Chapter 4

Bellamy was woken early with a rough shake of his shoulder. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looked down and saw River curled up beside the dying fire. She looked restless, even in sleep. She was frowning, her dark eyebrows drawn together with tension Bellamy couldn't make go away. He looked up to his intruder and saw one of the guards looking at him warily.

"Clarke needs you, man." He said and pointed to the hospital tent. He nodded and pulled himself up.

"Tell her I'll be there in a few minutes." The man nodded in acknowledgement and walked away. Bellamy looked down at River. He leaned down and gently shook her shoulder, knowing that people would be waking soon and sitting around the camp fire.

"Wake up. You can sleep in my tent." He whispered gently. She rose sleepily, wrapping the small jacket around herself tightly. She didn't speak, didn't even really look him in the eyes, and just followed him to a large red tent. He unlocked it, pulling back the door so she could walk past first. He motioned to the bed and she crashed on it, wrapping herself into the blanket with a small word of thanks. He nodded and began looking for a fresh t-shirt. Finding one that looked relatively clean, he peeled off the dirty one he wore now, it was soaked with sweat and dirt from falling asleep on the forest floor. When he was finished getting dressed he walked towards a bowl of water and splashed his face, washing off the dirt and grime.

All the while, River watched him carefully, looking for her best friend. War had changed Bellamy. He was more open, more careful, more willing to listen to other people. She liked it. But she still missed the boy who used to give her piggyback rides down the corridors of Walden, laughing when she protested and wouldn't let go until she laughed too. The boy who would visit her apartment just before curfew after his shift to ask her about her day, making sure everything went alright, letting her know how O was, making her feel a part of something then running away laughing, trying to get back to his apartment before he was caught. He liked the risk, he enjoyed getting in trouble, because trouble was his middle name, yet he was burdened with a secret. She missed his innocence, the Bellamy who didn't have to kill to survive or to save the ones he loved. She missed that specific smirk he'd give only her, the one that made butterflies flutter without permission in her stomach.

He was still in there, just trapped under stress and a current of anxiousness. She couldn't imagine just what he must be feeling. She couldn't begin to feel herself what she was feeling. She refused to think about her time in the bunker. She absolutely refused.

He turned, the morning light reflecting off his soft brown eyes, and gave her an apologetic look.

"I have stuff to do, I'm sorry. But I promise to see you later."

"Don't worry about it, I'll be splendid." She smiled, and it felt forced. He saw straight through it. He knelt down beside the bed, face to face with her.

"Are you okay?" he whispered. "And be honest." River looked into his eyes, they were filled with fear and worry. She tapped him on the nose which caused a lopsided smile to appear on his face.

"I'm going to be fine. I promise, Bell." He nodded looking away, realising she would be fine, she would have to be fine. He just had to give her time. He stood and went to leave but pausing before he disappeared. He looked at her for a long time, not sure quite what he was feeling. But she smiled at him, and he left.

It was a very busy day. When he went to find Clarke she was calming down a group of people protesting about having both Clarke and River in the camp, claiming they would bring another war to with them. Bellamy clamed them down, giving them a speech about how they'd worked so hard to bring their people back, and why now were they choosing who stayed and who left? Why were they rejecting some of their own people? They listened to him, some giving Clarke apologetic looks.

"Thanks." She said and smiled, the daylight making her hair shine a gorgeous golden colour.

"A princess needed saving, what can I say?" he joked. She laughed and led him into the hospital where three boys laid, groaning with cloths across their foreheads. Bellamy raised a curious eyebrow and she explained her fear of a flu spreading around the camp and the threat of people coming back for River and about how they needed to find out who took her right now and how people wanted more answers and how this and how that. She went on for a while and Bellamy listened, letting her get the stress of her chest. When she was finished they began planning.

River woke a few hours later from restless sleep and felt her stomach drop in excitement. Today she was going to see earth. For real. She leaped out of bed and pulled back the tent, ready to explore. She wandered back over to the camp fire where lots of people stood huddled around, whispering frantically to one another. When she approached they immediately stopped talking, casting one another awkward knowing looks. River sighed, knowing they were talking about her. When she reached the tent where they stored water, a man stood in her way.

"Do you have a problem?" she questioned and tried to side step him. The man glared at her.

"Why should you be allowed in there? You're just going to attract trouble, you are." He declared and a few around him shouted their approval. River smirked, her signature 'I don't care what you think of me' smile on her face.

"Nice to know Chancellor Griffin allows freedom of speech. Excuse me." She said politely and skipped past the man. Her shoulder thumped into his painfully, but she didn't let the ache register on her face. Her body was still sore and weak after the weeks of tor- no, strain it was put through. She wouldn't think about it.

She would not feel.

She would not feel until she had to.

Inside she drank thirstily and filled the water bottle Bellamy had given her. Bellamy. She remembered the previous night. It reminded her all too well of the time her and Bellamy first fell asleep together. She shook it off, and stepped outside, past the rude buzzing crowd, past the tents that littered around camp, and to the gates. The guards on duty eyed her carefully, but she was looking at the colours. All those colours. The white blue glow from the sky, the murky brown of the earth, the hunter green of the trees. There was so much to take in. The beauty of it overwhelmed her, causing her breathing to become lathered. Upon noticing this, it caused her to breathe even heavier. She hated being out of breath, it reminded her too harshly of the number of panic attacks she endured during her missing weeks. The guards asked if she was okay, and she nodded. Well, she thinks she nodded. Focus she thought, this time it's only in your head. She squatted down, her head between her knees, trying to calm herself down. You're safe. She reminded herself. Bellamy is here. But he wasn't.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and turned round. A boy smiled gently at her and she stood. He had jet black hair, and very dark eyes, yet they were warm.

"You're River, right?" the boy asked softly. She nodded. "I'm Monty. Are you alright?" Monty asked. She nodded again, her wheezing subsiding. She turned back to look at the hills, her feet itching to walk the unknown. They stood in silence for a long time. Beside her, Monty chuckled.

"It's spectacular, isn't it?" she couldn't reply, she just kept watching. "A small group of us are going to get water. Would you like to come?" Monty asked kindly. River looked at him then, her eyes full of excitement.

"Really?" she asked. He nodded sadly.

"You might be my only company right now." She didn't ask him what he meant, because she was all too familiar with the feeling of being astoundingly alone. Instead she reached for his hand, squeezing it gently.

"I would love to."

At lunch, Bellamy went looking for River. He and Clarke had decided not to panic everyone about the ill boys. They would keep them inside, not allowing anyone in who wasn't immediate family, and making sure they covered their noses and mouths so they didn't get ill too. It seemed an exaggerated thing to do. But like Clarke and her mum wouldn't stop pointing out, they didn't have enough medication to treat the whole camp. Next they moved onto finding out who took River. They couldn't really do it without her, but Bellamy knew her too well, and knew she wouldn't want to talk about it. He promised Clarke she would spill the beans, because everyone thought she knew more than she was letting on, but he wanted her to have today. Time to settle onto earth. Clarke protested, saying there wasn't much time, but he ignored her. He planned on taking her to the stream, showing her the earth, then gently easing her into conversation. Clarke didn't understand the communication barrier between them. The distance neither could cross just yet. There was still the horrible thing Bellamy had done looming overhead, and it was probably the reason she was taken in the first place. If he hadn't done what he did, River would be fine. Possibly. Maybe? He didn't know. And he didn't plan on dwelling on it for long.

Guilt was a funny thing. It lived in your bloodstream, unknown to those around you and had this annoying tendency to be completely inescapable. It becomes a part of you, destroying you from the inside out. Maybe Clarke would understand, because it was how she was feeling after the war. Bellamy and Clarke shared the same guilt, the same pain. Maybe she could understand his situation with River?

He shook it off. As long as he kept moving, it wouldn't hit him.

He didn't want to think about who he would take out when it did.

Firstly, he checked the main campfire and couldn't see her, so he asked around. Campers shook their heads or gave apologetic shrugs. Secondly he checked his tent, finding only his blankets folded messily on the end of his bed. He almost smiled, but then he went back to searching. After looking in the obvious places, the panic started to kick in. Where was she?

"Jasper!" he called, when he recognised the boy with the messy brown hair. He turned and nodded in acknowledgement.

"Bellamy." He greeted sullenly. The guilt was triggered again, he felt it pumping in his veins. Jasper had been a little- what was the right word? - down since returning from the war. He didn't speak to anyone. His everyday activities included helping out when asked, putting in no effort to try, nibbling on food and returning to his tent and lie in the darkness for hours. He became quiet, withdrawn, and forlorn ever since coming back. He wouldn't even talk to his best friend Monty. There was no anger in his eyes, or resentment when he looked at Bellamy, just emptiness. And part of that was Bellamy's fault. He and Clarke had killed everyone in Mount Weather, including Jasper's girlfriend and ally to Bellamy, Maya. He shook off the guilt, he had to deal with the problem at hand.

"Have you seen River?" he asked desperately. Jasper looked behind him towards the gate.

"Yeah. I saw Monty leave with a team to get water. I think she went with them." He mumbled and began to walk away.

"Thank you." Bellamy called after him, frowning. Surely she wouldn't leave without him? Not when he promised to go and show her everything himself.

He sighed heavily. How did everything get like this? How did he manage to both get back the girl who possessed his every thought and lose her in the same breath?

"Octavia?!" He called, knowing she would be around somewhere. "I need your help,"

Hey everyone! I'm so sorry I've taken so long to update. I had an English exam a few days ago and a Maths exam today. Hopefully this chapter was okay, it was kinda a filler one I suppose. When my exams are all finished I'll hopefully be able to update longer chapters.

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Have a great day :D