Sorry for the lack in update guys I'm having a bit of trouble planning out the chapters. I know where it is I want to go, but getting there has racked my nerves.
A.N I USUSALLY DON'T DO THE INNER BIT. I'M NOT ANYGOOD AT IT, BUT I SUPPOSE IT FITS HERE.
Inner Sakura-Italic, and Bold
Thoughts' '
Speech " "
Sakura stood with the plushy pillow in her hands, with thoughts of criminal intent. The plan to end the child's suffering justified her actions in her head at the moment, as she started to descend the pillow over his face.
'Shānnarō'
Sakura threw her head up at the faint whisper. A voice she thought died that night nearly nine months ago. The phantom voice was then heard again. Taking in a breath, because suddenly in her half-shattered mind was her inner. Yet instead of the fist pumping confident being, her inner looked frail and weak.
'Don't do it.' Her inners anguished child like voice called to her.
"Should I listen to you, the one who abandoned me when I was at my worst?" Sakura unwillingly let her thoughts wonder to that night once more, showing her inner, the shame she endured that night. "So tell me why should I listen?" Sakura asked demanding an answer from her phantom being.
'I got scared and I hid, and I'm sorry.' She started. 'But this isn't right.' She told her outer meekly.
"It's not right" echoed through Sakura's head agitating her already frail psyche. Over the course of nine months she had the chance to reevaluate the misconceptions of right and wrong. "Rape." Sakura slightly shouted. "That's not right, you leaving me wasn't right. What's not right is I didn't get the chance to kill him myself. "
'You and countless others.' Her inner reasoned for the other lives Itachi touched.
"I pretty sure he touched me in an away he has never touched any of his enemies."
'Even so, you still can't kill him.'
"Why?" Sakura asked.
'Why not.' Her inner said becoming a bit bolder. 'Itachi is dead he can't hurt anyone again.'
"Don't be so sure about that." Sakura spat at her own inner persona. Sakura waited for a retort from her inner, but found she had become quite silent.
"So you do know of what speak of, and for that reason 'it' has to die." Standing there a bit dazed at the thought of waking up one day, only to find the devil's spawn, brandishing the inherent blood colored eyes, with an insatiable will to destroy her unnerved her. She had come to the conclusion long ago that, Uchiha blood was cursed. There very own blood is like bitter venom coursing through their veins.
'If their blood is poisoned, than out blood is the counter agent.'
Sakura scoffed, she wanted to puke, at those idealistic words. "Have you and I switched roles. There was a time that I was the naïve idealist, and you were the realist. Or is it that you have become senile, from locking yourself away for so long."
'No, I've not forgotten cruelty of the life style we chose. It's you who has forgotten. Everything can't always be black and white, as you see them now. There use to be a gray area, you were oh so fond of.'
"Well things change, people change, and I've changed." She informed.
'We haven't changed, just lost our way a bit.' Inner wanted jump, and shake her host out of her stupor. Her outer had been living in funk, for the past couple of months with only Kakashi as support. What she needed was something from her inner, which had denied her, because Sakura couldn't hear her. The weight of humiliation, guilt, and despair buried her deep within Sakura's mind. Even now she was trying to stay afloat above the ocean of despair. If her outer carried out this death sentence, she'd be lost forever.
There had to be something, she hadn't thought of yet. Maybe a memory. Maybe the memory of her always wanting to be a mother. Inner gasped. 'Mother'
An image of their own mother's smile projected itself. Sakura tensed up and immediately tried to oppress her inner and the memory into the bowers of her mind, but she couldn't fight the potency this memory held for her.
'You remember what mama told us.'
"Leave my mother out of this." Sakura hissed, stirring a few of the newborns, who let out small warning whimpers.
'Remember.' She whispered.
Flashback
A pint-sized Sakura stood on the sofa gazing out of the window, as her mother sat beside her as she watched her daughter become fascinated by the people walking by.
"Mama, how did you know, you loved me?" little Sakura asked her mother out on the blue.
Her mother smiled. Her daughter was smarter than most her age, and very articulate. She was also a bottomless pit of questions.
"Well baby girl, when I first laid eyes on you I knew that I loved you."
"How?" she persisted, as she turned her head towards her mom. Sakura's mom, thought for a second trying to put in words her very inquisitive daughter would understand.
"Its hard to explain Sakura, but one day, when you grow up to be a big, big girl, like me you'll have a baby of your own. Then you'll know. Understand?
Sakura looked to the ceiling as if it would give her understanding. "No." she said as she quickly lost interest in her mother's answer, and went back to watching the people pass by. Her mother ran her hands through Sakura's short locks, and smiled a knowing smile.
"You'll know Sakura. When you look at him or her, knowing that this being is a part you, me, and the rest of your family, you'll know. She said eyeing her daughter, who was gleefully waving at a pint-sized Sasuke who was being carried on his brother's back.
End Flashback
'You've been avoiding him, not looking at him, and when you couldn't avoid it you'd look right through him as to say he doesn't exist.'
Sakura wiped a stray tear from her eye. She hated her inner and the memory she resurfaced. She also hated herself more, because she was cursed with a brilliant memory. Even if she was barely listening to her mother, she remembered her mother's every word.
'So what have been worrying about seeing. Look at him.'
Sakura shook her head, daring not to look down, at the child she unwillingly sired.
'Look at him.' inner urged her. 'Look at our son. Your son' she said as her voice faded. Her inner knew she has done all she could at this point. It was all up to Sakura now to take the final initiatives to whether or not follow through.
With closed eyes, Sakura chanted. "My son, my son, my son."
Taking a deep breath as if it was her last she peered over the incubated newborn, and opened her eyes for the first time to her nameless son.
Sakura took another choking breath as spectra of emotion flooded her. For the first time in months a warmness spread through out her, it was if her mother stepped in and wrapped her in her loving embrace again once more. The tears of joy came to her the ones that only her mother could make. Yet looking down at her baby she felt all these things, just by taking in the sight of his tiny body.
With a relived laugh that he wasn't sporting horns, and a pointy tail, she opened his incubator and picked up her weakening baby. Days of neglect thinking for some reason she was punishing Itachi and the elders if she had let him die seemed ludicrous in her mind now. She knew now that she'd only be punishing herself, and him. With renewed hope for her son she began his healing process, by giving the nourishment he needed to pull through.
'Mama you were right.' Sakura thought.
Sakura only hoped she wasn't too late.
KakashiPOV
Kakashi had been to the bar that same night before receiving rude stares and crude comments thrown at him. Sasuke and Naruto had been among the patrons of, the bar. Naruto had his arm around Hinata much to the disapproving glare by Neji. Naruto spotted him and unbelievingly managed to get Sasuke out of the bar discretely, before he could spot him as well. One of the only people who braved the disapproving stares, and approached was Genma, not even his self proclaimed eternal rival braved those waters.
Genma was supportive. He didn't know the whole story, but he didn't judge. He thought it was good that I got a beautiful strong woman to have my 'child'. Seeing as one of the requirements for being a ninja is that you're required to have at least one child, to some day replace you, and replenish the Leaf Village's ranks.
Another visitor was Ibiki who knew all the gory details, but he had a different agenda in mind. Which is always the case with him. He started with polite conversation, and I humored him with small talk until he finally found his approach.
"How long are you planning to keep up this charade?" He asked. Ibiki went from being polite to interrogator in no time at all.
I turned my head and shrugged at the big man, who didn't take too kindly to my answer, or lack of answer.
"Kakashi." His voice cracked like a whip restoring my attention back to him. "It was admirable that you, took her in, helped her through the rough patches, and the guys and I respect that."
"But?" I said eyeing the man wearily.
"After Sakura has recovered from giving birth Kakashi, you have to…"
"Have to what?" I asked narrowing my visible eye.
"You have to let her stand on her own." Ibiki knew it was a mouth full to give Kakashi but he needed to hear it.
"You mean kick her out, hurl her back into the wind." I asked getting agitated.
Ibiki crossed his arms over his chest. "No, you're mistaken, in fact that's the last thing you'll be doing." Ibiki was prepared for Kakashi's resistance. He had always been prepared for it, but this was going to take every psychology tactic, he knew so Kakashi would know what he was saying is the truth.
"Kakashi think back to the beginning of this whole nightmare. What's the one thing that has remained constant?"
I was never good at guessing game, nor have I liked the game, so stared menacingly at the man who already knew this.
"Kakashi have you not noticed Sakura's inability to away from you for more than a few hours."
"Just cut the whole psycho analyzes okay, get to the point." I half yelled at him. Truth be told I had noticed that Sakura would never stray to far from me. She was subtle about it, but she wanted know where I was going, when I'd be back. If I was more than a few minutes late, like I usual am, I was sure to find Sakura held up, in my weapons storage, and all doors and windows barricaded.
Ibiki's brow knitted up together at Kakashi's lack up respect for his craft. "Fine then, you are delaying Sakura's mind from healing itself."
At of all the things Ibiki could have said I never expected those words to spill forth. Words that made me angry, after months of taking care of her he was the one who was holding her back. I opened my mouth to speak, but Ibiki held his hand up, so he could continue.
"Kakashi I realize she was your student, I also know that above all other things you wish to keep those closest to you safe. You're loyal to a fault, when it came to those three students. Even Sasuke, who you supposedly hold animosity for, you can't turn your back to him still."
I waited patiently for him to continue, so far he's been right about his loyalty issues.
"Sakura was the only female student on your team, its only natural you'd want to protect her most, and moment you found out you couldn't, in your own eyes that you had failed to protect her, you basically attach her to you right hip."
"She was raped by that monstrosity the Uchiha's created." I violently gripped my glass until it shattered in my hands.
"Yes, she was. Itachi was more of a master manipulator at human emotion, and mind screwing then I myself."
"I didn't let you sit here, to let you sing his praises." I told Ibiki offhandedly. I had never felt an urge to hit Ibiki until now and I wanted him to make a move, but true to himself Ibiki remained very calm.
"Point is Kakashi, I've seen many of our kunoichi come back from missions broken, and lifeless shells of their former selves. Sakura isn't the first, and by no means will she be the last." Ibiki's harsh voice started taking a more benevolent tone. "It happens more often than you know."
"This is not your first time seeing this type of thing, I suppose."
"No Kakashi its not, that's why I'm trying to help now before it's too late to save Sakura. I seen some recover, and some who simply can't. Sakura's mind is far more complicated than any other female I know, but the mind does have its limits. So I'm telling you as your friend Kakashi, help Sakura by helping yourself let go.
I knew it was true. All I wanted to do is keep her safe. Hid her away from prying eyes. It never really dawn on me until now that I wasn't helping her. I was hindering her recovery. Sure she needed a shoulder to cry on for a while, but I know I won't always be around. I haven't been on a decent mission in months, and I could die within a heartbeat. Where would Sakura be then?
"How Ibiki? How do I let her go?" I asked hoping he had the answers. Ibiki was the one person who knew me best so it was much easier to let, even the slightest emotion show.
"You know Sakura better than I do, just do what you do best." Ibiki told me.
I sat there mulling over what he meant. Then it hit me. "Excuse me Ibiki, I have to get to work."
Upon leaving the bar I found myself at the Uchiha district. The iron gate was one of the things left standing, after life was extinguished from these grounds. 'Here we go Obito.' I thought silently.
Walking to the main house, I found my target, which looked to have a few too many, seeing as he hadn't noticed my presence.
"What do you want?" he finally spoke.
"I've been standing here for a while. If I was an intruder I could have killed you." I scolded him.
"Not likely. I was ignoring you, hoping you'd leave. I felt your presence at the bar. I allowed the dobe to remove me, so I wouldn't have to listen to his pestering. I also felt the moment you dared step foot my district. I also know where you've been all day and you spent most of it at the hospital with Sakura."
It seemed I was the one mistaken. Sasuke had truly surpassed me, and exceeded all expectations of mine, except one. Here's the final test Sasuke. "Sasuke what is a ninja?"
Sasuke turned his head quizzically at my question. "Are you drunk, or stupid?"
"Neither, now answer my question." I could tell he was disturbed by my presence. Even in his slightly drunken state, he was ready to attack, but knew he was still under strict orders by Tsunade to stay out of trouble.
"Get out of my home, Kakashi. Just because you took a dying man's sharingan doesn't mean you belong here.
His words wounded me, for it was gift so Obito could live on through him, as I saw the world through his eye. Sasuke knew this, and used it against me as a true ninja would, and for that I couldn't fault him. Pushing the anger aside I asked him again.
Setting down his bottle of sake, he picked up the one right next to it. "If I answer will you leave?" he asked.
"It depends on your answer." Sasuke looked at me with unwavering eyes now, he knew that I was very serious, with his response to a simple question in his mind.
"We're nothing more than killers for hire. An army taught from birth to defend a village. Those who protect." He answered.
'Simple and to the point.' I thought 'Maybe it was too broad of question.'
"While your assumptions of a ninja are a bit flawed, they are correct, but not the answer I desire."
"What do you want from me?" Sasuke asked. "Really no lies, no tricks Kakashi, just tell me?"
"What is the first in foremost basic rule to becoming a ninja?" I asked ignoring his complaints.
Sasuke sat rubbing his temples, trying to put his drunken stupor behind him, and Kakashi's persist interrogation wasn't helping matters. He remembered this was what Iruka told him, Kakashi told him, and even Orochimaru drilled it into his head, and showed him its true meaning.
"A ninja must see through deception."
"Yes, they must." I told him as I started my retreat.
Sasuke not understanding Kakashi's reasoning went after him before he passed the gates.
"What does mean?" Sasuke asked appearing before me.
"Exactly what it's suppose to mean." Sasuke launched himself at Kakashi pinning him to the gates. Two ANBU guards who were to surveillance Sasuke's every movement revealed themselves, to Sasuke. Kakashi waved them off, as he pried off Sasuke's grip.
"See through the deception Sasuke. It's been built all around you, and sometimes it could be staring you in the face." Sasuke still didn't seem to understand, and I knew this.
"See through the deception Sasuke, and find your own truth." I said before he disappeared in a cloud of smoke, leaving a dismayed Sasuke in its mist.
The very next day I retuned to the hospital, I went by to the NIC-U unit to find the infant missing. There was no sign of him not even in the regular nursery. 'Had my faith in Sakura been misplaced?' I asked myself
'Was her hate that strong for Itachi that she'd sacrifice an innocent child?' I sighed heavily. 'I never thought Sakura could do it, not my sweet Sakura. Once again I curse Itachi for even drawing breath at all.
Walking towards Sakura's room I opened the door with my head down. I didn't think I could look at her right now. I took a chair in the corner, looking out the window. Then I heard the distinct sound of suckling. I glanced up to see Sakura staring at me as she nursed the infant. I stared and smile under my mask to see my faith hadn't been misplaced after all.
It was a truly beautiful sight to see a mother nursing her child. I just stared as the child sucked hungrily at his mother's nipple. I even laughed when Sakura decided to switch sides, and how he protested loudly at having his food taken from him. She guided his head to help him find her nipple. As he found it, he quickly went to work on that nipple.
I covered Sakura's exposed breast incase of surprise visitors. I smiled a genuine smile at Sakura that she returned. A few years ago, Sakura would have yelled at me for doing such a thing. She now knew that watching her wasn't sexually erotic for me at all. Besides he has seen Sakura nude before.
I did bathe Sakura on many occasions. After her rape Sakura wouldn't move, to do it herself.
Flashback
The pink tangled haired girl sat in his living room, unmoving and unresponsive. The dark circles under her eyes, was a testimony to what she endured the last couple of days. He had moved her there with the Hokage's permission. Sakura had seemed to respond to him more than her own mentor. Some of her clothing and other necessities had bought by the liberty of Shizune, who looked to Sakura as a little sister.
Sakura was filthy. I could still see dried blood and other evidence of abuse from that night. They told me that tea would do lots of good, to getting her to mellow out, but I thought differently. I poured her a stiff drink, from the liquor cabinet.
I made her drink quite a bit of it, until her eyes dilated. I then pick her up, and went to the bathroom where I had drawn a bath sometime ago. I asked her if she wanted to bath, but she just stared. This led me to a very daring decision. I reached for the remaining part of her shirt. Seeing as she didn't react I went further taking off the rest of it. The new shorts that had been placed on her went next, until she stood bare in front of me. I knew I would have to tread carefully, seeing as this was unfamiliar territory for me. I also didn't with to aggravate any of the angry bruises that stared at me.
I picked her once again and sat her in the warm water. I didn't know anything about frilly girl bath products. All I had was my unscented soap and shampoo. I bent down on one knee, leaned over, and started with her hair and worked my way down over her marred body gently cleansing her body to the part I had been dreading. I reached between her legs, and she clamped her leg over my hand. Looking up, I saw the first of many tears that I would have to bear witness too.
"It's okay Sakura." Reaching my free hand up to her, I brought her head closer to me, as her flood gates broke free of their dam. "It's alright." I told as her wails echoed off the bathroom walls.
EndFlashback
"Kakashi." Sakura said shaking the man from his thoughts.
"Yo."
"I've been thinking of a name for him." Sakura looked a bit worried. "And I hope you will, let it stand."
"As long you don't name him, something that sounds similar to a girl's name, he'll be fine."
Sakura smiled "Well I wanted to run it by you first, just to be sure it would be okay." I watch Sakura take a deep breath, and wondered what was so hard about giving him a name.
"I was thinking of Sakumo Obito Hatake." Sakura waited for the backlash, but I just gently picked up the infant from his mother's arms. "You want to name him after my father, and my teammate, Sakura?"
"I completely understand, if you don't like it, I can change it, or we—"Sakura had been cut off from her rambling.
"Sakura I'm honored." I told her truthfully. "A strong name, for the newest son of Konohagakure."
Sakura's heart leaped, and smiled. For the first time is months the smile reached her eyes and you could tell how content she was.
She even told me, she's happier now than she had been in a long time. Let's just hope she stays happy after I tell her that she doesn't live with me anymore. Who am I kidding, let the super power punching began. I thought
Okay things will speed up. I promise. Sasuke will start figuring out things, but not too fast. Sakura will be getting kicked out, lets see how she does on her own.