Title: Say

Summary: "All I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head."

A/N: I've finally finished writing a new one. --" I was planning on updating my stories as my birthday treat to everyone but school is turning out to be a real pain. --" Don't worry I think I'll be updating a lot faster this time I've got lots of ideas floating around I just need time to sit and type. aheheh --"

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL THOSE WHO'VE READ, REVIEWED and, ADDED THIS TO THEIR FAVORITES. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own the song "Say" this song belongs to One Republic it's a lovely song and I suggest you listen to it.

Look if I owned this I wouldn't be here writing this, this would actually happen in the series! But sadly I don't own so you don't sue okay?

Do you know where your heart is?

Do you think you can find it?

Heart.

We were all born with it weren't we? It's quite a small and fragile thing and surprisingly flexible. It bends to your own will at the same time it bends upon the will of others. It holds all sorts of emotions capable of great deeds and at the same time incomprehensible madness. What the heart is really meant for pretty much depends on who holds the heart actually.

It doesn't sound like a small thing now does it?

It's so fragile.

I have one too at least I had one.

I live anywhere I move my heart to, there's no place I return to…

My "place", my heart… isn't anywhere in this world….

Or did you trade it for something, somewhere, better just to have it?

The hidden history is passed from one person to another.

You know something that no one knows.

With just that I accepted becoming a Bookman.

Bookman.

No matter where I go with the old panda it's just battles, battles and more battles. The mundane routine of putting history down on paper is boring enough already. Why does history have to rotate on battles anyway? For a change of pace I hoped that maybe there's something more I could do than just record history. I hoped but I knew it would never happen.

Then the war against the Akumas came and it has been, by far, the biggest battle I've ever witnessed. Surprisingly it would make it the first time in my record that I became a soldier. I became an exorcist.

But I am still a Bookman.

The moment I took on being the successor I didn't need my heart.

The heart doesn't have anything to do with taking down history. It's history it becomes the past and that's how it becomes the inevitable. We have nothing to do with it because it was meant to happen. Nothing you do today can change what happened centuries past.

That's why you don't need to have a heart to take down history.

Ink doesn't talk to the writer…

Yet the writer is attached to the words on paper…

The places I've been to,

The events I've seen,

The words I've heard, and most especially…

The people I've met…

Are they really just ink on top of paper?...

Do I really have no use for a heart?...

Do you know where your love is?

Do you think that you lost it?

You felt it so strong but nothing's, turned out how you want it

Love?...

Well it comes in varying degrees and meanings doesn't it?

Take for example the love for duty.

As a Bookman I only wanted to know something that no one knew and maybe something that was never meant to be known. I only observed the wars that went around me. I watched people suffer, grieve and die. I watched and that was all it took, no more, no less.

I became part of The Black Order and I met the people and as I accepted missions I met more people. The world, despite me going around it lots of times with the old panda, seemed a lot bigger than it used to be. I got used to people. People got used to me. How I got used to it would remain a mystery to me.

As the war went on the battles became harsh and brutal. The numbers of casualties carried on but we have to keep on going. As I went on I felt a strange pang tugging me. As disturbing as it was I ignored it but then I came to the point where I couldn't ignore the pang tugging on me. It then dawned to me that something has changed.

I came to the point where I just can't stand and watch anymore…

I became attached.

And I became torn.

Well bless my soul

You're a lonely soul

"Don't be taken in by the war!! We were only in the order's side by "chance", all for the sake of recording history!!"

Gramp's words made me feel pain…

The moment we joined The Black Order I became frivolous and friendly as always. The time we've spent caught me off guard. A year, 2 years my time with The Order passed on and I soon came to the point where I didn't know if my smiling face was a lie or not. Like the Noah having their own little dysfunctional family of their own The Black Order became a "family" to me.

It pains me to think that one day I would have to go.

'Cause you won't let go, of anything you hold

This "attachment" of mine… I'm pretty sure it started somewhere…

The first time I set my foot upon The Black Order's headquarters we met science section head Komui Lee. As much as I didn't want to point it out, the smile he gave us was a heavily plastered one just so he could welcome us. It seems our arrival had such a bad timing. Besides Komui's forced smile the heavy smell of anti-septic that was practically fogging up the headquarters told me that they're suffering a terrible loss.

It was a lost battle.

A glance at the scene below proved me right. At least a hundred coffins were lined up with candles lit that made the scene a lot grimmer. There were injured people as well; sadly they too are starting to look a lot like a lost cause. Then there were people shedding tears of deep anguish and grief.

That's when I first saw her.

Her dark hair messily cascaded itself upon her kneeling frame. I could spot the tiny drops of tears trickling down the floor as she grieved beside the coffin. With her back faced towards me I had a strange nagging urge to make her face me. And by stupid coincidence someone called out her name.

"Lenalee."

She was a beautiful disaster.

Despite the blood stained bandage wrapped around her forehead, the random scratches and bruises that adored her face and limbs and, her uniform with cuts and tears on it…

She was breathtakingly beautiful.

There was a spark as I felt those deep purple eyes gaze into my emerald ones.

It was those deep purple eyes that kept overflowing with tears that made a distasteful thug on my heart making a voice echo in my head. These coffins are products of the wars I observe from time to time. This grieving scenario is nothing new to me as well but as I stare into the deep purple eyes I heard the painful cries echoing inside of me and voice asking me something that never occurred to me…

Well, all I need is the air I breathe and,

A place to rest my head

Would anyone cry for me when I die?

Well there's probably a 99 chance that my cause of death would be due to the war.

Given the chance no matter how slim it may be…

I'd take the chance just so those deep purple eyes would shed tears for me…

And if I'm lucky she would even call out my name.

Do you know what you're fate is?

And now you're trying to shake it?

What I want to do and what I'm supposed to do…

Don't get me wrong I don't despise being a Bookman.

Why does the Bookman exist?

That simple question made being the 49th the hardest and different from the other 48. Then again it wasn't any different at all 48 and the 49th are just one and the same "me". For humans to change by themselves is hard and for they only start changing after getting involved with other humans.

I've changed.

If I could answer why the Bookman exist then maybe…

I'd know what I want to do and what I'm supposed to do…

You're doing your best dance, your best look

You're praying that you'll make it

I'm attached and there's no turning back on it now.

I knew it the moment I nearly threw a hundred people overboard just so they would let me go so I could find her out at sea.

Does she even know how much I wanted to turn the ocean upside down just to find her?

It's not even funny. It's a bad joke.

I wanted those deep purple eyes to shed tears for me when I'm on the brink of dying… I don't want it the other way around… Remembering what she looked like the first time I saw her made me more anxious to find her. When I finally found her protectively crystallized relief hadn't completely washed over me. It was only when she was freed and lying limp in my arms did I feel so relieved.

"Lavi?"

You were crying again and surprisingly you weren't the only one.

"Am I still in this world?"

I could only hold you so tight like it would be my last chance to do so.

"Idiot."

Well bless my soul

You're a lonely soul

'Cause you won't let go, of anything you hold

Last thing I remembered I was in Road's Dream World where she delved into my thoughts and turned it into a living nightmare. When I came back to reality I was on a rampage and having a rather feisty battle with Allen. The best decision I could ever make was to take my attack and burn my own body… Which of course wasn't something the others would agree on…

"LAVI!!"

I felt so detached to my body that it felt strange. I could hardly move my limbs and my vision's turning red with all the flames I've set blazing around me. I could hardly breathe; I could feel the fumes engulf my lungs and I can't believe breathing could actually hurt.

"LAVI!!"

I've been hearing that voice echoing all the time. As much as I like listening to the sound of my name being screamed at the top of her lungs I'd pretty much prefer seeing her deep purple eyes and possibly a smile.

I felt like dying now.

"Lavi!!"

I felt numb even after Allen pulled me out of my own flames. I was alive and Allen felt like knocking the living daylights out of me because he thought I was complaining. I was laughing like there was no tomorrow because for some strange reason I felt really good.

Then I felt Lenalee's Loving Iron Fist and although it really hurts….

I felt really good.

"Well, all I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head

Say all I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head"

He woke up from his dream. He blinked and tried to recall when he started dreaming to begin with. His mind was pretty hazy with all the thoughts that ran through his mind and it took him a while to analyze where he was.

Although the weather is nice and bright his eyes were spared by the shade brought about by the willow tree hovering above him. He could hear the nearby river flowing just a few inches away from him. He then remembered that he came to this serene area a few meters away from The Order just to seek refuge every once in a while. As his fingers twitched he was reminded of the book he was clutching on his chest. There's just one thing he can't remember though…

He always had grass for his pillow.

Since when did grass become so soft?

Gales of laughter filled the air, "I'm sorry I disturbed you didn't I?"

Do you think I can find it?

Do you think you can find it?

Do you think you can find it, better than you had it?

I was lying on the lap of the woman who filled my thoughts.

I blinked but I couldn't move, "Wha-what??"

She shook off my confusion with laughter and stared at me, "Did you sleep well?" Her hair was slowly growing back now and I nodded in reply I just watched as the wind played with her hair and I stayed that way for a good number of minutes. Now if only the ground could split open and swallow me whole! What in hell's name am I doing?!

"How long have you been coming to this place Lavi?"

Ah, there goes the beautiful ringing of my name with her voice, "Quite some time now. Pretty neat refuge huh?"

"It's a really nice spot Lavi." I mentally slapped myself. What's going on here? I've defeated Road right? This isn't another dream isn't it? 'Cause if it is…

Then can you let me sleep a little while longer?

"Is there something wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just I thought a library is the only place where "Lavi" can be "Lavi"."

I raised a brow, "What do you mean?"

She stared down at me momentarily then stared up at the sky, "I get the strange feeling that there's this distance that you've set between us."

Always the sensitive one… I took a deep breath and I felt strangely uneasy.

"Is it really hard?"

"What is?"

"Being… Being a Bookman."

Ladies and Gentlemen somebody finally popped me the question…

Unconsciously I waited for someone to ask me this and mentally "No" would come out of my mouth so fluidly like I've rehearsed it a hundred times. Now that someone finally asked me the question my mentally rehearsed reply which has been playing over and over sudden came to ruins.

I don't want them to realize how cold a bastard I really can be…

Why do you ask?

I'm already attached remember?

Who in his sane mind would actually abandon a chance to be in a "family"?

I tried to find the right words hoping I wouldn't have to explain myself further, "It's something different entirely. There are some things that just can't be."

Silence enveloped us and for a mind numbing moment she finally nodded, "I see."

I laughed, "What no follow-up questions?"

She smiled, "Maybe next time, I think I've asked enough. I do have one favor though."

"Which is?"

"Do you mind if we stay like this for a while?"

It took a while for me to register what she just said. I was actually expecting her to extract an oath from me which makes me tell the truth and nothing but the truth. I won't deny two things: One, my hypersensitivity radar is activated on scanning people working for Komui or the Sister-Complex himself because if word gets out about this scene I'll be digging my grave.

Second: I won't deny the fact that I like the position we're in.

Damn it. I'm doomed aren't I?

"I don't if you don't."

Then you smiled, "Thank you."

Do you know where the end is?

Do you think you can see it?

"Why?"

She knew what I meant and smiled, "You needed a place to rest your head don't you?"

Holy Akuma I really am doomed aren't I?

I closed my eyes, "How long can we stay like this then?"

She tapped a finger on her chin, "Hm… As long as I could still feel my legs."

We laughed and we had a moment of silence.

If I told her everything about who I am I wonder how would she take it?

Wait, am I even going to tell her?

One's thing for sure though:

She won't ask me to choose between being a Bookman or an Exorcist.

She won't ask me to choose between being a Bookman and staying with her.

But if I finally found the answer I'm looking for… I know that I'll be doing something I want and not something that I'm supposed to do. Maybe I can finally find the answers piece by piece. Time isn't in my control but I believe I'll have plenty of that. I want to take my time and make sure I wouldn't waste time regretting on anything.

Starting now…

Well, until you get there, go on, go ahead and scream it

"Say, Lenalee…"

"Hm?"

I spoke words that felt like they were waiting to be said all my life.

Her eyes twinkled as they widened.

I'm starting to regret what I did. Stupid Lavi.

The suspense is killing you?

Well imagine what its doing to me right now.

Then she smiled, I smiled back and she bent down...

And whispered words like I was meant to hear them all my life...

Just say...

(sighs) I find this paring really adorable. .XD Ahaha anyway thank you so much for waiting and reading. R & R pls and thank you. .