The Library — 51st Century
They descended further into the Library, getting closer to the data core. Rose barely found herself focusing on the breathtaking scenery as she mulled over Oswin's words. Oswin was quiet, and for that Rose was thankful. She needed the time to grasp the sheer fact that the Doctor — even a future Doctor — had managed to move on.
And she hadn't.
Rose had tried. She really, really tried. Her mother's pregnancy and her increasing workload with Torchwood provided enough of a distraction that she thought she was moving on with her life. But, every so often, someone would carelessly reference the Doctor's previous visit, or she would catch a glimpse of something that reminded herself of him, and the grief came back with a vengeance. Rose had learned to shove all of those feelings into the darkest part of her mind, because her mother fretted, Pete suggested a visit to the Torchwood psychiatrist, and she and Mickey had several painful rows over it all. Rose wondered what the Doctor would say to her if he knew. Would he be touched? Disappointed? Stupid ape, letting your emotions lead you about, his ninth incarnation would say with great sarcasm. She dashed her hand over the back of her eyes at the thought of him.
"You OK? I need you sharp here."
They had paused just outside a room. Inside, Rose heard the warm, familiar ramble of the Doctor. Her Doctor. High-pitched, a bit panicked as he babbled to River Song.
Auto destruct in two minutes
"Auto destruct?" Rose started to sprint into the room, and Oswin grabbed her arm. She could see River sitting in a huge chair, still clad in her spacesuit but fiddling with cables with surprising ease given the bulky gloves she wore as part of her spacesuit. The Doctor was handcuffed to a pillar, trying his best to break free.
"Oh, no, no, no, no, come on! What are you doing? That's my job!"
"Oh, and I'm not allowed to have a career, I suppose?" River casually tossed back.
"We've got to save them!" Rose hissed to Oswin.
"Working on it! I need the Guggenheim scanner you have." Oswin arched an eyebrow at Rose's shocked face. "Come on, hurry up! Less than two minutes now. I'm good, but even I need 60 seconds."
"I can't just use it here! One-time use only. I'm to use it when we get to the right Doctor, to fix the cracks in the universe."
"You'll find another way. Trust me! I was there!" Oswin's nails dug into Rose's arm. "Hurry up! 90 seconds, if that!"
Torn, Rose stared at River and remembered her mission.
"I'm timing it for the end of the countdown, there'll be a blip in the command flow," River told the Doctor. "That way it should improve our chances of a clean download."
"River, please, no!"
Tears shone in River's eyes as she gave the Doctor a gentle look. The look, Rose recognized, of someone who not only loved him, but knew him with an intimacy that even she hadn't managed to achieve. "Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die. All the time we've been together, you knew I was coming here. The last time I saw you, the real you, the future you, I mean - you turned up on my doorstep, with a new haircut and a suit. You took me to Darillium to see the singing towers. Oh, what a night that was! The towers sang and you cried. You wouldn't tell me why, but I suppose you knew it was time. My time. Time to come to the Library. You even gave me your screwdriver - that should've been a clue. "
Rose's chest went tight, and her breath hitched.
Auto-destruct in one minute
Rose yanked a thick scanner out of her jacket and handed it to Oswin. "Do you have enough time?"
"Barely." Oswin set to work, tongue caught between her teeth as her fingers flew over the keypad.
Not quite sure what to do, Rose watched as the Doctor pleaded with River to switch places, even though it would rewrite time. Every muscle coiled, ready to stop the madness, but knew that River was right. She wouldn't change a second of her time with the Doctor, despite being closed away in another universe. She wouldn't change a thing. Not a single line.
"River, you know my name!"
Rose's jaw dropped.
Auto-destruct in 10 …
"You whispered your name in my ear! There's only one reason I would ever tell anyone my name. There's only one time I could!"
Rose's gaze fell on River. She knew his name. His name. "Oswin, we've got to stop this!"
"Hush, now! Spoilers!" River gently scolded him.
Three … two ….
Time stopped.
—
She'd been so prepared to die that it took River a few seconds to realize that she wasn't dead. No, she was very much alive. The two ends of the cables she was about to connect hovered just a couple inches apart. She stared at one cable, then the other, then looked over at the Doctor. Not her Doctor, which hurt so badly. He was frozen in time, face twisted in horror as he started to reflexively turn away. Everything was still. Disturbingly so. It took her a couple more seconds to realize that time had literally frozen.
"OK, up with you now! Hurry up!"
A young woman with long, brown hair wearing a long, red tunic popped into view, nudging the cables apart. "I'm good. I'm really, really good, but this doesn't last forever. Come along now, your ride's waiting."
"My ride?" River allowed the woman to tug her out of the seat as she looked across the room and straight into the stunned eyes of Rose Tyler. Her composure already shot because of the past hour, she stumbled as the woman helped her off the platform. "Rose Tyler!"
"You know me?" Rose's expression mirrored River's.
River laughed a bit. "Of course I know you, darling." She turned her attention to the woman, and she frowned. "You seem familiar to me."
"Oh, we've met. Well, we've met in a way, but I'm a perfect stranger. Right. You're all situated. Got to leave the diary and the screwdriver, but just pop back for them later." The woman patted River's arm and slid into the chair.
"No, what the hell are you doing?" River sprang forward to grab the woman out of there.
"Well, I'm taking your place. When I do so and you restart time, I connect these wires and Charlotte uses my memory space instead of yours." The woman pointed at River. "However, since I'm not a part-Time Lord like you, I don't have enough. So, I've wired up a separate hard drive into the system that'll provide Charlotte with plenty of memory space. Still am going to burn to a crisp, but the Doctor won't know that."
"I'm supposed to die here," River protested. "The Doctor, my Doctor, he took me to Darillium. He cried, and he gave me everything I needed for this trip. He knew I was coming to my death."
"I know." The woman's eyes softened. "I'm a friend of the Doctor's."
"Says her name is Oswin Oswald," Rose spoke up.
"Not my real name. Some of the echoes, they know less about him. I probably know more than most. I was born to save the Doctor. By saving you, I save him. He barely got over losing Rose. He didn't get over losing you." Oswin's eyes gentled. "It's about the only thing that fully bled through. How he cried when you were mentioned. You're not the only one I'm saving." She nodded over River's shoulder at Rose. "I'm saving you both."
"I can't leave you here to die in my place," River protested.
"But, if you die, then he'll be alone again, yeah?" Rose stepped into the room. "I never wanted to leave him alone. Surely you don't."
"Of course not!" River snapped. "Especially-" She cut off, biting her lip as she stared at Rose, all the foreknowledge going through her mind. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly. "He has to think I'm dead for the timeline to keep intact. How did you pull this off?"
"I knew that Rose carried a one-time use device for freezing time, developed by Torchwood in her universe. Three-for-one special, yeah? I help her and you and the Doctor."
"How have you helped me?" Rose asked.
"I'm sure you and River will figure that one out. Better re-start that thing. It'll grow unstable if you don't, and you'll ruin my handiwork."
Rose stared down at the scanner, then back at Oswin. "So, you're just going to die?"
"No. Just reset." Oswin's gaze settled on the Doctor. "And one day, this clever boy will remember."
"Back here," River urged, steering Rose outside the room. "He can't see you."
"But-"
"We have to maintain the original timeline from here on out, which means he can't see either one of us." River pulled Rose just out of the room, but still in the light. "Now."
Rose pressed the button, and they both looked away as the transmission burned the body of Oswin Oswald.
—
From a safe distance, Rose watched as Donna Noble approached the Doctor and removed the handcuffs. Donna glanced at the chair, and they murmured to each other. The Doctor picked up River's screwdriver and diary, and Donna helped him from the room to make their way to the area by the little shop. "I don't get why I can't just go to them now."
"Because, you have events to play with Donna before you can see the Doctor again. When you do, it'll be the right time."
Resigned, Rose turned to River Song. The Doctor's wife. "Oswin said you'd help me. How?"
"Well, for starters, I managed to get back to my bag in the other room." River held up a vortex manipulator. "You know what this is, right?"
"Yeah, Captain Jack had one! The Doctor hates them."
"He got over it. Mostly." River strapped on the bulky device. "It's a lot more reliable in getting out of here than your dimension hopper." She extended her arm. "Come with me, Rose."
Rose warily took River's arm, and before she could blink, they had teleported to a cheerful little cottage tucked away in a large park. Overhead, she could barely make out the thin sheen of a biodome. The sight of the Earth beyond was breathtaking.
"We're on the moon, just off campus at Luna University. My alma mater," River explained as she tugged off a glove and used her palm print to unlock the door. "I think I have enough here for a cup of tea at least. Make yourself comfortable while I build a bonfire with this suit." At Rose's questioning look, River smiled. "I have a very bad history with spacesuits."
Minutes later, Rose found herself sipping at PG Tips, the first she'd had since leaving her own universe. "Where'd you find this?"
"My parents made sure I was kept well-stocked, not to mention I'm not adverse to doing my shopping in the past." River sat across the table, changed into casual clothes. "You must have a lot of questions."
Rose put her tea down. "You're really the Doctor's wife?"
"Not your Doctor. He loves you greatly, the tenth incarnation of my sweetie. He never got over losing you."
"That's what Oswin said." Rose wrapped her hands around her mug and didn't quite meet River's eyes. "I suppose … I'm not doing so well either."
"A lot of people don't."
Her hands tightened around the mug. "I'm jealous," Rose blurted, then mentally kicked herself in the head. It wasn't what she wanted to say at all, especially not to the Doctor's wife. Wife. Wifewifewifewifewife. The practical side of her was rolling her eyes, reminding her that here sat an extremely invaluable resource regarding the whereabouts of the Doctor and key information to finding out what caused the holes in the universe, what was causing the stars to go out. "Seems really silly when you look at it. The stars are going out, and so many are depending on me to find the Doctor so he can save us again."
"But, all you can think about is that you're sitting across from a living reminder that he's moved on with his life, and you feel like he forgot you," River said gently.
For the first time since walking in the kitchen, Rose made eye contact with River. "How'd you know?"
"I've lived a very long time, Rose Tyler. "
"He never even mentioned her. Sarah Jane Smith," Rose clarified. "Long time ago, when I met her, I never even knew he had other people who traveled with him. Other people who feel the way I do for him. He told me then that he could spend the rest of my life with me, but I couldn't spend my life with him. Curse of the Time Lords, he said."
"Yes, well, his tenth self was rather an angsty one," River mused.
"Sorry?"
River reached for the teapot and bit the inside of her cheek before she could make another sarcastic remark about her husband's younger self. He really was hard work young. "You have to figure out how to move on with the rest of your life, just like I need to with mine." She closed her eyes. "Our timelines move in the opposite directions, his and mine. My lasts are his firsts, his firsts my last. When you saved me, Rose, it was the first time the Doctor had ever met me." She kept the explanation quick and clinical, hoping it disguised her hearts shattering. The worst day of her life had come and gone, and for some reason she had survived. "I've known him my entire life, from when I was just a month old. Every time I'd seen him, he at least knew my name. Sometimes the universe was kind and granted us a reprieve, but not today. Now that I've met a Doctor that should know me but doesn't, our story has finished."
Rose blinked. "You mean you'll never see the Doctor again?"
"I most likely will. Just not my husband. It was very clear throughout our marriage that the first time he saw me would be the last I ever saw of him. He wasn't that specific, but you overheard me, didn't you?"
"About Darillium and the Singing Towers?"
River nodded. "But you, Rose Tyler, you have so much more to come." She finished the last of her tea and pushed away from the table. "Come with me."
Rose followed River through the cottage to a room tucked into the back. Warm sunlight spilled through floor-to-ceiling windows, and bookshelves lined the walls. River moved to one of them and tapped button next to the shelf. The bookcase shimmered a bit.
"Temperature shielding," River explained. "The only way I can keep books in a room with sunlight. It provides regulated climate control so the books aren't destroyed by the exposure to light." Her fingers danced along the spines until she selected a chunky volume without a title. She flipped the cover open to reveal a box inside the book. "You saved my life, Rose, so this is my thanks. You will see the Doctor again. He's never forgotten you, not one second. You're in the back of his mind, just like so many he's loved and lost." She pulled out a thin wand and a piece of paper. "You want to hold onto your dimension hopper, keep that in reserve. So use this. It's a one-time-use vortex manipulator. The model I use is multiple use. This one was developed by the Time Agency for emergencies. These coordinates will take you to Chiswick, 2008. Right time, right place. You'll find your Doctor."
Rose's jaw dropped. "Really?"
River pressed the objects into Rose's hands. "Really. Be with him, Rose. At that point in his life, he needs you more than ever."
Rose stared at them, then back at River. "But what if my going back to him changes his future with you?"
River arched an eyebrow. "Spoilers."
"Spoilers? You said that at the Library. He must hate that word."
She laughed. "With the utmost passion, Rose Tyler. Now, press that button and go save the universe."
Rose immediately rested her thumb on the button. "Will you be OK?"
"I'm the Queen of OK. And you, Rose Tyler, are going to be amazing." River smiled warmly at her.
Rose smiled back. "Thanks, River."
She pressed the button and disappeared, leaving behind a thin plume of smoke. River watched as the smoke twisted and curled in the air, gradually disappearing. She turned away, re-engaged the temperature shields and dashed a hand over the back of her eyes. She rested her forehead on the shield and tried to ignore the burning in her chest. Once again, she'd cheated death, but she didn't want to even think of the cost. She took a shuddering breath and walked to her desk. She needed a distraction before she figured out how to go on with the rest of her life.
—
April 2013
"Spoilers …"
The Doctor sat at the foot of Clara's bed and watched the young woman sleep. He'd carried her into the Maitlands' home after he had carried her out of his timeline, after the years of being silently haunted by the ghost of his wife culminated in him saying good-bye to her deep in the heart of his tomb. He heard the vague squawkings from Angie and Artie somewhere in the back of his mind, but he wasn't in the mood to humor Clara's charges at the moment. He didn't even remember exactly what he said to them. Clara really needed a better job. He had a few strings he could pull regarding that.
As Clara slept, his mind whirled with the information unlocked in his mind. Leave a back door, he'd told River, and oh she had. His wife was oh-so-clever and figured out he'd still upload the copy of her neural relay to preserve the timeline, had hedged her bets on him eventually seeking out her data ghost. Except he hadn't. But, she pursued him, got the message through to him. He kissed a ghost version of her, physically touching her for the first time in decades upon decades, as he had sat upon his cloud and mourned her and the Ponds.
Memories poured into his mind, neatly slotting themselves where a fog had been in his memories. He'd attributed it to the overwhelming loss, but no, it was River locking away the months just after Manhattan. When he had left her and Brian alone to deal with tying up the loose ends of Amy and Rory's lives, when they had fought and she revealed that for her, Manhattan had been post-Darillium. Post-Library. He'd asked her to seal his memories, so he could set the sequence of events in motion to close that particular time loop. So he could meet the person that made it all possible. His Clara. His impossible girl.
The Doctor blinked and briefly passed his hand over his eyes. The hearts he thought had been shattered were still filled with so many. Clara, Vastra, Jenny, Strax. They'd been there for him in the end. And River. Even as a ghost, she'd been by his side, still promising him of more to come.
Restless, he leaped to his feet and took the stairs two at a time as he headed down to the TARDIS. He walked in the door, up to the console, and grabbed one of the levers. Waited. He flexed his fingers and let it go. He couldn't leave Clara. Not now. And hopefully the old girl wouldn't be quite so temperamental with Clara now that Trenzalore had come and gone, but he didn't want to risk it. He wanted Clara with him when he picked up River and Brian. There'd been three train tickets, but a fourth could easily be acquired. Right. He spun away from the console. He needed to do something. He could go for a walk.
He wandered through Chiswick, over streets grown familiar. Not because of his weekly treks to fetch Clara, but because of Donna. He wasn't sure why he sought out the Underground, but once he was on the tube, it just felt like the right thing to do. He spent the half-hour ride people-watching and entertaining two toddlers who had had enough of crowds today, thank you very much. He drew them into the story of him and Donna chasing down the Adipose, and by the time he finished, the entire car was enraptured. He got six propositions (three from women, two from men, and one from an utterly magnificent transvestite), an offer to publish children's books, and four pleas to just shut the hell up.
He hummed under his breath as he wandered through south London, already knowing where he was going. Amy and Rory didn't live far from the tube station, and within 10 minutes of reaching street level, he stood at the park across from their home. He perched on the swings and watched through the gate as lights came on in the lounge.
"Hello, sweetie. You're early."
His hearts swooped, then did a slow roll in his chest at the sound of his wife's voice. His fingers tightened over the chains as he fought the urge to throw himself at her. "Am I?"
River settled into the swing next to his. "You're not supposed to be here for another 11 days."
"No?" Curious, he finally looked at her. She was the same as he'd last seen her, when she had done Darillium. When she had done Manhattan. Though she'd taken the age down a bit in the face, there was no hiding the eyes. "And when are we for you, Professor?"
"Aren't we being presumptuous?"
"We're a little past that, don't you think? Right." He dug into his coat pocket for the little diary he'd never stopped carrying with him, even in the long years he thought he gone for good. "Spot check time! Since you didn't correct me on being a Professor this time, you've done the Byzantium and informed your parents I was alive again. What do you mean 11 days?"
"Check earlier in your diary, sweetie, just after Utah. The second time for you."
He flipped a few pages back, then the memory hit. "Ah ha! So, this is when your mother sprang that surprise party on us."
"22 April 2013," River confirmed. "I'd not been in Stormcage long, but so I hadn't experienced Christmas 2012 yet. Amy was determined to properly celebrate our marriage with that party. Except you had that ship of Lysterne on your tail …"
"The house recovered from the damage eventually," the Doctor recalled fondly. Oh yes, it had been quite the party he crash-landed. And River, his brave, brave River, had taken one look at the aliens and pulled out the blaster she'd kept strapped to her thigh. In the middle of him lecturing her about guns in her parents' home, she'd managed to subdue the Lysterne. Amy and Rory had gotten a remodeled lounge out of the deal. "Don't think Rory ever recovered from what he saw after." That being River pushing the Doctor into the walk-in linen closet and snogging him within an inch of his remaining lives before he turned the tables on her and … well … it hadn't been the first time Rory had walked in on them shagging in inappropriate places. He grinned from the memory and noticed River doing the same.
"What carpet bag did you murder to come up with this outfit?" She reached out and flicked a nail along his collar.
"I like tweed!"
"Yes, and somewhere the Harris Tweed Authority is demanding their material back."
"Are you going to peel it off me and mail it to them?"
Her eyes danced with mischief. "If you'd like. Probably not in the middle of the park. There is a limit to the corruption I do around minors." She gave a little wave to children playing a few feet away.
He leaned into her, chest burning as he wanted to touch her so very much. Her actual flesh, hear her hearts beat, strip the clothing from her and lay her bare in front of him as he worshipped every inch of his miracle. He didn't think he could stop once he had his arms around her, and she was right. No corrupting minors. "Right. Still spot checking." He made a great show of flipping ahead in the diary. "Have you done Manhattan?"
"Any particular time?"
He nearly dropped the book. "Um … 2012. Manhattan 2012."
"No, can't say that I have." The disappointment on her face mirrored his, and he suddenly knew when this was for her. Just before, when he would tell her the words that would drive her on a quest to start hunting down Weeping Angels in the Big Apple in the 1930s. He already hated himself for it, because he wanted to spin her around and celebrate the fact that she'd escaped death in the Library. They could finally live together, no more diaries, no more spoilers. He just had to do it one more time. One more secret, then he knew where he was taking Clara next.
"I wonder," River ventured, "if there'll ever be a point in our lives where there's no more spoilers."
"Our lives are like a loop, River," he said hoarsely. "My firsts are your lasts, your lasts my firsts. Believe me, if there was any other way …"
"I know," River said with a touch of resignation. "It's something I've long grown used to. I still wonder at times, that's all. You're getting younger and younger each time I see you. But, I'm sitting here with you now, my Doctor, looking as old as I've ever seen you. I wonder if somehow the universe has granted us a reprieve."
He didn't say anything. He scuffed his shoe in the dirt and tried his very best not to fall to her feet and tell her everything.
"Hypothetically," River continued, "say I reach the point where I meet a version of you that should know me but doesn't. When I look into your eyes, and you're supposed to know me, but you don't even know my name. Provided I survive that meeting, we'll have closed the loop, yes?"
"But, we can't ever know for sure," he replied more acidly than she deserved. He had to do it this way. He had to be cruel. "That's why we have the diaries. That's why we always check. You know all my faces, River. That's why we can never travel together, never live like a normal married couple. That wouldn't be us, eh? Terribly boring, all full of darning socks and day-old toast. Even if you think all the spoilers have been revealed, they haven't. We're in an endless loop, River, and we can only have moments like these." He got to his feet, refusing to glance at her. He knew once he did, he'd either see the pain magnified back at him or worse - the deadened look in her eyes she hid her pain behind. This was why she'd been reticent with him at times in Manhattan, when she admitted to hiding the damage. He swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I should be going. See you around, Professor."
"Until the next time, sweetie." Her voice sounded the same, but he could hear the strain in her words.
He started out of the park, then lingered by the gate. He closed his eyes, then turned back to her. She sat on the swing still, watching him go. That mask wasn't in place, but she looked so sad that he headed back down the path, crossed over to the swings, and pressed his lips to hers. Her breath hitched as he kissed her, and when he pulled away, he pressed a second kiss to her forehead. He gently looped a curl around her finger and tugged on it. When she grinned, he kissed her nose and scurried out of the park.