Chapter 3:

Decisions

The silence is deafening, bearing in from all sides as wide eyes continue to peer at me. And isn't that something? To be surrounded by a silence so loud in front of these people—Arrancars, Espadas, whatever the hell you want to call them.

They're the most obnoxious bunch of assholes (except Starrk and Harribel and Ulquiorra) ever created (imagined?) and for it to be quiet enough that I can hear my heart pounding against my chest is kind of amazing. I was under the impression that Nnoitra wouldn't shut up unless Aizen threatened him.

It's kind of unsettling really, for it to be so quiet and I clear my throat awkwardly.

"I don't know how to feel about this," I say, more to myself than them as I let my eyes once again sweep around the room. And I really don't know how I feel about it. My emotions are a mix of surprise, relief, confusion, and frustration.

How is it possible that my own hallucinations don't know what the fuck is going on?

I would have expected them to mock me about getting knocked crazy and them being the first thing my mind conjures. Or something like that, I'm not really sure how hallucination work when you've lost your sanity. Actually I don't know anything about losing your mind!

Wait, strike that.

I know that Schizophrenic people can tickle themselves.

But that's useless in this situation.

My eyes continue to flash around the room, flickering from one Espada to the next until they land on Wonderweiss again. He's still in that box, cover from head to toe in gauze, waiting to be transformed into Aizen's latest minion and as I stare at him something in my mind clicks.

Luppi's still the Sexta, Wonderweiss hasn't been transformed, the Espadas are gathered—the Espada's are alive! They're not dead, not dust in the wind, at least not yet and as my eyes shift from Wonderweiss to Aizen determination fills me.

They're not dead, and it'll be over my dead body if I let them die for Aizen's doomed plans of world domination.

But how do I do it?

How do I go about making sure everyone lives?

They're fated to die, to pass on, if I save them from their destined death who's to say they won't be wipe out by something else? (Ever see Final Destination? Yes? Then you know what I'm talking about.) And, either way, will I really be able to save them all?

Wonderweiss, Stark, Harribel, and Barragan die in the world of the living at the same time—if not right after—Grimmjow, Nnoitra, Szayel, and just about everyone else dies in Hueco Mundo. How the fuck am I going to travel between the worlds fast enough to stop them all?

It's impossible.

I can't save them all.

I have to choose.

My eyes flicker back to Wonderweiss, sweet baby Wonderweiss, who can't talk, can't express himself, can do nothing more than babble and drool because of Aizen. Aizen did—will do something to him. What was it Yamamoto said?

He said Aizen was cruel because he stripped Wonderweiss of his ability to speak and to feel. He made him into nothing more than a killing machine. There's no quality of life for him, not after what Aizen will do to him and that's something I can't stop.

My fingers once again skim across the glass and I pretend not to notice their trembling as I whisper, "I'm sorry." Because I truly am, I've given up on him already and it feels like a betrayal even though he hasn't a clue what I'm apologizing about.

And the fact that, by giving up on Wonderweiss, I'll be saving my love interest doesn't help ease the guilt.

"I interrupted something, didn't I?" I ask as I back away from the box. I make my way back to Aizen and plant myself firmly at his side. "I understand that you're suspicions of the human who appeared without so much of a 'how do you do?' but we both know I'm practically harmless," I say as I gaze at him. "And if it makes you feel better, I can honestly tell you that I hate the Soul Society too. Maybe not as much as you but I do. "

"Really?" he asks and you could read the amusement on his face from a mile away as he quirks a brow and a small half-smile graces his lips. There's something about that smile though that has me staring at him in slight confusion.

"Yeah, they've pissed me off more than once. Especially with what they did to the Quincy. I mean sure the Quincy where getting out of line but wiping out an entire race is kind of brutal, even for their standards and then there was that thing with Urahara…." I'm babbling, I know I am but there's something about that smile that's throwing me off kilter and I can't pinpoint exactly what it is.

"They didn't even let him explain, just treated him like a criminal when all he was trying to do was save Shinji and the others after you—" I cut myself off there but I know it's too late as the smile drops off of Aizen's face and his eyes go hard.

Ironically, it's then that I realize why the smile bothered me. Because it's only once it's gone that I realize it was a genuine smile—not a smirk, not a shit eating grin or fake or indulgent but a fucking smile that reached Aizen's eyes and softened them. And for some reason that scares me more than Aizen's current glaring.

Cold arms once again hold mine behind my back and I don't fight them. I can't because I'm still not over Aizen's smile. I'm stunned, completely caught off guard and I don't realize I've been forced to kneel until I find Aizen towering over me.

"How much do you know?"

I'm second away from death, I know I am but I'm not scared. At least not of my potential death. I'm scared of that smile but it's not the smile exactly but what it represented.

We forget that Aizen wasn't always like this—he couldn't have always been a power crazed tyrant—and that smile? Well, that smile didn't belong to the power crazed tyrant but to the man who lost his way and for some reason that scares me more than him looming over me with every intention of ending my life.

"Everything."

Aizen stills at my response, they all do. The silence once again becomes deafening but I pay it no mind as I finally give Aizen a straight answer. No half-truths or lies or deflections or sarcastic remarks, just the honest to god truth. And he can sense that it is.

"I know about your plans, your experiments, and your betrayals. I know about Ichigo and Orihime and Chad. I know about Rangiku, Aizen," I say and I don't know if Aizen tenses because of her name or because of everything I'm telling him. "I can even tell you that I know the outcome of the war—who lives, who dies, and who wins—but what I don't know is what caused you to do this. All of this. "

You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

The Espadas still remain quiet and I don't doubt it's because they're scared of bring their Lord's wrath unto themselves. It's kind of sad really that I'm more willingly to challenge Aizen than they are because Aizen could kill me in a second if he really wanted to.

"Let her go," Aizen finally says after a lengthy silence and the hands holding me down disappear instantly. I don't stand though; I remain where I am, kneeling in front of the Lord of Las Noches. "You…amuse me," he says as he continues to loom over me. "For that I will let your insolence go. But know this; it will only be this once, next time you shall be punished."

"Punished?"

"If you claim to dislike the Soul Society then surely you are not opposed to joining my cause?" Aizen says and all I can do is shake my head because the direction this conversation has taken has thrown me for a damn loop. What the fuck is going on? "Then you should know that I, as the Lord of Las Noches, demand the up most respect. Is that understood?"

I nod even though my thoughts are still going in circles. Aizen doesn't seem to notice that he's lost me at 'amuse' as he steps away from me and moves to Wonderweiss without another word to me. I stay where I am, kneeling on the cool tiled-floor even as Aizen gets to work on Wonderweiss and explains to everyone what he's doing.

His words are lost to me because I'm still trying to process what just happened.

I was under the impression that Aizen hated humans so why the fuck would he let a simple, powerless human into his ranks? Hell, forget the human part, since when does Aizen let insubordination—and rudeness—slide? The Aizen I know rules with an iron fist.

What the fuck is going on!?

The sound of shattering glass pulls me out of my thoughts and I turn in time to see the smoke dissipate.

"…tell us your name, new comrade?"

"...Wonderweiss, Wonderweiss Margela."

All eyes snap to me the instant his name is out of his mouth and I can do nothing more than hang my head because I know I just sealed my fate. I'm going to be stuck here until Aizen wrings every last drop of knowledge from me and, honestly, I can't really say anything but 'fuck'.

"Do you remember the directive I spoke to you about last month, Ulquiorra?" Aizen asks and I watch him curiously even though I already know what he's talking about. He waits for Ulquiorra's quiet conformation before he continues, "Put it into motion."

"I shall leave the details to your discretion," Aizen says after a short pause. "You may take whomever you like, though I do think it would be the opportune time to train the new recruits, don't you?" he asks and his words shock me.

I was under the impression that I wouldn't be allowed to set a foot outside of Las Noches. Or—more likely—that I would be thrown into a dungeon, never to see the light of day again. Hell, I kind of like the idea of going to Karakura Town.

Maybe, if I'm lucky, I might even catch a peek of Renji.

What?

Don't look at me like that, redheads are sexy!

"Understood," Ulquiorra voice comes out steady, pitch never wavering and no reveal of any emotions in his words and I can't help but give him a curious once over as he approaches me. Though it's only when a cold hand wraps on my upper arm and yanks me to my feet that I realize that his eyes are narrowed just a bit more than normal.

He's mad!

It's not something you would notice unless you were looking for it and I wince as he begins to drag me towards the giant double doors. Well, I definitely didn't make a good impression. I'd be mad too if some random bitch woke up in my room and then I was forced to drag her around with me.

Wait….

Hold up….

Ulquiorra's mad!

I guess the emotionless bastard isn't so emotionless after all.

"See to it that she gets a proper uniform. We can't have the Shinigami thinking we're taking hostages," Aizen adds and Ulquiorra doesn't respond. He only gives a curt nod and I got to wonder if this is his way of rebelling when he's mad. "Ah, yes. Would you go to, Grimmjow?"

The sound of his name sends a shiver down my spine and reminds me that, yes, Grimmjow is here. My eyes snap to him instantly—high above a pillar and almost completely engulfed in darkness—and what can only be described as a shit ton of unfiltered hate crashes through my body.

My glare has nothing on his, I'm sure. I mean, I'm a five-foot midget and he's a six-foot one tree but that doesn't stop me from glaring at him with all I have. And why am I glaring at the blue kitty you ask? Because I hate this fucker more than I can ever express.

Because it's his fault the love of my life died.

If he'd just let Ichigo stay dead Ulquiorra would have lived!

(Yes, my love interest is Ulquiorra. If you honestly hadn't realized it before than I'd be a little concerned.)

I mean, sure, Aizen would have won the war and thousand of innocents would have died but…crap…put it that way and I sound like an out-right bitch. Grimmjow may have gotten Ulquiorra killed but he technically saved the world too….

Oh well, still hate him.

Call me selfish if you want.

I only catch Grimmjow's blue gaze for a second before I'm dragged out the door and into the halls. For once I decide to stay quiet as Ulquiorra drags me around because the grip on my arm is close to bruising. Strike that, it's close to bone crushing because I can already feel the bruises forming under his harsh grip.

It doesn't help that I bruise easily.

You know, I'm getting tired of all his goddamn manhandling…

No, wait. Calm down, Trixy. No need to get into a fight.

My irritation continues to build but I bite my tongue against all the sarcastic comments and insults wanting to pour out of my mouth because, well, I really do like him and it would be nice if he liked me back.

We continue down the white halls and the overabundance of it causes my head to throb. My headache is still going strong and I'm a little amazed that I managed to ignore it in Aizen's presence. Then again I was too busy trying to figure out what was going on—wait?

When did I stop thinking this was just a figment of my crazed mind?

Because it is, isn't?

Before I can think more on it I'm pulled—well, more like shove—through another door and I zone in just in time to catch myself on a bed before I can reacquaint myself with the stupid tiled-floor. And because I'm already half way on it I decide to climb onto the bed of clouds as I turn to look at Ulquiorra.

He doesn't even glance in my direction as he heads towards another door and begins to rummage through what I now realize is a closet. So I'm guessing he'll be lending me a uniform? Will it fit? I mean, I do need a little extra room in the front of the top than him….

"Wear these for now," he says as he turns back around. "We don't have time to get you a proper one." It's all he says in explanation as he places the clothes next to me. He's out the door before I can express my concern over the slight size issues and I purse my lips to keep in the curses.

Well, fuck you too then.

With a huff I begin to undress and trade tank top and shorts of too big pants and a tight shirt. I can't even get the damn to zip over my chest no matter how much I pull and hold my breath. So it's with another aggravated huff that I rip the damn thing off and put my tank top back on.

It's black so if I wear it with the top over it I doubt anyone will notice it's not exactly part of the uniform. I look for a mirror to inspect myself and once I do I realize that the coat tails are going to have to go. They drag against the floor and just look utterly ridiculous but I can't cut them off.

Oh! I know! I take one coat-tail in each hand and tie them into a bow at the small of my back. It doesn't look fabulous but it's better than before so I turn my attention to the pants. Ulquiorra may not be as tall as Grimmjow but he's still taller than me so I have to roll them up a bit so that I won't be tripping all over the place.

With one more look in the mirror I deem myself presentable and exit the room. Ulquiorra didn't give me a pair of shoes so I guess I'll be going without. Not that I mind, I at least have some black socks on so I'll be good unless I get them wet.

Well, there's nothing that I can do.

I find myself pausing with my hand on the door knob and not for the first time I wonder what's truly going on. I can't really be in Hueco Mundo, can I? Am I really going to Karakura? I push the door open before I can come up with an answer and ignore the silence that follows as a multiple pair of eyes turn my way.

It seems Ulquiorra got his team together while I was busy changing.

I didn't really take that long, did I?

The group begins to move as I join them and I follow after them reluctantly. I know what's going to happen next, we're going to travel into Karakura town and create a distraction but they don't know that I know and it'd be nice if someone would at least explain some of the finer details of this plan.

As we walk the group mumbles amongst themselves, all of them chitter and chat except for one. He trails after us silently, right arm clenching and unclenching at his side. He's eager, impatient; he sees this as his opportunity to get revenge and it's saddening really.

I know the outcome of this mission and it's a little sad to say the Grimmjow will get the ever-living shit beat out of him.

Wait!

Hold up!

Why am I sad? And for him! That's the motherfucker that's going to get Ulquiorra killed (and technically help save the world) so why should I feel sad for the fur ball?

Because he's just as lonely as you are.

Oh hell no, I'm not going there, not now.

I rip my gaze from him and go back to watching the rest of the group. Yammy's walking on Ulquiorra's right going on about something or the other with Luppi. Ulquiorra remains quite, gaze forward ignoring the rapidly heating debate between the two.

I zone out as I watch them, my mind drifts away and I don't react when an irritated Yammy swats Luppi away with the flick of his wrist and sends him flying my direction. It's not until I find myself tilting sideways that I realize that Luppi's coming my way and I stagger to the side—both to avoid the upcoming collision and to keep my footing.

After the danger's past and I turn to my left to find Wonderweiss still clutching onto my hand. He doesn't look back at me though. He looks forward, face blank, and I can't help but wonder how much of that is him and how much of it is what Aizen's done to him. We continue forward without a word, my hand still clutch in his and I don't fight him.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I register Luppi's irate cursing and Yammy's crackles but it's ignored. But when we reach a white door at the end of an equally white hall all noise stops and everyone enters without a word.

Inside are chairs and tables and distantly realize that this is a planning room.

On the center of the table is a map of Karakura town and we gather around it without promoting. Ulquiorra explains the details of the mission, it's purpose and who's doing what. I watch him as he talks and with a hint of anger that I realize he's not talking to us—us being Grimmjow, Wonderweiss, and me.

His gaze is focus strictly on Luppi and Yammy, never once flickering in our direction. It's also then that I realize that Wonderweiss and Grimmjow and I have been indirectly forced to sit together. I'm sandwich between the two on the other side of the table.

We've been deemed useless just because we're not Espadas.

"God damn, he's a bigger asshole than I thought," I grumble under my breath as I lean back into my chair and cross my arms. A huff to my right tells me that Grimmjow's heard me. I fight back a blush as I squirm in my seat. "I swear he's a bigger asshole than Aizen."

Grimmjow's cough brings a smile to my lips because I know he's hiding a laugh. Wonderweiss giggles to my left and I would have joined him if I wasn't so caught off guard.

I thought Yamamoto said he couldn't feel emotions.

"Silence."

Ulquiorra reprimand has me sitting straighter in our seats while Wonderweiss tries to choke back giggles. Grimmjow for his part simply rolls his eyes and slumps further into his seat but stays quiet.

Ulquiorra continues the meeting once he's satisfied that we're all paying attention and all too soon I find myself once again slumping in my seat from boredom. He's got a voice that can put anyone to sleep and I probably would have dozed off if the voice to my right hadn't sent me into a fit of giggles.

"Asshole."

A/N: for those of you who have read this before, I'm going for a slow build—well slower than the original—this time so please don't hate me if you hate slow build!