Everyone has something to be ashamed of. Maybe it's a gross mole, or a weird laugh. Me? I have jealousy. Bad. One person I've always been jealous of is Danny. My best friend.
I always wanted a brother or sister. Sure, Danny tried to always be at my side. We always played and had fun. It still wasn't the same. I didn't have someone to have my back with my parents. I didn't have someone to mentor me when things got tough. Basically, I didn't have Jazz. It was weird to be jealous over something that seems so insignificant and silly, but I couldn't help it. I wanted someone to share everything with the way Danny and Jazz did.
One time, I almost killed him. All over some ghost powers he didn't even want. We all wish for stupid things without thinking. How was I supposed to know it would come true and turn me in the monster I already knew I was. He forgave me no problem, which made me feel even worse. It took a while for me to understand what a toll his unique abilities take on him. I eventually saw how big of a responsibility it was. It still seems pretty cool, though. I wish I had something all to my own like Danny does with his powers. I wish fate had entrusted me with something so special.
I hate being jealous. I hate being jealous of my best friend. I just can't help it. And here I am, watching the slight flirting between him and Sam, and I'm jealous all over again. Not to say that I like Sam, not even a little bit. But she is such a ride or die kind of girl. My past with relationships is pretty bad. I always get hurt. I always get abandoned. Maybe it's my fault for always putting school, technology, and my friends first, but that's just how my life is. I wish I had someone like Sam. Someone who understands and shares my daily life and interests. Someone who looks at me the way she looks at him. I wouldn't be clueless like him. I wouldn't take so long to make a move.
The worst part of my jealousy, though, is that I like it. I wish I was the evil part of me Desiree made. I wish I was horrible enough to take Danny's place. To have Jazz and Sam, to have ghost powers, to be important.
But I hate it more. I don't want the jealousy. I don't want to like it. I don't want to be locked up in this mind where I hate the person I love most.
I want to be free.