Tobias

I wake up and immediately recognize it as the cot in the dormitory. I glance up at the cot Tris slept in beside me to see if she's there and immediately regret it. Of course she's not there. She off in a hospital bed because I wasn't there to protect her. I should have known Caleb would betray her again. He was ready to let her die once, of course he wouldn't mind doing it again.

I hop off the cot to see Zeke and Amar looking at me. I suddenly notice that Zeke looks a lot more tired than usual and the guilt from what I've done floods back to haunt me. The helped lower the security systems which allowed Nita and the others to set off bombs in the Bureau, one of which Uriah was standing too close to. I managed to bring his mother and his older brother, Zeke, to the hospital to see him, but he's brain dead. There's no chance he's going to wake up and smile again. It's just a matter of when they're going to say good bye.

"Zeke," I say, as if just recognizing him for the first time. "Have you-?"

"No," Zeke shakes his head. I'm about to start my apology when Zeke holds up his hand. "Don't start apologizing to me. Not right now." I start to speak, but Zeke jumps up from the table, standing so close to me that I could see the specks of gold in his eyes. "Don't," he says, his voice soft and deadly. I stare at him, sucking in my breath. "You have enough to worry about with Tris. We've all lost someone. Don't."

He holds my gaze for a few moments before he sits back down, throwing himself into his chair. I want to remind him that I haven't lost Tris, but I don't dare. I don't want to be the one to jinx it. I sit down at the table beside them and notice a stack of cards.

"Know how to play anything?" Amar asks me. I hesitate. Back in Dauntless we got drunk one night and played something, although the name escapes me.

"War," I remember suddenly. It sounds ugly on my tongue, and I shake my head to dispel the taste.

"You want to play?" Amar asks me, raising his eyebrows.

"No, I think I'm good," I say curtly.

"Good," Amar says. "Ever heard of a game called Blackjack?"

So the three of us play cards for a while and it's good, just talking to Zeke and Amar, remembering the Dauntless days, back during the time of my initiation. I almost wish Tris had been a few years older, so that she could have come with me to Dauntless. It just felt like we never had really any time to date, her being an initiate and me being her trainer. And then, of course, the day after her formal initiation, all the Dauntless ended up under mind control. Sometimes life just isn't fair.

Zeke looks at me, and I realize it's probably been my turn for a while. "Hit me," I say, without really looking at my cards.

"Okay," Zeke replies, slapping me on the back of the head.

"Oww," I laugh playfully. I turn to him, but his eyes are suddenly serious, as if he understood what I was thinking.

"You okay?" he says.

"I was thinking about-" I hesitate, then decide to go for the truth. "Thinking about how little time Tris and I actually had together to date," I say. "I spent all that time as her trainer, which was good, getting to know her and everything, but things never got to be easy between us. There was always some threat or another that needed averting. We were always in danger. Now things are calmer, the fighting has stopped, we finally have a chance to be together and…" I close my eyes. I can't say it.

I feel Amar's strong grip on my shoulder and he squeezes it. "You know Caleb might have saved her life," he says.

Might have.

"Maybe, but he's the one who put her in danger in the first place," I hiss, suddenly feeling as though I might spit venom.

"You know, if Tris wakes up, you might have to forgive him," Zeke says, taking his turn.

"When Tris wakes up," I correct him. "I might have to."

We play cards for a while, slapping each other playfully when our thoughts become too dark, trying to pull each other into a mutual sense of peace that we will never truly achieve. It's fine for now, it's a distraction, but if Tris never wakes up, will I ever be able to be okay? Will I really have to suffer through the rest of my life without her? I think of the Abnegation serum. The memory serum. I just have to drink the vial and then I can forget all of the horrible things that I have done and I can forget her. Part of me rebels at the thought. I don't want to forget Tris. I want to forget the pain but I don't want to have to go through this without her.

Suddenly the door swings open and Caleb is standing there, his eyes wide. Both Amar and Zeke turn to me to see my reaction, but I just look away. "Tris!" He gasps. "She's awake."

I am on my feet and across the room in seconds. I should have been there when she woke up, not playing cards. I want to push Caleb out of the doorway, but he takes a few paces back. I notice a few bruises on his jaw, and my upper lip curls into a smile. I start walking at a rapid pace towards the infirmary until I realize I am not going fast enough. I break into a full sprint, my muscles groaning after weeks of such lethargy. But after a minute it feels good to run again, normal, like it was something I should have been doing all along. I duck between people as I run, pumping my arms, not stopping until I reach the infirmary.

Doctors and nurses and Christina and Cara are at her bedside. As soon as I enter the room, the effect is immediate. The doctors and nurses scuttle away and all eyes in the room are on me. "Did you really do that to Caleb?" Tris demands, fire in her eyes. "He saved my life, you know!" But she can't hold my gaze. Her lips part in a wide smile and I rush over to her, smoothing her hair back. It feels greasy to the touch, but I hardly notice. Her eyes start brimming with tears and I press my lips against hers in a long, chaste kiss.

"I leave you alone for five minutes and look what happens," I say gently, smiling at her.

She giggles while blowing her nose in her sleeve. It's far from attractive, but I can't stop myself from admiring her. Eyes, bright and alert, as always, gaze into mine. We did it, they say. We've made it. She smiles again, and I can feel my heartbeat in my ears when I see that smile. Her smile.