all over the walls and floors. And now, adding insult to injury, her own attire had sticky globs on it. She pulled on her hair and shrieked, getting everyone's attention. "RUINED! You...!" She pointed first to Darkwing before including the others. "You ruined everything!" She sucked in her breath through her teeth, making a snarling noise. "My vacuum! My mop bucket! And my pantaloons! Do you have any idea how hard it is to these in my size?"

Quackerjack started to chuckle, but Ammonia turned a deadly, wild-eyed glare on him that wiped the grin off of his face.

"'If you want something done right, do it yourself'," she quoted as she stalked over to a cabinet. Whirling around with surprising speed, she pointed a gun at Darkwing. "YOU are not leaving here in one piece, duck! FOWL issued a bounty on you after that last heist you ruined, and I aim to get it...!"

Darkwing gulped. "I don't suppose you'd take cash or credit...?"

"WHAT! Time out!" Quackerjack exclaimed. "Let me get this straight...You're going to KILL Darkwing Duck? Point blank? Without consulting the rest of us?" His voice rose higher with each question.

"That's the idea, Quacky," she growled, taking off the safety and leveling the FOWL weapon at the sweating hero. "I'm cleaning out of here! You and the boys can mop up when you're done with the place!"

"Are you CRAZY!" Quackerjack shouted, jumping up in his fury. "I masterminded this game! I wrote the rules! I say what happens to Darkwing!"

"Hey, no fair!" Megavolt protested. "I've been his worst enemy the longest! I should get the last say in what happens to him!"

Taking advantage of the distraction, Darkwing started inching away. The argument heated up and suddenly Quackerjack flew at Ammonia, clawing at her hands. Liquidator also surged up and knocked the gun from her grasp.

Darkwing whirled around to run. Two strides later, he accidentally bumped into a bucket, sending it clattering across the floor.
The villains froze and stared at him. There was a heartracing moment of silence. Then Megavolt threw another bolt of electricity at Darkwing's feet. Darkwing flipped to avoid it. Liquidator raced toward him. Ammonia looked around for the gun. Quackerjack beat her to it by sliding across the floor.
Darkwing sped up, aiming for a window to make his escape. The gun went off...