Author's Note: I'm happy to see that people are reading and enjoying this fanfiction. A review mentioned if the Jeremy in this fanfiction knew past Sarah... he didn't, unfortunately. Anyways, I'd like to thank everyone who's reading - it really means a lot to me.
Jeremy's Journal Entry #4:
I wake up. I go to a lecture, or a workshop of some sort. I come back to my dorm. That's been my life the past week.
Everything seems normal and I'm not sure I like it. Yes, I admit that I've always wanted to be normal, especially when I found out things that almost everyone normal is oblivious to.
I guess what I'm trying to say - or write - is that "normal" seems to be losing its magic. Maybe it's the stress involved with being a normal University student, I don't really know.
When life throws you vampires, witches, and werewolves, it's the concept of normal that becomes mysterious and fascinating. As much as I don't want to be involved in all that again, there's still a tiny part of me that wants to. Ironically, the things I hated the most about all this also seems to be what I love most about it too. The danger - you could die at any second. You never know what breath will be your last. It's terrifying, and makes you wish for anything else in life. However, there's also some immense feeling of gratification that comes with it too... it makes every second that you're alive count and matter for something.
I know that I can be impulsive. As much as I want to say that University was a well-planned decision I have always wanted to make, it wasn't. I wanted to get away from everything. It feels like I'm living another life now, so I guess my plan is working - to some extent, at least.
However, being impulsive isn't always a good thing. Especially when what you're really in the mood for is hunting down some vampires, and not ordering takeout.
It doesn't help that the only reason I was able to get into Duke in the first place was with Elena's help. If you think about it, compulsion is like the ultimate form of cheating. I'm having the hardest time trying to catch up to even be able to have enough context to be able to understand and reference different things in class.
Sometimes I wonder if I even deserve to be here. Yeah, I have fought the worst monsters imaginable that everyone seems to be blissfully ignorant of... but it feels like such a different ballgame it's like it doesn't even matter. I can't really compare the two. It also doesn't help that by attending Duke I may have crushed someone else's lifelong dreams... someone who worked really hard and struggled to get into this school, and ended up being rejected anyways. However, there isn't really much use in thinking about all the things that have happened, and what might have happened if they didn't.
Even if I don't feel guilty... I feel sort of empty. The previous ideas of a normal life being almost magical in itself has turned into a dull and boring reality. Really, the only interesting thing so far is that I haven't seen Sarah at all. No one seems to notice, either. I don't think it's malicious, I think of it more as sad. I mean, everyone claims to admire Sarah Nelson, they say she has amazing talent and will be very successful. Everyone acts like they want to be her friend. But when Sarah isn't around, everyone acts like nothing has happened.
I guess the best way I might have been able to describe my current thoughts and feelings would be to say that "the grass is always greener on the other side," but that expression doesn't have quite the same meaning it used to.