The cell in the Boarding House stayed as Sybil had left it. Damon had enough sympathy and concern for Bonnie to make it as comfortable as possible for her, but it never escaped his mind that this was in fact prison. And he hated it tremendously.

It's for the best, he was convincing himself, and added out loud: "For your own safety, Judgy. You'll thank me later."

He closed the door of the cell, glanced at Bonnie, all powerless and prostrate, through the grids. As he did, he felt sorry for her. Damon was far from emotional and collateral damage didn't bother him. Usually. It was different now: he saw through her rage. But he understood the necessity of standing as her enemy for now. That was not a sacrfice - that was how the things were and had to be.

Upstairs, Caroline sat at the couch cross-legged, cross-armed, tapping her foot nervously.

"Thank god," she said when Damon entered the room, "where is everyone?"

"Hello to you, blondie," he replied. "Why are you here and not with Elena? She shouldn't be alone."

"Exactly, you should be there with her," she said and sighed. "Have you seen Stefan? How is he?"

"Nope."

"Lying," Caroline said. "What happened to him?"

"He freaked out."

"Why? Was it Sybil? Did she psycho-whoosh him again?"

"Doubt that," Damon said. "She cares only about her ass now. Anyway, where did you hide her? I'm curious about the price you paid for my awakening."

Caroline couldn't get a word out of her mouth.

"I don't think she decided to go on the path of a saint," Damon noted. "Don't tell me you sweet-talked her."

"No, obviously not."

"So?"

"So where's Stefan?"

"I haven't seen him since he ripped Enzo's heart out," Damon shrugged, leaving out the part where Bonnie hunted him in order to kill him.

"He did what? Oh my god, Bonnie," Caroline murmured, "is she alright?"

"Asking again, Miss Broken Record... In my humble opinion, she is," Damon coughed to win some time, "so to speak. She is taking it quite unpredictibly."

He hated himself for saying that as soon as the word had left his mouth. He immediately realized he couldn't have chosen worse word.

"What do you mean by that?" Caroline wondered.

"She'll be fine."

"Her boyfriend just died," she protested, "she won't be fine for a long, long time."

"Did you know she wanted him to take the cure?" Damon asked suddenly.

Caroline held her breath, unsure what to answer to such a question.

"I did," she said finally.

"Then you know how she really feels, Car," he told her and lowered his voice, "there's nothing else to say."

Caroline looked down, as if she'd been ashamed. And in a way, she felt that way. Having lost so many people already, she even knew there was nothing she could do for Bonnie except be there for her when she needed.

"Is she home or...? I think I should see her."

"She left," Damon said, "probably went home, I don't know. She wanted to bury Enzo's body. But it's late, she'll be sleeping. She wanted to be alone."

"I'm sure she'll want to see me," Caroline insisted with a laugh without humor. "But maybe you're right. She should have a rest."

"Absolutely," he agreed.

"We should do a proper funeral for Enzo."

"Yeah," Damon nodded.

"He was your friend," Caroline said, ready to comfort him.

"He was."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm much better than Bonnie," he replied, pourring himself third glass of bourbon.

"Right," she mumbled. "I have to go see Stefan," she said. "Will you finally tell me where he is?"

"What, I thought he would run straight to you."

"Well, clearly he didn't," she said. "It looks as though he hasn't even been home yet. I'm worried about him, Damon..."

"Stefan is a big boy, he'll manage himself."

"Aren't you even a little bit curious how he's handling being human again? And what about Cade!"

"Yeah, that one might be a problem," he admitted.

"Then I suggest we start looking for him now," Caroline ordered and walked away.

Damon stepped in her way.

"One more thing. Where's Sybil?"

"Why do you even care?" she asked hesitantly.

"Apart from obvious reasons?"

"I took care of it," she waved her hand. Damon grabbed it.

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did," she hissed.

"Then why are you so nervous?"

"What? I'm not... I'm worried about Stefan, okay?!"

"Just a minute ago you were worried she hurt him. I wonder why."

"Well, is there any other manipulative bitch killing people?" Caroline asked sarcastically.

"Since Katherine died? None," he replied. "But why do you think she would want to hurt him?"

"Jesus, what do I know? She's unpredictable."

Damon let go of her. "Well, well, Caroline, I just hope you didn't do anything stupid," he said. He got around Caroline who stood bewildered at the door. "For your own sake. And Stefan's."

She gazed at Damon with confusion, sensing that there was something else she didn't know about, something not quite right.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"I'm talking the deal you made with that psycho killer," he answered over his shoulder, still walking away from her. "You're a bad liar. Now let's find your fiancé. I think I know where he might be."

In fact, he knew exactly where Stefan was: on the road, out from Mystic Falls. Damon was the one to have sent him there. But putting two and two together, he figured it'd be better to drive Caroline to him, than let her eventually find out about Bonnie and screw things up. One had to choose the smaller evil.

"Damon!"

"What?" Damon asked impatiently.

"There's something you should know," Caroline admitted.

"Please, tell me you're not making a confession about what you cooked with Sybil, please!" he moaned.

"It's Elena," she said, her voice so low she almost whispered.

Damon lost his attitude. "We're not joking about that."

"When you left earlier, something... happened."

"Stop talking in hints and spit it out! What's with Elena?"

It didn't matter what Caroline's answer would be. He headed straight to his car to drive to hospital. It was foolish of him to leave him just for a second. God! How angry he was with himself!

"She had trouble breathing and I thought that it was the fire, that's what she said - by the way, I still don't know what fire she was talking about. Her heart was all weak and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to give her my blood -"

"That wouldn't work."

"I know! So I was completely desperate and then the doctors came... And from what I understand, it's not good."

"What do you mean 'it's not good'?"

"I think something went wrong with the spell. Elena is not healing as she should. She's getting worse."

"So you're a doctor now?"

"No, but even the doctors looked confused. They thought it could be infection, but..."

"But? What does the spell have to do with it?" he said with a sudden change in his voice.

"She's dying." Caroline's lips moved, but she didn't say anything out loud. Damon understood.

"And you're wasting all this time talking about Stefan?!" Damon burst out yelling. "Seriously, Caroline, what is wrong with you?"

"There's nothing you can do, Damon! I didn't want to upset you, but you should know. The doctors do what they can, I'm sure."

"Sure they can heal a former vampire from supernatural death? Don't think so."

"I didn't say it was the spell."

"Not making it better," he said with lower voice.

"I just think so. It's all so messed up - what else could it be? Kai said that one of them would die if we'd tried something. So maybe the spell Bonnie did..."

"Don't you dare, Caroline!" he yelled out. "Don't you dare say that!"

The spell, the spell, can everyone please shut up about the spell? Damon raved. There was no freaking spell. It would be so easy to say that Bonnie had done a spell that would kill Elena. But she hadn't. She had died. But now she wasn't exactly dead. And Elena was dying.

That meant that one of them actually had to die completely. And since Bonnie was immortal...

No, no, no, that was not a possibility, he categorically refused it. Elena wasn't going to die from anything but old age. Period. But what could he do now? Tell the truth? Surprise, surprise, Bonnie is a vampire, locked down in the celllar because she flipped the switch and now she's a murderous beast going after Stefan, who not only killed Enzo, as you know, but also killed her. Oh, and by the way, I'm the one who forced her to drink blood.

"We have to get a witch," he decided.

"Bonnie, duh?!"

"What? No," Damon glowered. "She can't do magic."

"But then how did she do the spell?" Caroline asked, not giving away that she suspected Damon of secrets.

He gazed at her hesitantly. "She can't do a spell that could kill her," he corrected himself.

"She did already -"

"Now we know it didn't work, we need to find someone else."

"Is there something I should know?" she said after a while.

Damon looked her in the eyes for the first time in a long time. "No."

"Where's Bonnie, Damon?"

After a moment of silence that felt like forever, he replied: "Safe. And forget about seeing Stefan. He's gone."

"What? What do you mean 'he's gone'? What have you done to him?!" she raised her voice as her anger began to rise, too.

"Nothing!"

"Then tell me where he is!"

"It's for his own safety, Caroline!" he spat out. "And openly, Elena's life is bigger priority now than your love drama."

Damon turned back on his way to his car. He was fed up with road trips, but what else was there to do?

"Where are you going now?" Caroline asked helplessly.

"None of your business," he replied swiftly, jumped in the car and pushed the pedal all the way down.

February 19, 2018

For the first time in five years, I'm not adressing this to Elena. She's awake and I'm long gone, back in Savannah. I had to leave. The phone keeps ringing: Caroline is worried. But as long as Bonnie wants to kill me, I cannot stay - Damon's instructions. The truth is I'm hiding from responsibility. I hurt so many people the last time I became the Ripper. Countless people dead, including Enzo. The worst thing isn't that he's dead, I never had too much sympathy for him. It's that pain that I've put Bonnie through. I lost my friend. I can't look at their eyes. The blame is on me, nothing will take it away. It's deserved.

I'm haunted by what I've done to Elena. Damon called me to tell me how bad she was doing: she's dying, and has been for a few days now. This time not quite sleeping beauty, but straight in medically explainable coma, though with unexplicable causes. And despite the fact he admitted that partly it was my fault, the danger is much bigger. It's the spell, it's Bonnie being killed by me and then coming back again as a vampire. We've been all playing with fire.

I'm waking up every night, covered in sweat, breathing fast and heavily, my heart in my throat beating so fast it seems it's going to jump out of my body. I usually don't remember the nightmare exactly, but it all has to do with me killing Enzo, then Bonnie, Elena and then putting up with Damon. As if a nightmare could be worse than reality...

Vampires feel everything much more intensely, and I do remember how consuming the guilt I felt was each time I turned my humanity back on. Being human, I don't feel it so magnified, but it's crippling. However, the truth is that I believe I deserve much more than this - I deserve hell and agony, punishment for doing all this.

Damon assigned me to use my time (if I want to make up for my deeds) and search for witches. It used to be so simple to move fast and track people down as a vampire;, at least now I could use it to my advantage: witches don't like vampires, so if they're convinced they're helping humans, I might get somewhere with it. I'm on a good track, I believe. It would be all much easier if I were allowed to speak to others, but I can't risk it. Good that I'm used to working alone.

For the time being, I have to stay careful about my whereabouts in case Bonnie escapes the cell or anything else happens. What breaks my heart is that I can't even let Caroline know what's happening. Damon gave me his word to keep her out of it, so she has no idea neither about Bonnie nor what I've done to Elena. Me leaving without saying a word, or Caroline finding out about the horrible things I did: she will hate me either way.

The phone is ringing again, yet I can't pick up. Not today.

The heavy door to the cell creaked. Bonnie's tired eyelids moved up to see who she'd expected to come: Damon.

She didn't bother to get up from that uncomfortable bed made of iron. That was what Damon called hospitality - that she didn't sleep on the ground.

"Bringing some breakfast," he ...warbled. "You haven't eaten since I made you feed."

"Thanks for reminding me," she mumbled, her voice all hoarse. "How long has it been?"

"Ah, five days? I don't know, I lost count," he grined. "But hopefully enough to make you weak."

"Are you enjoying this?" she asked, trying to crawl out of the bed. It squeaked, and Bonnie's face deformed from the pain it caused to her head.

"No, Bonnie, I'm not. I would much rather you to be upstairs and help us with our crap!" he said dryly.

"Just give me that blood," she pointed at the bottle he held in his hand, "so I can think at least a bit clearly."

He dropped it down in front of her. "Many thanks," she said.

"I'm surprised you didn't try to get out," he noted casually. "You're the most obedient captive I've ever met."

Bonnie sniffed. "What's the point? I bet everyone is on watch out to get me back."

"In fact," he said, "I didn't exactly tell them yet."

"Tell what? That you're holding me down here?"

"That you're a vampire," he replied.

"So Caroline upstairs...?"

"Yeah, she doesn't know," he shook his head. "I tried to convince her to move back to her house temporarily, but she doesn't want to hear about it."

"Waiting for Stefan?" she asked, putting emphasis on saying his name with disgust.

"And you. I told her you left town to clear you head, but I think she doesn't believe me," he shrugged.

She scoffed. "No wonder. You keep telling lies -"

"I've got it under control."

"I bet you're getting lost in it," she said wryly. "You know I could cry out just now and Caroline would speed down here in a second."

"You won't..."

"I want to give you a chance," she smiled.

"Chance for what?"

"To let me out yourself. I know I will have to prove a point to you: no problem," she said.

"That will be your biggest problem, Bon Bon," he crossed his arms. "You can forget about it till you turn back your emotions."

"Oh, don't start with that," she sighed. "You know that's not the problem.

"Yes, it is," he warbled again.

"No," she insisted. "The problem is I wanted to drain Stefan of blood and then throw him at the face of all of you to prove you I wasn't gonna be your scapegoat anymore."

Damon scowled. "I don't need details."

"Well, the real deal was just drinking his blood," she shrugged. "But god, did I want him dead... I thought he deserved it, but then I've realized that when people take in all the things he did, it will be much worse for him to cope with that than being dead. I won't be doing him any favor."

"As I said, spare me the details," he said. "We can talk when your emotions are back on."

"Damon, you're not listening - I wanted to drink his blood."

He stared at her. Then he realized: "He's the cure."

"I didn't flip the switch, you know," she shook her head. "I feel that way."

"Yeah, I know that trick," Damon waved his hand, "not interested."

"What trick?"

"Pretending to have turned the switch on."

"I'm not pretending," she refused. "It made perfect sense to me, see, it was simple: I would drain Stefan of blood, so I wouldn't have to be a vampire anymore and Stefan would be dead," she explained. "All at one blow."

"You wanted to do it even though it could have hurt Elena?"

"What do you mean, hurt her?"

"Theoretically," he started, "if you became a human, you wouldn't be dead and Elena would be a Sleeping Beauty again - do you see where I'm going with that?"

Bonnie nodded.

"I had other plans. Putting Elena asleep wouldn't be an obstacle for me. Being this," she made a gesture with her hand, "being a vampire changed me."

Damon half-smiled. "Yeah, I hear that a lot."

"Elena is my best friend, I wouldn't want to hurt her. If she were asleep again, it would only hurt you. You'd get through it. I'm not this person, believe me. I don't want to kill people."

"I'm not letting you out. You tell me all that and then expect me to be so gracious to let you out?" He threw his arms into the air and sniffed. "Don't be ridiculous."

"But because I told you all that, you should," she raised her voice.

"How about this: No."

"I have a suggestion," Bonnie said, "solution to all your problems."

"Not that I'm expecting anything, but I'm listening," Damon said crossing his arms again, leaned to the door.

"Take a bit of Stefan's blood, bring it right here to me. I will drink it, become a human and you can let me out. I won't hurt anyone."

"You decided to kill Stefan in transition," Damon objected.

"I changed my mind as a vampire."

"I'm not risking Elena's life."

"But how? She's awake, the worst thing that could happen would be that she'd fall asleep again, you just said that."

"Or die, right?" Damon said. "We're slinding on thin ice already, Bon Bon, playing with magic does no good."

Bonnie locked her eyes with Damon's. She couldn't confess to him, neither to herself that in her picture becoming human was stronger than keeping Elena awake.

"Elena's dying," he announced. Really, that was what it was - an announcement. And suddenly, her picture broke to pieces.

"She's what?" Bonnie yelped out. "What do you mean 'she's dying'? Was it the fire? Did I come too late?"

Damon shook his head. "Worse. It's the magic."

"Magic? What..." Bonnie left the sentenced unfinished. Just a minute ago, the possibility of Elena dying in the process had been somewhat acceptable for her, though it'd been buried deep inside her and she would have never admitted it. It was the vampire who was this indifferent to death. She didn't want to put her life in danger, but putting her under the sleeping spell again was tolerable consequence. Hearing that she was actually about to die - struck her. "It's me, right? It's because I'm not dead dead. Because I'm a vampire."

Damon was silent.

"Isn't it? I'm killing her."

"I don't have a clue what you taking the cure would do to her," he said, avoiding replying her.

"Why aren't you with her right now?"

"Because I'm out here trying to figure out how to save you both. I can't just sit there and watch her die."

"And do we have any options?" she asked, with no sign of hope nor genuine interest in her voice.

"I tried to reach some witches that could help us," Damon answered, "I even convinced Alaric to do some digging in the Armory, but it's the same dead end like before."

"Before - you mean when it was just Kai's spell?"

He nodded.

"It's your fault, you realize that? I didn't want to finish the transition. Magic is always trying to find balance, that's the way it is. You messed it up by forcing me to feed."

"Letting you die was not on my to-do list for the day," he hissed.

"Turning me into a bloodsucker apparently was," she said sarcastically.

"If it meant saving your life," he shrugged and smiled without humor, "anytime."

Bonnie lowered her head. "I won't make it as a vampire, Damon. This is not who I should be."

"Sure you will, you're doing just fine," Damon appeased her. "You haven't killed anyone yet, you didn't attack any innocent passerby..."

"You're not helping."

"Look, Bonnie, what do you want me to say? This is hell of a complicated situation, I know that. But that's it. If I could do anything without risking one of you two dying, I would. There's nothing. Yet."

"What if I refuse to drink blood?"

"I wouldn't recommend that," he said; Bonnie heard a threat in that.

"What if?" she insisted.

"Then you will dessicate. You'll be weak, dizzy and hungry, more than you've been so far, and then you'll be like a corpse waiting for a drop of blood to wake you up. But you won't die. Being stubborn won't save the day."

"You were in a coffin like that for three years," she noted.

"And you want to do the same thing?" he asked, apparently amused by that. "Well, I'm glad at least one of us is strong enough to say goodbye."

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Don't you get I'm desperate? I wanted to die and you did this to me, now I want to take the cure and I can't - because what if it hurts Elena. I'm tired, Damon. Elena's dying, Enzo's dead and the only thing keeping me sane, the only thing I hold on to is this hope that maybe there's somewhere a way to get him back. And I can do nothing because I'm stuck in this cell as a vampire and my magic is gone for good."

Damon looked at her quizzically. "How do you want to bring him back? The Other Side is gone. Destroyed. Poof. Non-existent."

"That's the worst thing," Bonnie said. "He's probably in hell. But you know what?" Her eyes lighted up. "That is finally something you can take care of!"

"What do you mean?"

"Go to hell and ask Cade if Enzo's there. Then get him out."

"Are you serious? How am I supposed to do that?"

"I'm sure you'll find a way. You always find a way and never ask anyone for permission, never take others into account," she shrugged. "You owe me, Damon."

"How do I... Alright, Bon Bon, alright. I'll try what I can," he gave up to appease her; this was tiring him. He turned to leave.

Bonnie smiled widely. "That's all I wanted to hear."

He turned back and looked at her, his hand on the handle. "You know, being a vampire really doesn't suit you," he said.

He wanted to add: You remind me too much of one dead manipulative bitch I used to know. He didn't say anything, he knew that being compared to Katherine would hurt her even more; it was insulting. But seeing the similarities was uncomfortable and it kept popping up on his mind. The worst thing was that he now believed her humanity had been on the whole time - what would happen if she'd actually flipped the switch? And what was going to happen after she'd get comfortable and used to being a vampire and aware of the entire extent of her powers and strength? Had it changed her that much?

"Damon?" she called when he closed the door behind him. "If you bring me my grimoire, or anything, I can try to help. I may not have my powers, but I might come up with some ideas."

"You haven't done that already? Because Kai said 'no magic'? Really?"

"Do you want my help or not?" Bonnie asked impatiently. "I'm willing to take my offer back."

Damon frowned. "Fine," he said. "You're not exactly busy as a bee now, anyway, so you might as well do some research."

"You realize that if I became a human, I might even get my powers?" she said, as if by the way. "I'd be more helpful as a witch."

"That is not feasible."

And he slammed the door.