This Journal is property of John Watson.
8th February 2012 -So you were thirteen -SH
I'm really not sure why I'm putting myself through the torture of writing one of these things again.
Nor do I know why I am putting myself through the torture of reading it -SH
I think it's because there are things I want to talk about that I can't confidently say to Sherlock. I'm scared to write them down in here for fear that someone else could just pick it up and read everything. Every single little juicy detail. And I'm sure they could use it against me.
This gets more and more intriguing by the second. You drama queen, John -SH
Anyhow, this is something I need to do, to save my own sanity.
There are three things I need to discuss. Firstly, my 'trust issues'. Yeah right. Everybody's just fussing. There is no way that I am mentally unstable. NO. WAY. Besides, I trust Sherlock, don't I? So that's one person. Does he not count?
Apparently this whole thing started when I was beaten up at primary school, after I rescued Sherlock. Not that I regret it, of course. I wouldn't have let them lay another finger on him for the world. But it went on for weeks and weeks, until I decided, "Forget being 'the better person'" and punched Phillip in the face. Best thing I've ever done in my life.
I couldn't tell Sherlock this, because, well, he shouldn't have to know. I wouldn't want to worry him. I'm fine now.
John, obviously you were beaten up. I just never wanted to upset you by talking about it.
You should be able to tell me anything. -SH
I'm too tired now. I'll write up the rest tomorrow.
9th February 2012
Ok, so the next thing I want to talk about is... urgh, this is embarrassing. I want to talk about girls.
I can't talk to Sherlock about this, because he has the same problem but is apparently unable to understand why it is an issue. I am unable to... to want a girl. If you see what I mean. I have tried to get to know some, desperately wanting to have a relationship with someone (that would make me more normal, right?), but I just can't.
Why would you want to be normal, John? Normal's boring -SH
This brings me onto my next topic. It should be obvious why I can't talk to Sherlock about this.
I've talked to my sister about the girls thing, and every time she says it's because, "You want to fuck Sherlock!" That's in her own words, I should probably add. The point is that (and this is going to sound so weird, but) I think that maybe what she says is true.
Not literally, obviously I don't want to have sex with him, but if I get older and still feel this way, then I might decide that I do want to have sex with him.
No. That wasn't what I meant.
Look, the point is that I love him. There. The secret's out. I love Sherlock Holmes. He is my world, and I would never be able to live without him after all this time.
I hate him, too. He doesn't make this easy for me. All that with his cheekbones and turning his coat collar up so he looks cool does not help. And that's not mentioning his dark, curly hair, his beautiful blue eyes, his perfect lips.
Then there's me. I'm not attractive, not at all. Haven't got the best personality ever. I'm not even half as clever as him. So if he really is gay (which I'm sure he isn't), I doubt he would ever want me.
I don't think I am going to write any more, actually. Thinking about Sherlock like this will only make me want him more. Not that I think it's possible to want him any more than I already do.
I'm glad I wrote this. It's nice to get it all out of my system. Goodbye, for now.
Sherlock, I'm sorry.
Your next diary is even more interesting -SH
Interesting?
Sherlock, talk to me! I'm sorry.