Just a little Green
Like the color when the Spring is born
There'll be crocuses to bring to school tomorrow.
Just a little Green
Like the nights when the northern lights perform
There'll be icicles and birthday clothes
And sometimes there'll be sorrow
Joni Mitchell
Dana had cried til she was sure there were no more tears possible, that her ducts had simply given up and closed up shop. When his first letter arrived, a day after she saw him on the plane, she cried harder. He had sent it out to her three days before he even left, wanting to make sure his first letter got to her right when she needed it.
God, why did he have to be so freaking sweet? She wanted so bad to hate him, hadn't he abandoned her? Loved her and then left her?
Come on Dana, you guys are as close to engaged as your gonna get without a hall and a date.
She knew he loved her, but the pain of losing him to college was too much, she stayed in bed that first week, cramming chocolate and mallow mars down her throat in mass quantities. Her mother and father were beside themselves, they were not sure how to handle this pain she was dealing with. They hoped she would snap out of it, and they prayed she would get through it.
Funny what things can drag you out of your own head kicking and screaming.
It was the second Saturday without him, only three days after he left on the plane. She had sat in her room, box of Kleenex at her feet with tiny rolled balls of paper tears stretched out around the room. She sat staring out of her window, as if any minute his lanky form would stroll up to the basketball hoop and poke Bill Jr. into a game, or pick up Charlie and make to stuff him into the hoop. She wasn't the only one in the house missing the spooky teen, somehow, Fox Mulder had wormed his way into the house, he had become imprinted on the very walls, his voice as present as the stairs.
Charlie came bounding into her room in that way that only nine year olds can. "Hey Dana Dane." He sang as he flopped onto her bed.
"Charlie, one: don't call me that, and two, what are you doing in my room without knocking I might add." She reached over and snatched the doll away from her younger brother before he got the chance to grab it.
"I know you miss him Dana, he will be back, remember you told me on Christmas?" He smiled at his own brilliance. "He always comes back for you Dana.' Charlie got up and ran outside to chase after the ice cream man. The words didn't mean much to the nine year old, he was just trying to get his big sister to not be so grouchy, but Dana realized something in his words.
The little shit was right.
"Order Up!" Scully shouted as she threw the food onto Styrofoam containers, it wasn't as if she really needed a job, her parents were aghast when she came home clutching the hideous uniform.
"Mom, I need this, I can't be here all the time its too much…" she tried to explain to them, surprisingly Ahab needed more convincing than Maggie, she knew all about being without the man you love, and rattling around a house that has everything of him there, except him. It was agreed that as long as she maintained her same gpa, she could continue to work. Maggie convinced her husband she would quit as soon as she worked thorough the sadnesses.
They finally relented, and happily Dana Scully became the newest crew member at McDonald's. In truth, she hating the job, she hated the smells the food, and her idiot co workers. Mostly she hated the customers, they were so demanding and smug in their requests, she tried to ignore as many as she could, which earned her a permanent slot on the grill. Mulder's letters came like clock work, even from across the ocean he was a workaholic, she knew when to expect his letters, and his love for her never faltered. She wrote him back often, locking herself in her room til all hours of the night to pen to him the perfect words that flew around in her heart. He wrote of the beauty of England, he wrote of trips with friends to the British countryside, and professors with accents so think he almost needed a translator. Mulder had taken the train to nearby Austria, but refused to go to France, writing in his letter that was the one place he would wait and go with her, so they could see it together for the first time.
She knew he was having more fun than he wanted to admit to her, and that was fine, she worried about all the sophisticated female students he attended school with., Scully never doubted his loyalty, but guys had hormone issues, even paranoid guys who trusted no one.
She still dragged herself off to work each day she was scheduled, not wanting to be around the house to be gogged at and doted upon, not wanting to be in a house that reminded her of him.
The flu bug hit the Scully household in late October, but it hit none harder than Dana. Everyone was down for a week, forcing Dr. Scully to not return for his monthly check in home.
"If you don't stop pushing yourself Dana, you are never going to get over this bug." Her mother warned as she watched her youngest daughter's constant green complexion.
"I am not pushing myself Mom." She insisted, dragging out her books to study for an hour before she had to go to work.
"Dana, maybe this job is too much too soon…" but the words died in her throat, Maggie knew that look well, Dana was so much like her father, stubborn and harder on herself than anyone. "All right Dana, just do me a favor, cut back for a while just until you get over this." Maggie pleaded.
"Sure, fine whatever." Dana dismissed. Her mothers request, long enough to run off into the bathroom.
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"Hey Scully," he sang on the phone, "You doing ok? Your mom says you been sick." He had worried about her every day since leaving,
"I'm fine Mulder." Dana was so happy to hear from him, she did not want to dwell on anything negative. "How do you like it over there?" she asked trying not to sound too interrogative.
"Its ok, but…" he drawled. "Would have been a lot better if you'd just crawled into one of my trunks…" he chuckled
"Mulder," she warned suppressing giggles herself.
"Aww Scully, you know you would have fit." She could picture that pouty little lip of his just dying to be kissed.
"Are you still coming home for Christmas?" she asked hoping it didn't sound too pitiful.
"I may have a better idea Scully, and believe it or not, your parents are all for it."
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He paced the terminal at Heathrow airport, absently checking his watch every three minutes. Of course the plane was late, he had made it through this long, and of course he would have to wait longer than he thought originally.
Life could be so damn mean sometimes.
His Scully was on her way to England to spend two weeks with him for Christmas, he had convinced her parents to let her come to him, they were happy to send off their youngest daughter half an ocean away just to be with him.. The Scully's were not well-off, so Mulder assured them that if they could purchase the round trip air fare, he would happily pay for everything else.
Her flight came an hour later, by then Mulder was ready to run off onto the tarmac and drag her off the plane himself, instead he waited solemnly as she mad her way through the hall. "Scully!" he yelled over the crowd of people.
She ran to him breathlessly, almost stumbling over a few small children and some luggage. They held on to each other as if this were the last time. He kissed her mouth and she searched his eyes.
"I have missed you terribly," he breathed into her hair, trying not to cry.
"Don't do that, "she begged him, wiping a tear brimming in the corners of his eyes threatening to fall. "If you start then I'll start, next thing you know the animals are being gathered in twos." She smiled.
"See Scully," he smiled, "We picked up right where we left off."
Hand in Hand, they made their way through the terminal, Mulder hailed a cab and they made for London.
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For their first night, he had rented a motel in a cheap section of town. "I figured we would stay in hostiles as much as we can," he grinned," But this was the best I could do tonight."
They lay together, he held her close as they dared not sleep, neither one wanting to waste one precious second together
She laid her head on his chest, listening for the gentle rise and fall of his chest,
"Where do you want to go first?" he asked her drawing her closer to him.
"Hmm," she thought for a time, "I'd like to see Paris Mulder, and since we are only a train ride away…"
"Done." He conceded.
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Years from now, each one would look back on their two weeks with an awe that many hold for a time in their life where they were not only at the pinnacle of their youth, but they were at their most free. Mulder led her across Europe, showing her all the sights that the continent had for them.
If he didn't notice her slight weight gain, he did notice her lag, she was slower than usual, often as they hiked across country sides; she would have to stop to catch her breath. "You ok Scully?" he asked too many times.
"I'm fine," she would answer too quickly.
The last day they arrived back in London for her to return home. "I don't want to leave," she sniffed holding onto his hand.
"I will be home in three months ok?" he asked kissing her again.
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It wasn't three months but five, turned out he stayed on in England through the spring holiday, and though he tried to get Dana to come out again, she flatly refused. No reason given, no excuses needed, she simply told him no.
Even after offering to pay for the entire trip, he enlisted the help of Maggie who said she would try. "Why won't you go out there Dana?" she asked her daughter a few days later. "Is it because of your weight?" Her daughter had ballooned over the4 last few months, no one felt quite comfortable mentioning to her, Dana had become distant and far off of late.
Instead of a verbal response, Dana offered her a glare that meant to back off, "Well Dana, you can either face your issues, or continue to stuff them, but I would think that you would have jumped at the chance to go see him again."
How could she explain to anyone what she was feeling, what was going on, there were so many things she could not face herself, she hated what she had become, hated the way she looked and felt.
School had become miserable, she was keeping up with her classes, but the other students had picked up on her weight gain and it became one of the biggest fodder topics fior the rumor mill.. She stayed alone as often as she could, even opting to not have a partner for AP Biology. Too painful.
When things got too bad that spring, as the school year drew to a close, she found herself at the beach more and more, trying to solve the endless mysteries that rattled around in her head.
The sea was so beautiful and Mulder had been right, it was not quiet, never quiet. In fact the ocean had a lot to say, and she would sit for hours on end listening to its opinions.
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Since turning sixteen, she had procured her driver's license, after one quick lesson from Maggie she had it down pat, and now, license in hand, keys in the other, she loaded herself into the car to go and pick him up from the airport. He was not expecting her, Bill was going to drive her out there, but Maggie relented at Dana's request she had found herself giving into the sad girl more and more over the past few months.
She maneuvered her way through traffic, trying to find the strength to do what she had been putting off too long. It had been hard for her the last few months, not admitting to herself what was going on was one thing, but hiding it had become something entirely different. This was the true reason she did not pack her bags and go running off for England two months ago,
He had noticed something last time she saw him, he had noticed her girth and her slow moving, but still he did not guess, secretly she had wished he would have, that she would tell her best friend this one thing that would affect them both forever. But he was the last person she could tell, so she carried her secret around in sweatshirts and loose fitting pants, not daring to even let anyone try to get near her
It was time to tell.
He was seated on the curb of the pick up rounder, his bags strewn around him, when he saw the car his face lit up as he stood to run towards the vehicle. When he noted who was driving he stopped dead in his tracks.
"Scully?" he asked more than a little surprised:"You're mobile!" he grinned as she popped the trunk and motioned for him to load
"What, Mulder, you seemed surprised that I can drive? And no you are not driving home I am, you think cause you are the guy you should be driving?" she didn't mean to snap, but she was not in the mood for all the playful teasing not today.
"No," he shot back a little more angrily than he meant, "I just never thought your little feet could reach the pedals."
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They drove along in a very tense silence, night had fallen on the long drive back home and she had to tell him before they got home, he had to know.
"Mulder," she began trying to find the right words. "I have to tell you something, and I know it is going to really piss you off, I am not exactly thrilled myself."
Uh oh he thought, here it comes she is finally wising up and now she is going to dump me, he thought to himself as he felt the tears in his eyes begin. Cautiously he glanced over at the tiny red head, other than having gained a few pounds she was still the same, but he did notice she was no longer wearing the ring. "Just come out and say it Scully " he muttered looking out the window at the dead night.
She sighed, gathering her strength, trying to find the last pocket of dignity in her oversized pants. "I'm—"
"WHAT IS THAT?" He screamed as the wheels of the tires screeched and the world went black.
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Born with the moon in Cancer
Choose her a name she will answer to
Call her Green and the winters cannot fade her
Call her Green for the children who've made her
Little Green, be a gypsy dancer
Joni Mitchell
Dana Scully awoke in the bed of a hospital, disoriented and scared. The last memory she had was of driving Mulder home and trying to find the right words to tell him that she was pregnant, due any day. As she rose from the bed, her body sent off to her a warning signal. Something here was different, something was not quite right.
"Mulder?" she asked as she anchored her body with her arms.
"Shh, Dana its ok.." her mother's voice calm and quiet, but just a hair this side of worried.
"Where is he Mom, " She asked fearing the worst, "Where is Mulder?"
Her mother looked deep into the blue eyes before her, "He's fine Dana, its you we were worried about…"
"I need to see him," she insisted, making to get up again..
"You can't." her mother said flatly, a tone in her voice that Scully had never heard before. "He is busy answering questions, and I have a few of my own Dana."
"I know you are mad mom, please don't be mad, this was an accident, I didn't mean for any of this to happen…"
"Dana,' her mother snapped. "All of that is fine and well Dana, but the police want to know where is the baby?"
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