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That's So You
four
Much to Maddi's surprise, her father did not drag her back to the manor for Christmas that year. He had decided not to host the annual Turner Ball due to 'unplanned circumstances,' which really meant his Lord had sent him on an untimely assignment. Maddi had half a mind to return home for the holidays, if only to spend it with her sister and absentminded mother alone in the mansion for a few weeks. But her better judgment told her to stay put at Hogwarts with Severus, who would also not be returning to his dismal home that winter.
Still, Maddi trotted outside to the horseless carriages all bundled up in comfortable sweaters and a bright emerald scarf fastened around her throat. Her arm was linked with Regulus' as they fought their way through the quickly falling snow, trailing slightly behind Loxus and Bellatrix. Bellatrix was hanging off her boyfriend's arm while he chatted with Loxus, their heads bowed down against the wet white flurries. To them, it appeared Maddi was accompanying them to the carriages to see them all off. In truth, she only wished to say goodbye to Regulus who would be tossed back under his mother's watch for the next three weeks.
"You're sure you don't want to stay with us? Mother would love to have you," Regulus offered.
"No, Reg, I'd like to stay here. Thank you though," Maddi smiled over at him.
Before long, the group reached the carriages and took their turns embracing Maddi goodbye. Rodolphus embraced her in a quick, sideways hug before climbing into the horseless carriage. Bellatrix locked her thin arms around Maddi's neck and kissed her cheek, a sisterly display Maddi had grown accustomed to despite their countless quarrels. Regulus snaked his hands around her waist and he, too, pressed his lips against Maddi's cheek, however there was nothing brotherly about the sign of affection. His grey eyes lingered on hers after he pulled away before he glanced down at his snow covered boots and clambered into the carriage after his cousin. Loxus, then, wrapped his muscular arms around Maddi's entire body and pressed a sloppy kiss to her lips. He stroked her blonde hair when they parted and gazed down at her with warning eyes.
"Be a good girl while I'm away, won't you, Maddison?" he said haughtily, reminding her remarkably of her own father.
"Of course, my love," she replied dutifully.
He nodded once and turned to hoist himself into the carriage. Maddi stood alone in the frigid weather and waved to her friends as the cart (somehow) pulled them away towards the station. Once they were out of sight, she began her trek through the ankle-deep snow back towards the castle. She stomped her black boots against the stone floor of the entrance hall, ridding the black leather of the wet snow that clung to the material. She ruffled her yellow hair and unraveled her scarf from her neck as she made her way towards the Slytherin common room.
Maddi was more than excited to have the common room mostly to herself for the holidays with the exception of Severus and a few younger kids who stayed behind, as well. She tossed her scarf over the back of the ebony couch and sat down heavily, her frail body sinking slightly into the fluffy cushions. She propped her dripping boots on top of the polished table and knotted her short fingers behind her head, her grey eyes fluttering closed as a smile ghosted her lips.
"Not much of a lady without your king around, are you, Lady Turner?"
Maddi opened one eye to peek at Severus, her smile dropping into a nasty sneer.
"Don't call me that," she growled and shut her eyes once more. "And for your information, Avery is not my king."
"Of course not. The Dark Lord is," she heard him occupy the seat beside her.
"He most certainly is not," Maddi argued.
"Soon enough," Severus said, and Maddi could hear the smirk in his dull voice.
"Yes, yes I suppose you're right," she sighed and leaned forward in her seat.
"You sound upset," Severus noted, his beady eyes watching her every move.
"Not upset, exactly," Maddi chose her words carefully. "Nervous is a better word."
"For what?" he inquired.
"For what? In six months' time, I'll be selling my freedom to a man who will not hesitate to have me kill for him or lie down with his men. My entire life will change, so much will be expected of me. Tell me, Severus, what should I not be nervous for?" Maddi rushed.
"You've known this was your fate all along. You have been raised by the same man who serves the Dark Lord most loyally. You are born of your mother's womb, who sacrificed her sanity for the Dark Lord's cause," Severus said with an air of compliment.
"Not by choice," Maddi muttered under her breath.
"Forgive me if I am mistaken, Maddison, but I was under the impression that this was the path you wished to follow," Severus eyed her suspiciously.
"It is," Maddi defended. "I know no other path, nor do I wish to find another to follow. The Dark Lord's cause is one I firmly believe in and will do my very best to defend."
"Then you have nothing to fear, Lady Turner," Severus assured her. "The Dark Lord rewards those who are devoted to him."
Maddi watched Severus run his index finger along the underside of his left forearm. His eyes were focused on his lap, again, and he continued to stroke his arm over his black cloak. His shiny black hair hung in front of his face, casting dark shadows across his pale sin. Suddenly, he lifted his gaze and met Maddi's curious stare and she looked away quickly.
"I think I'll go to the library for a bit," Maddi rose to her feet. "Find a good read while the others are away."
She didn't wait for Severus to reply; Maddi knew he would only nod. She ran her fingers through her golden curls and left the emerald common room. Her feet moved silently aside from the occasional squeak her soles gave when she turned a corner, the bottoms of her boots still damp from the snow. She entered the library and smiled to herself at the comforting warmth and scent of old, yellowed parchment. She stopped in the doorway, scanning the open area away from the countless shelves holding an infinite amount of books. She saw him sitting all by himself, his blue eyes darting in horizontal lines as they read the book he had opened on the tabletop.
"All alone, Lupin?" she asked quietly when she came up behind him. "Or are the rest of the marauders waiting to jump out and attack me?"
She knew she had startled him and she smirked a little bit when he spun around in his seat. He laid a hand over his pounding heart and smiled up at her, his cheeks pink with embarrassment. His eyes lingered on hers as she waited for his response, a small smile pulling at the corners of her pouty lips.
"You're safe with me," he said softly. "The others went home for the holidays, I mean."
"And here I thought you four were attached at the hip," Maddi teased, sitting herself on the corner of his table.
"Most of the time we are. It gets a bit uncomfortable, actually, what with Sirius' love life and Peter's lactose intolerance," Lupin joked back with a smirk as Maddi chuckled.
"You mean Black's love life with Potter? I reckon that would be a quite revolting to witness," Maddi continued to poke fun at his friends. "Tell me, Lupin, which one's the catcher?"
"Ah, I think you already know the answer to that," he played along.
"Potter," they said in unison, and Maddi laughed.
The brilliant smile on her face dazzled Remus as he looked up at her. She had propped herself up on the edge of the table beside his arm and crossed one slender leg over the other. She pushed her fingers through her bouncy hair and slowly quelled her laughter, yet her pretty lips remained in a soft smile. He watched her eyes dance across his face before falling on the book laid out before him.
"Is that another one of your werewolf novels?" she asked conversationally.
"No, it's just the Transfigurations textbook," he half-smiled up at her. "I figured I'd do McGonagall's essay while the guys aren't here; it's sort of hard to focus with them around."
"I could imagine," Maddi commented with an odd scoff.
"Have you started your essay yet?" he asked.
"No," Maddi confessed. "Do you think…never mind?"
"Go ahead?" he insisted.
"I was just going to ask if you would mind helping me with it. Just to get it started, at least?" she asked, watching his eyes widen in surprise.
"You want my help?" he asked and glanced around as if she were speaking to somebody else.
"No, I was actually talking to troll behind you. Yes, your help," Maddi laughed again. "You're the smartest student in our year."
"I'm pretty sure Lily Evans is-"
"The smartest student in our year who doesn't want to hex my skin to pieces," Maddi corrected with a roll of her eyes. "If you don't want to, it's no big deal. I can just ask Sev-"
"No! I mean, of course I'll help if you need help," he said hastily as he ran his fingers through his shaggy brown hair.
"I do," Maddi smiled and hopped down off the table and sat down in the seat beside him.
It was a lie. Maddi did not need help with school work, least of all in Transfigurations. She had excelled in the subject since she was eleven years old and turned her beetle into a button on the very first try. Even her wand was ideal for the art of transfiguration: a pliable, nine inch mahogany wand with a unicorn tail core. But since it wasn't a Potions textbook sprawled across the oak table, Maddi made do with what was presented to her.
Lupin allowed her to borrow a roll of parchment and his 'favorite' quill so that they could begin their essays together at that moment. She smiled to herself as he told her the story behind the pearl white quill, a start-of-school gift from his late grandmother who Lupin's description of reminded Maddi of the perfect Lily Evans from Snape's childhood tales. She smiled up at him and dipped the quill into the jar of ink they'd be sharing.
She wasn't entirely sure how many hours had passed when she realized she had put down the quill and stopped writing. She wasn't positive how she had only managed to write four sentences in all the time she'd spent in the library. She hadn't the faintest idea how Remus Lupin had got her laughing until tears rolled down her cheeks and her sides ached. She only knew that she didn't want it to stop. But all good things must come to an end.
Maddi's belly gave a loud roar and she laid her hand over it, her laughter subsided instantaneously. Her cheeks burned in embarrassment and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. Her eyes danced everywhere but Lupin's smiling face. He was laughing at her.
"Hungry?" he asked softly.
"I can do without," Maddi replied and ignored Lupin's skeptical gaze.
"We can head to the Great Hall for dinner. We've been at it for hours," he noted, slipping his rusted pocket watch back into his pocket.
Maddi nodded and stood from her seat. She rolled her parchment neatly and held it firmly in her fingertips. She wasn't sure why she remained standing stone still staring down at him while he gathered his things. She felt as though she had been nailed to the spot, unable to move one foot in front of the other to create distance between them. She felt like a moth drawn to a light, fluttering towards it without the desire to think about anything else.
As he rose to his feet, Maddi followed his face with her eyes. She hadn't realized how closely she had been standing to him until his was gazing down at her. The sweet breath leaving his nostrils kissed her face, blowing stray strands of silk out of her eyes while she blinked up at him. Somehow, she managed to unstick her feet from the stone and stepped back two paces. She tossed him a sweet smile and turned on her heel.
"Maddi," he called for her, striding to catch up. "Perhaps we could do this again sometime."
Maddi's eyebrows bolted reflexively up on her forehead. She knew her eyes had widened considerably and her lips had parted in her surprise. She mentally kicked herself for not flashing her signature smile right away, thus filling him with tremendous doubt.
"I mean, if you want. We didn't get much done, so I just thought…"
"That sounds lovely," Maddi smiled up at him. "We can meet back here tomorrow after dinner if you'd like."
"That sounds perfect," he replied smiling widely.
"I'll see you then," Maddi winked and turned to enter the Great Hall.
It was the third night Maddi had spent in the library with Remus and, yes, they were finally on a mutual first name basis. She smiled to herself and shook her head at the thought that at one point, she had only breathed his surname in a nasty manner. No matter how many times she had apologized for the way she and her friends had treated him, she could not forgive herself even if Remus could. Although she had never been outright mean to him, she never did anything to prevent her friends from picking on him and, for that, she was truly sorry.
As she walked alone back down to the cold dungeons, Maddi found herself wishing she had spoken to Remus sooner. She thought back on all of the years she had known he existed and acted as if he didn't. Six years Maddi had ignored Remus aside from the occasional scowl while their respective crowds fought. Now, in their seventh and final year of school, Maddi had finally given him a chance and she wished she hadn't wasted so much time. Before long, her life would be far too dangerous to be romantically involved with someone, let alone someone as gentle and kind as Remus Lupin.
Her feet stopped moving beneath her as the words spun around in her head. Romantically involved…with Remus Lupin? Where had that thought come from? Is that what she had been after all this time? She would admit she had been intrigued by the Gryffindor and wanted to get to know who he was beneath the intelligent, withdrawn exterior, beyond the books and prefects badge he had worn on his robes two years ago. But she had never consciously considered him as a lover. Hell, she had barely begun considering him as a friend. Still, there she stood, her weight propped against the icy stone wall of the dungeons, contemplating all of the outrageous possibilities regarding Remus.
She shook her head free of the unreachable desires and resumed her journey to the Slytherin common room. Maddi hissed the password and stepped inside the common room. She glowered for a moment, wishing their common room would have been warmer than the frigid hallways before she made her way towards the girls' stairs.
"Another late night, Lady Turner?" a monotone voice called as her feet climbed the first two steps.
She spun around to find the speaker and rolled her eyes when she did. She laid a hand on her hip and flicked her long hair over her narrow shoulders. She pursed her full lips, waiting for him to continue before she responded.
"Growing fond of Lupin, Lady Turner?" Severus raised a black eyebrow.
Maddi didn't reply. She was too busy struggling to keep her emotions off of her beautiful face to craft an adequate retort. She reenacted the blank stare her mother had taught her so well and watched Severus' thin lips curve into a smirk. He rose slowly from the armchair he was occupying and stepped towards her, tapping his fingertips together. When he reached her, she stared directly into his black eyes and waited.
"Needless to say, I do not particularly approve. But my approval doesn't truly matter, does it?" Severus spoke softly. "No, only the Dark Lord's approval matters. A blessing I do not foresee you receiving any time soon."
"What are you getting at, Snape?" Maddi hissed.
"Using my surname, now, Maddison? There's no need to grow hostile. Not with me, at least," Severus assured her. "I mean only to advise you. Put a stop to this now, before things get too serious."
"You are not my father, Severus. Nor are you my master," Maddi growled, narrowing her light eyes.
"Would you prefer for either of them to take action? They will not take this news lightly, Maddison. The actions they will take will be detrimental. You would be lucky to walk away with your life, extremely blessed if you manage to do so without your lover's blood on your hands," Severus's words sent a violent shiver up her spine.
"He's not my lover," Maddi denied.
"In due time he will be," Severus stated confidently. "End it, Maddison. You two live in completely different worlds. Worlds where the other is not accepted. Now, I will keep your secret as long as it does not threaten my safety, but I cannot promise that will be very long."
"Why would you promise me such a thing?" Maddi questioned warily.
"Despite common belief, I am not a heartless person, Maddi," he spoke gently. "I care about you, whether I wish to or not. I do not want to see any harm come to you, but if you continue this forbidden relationship, destruction will be inevitable."
"You're awfully quiet this evening," Remus noted casually. "Is anything wrong?"
"Nothing," Maddi smiled. "I'm fine."
His blue eyes watched her wearily before he dipped his quill into the inkwell and began scratching the tip against his parchment. Over the past few nights, the pair had nearly completed their assignment, as well as gotten to know each other a lot better than Maddi ever would have dreamed. He had shared stories of his childhood, confiding in her his resentment for his father, though he did not give details as to why. Remus had described his mother to her, a loving and caring woman who definitely passed her genuineness down to her wonderful son.
In turn, Maddi had told Remus memories of her own childhood, the edited versions of course. She had omitted parts involving her father or his colleagues; her sister or her assignments; her mother or her sanity. She spoke mostly of Rory and how close they had been as children. She told Remus how Rory used to lie to their father's face to cover up for something Maddi had done wrong, and how they used to chase each other around the backyard, and all of the trees they had climbed together.
"Rory was the one who taught me how to fly a broom," Maddi smiled to herself. "My sister and I were never allowed to ride a broomstick. My father felt it was unladylike, you see. So one day, Rory took me to a clearing behind our house and showed me how to mount it. Before long, I was soaring through the sky. The freedom still feels as fresh as it had nine years ago."
"You speak very highly of your brother," Remus commented with a smile, watching as Maddi's lips spread into a grin.
"He's been my best friend since before I can remember. He's the only role model I've ever had to look up to when I was younger," Maddi's smile turned a bit sadder.
"And now?" he asked curiously.
"He still is," Maddi admitted, watching his face for his reaction.
She pretended not to notice the look of doubt that passed over his eyes before he looked back down at his report. She ignored the upturned smile on his lips and focused only on the scratching sound his quill made as he wrote. She chewed her bottom lip and twisted Remus' quill between her fingers, stroking her chin with its white feather.
While she wrote in silence, she considered Severus' words. It was true: she and Remus were living in completely different worlds. Didn't their Houses prove that enough? She was a Slytherin, he a Gryffindor. Even in school, they were intended to hate each other, to be rivals. Outside to safe walls of Hogwarts, it went far further than scowling across corridors or shouting childish jabs at one another. Out in the world, they were on opposing sides. Her side would slaughter his without a second thought, would raise their wand against him without a moment's hesitation. They wouldn't care who he was, or how much his mother loved him, or who he loved. They would strike him down as an enemy. That would be all.
But Maddi did not intend to be on the evil side for much longer. That had to count for something, didn't it? She was playing the part, and playing it well if she had earned the trust of Severus Snape. She just needed the proper moment and the strength and courage to rise against them all, even more so than Rory had. She did not plan on taking the Dark Mark on her flesh as Rory had done. Instead, she would openly rebel against all of them to fight for the other side; the right side; Remus' side. But the time had to be right.
As she looked over at Remus, she wished the opportunity would present itself soon. She did not want to wait any longer to abandon the evils that disgusted her so. She could not wait to turn her back on her wretched father and his sadistic master. Her father's hard face suddenly flashed before her eyes, his angry sneer plastered on his lips as he scowled at her. The thought of rising against her father terrified her beyond anything she could have imagined. But Maddi knew what she would have to do. If not for herself, she would do it for the others fighting for what was right.
She watched him closely, noticing the deep purple crescents hanging beneath his blue eyes. The rings contrasted grossly with the unusual paleness of his chalky skin. He rubbed his tired eyes, dragging his hand down his face to hold his strong stubble-ridden jaw. His brown hair hung slightly in his eyes while he wrote, fighting back a yawn. Maddi wrinkled her brow thoughtfully.
"Are you alright, Remus?" she asked cautiously.
"Just tired," he replied curtly.
"You look a little ill. Are you sure you're okay?" she persisted.
"Fine," he muttered.
"It's getting close to curfew. Perhaps we should call it a night," Maddi suggested quietly.
"Yes," he began packing his books into his backpack.
"Will I see you tomorrow night? It's Christmas Eve," she asked with a smile.
"No," he mumbled, swinging the bag over his shoulder.
"Oh," she breathed sadly.
"I won't be around tomorrow night," he continued, sensing her disappointment.
"Where will you be?" Maddi tried to keep her voice casual.
"My mother is sick. I have to go home to see her," he kept his gaze straight ahead of them as they walked side by side through the cold corridor.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Maddi said sincerely. "Why haven't you mentioned it?"
Remus shrugged his shoulders and Maddi kept her mouth shut. Much too quickly, the two arrived at the entrance hall where they would part ways. Maddi stopped and wrapped her fingers around his wrist, bringing him to a halt beside her. He stared down at her curiously while her pale eyes skipped over his gaunt face. She caught his eyes widen in surprise as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing their fronts together. His hands found her waist and Maddi pressed her lips to his sallow cheek, his uncharacteristic facial hair prickling the soft skin of her mouth.
"Merry Christmas, Remus," she dropped from her tip-toes and smiled up at him before pulling herself from his hold.