Chapter Four
Two months later

"I think I'm really starting to get the hang of this now," Helen stated as they closed down the shop for the night.

"Yea, you're doing really great. A natural people person," Nikki replied as she locked the front door to Dawns Haven and they began walking home.

"Ahh, well I was studying to be a psychologist at uni," Helen replied.

"Yea, you told me that. Why didn't you finish your degree?" Nikki asked.

"I decided I'd be happier here. I wasn't too far into my course when I left. I mean, I took time off before going to uni, then took another year off after my first year…I just don't think I was ready, you know?" Helen replied.

"I suppose I do know what you mean. Although I've never even considered going to uni. This is my life, and I'm happy with it," Nikki stated.

They continued walking the short distance home in silence. It was a comfortable silence, one they had become accustom to since they had met. Each taking in their surroundings, just happy to be in each other's presence.

"What do you fancy for tea?" Nikki asked as they approached the front door.

"Well, I was just thinking…How's about we pick up some take out and a bottle of vodka and have a nice, drunken night in," Helen replied, with a suggestive grin. "I haven't been drunk since I arrived here. Minus my little trip home to sort everything out."

"Alright, you've talked me into it," Nikki said grinning and shaking her head. "But just keep in mind that we have a bookstore to run tomorrow. And if you get me too drunk, I'll send you in on your own."

"Ok, deal, now come on," Helen said as she grabbed Nikki by the arm and dragged her further down the road towards the bottle shop.

They arrived home some time later with two bottles of vodka, Chinese take-out and a movie. Nikki grabbed a blanket from the closet while Helen set the food and drinks out on the coffee table in front of the television, and placed the movie in the DVD player. They sat down on the couch together, food in hand, and watched the movie. There was three quarters of a bottle gone before either of them felt the need to start a conversation.

"Nikki, can I ask you something?" Helen asked, still facing the television.

"You just did," Nikki smirked, and took another shot of vodka.

"Haha. You're sooo funny Miss Wade," Helen replied pushing Nikki in the arm. "What I mean though, was can I ask you something about my mother?"

Nikki put her glass down on the table and turned to face Helen. "Ask away Helen. You don't have to ask, I'll tell you anything I can."

"I've been a bit hesitant to ask. I guess I'm a bit scared of what the answer would be," Helen said turning to face Nikki, looking a bit apprehensive.

"Do you know why my mother left me?" Helen asked, a touch of sadness in her face.

"Oh Helen," Nikki sighed as she slid across the lounge to wrap her arm around Helens shoulders.

"I'll answer your question, but first of all you have to know that your mother never left you! Ok?"

Helen nodded before Nikki continued.

"I remember the first time your mother told me about you. When your father got full custody… She said that being away from you was the worst thing she's ever had to do," Nikki began. She was a little unsure as to how to broach the subject of why her mother left. But she knew that Helen had a right to know.

"Helen, your mother told me about a women that she knew from the church. She began to feel things, for her, and for women in general, that she knew the church would not approve of." Nikki hesitated to let the sentence sink in.

Helen turned her head to face Nikki, confusion written all over her face. Confusion turned into surprise, which eventually turned to a look of understanding.

"My mother was a lesbian?" Helen asked softly.

Nikki simply nodded and waited to see if Helen was going to say anymore, or ask any more questions. When nothing was forth coming, she continued to explain what had happened to Dawn.

"Everything came out into the open, which is why your mother left. Your father forced her to leave, and got full custody of you. She moved out here basically because she had no one. Everyone turned against her," Nikki continued. "She told me she tried to find you, but you had moved on. That, and after a while, she didn't know what your father had told you, or if you would even talk to her, if she ever figured out what she would say."

Helen sat up on the lounge. She had her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. It was a lot to take in. Nikki wasn't quite sure if she was taking it ok.

"Helen, is this a problem for you? I mean, do you have a problem with Homosexuality? Because if you do, then…" Nikki stopped and looked down into her lap.

"Then…what?" Helen asked as she brought her head back up and turned to look at Nikki.

"Well, maybe we might have a problem," Nikki replied. She took a deep breath before making her announcement. "Helen, your mother was a lesbian, yes. And so am I."

Helen sat, looking at Nikki, not sure of how to respond. Although hearing Nikki's words about her own sexuality made her speechless, for some reason it was not as much of a surprise as she thought, and she didn't feel any different towards her now than she did before.

"Helen?" Nikki said, waiting for a response. "Are you going to say something? What are you thinking?"

"No Nikki, homosexuality is not a problem for me. I'm just a little…well, I don't know. I don't know what to say, that's all," Helen responded, as she looked at Nikki, confusion written over her face.

"So, I guess it's safe to assume that your father never told you the real reason your mother left?" Nikki asked.

"No. No, he didn't," Helen sighed. "But I can definitely see him forcing mum to leave because of this. He always was very narrow minded."

"You're not upset then?" Nikki asked.

"No, I'm not upset," Helen replied. She sat silently for a while before a look of understanding crossed her face. "Is that why…I mean, with your parents. Did they disown you because of that?"

"Yes Helen. Like your father, my parents were also narrow minded."

"I'm so sorry Nikki," Helen sighed. She sat back in the couch and held on to Nikki's hand as she spoke. "I suppose you both had something in common then. You both had family who abandoned you. I only wish I could have understood. I'd have never let my father act in such a way if I'd have known. I should have looked for her sooner."

A single tear slid down Helens cheek. Nikki moved closer to hold her in her arms again.

"Oh Helen. You mustn't think like that. You were young, and you weren't to know," Nikki said encouragingly. "Your mother would be happy to know that you accepted who she was. To be honest, I was a little scared to tell you, not just about your mother, but about myself also. I was afraid that with your religious upbringing, you might not be so understanding."

"Nikki, I'm not my father," Helen replied as she turned to face Nikki in her arms and reached up to touch her cheek. "You are such a wonderful person. You're amazing. And I'm not about to miss out on your friendship because of who you love."

"I'm so happy to hear you say that," Nikki replied with tears welling in her eyes. "I know we haven't known each other very long, but I don't know how I'd cope without you."

"Oh Nikki, come here," Helen sighed as she pulled Nikki in for a tight hug. They held on to each other for some time, feeling safe with the knowledge that they had each other to depend on.

When they broke from the embrace, Helen wiped away Nikki's tears. "You ok now?"

"Yea," Nikki responded. "I feel much better."

They sat, looking into each other's eyes. Nikki had to physically stop herself from leaning forward those few inches and capturing Helen's lips. She had come to realise lately that her feelings towards Helen were more than just friendship, and more than just attraction. She was falling in love with the beautiful Scot, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Looking into her eyes, Helen felt that same feeling in her stomach that she had felt many times in the passing months. She couldn't explain it fully, but with Nikki's latest confession, it made her wonder if it could possibly be attraction. This scared her. Her whole life she was straight, but this women comes into her life, turns it upside down, and makes her question her entire existence.

Helen shook herself from her daze and looked away from Nikki. "It's late. Maybe we should call it a night hey?" she asked.

"Yea," Nikki replied, standing to clear the glasses. "You head on up to bed, I'll get these."

"Ok, thanks," Helen replied as she rose from the lounge and began to leave the room. She stopped at the doorway and watched as Nikki cleared the glasses. Nikki turned on her heal to see her standing in the door way watching. Her breathe caught in her throat as Helen smiled at her and disappeared from the room.

^If only you knew what you do to me^ Nikki thought. ^Yea right. If she knew she'd probably run a mile^ she reasoned with herself, before clearing the night's dishes and heading off to bed.