Chapter 4 - Teacher
The first day of official instruction was basic, a laying down of the rules, Ratchet's rules. And so help any mech…and now human…who dared break his rules. It was just one of those given things, like knowing the sun was going to rise in the morning. And so Ratchet found himself explaining these rules to a rather stubborn female wannabe autobot medic apprentice.
Ratchet's optics flashed angrily for a brief moment and attempted to explain the most recent rule again…using smaller words. "No, you cannot actually assist in your first phase of training. I know you have learned a lot but the first phase is a strictly hands off time period."
Joe put on what Ratchet could only assume was the human version of a pout face. "I don't see why not. Like you said, I've learned a lot already."
"Yes you have, but believe it or not there is more to our medicine that can be learned in a week, which is ironically about how long you have been aware of us short of misinformed TV news channels" Ratchet replied back sarcastically. "And let us not forget that you have only learned from datapads and from the talks we have had. Are you going to tell me that you managed to learn all of your human medicine from books, a couple of talks with experienced paramedics, and learned it all in a week?"
Joe sighed. "Ok fine. I see your point. So what exactly will I be doing in this first phase?"
"You will be studying some material I have translated for you, become familiar with the various tools of the trade, and some of the more basic procedures. And lets not forget the all important class of how to keep irritating, annoying, stubborn, slaggers from over running my med bay whether it be during an emergency or not. This particular class also has a side lecture on how to remove Lamborghinis." Ratchet glanced at her with a considering look for a moment "how is your throwing arm?"
"Well I did throw that thing at you in your office if you remember. But I don't think anyone is going to feel anything I chuck at them. I'm strong but not that strong" Joe replied with defeated shoulders.
"We'll figure something out" Ratchet said as he put his hand low to the ground for Joe to get on. He walked around the med bay pointing out all the various tools, supply areas, and machines. After the previous comment about Joe's strength and the fact that he was carrying the small female human around in his hand, Ratchet couldn't help but worry about how Joe was going to work with some of the equipment. All of the equipment and supplies were sized for cybertronian use, not human. Maybe Wheeljack could help come up with something. Some kind of 'bot arms perhaps? He chuckled to himself as a mental image of Wheeljack trying to create tiny human sized 'bot arms popped into his processor.
As if thinking his name had been a summons, Wheeljack limped into the lab trailing energon. Being quite experienced with Ratchet's temper Wheeljack spoke out before the medic could start in on him. "Yes, this is a result of one of my inventions, yes, I know I need to be more careful, yes, I do realize that I am going to clean up my own energon that I am getting all over your floor, and yes I realize that I am a fragging slaghead of a glitch for making your life that much more difficult. So now that the pleasantries are out of the way can I take a seat?"
Ratchet's jaw snapped shut with a click as Wheeljack had apparently taken what he was going to say and beaten him to it. Glaring at the engineer Ratchet just pointed to a repair berth and set Joe down on a nearby table where she could watch.
"Took all the fun out of it didn't he?" muttered Joe.
"Hmph. I guess I should be glad that he is able to do so, the last time he blew up his lab he was offline for three days" Ratchet sighed.
Wheeljack managed to get up onto the berth but froze looking over at Ratchet with puppy optics at the last comment. "I didn't blow up the lab this time. But we are going to have to fix the floor again" he added sheepishly.
"I don't want to know Wheeljack" Ratchet deadpanned.
As Ratchet worked on his best friend he explained everything he was doing and hoped that Joe was retaining some of the information. Even Wheeljack helped point out a few things, though most of his attention was on the rather sharp looking tools Ratchet was using on his leg. It took about two hours to repair the damage to Wheeljack and Ratchet was pleased to see that Joe's attention never wavered and had no qualms in asking about a hundred questions. She even began cleaning off the tools without being told to do so.
Wheeljack watched her with as much interest as Ratchet. "I'd don't think I've seen any of your apprentices in the past as eager as that girl" Wheeljack commented.
Ratchet nodded "this should be interesting to say the least. I do have some concerns about how she is going to work with some of the equipment though."
Wheeljack's optics dimmed slightly and rubbed his hand along the bottom of his mask in what Ratchet knew was his thinking pose. "I'll see what I can come up with. Perhaps some sort of null gravity unit could assist with the weight of the items. But that still leaves the general size of the equipment to deal with."
"Well if anyone can come up with a solution fit for a mad scientist, it's you" replied Ratchet.
Joe had finished cleaning the tools that she could actually lift and managed to get up onto Wheeljack's berth. "You know it's a good thing I am pretty damn good at climbing. Cause with your attention span I'd be stuck on that other table for the rest of the day."
"My attention span is just fine thank you very much. Perhaps I just thought you could use the exercise" Ratchet replied.
Joe rolled her eyes "yeah, right, I knew an alzheimer's patient who used to make the same claims." She grabbed a cloth and dipped it in cleaning solution and began to clean the dried energon off of Wheeljack's leg.
"Hey thanks!" Wheeljack said with a friendly flash of his voice indicators. He turned to Ratchet "can we keep her?"
Ratchet had started grumbling from the moment he looked up what alzheimer's was on the internet. "How come he gets the nice treatment and I get the smart aft comments?"
Joe glanced over at him with what was becoming her famous grin "you make an easier target boomerang head."
Both mechs looked at her with blank optics as they investigated the term boomerang on the net. About two seconds later Wheeljack burst out laughing while Ratchet narrowed his optics.
"Are you making fun of my chevron?" Ratchet asked dangerously.
"Are you making fun of my weight? You are the one who said I needed the exercise" Joe snapped back.
"Don't answer a question with a question."
"Don't ask stupid questions then."
"It wasn't a stupid question."
"Yes it was."
"No it wasn't."
"Wheeljack was it a stupid question?" Joe raised an eyebrow in the engineer's direction.
By this point Wheeljack was trying to stop laughing but ended up sounding like he was choking instead. With his voice indicators still flashing hysterically he finally managed a croaked "she does…have a point…Ratchet. You looked up…what a boomerang was just as…I did and we both know…the associated picture looks just like your…" Wheeljack fell backwards in full out laughter again unable to finish his sentence.
"Great. Just great. Dear Primus what did I do to deserve this? I have an insubordinate student and a lunatic mad scientist of a friend who likes to blow things up just to see what color smoke it makes!!" Ratchet said to the ceiling. "And speaking of blowing things up" Ratchet shoved a finger at Wheeljack's chestplate "get outta my med bay!! Don't you have a lab to repair?"
Wheeljack finally managed to get his giggles under control and gave the medic a hurt expression "awwww come on now Ratchet. You know we wouldn't tease if we didn't care."
Ratchet growled "out. Before you corrupt my apprentice anymore."
Joe and Wheeljack took on surprised looks.
"Corrupt me?" "Corrupt her?" they both managed to get out at the same time.
Joe shook her head. "Its ok Wheeljack, I'll catch up with you later. Maybe I'll show you how to make an MRE bomb or something."
"MRE bomb? Whats that?" Wheeljack asked with genuine curiousity.
"Oh no you don't" Ratchet said angrily as he grabbed a wrench. "Don't go giving him ideas. Wheeljack get going or else" he punctuated the 'or else' with a slight hefting of his wrench.
Wheeljack's voice indicators flashed with surprise and he jumped off the berth making for the door yelling "too bad the wrench isn't a boomerang, would be nice if you smacked yourself in the head with it once in awhile so you know how it feels!"
Ratchet's wrench slammed against the med bay doors not an astro second before Wheeljack cleared them.
Ratchet walked over to the thrown tool and picked it up. He stood back up and slowly turned his glare on the human female sitting on the repair berth with an innocent looking expression.
"What?" Joe asked as she shrugged her shoulders.
"You know it was bad enough with just Wheeljack and those pit spawned twins" Ratchet said. "With you added to the mix I am more convinced then ever that I will end up meeting with the Matrix before my time is due. But until then get your datapad out; I am going to make you take enough notes to wish you had never even heard of the word boomerang." An evil smile had worked its way onto Ratchet's faceplates as he approached the repair berth.
Joe sighed "frag."