Even if Regina didn't know where Graham and Ruby lived, it would be easy to tell: Follow the line of parked cars, the joyful squeals of children, music and what sounded like a generator. She balanced a large bowl of potato salad in one arm and held Henry's hand in the other, a tight ball of nerves threatening; it had been so long since she had been to such a gathering. The last time she had been to Graham and Ruby's party she was pregnant with Henry. She smiled at the memory: Daniel drank far too much of whatever homegrown swill was brewed by one of the officers; she and her husband spent the following morning alternating turns vomiting in the bathroom for completely different reasons.
"C'mon, Momma! C'mon!" Henry tugged, straining at her grip so he could get to the source of what sounded like fun 10 seconds faster. They walked around the side of the small Cape and into the backyard: One-third of the surprisingly large yard was occupied by an inflatable bouncy house, which was quivering with the rhythmic jumps of laughing children. "Momma!" Henry was practically panting as he eyed the amusement and threatened to tear her arm out of its socket.
Regina was wondering where to drop the salad when Ruby appeared out of nowhere, relieving her of the heavy bowl. "Regina," she smiled. "Hey, Henry! We're so glad you're here. Hunter's in the bouncy house, do you wanna go?"
The boy's eyes practically bugged out as he shot a laser-like plea at his mother. "Please!"
"There's only little ones in there," Ruby informed, expertly reading the worry on Regina's face. "He won't get squashed. The guys are lifeguarding, anyway." She pointed to Graham and another man talking by the entrance.
"Well, alright, I— Henry!" The minute Regina loosed her grip a millimeter the boy was off, sprinting toward the house. She watched Graham greet him with a smile, take his shoes and hoist the boy into the entrance. Henry was immediately jumping like a maniac and waving in excitement.
Regina couldn't fight the grin. "I don't remember that the last time I was here."
"Crazy, I know. The Chief rented it."
"You're kidding."
"No, she is not." Emma sidled up to the women with a smirk.
"You're responsible for that monstrosity?"
"Pardon me? I'm offended. That's the best idea ever." She pointed to the shaking house with her beer hand. "The kids jump for, like, 6 hours straight and sleep for days while Mom and Dad can eat and drink in peace. I should be issued a commendation." The blonde smirked, sipping her beer victoriously.
Ruby watched the easy rapport between the two women and felt an undertow so strong she wondered if they were blind stupid or had the willpower of cloistered monks. "Well, I think it's great." She turned to Regina. "And you will, too, when Henry falls asleep on the ride home and doesn't get up until 9 a.m. tomorrow. C'mon," she urged, tugging Regina by the arm. "You need food and drink." Grabbing Emma, she ordered, "You, too. You gotta try her potato salad. Holy God."
Ten minutes later, Emma was doing just that, seated around a fire pit that was taking the slight chill out of the crisp mid-fall air. Plopped in a camp chair next to Regina, Emma was barely fighting off the temptation to talk through a mouth full of food.
"Ruby wasn't kidding, this is amazing," she moaned. "Is there bacon in this?"
Regina smirked, slightly embarrassed by her friend's enthusiasm. "Do you want to be alone with your food?"
"Very funny. I do feel the need to just steal the whole bowl and set it in my lap for the day."
"Oh my God, you're here! I can't believe you're here!" Kathryn Midas walked over and leaned down to hug the brunette. "Ruby told me you were coming, but I thought she was lying, per usual."
"I heard that!"
"Well, she can be rather persuasive."
"Chief, nice to see you."
Emma raised her beer in salute while she swallowed a mouthful of potato salad. "Please call me Emma," she smiled, offering her hand. "Good to see you again."
Kathryn grabbed an empty chair on the other side of Regina. A plastic glass of wine appeared in her hand as Ruby waltzed by without stopping. "Great wait staff at this party."
Ruby offered a smirk over her shoulder. "Jam it, Midas."
"I hate to talk shop, but I wanted to thank you in person for the lunch program." The principal leaned toward Emma, beaming. "The kids are loving it. It's only been a few weeks but it's been so fantastic already."
"I read the story in the paper," Regina added, catching Emma's gaze. "Well done. Emma is apparently a master at making improvements all over town, even cookouts." Regina cocked her head at the bouncy house.
"You did that?" Kathryn's brows climbed skyward, half-impressed, half-amused.
"I can't take credit for the idea. A buddy of mine used to rent one for his cookouts and said it was the best money he ever spent for any party. I thought it would be fun for the kids."
"And here I thought Ruby had finally gone over the edge."
The party in question, several feet away eyeing a bocce match, chimed in, "I'm not deaf, lady."
Emma sat back and continued to enjoy her food while she watched Regina catch up with Kathryn, a friend with whom she apparently hadn't talked in quite a while. It was the most unguarded, relaxed and casual she'd even seen the Mayor. Even at their budget tutorials in the woman's own home, she was dressed for work – heels and all. But here she wore jeans, a sweatshirt and sneakers, her clothing as relaxed as her attitude.
Emma imagined walking up behind Regina and hugging her, lacing her arms around her abdomen and pulling her close, tucking her head in the crook of Regina's neck. The brunette's clothes would be soft, but her body underneath firm. Emma would revel in the resistance her arms would feel as she squeezed gently, inching her clasped forearms up just enough so they would lightly brush the underside of Regina's mesmerizing chest. Her girlfriend would squeal with surprise, then laugh and turn her head to grab Emma lips in a soft kiss, powerless against the blonde's charms and happily content at that fact.
Regina and Kathryn caught her staring, wondering why the blonde was absentmindedly grinning.
"Emma...Emma?"
"Oh." Shit, busted. "Oh, sorry," she apologized sheepishly. "This salad has put me in a trance. I'm going to guard that bowl."
Kathryn stood to join her. "You're going to have to fight me for it. I can't remember the last time she made that."
The cookout slid easily into the early evening. The kids kept jumping, the adults continued eating and drinking, interrupting both with intermittent games of horseshoes and bocce. Regina smiled watching Emma and Bell taunt - then take on - overnight officers Anderssen and Davis in horseshoes. For her part, Regina got a chance to reacquaint herself with old friends and acquaintances she'd only seen in passing or at town events. It was far less awkward – and much more pleasurable - than she had expected.
She watched - half-fascinated, half-puzzled - as Emma bent over to pick her horseshoe up off the ground. How on earth does she get those pants on? Kathryn looked on surreptitiously, watching her friend unabashedly check out the Chief's ass, then stare at her glass of wine as if it held the answer or were the culprit. Kathryn made a mental note to dig into this fascinating development later.
"You look like you're having fun," Emma observed, taking a seat fresh off a narrow loss to her colleagues. She laughed as Bell grumbled past, heading for the cooler.
Regina smiled, sincerely. "I am. It's very nice."
"It is, and we haven't even seen Henry in two hours."
"Oh my God!" Regina gasped. The blonde was right. Whether it was good conversation or a series of glasses of wine she suddenly couldn't number, she had completely forgotten about her son, for the first time ever.
"Relax," Emma laughed, placing her hand on Regina's forearm. "He's fine. He's eaten. He's back in the bouncy house."
"How?" Regina looked confused as to how the boy could possibly find sustenance without her.
"I fed him." Emma barked out a belly laugh at her friend's shocked face. "Do you think I'm that incompetent? You were busy talking to someone and all the kids were sitting down and getting fed. I got him a hot dog – cut up super tiny, thank you – some salad, potato chips and a beer."
"Emma!"
"Kidding, Regina, God," she laughed, tears threatening to leak out of the corner of her eyes. She dropped her voice to a whisper as she noted Regina's brown eyes were glassy and she seemed to be working too hard to follow their conversation. "How much have you had to drink?"
The brunette looked down, rueful. "Too much, I'm afraid. I was going to ask you to drive us home."
"No problem. You tell me when you want to leave." A naughty smile crossed Emma's face. "Do you think it's because you're actually drinking good wine and not swill out of a box?"
Regina giggled and smacked her friend's arm, then looked away. "Hey." Emma tugged on her sweatshirt sleeve to get her attention. "C'mon, there's nothing wrong with having a good time. We'll quietly make an exit; no one will know I'm driving you home, if that's what you're worried about. Hell, everyone here's pretty much drunk off their ass, they'll probably pass out before we leave."
Regina chuckled and patted Emma's hand, which was still resting on her forearm. "Thank you. Today has been a lot of fun. And thank you for taking care of Henry."
"Anytime," she smiled. "He's awesome and you need a break, you know? Doing everything 24-7 has to be exhausting."
"It is," she affirmed. Emma wasn't sure if Regina was admitting the truth to herself or talking to her. "It is."
A half-hour later, the sun had fully set, the fire pit now the glowing center of attention for those in the circle of camp chairs. The clink of horseshoes and random cheers of bocce players overpowered the intimate conversations taking place around the fire.
A few hearty souls were still bouncing, but most had taken up residence in their parents' laps around the fire, the flickering flames hypnotizing young, tired eyes. Henry was threatening to nod off when Regina caught Emma's gaze. The intimacy, warmth and familial nature of the environment were intoxicating. Their eyes held each other in wonder and naked allure in the dim light; the pull was so intense Emma felt short of breath and Regina's chest flushed with warmth. The brunette snapped out of their joint reverie first thanks to a loud pop from the fire and nodded at the fading boy, her message clear: It was time to go.
When Regina stood and put Henry down to retrieve her salad bowl, the boy's arms immediately shot skyward toward Emma in silent request. She smiled and gathered him into her arms. The Chief and her Deputy walked over to the bouncy house, which several adults were eyeing wickedly.
"I have the deposit on that thing. Any of you jokers take a flier and bust it, you own it," she noted pointedly, eyeing Nolan and Bell, who collapsed into a state of drunken giggles.
Shifting the now dead-weight child in her arms, she headed for the edge of the yard where she found Regina, Ruby and Graham.
"Look what you found," Ruby observed, raising an eyebrow.
"How did this happen?" she smiled, faking annoyance. "All Regina has to carry is an empty bowl?"
"You are coming out with me, soon," Ruby declared, enveloping Regina in a tight hug. "You understand?"
She nodded as Graham pulled her into a one-armed hug and bussed her cheek. "I'm really glad you came."
As Regina walked ahead, Ruby tapped Emma on her Henry-less shoulder: "You're good for her."
"Like I said, we're friends."
"OK."
"What?"
"'Night, Chief." Smirking, Ruby spun on a heel and headed back to the party.
Eight minutes later, the Mercedes pulled up at 108 Mifflin. Emma hopped out and unbuckled Henry from his seat, carrying him in one arm, her other hand lightly holding Regina's elbow to ensure a smooth walk to the front door.
Regina unlocked the door and turned off the alarm only to find Henry-laden Emma looking at her expectantly. "Want me to take him upstairs?" She didn't want to go traipsing around without permission.
"Please."
Emma smiled as she entered Henry's room, resplendent in a car-and-truck motif with occasional Thomas The Tank Engine posters decorating the walls. His bed sat flush against one wall, taped to which was the newspaper picture of Henry, Regina and Emma from the swearing in. She gently lowered the boy to the mattress, expecting Regina to take over, only to find the brunette sitting on the end of the bed.
"I'm a bit woozy."
"Uh, that's OK, just tell me what to do."
Regina told Emma where to find the boy's pajamas, vetoing the first two pairs the blonde pulled out. Regina undressed the boy south of the belly button while Emma took off his sweatshirt, removing wet, wrinkled fingers from his mouth. They immediately, unconsciously, returned to their home as soon as Emma released his arm. The women then worked in reverse, dressing him in a long-sleeved, two-piece train pajama set.
"I thought you said he was a light sleeper?"
"Looks like your bouncy house did the trick," she tittered. "I'll get on that commendation."
"You do that."
Emma rolled the boy off his covers, then back under, which was easier said than done given the bed rail occupying the other side of the bed. Regina hoisted herself up and slowly walked around to kiss her son's forehead. As the brunette walked out, Emma ran her fingers through his hair and rested her hand on his warm, chubby cheek. "'Night, buddy."
Entering the hallway from Henry's room, Emma heard a door close. It wasn't the bathroom, she could see the open door across the hall. That left the closed door directly across, which she deduced was Regina's bedroom. With no other choice but to make herself at home, Emma headed for the bathroom and rustled around as unobtrusively as possible to find aspirin. She knew her friend was insanely private - she didn't want to freak the woman out further by making it obvious she had rummaged around – but the brunette was going to need some help with a possibly pounding head in the morning. Items acquired, Emma knocked on Regina's door. "Regina, you decent?"
No response.
"I'm coming in if I don't hear you…" she warned. If she thought Regina would freak out about the blonde seeing her upstairs bathroom, walking into her bedroom uninvited would surely induce apoplexy.
Emma grimaced; she had no choice but to go in uninvited. In her career she had seen many drunks and the damage they could accidentally do to themselves in their addled states. She had to ensure the woman was safe. Holding three aspirin and a glass of water in her left and covering her eyes with the right, she turned the knob and nudged the door open.
"Regina?"
Hearing movement off to her left, Emma peeked through the slits of her fingers and saw the brunette shuffling out of her bathroom, clad in pajamas and a tied robe. She sat as carefully as she could on the side of her bed as Emma handed over the aspirin and water, which she wordlessly consumed.
"howareyougoingtogethome?"
"I'll call one of the guys on duty and have him give me a lift back to Ruby's so I can grab my car."
"Don't have to, you can stay here."
"Huh?" Emma's body unexpectedly felt a chill and a spark of excitement simultaneously.
Regina's voice was practically a mumble, her foggy brain succumbing to the siren song of the bed as she reclined onto the mattress. "Guest room, next to Henry's." It was tempting, too tempting.
"I should go home. Please sleep on your stomach, OK?"
Regina agreed with a soft grunt, rolled onto her chest and promptly passed out. Emma spied a pad of paper and a pen on the night table, and left a short note. She drank in the sight of the gorgeous sleeping woman for a few seconds and inhaled. She couldn't help it, the room smelled like Regina: light and warm. With a sigh, she quietly left the room, stopping by Henry's one more time. She walked downstairs, turned off the lights and shut the door behind her.
Standing on the front steps between two white columns, Emma dug out her phone and dialed the weekend dispatcher directly. "Dave, it's the Chief. Who's closest to Mifflin Street?"
XXXX
Emma walked through her front door and headed straight for the kitchen. She immediately located, then cracked, the bottle of Johnnie Walker Black she got as a going-away present, poured two fingers' worth and plopped dejectedly on the couch.
Propping her feet on the coffee table, she turned the TV to ESPN and let the ambient sounds of a college football game – any game - wash over her, hoping the combination of mindless sports and strong alcohol would magically cleanse her of the feelings taking root.
She knew she could only be friends with Regina, just friends, but the woman was too goddamn stunning, smart and kind to keep her hopes from extending to a more intimate relationship. Those qualities, combined with their easygoing, blossoming friendship, made it impossible to ignore the pull of desire. And the kid, that loveable friggin' boy, who looked at her adoringly with those big, brown eyes. Tonight was the perfect example, she thought. It was too easy, too familiar, too inviting to walk around that house like it was her own, tuck the child and his mother into bed, ensuring their safety and peaceful dreams. It was too natural to hold that child in her arms without a word and get aspirin for his mother. It was too effortless to play lesbian mommies, the key problem being one party wasn't a lesbian. When Regina asked her to stay, all Emma wanted to do was ease into that king-size bed and curl herself around the town's loneliest woman. Hell, she chuckled ruefully, I may be vying for that title myself.
It wasn't just that Emma was crushing hard-core on a straight woman – an always fruitless, painful dilemma she had faced before. The biggest misfortune was when she looked at Regina, she saw herself: a person who seemingly had it all together but just below the surface was far more vulnerable than anyone would ever believe. Regina was too much of a kindred spirit to resist. Yet she had to for yet another reason: Regina was her boss.
She was drawn to Regina and Henry like the Earth toward the blinding, blazing sun. If Emma kept circling, she would get pulled in – and that would end badly for everyone.
Emma returned to the kitchen to refill her glass and toast to a relationship that never was and never could be. She took a large sip and felt the burn down her throat, which sat just north of the ache in her heart. It was a night to mourn a relationship that never was. It was time to stop circling.
XXXX
Regina landed with a thud, her back hitting the mattress as Emma whipped off her shirt and crawled on all fours toward her, breasts threatening to spill out of a tight black bra.
"Regina," she husked, hovering over the woman for a few seconds before lowering her body the length of the brunette. Regina hissed in arousal as the weight of Emma's hips and groin pressed into hers. She shifted trying to find some friction as she watched Emma's biceps flex.
"No, no, no," Emma pouted sexily. "We can't have that Madam Mayor, can we?"
The pressure of breasts upon breasts, groin upon groin, was driving Regina insane. Emma lowered her lips to Regina's ear, blonde hair curtaining them.
"I want this. You want this. Can we have this? Can we?" The sensual whisper and hot breaths were driving Regina insane, arousal pooling in her panties and her core throbbing with need. Her entire body felt white-hot, every sense blaring at once. All she wanted to do was grab the blonde and rub herself along every single glorious inch, but she couldn't move her arms.
Emma's lips parted, they were now nearly touching Regina's, so close she could feel them move. She repeated one question over and over, grinding her groin in time against Regina's with each query. "Can we?...Can we?...Can we?... Can w—?"
"Momma!"
Regina woke with a gasp and a start, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. Her head – and her core – were throbbing as Henry bounded through the door.
"Mooooorning!" Henry sang, scampering onto the bed and under the covers, snuggling into her side.
Regina lay back on her pillow, two-thirds of which was now occupied by Henry.
"Good morning, love," she groaned. She turned her head to check the time and spied a note: You took 3 aspirin at 10 p.m. Hope you feel better today. Call you later. - Emma
Regina spent the rest of the day anxiously waiting for a call that never came, while Emma avoided making it. Figuring a private person such as Regina might be embarrassed about getting a little drunk, Emma thought a text might be less awkward and lessen any potential shame, unearned as it was.
It was 5 p.m. before she gathered the courage to pick up her cell and begin typing.
Hey, how are you guys? Sorry I didn't call earlier. Time got away from me.
Emma bit her lip at the white lie. She was sorry.
We're fine. Had a quiet day.
Was Henry pooped?
Quite, thank you.
I will clear a space on my wall for the commendation. I had fun yesterday, thanks for letting me hang out with my boyfriend, and you, of course.
I owe you the thanks. I'm a touch embarrassed by my behavior.
Why? I'm a pro at rating inebriation and, believe me, you weren't even on the scale. You had fun and I am really happy you did and that I could be there.
Thanks, Emma.
Anytime.
Separated by 2.7 miles, both women placed their phones on a table, equally sad and relieved the conversation was over.
Four hours later, Emma was slumped on her couch, dejectedly watching the Patriots on Monday Night Football and wallowing in misery, when her cell erupted:
Fuck tha police
Comin' straight from the underground
Young nigga got it bad 'cause I'm brown
And not the other color so police think
They have the authority to kill a minority
A tiny beam of sunshine pierced the gray cloud over her head as N.W.A.'s classic blared. She grabbed her phone, smirking at the caller ID picture of her kissing a "shocked" Robert on the cheek. Every time she tried to change his ringtone he'd steal her phone on the sly and switch it back. She could change it now permanently without fear of a reprise, but she realized she'd miss it; it was oddly comforting in an extremely profane way.
"I'm straight outta Compton, yo!"
Emma sighed, misery quite evident in her tone. "You asshat, you're straight outta Back Bay."
"What's troubling you, my White Chocolate Princess?"
Emma snorted, she knew Robert only broke out her special nickname when he could tell she was feeling down. Before she could reply, he continued. "Wait…I know. I know that sound: love life, amirite?"
"Yeah."
"You get any since relocating to the Pine Cone State?"
"It's Pine Tree. And, no – not that it's any of your business."
"Right now it most certainly is. And if you're going without, you know what you gotta do. Stop takin' matters into your own hands…" The giant man laughed for what Emma swore was a minute straight, "…shit, hold on, I'm OK….and find someone else's hands, you dig?"
"You dig? Are you playing Shaft again?"
"Nah, just reconnecting with my African-American roots, watched Jackie Brown the other night."
"Jesus, Tarantino made that. No Spike Lee?"
"Lord, no. He's pretentious and roots for every dickbag New York team. No, thank you."
"Anyway, yes, I need to get laid, but there are no prospects."
"Is it known you like the ladies?"
"Word's out, not sure how far it has traveled."
"Well, shouldn't be long, then. You've never had trouble pullin' before."
Emma sighed, following with a swig of beer. She could hear the echo of the football game over the connection; they were both watching. "Man, The Broncos look like shit," she noted, far less enthusiastically than she should have. "I love it."
Robert's baritone rumbled over the line via a chuckle. "Yes. So you gonna tell me what's up or just boo-hoo through this whole quarter?" The line went silent as both parties watched Brady hit his tight end in the numbers with a bullet. "Wait – waitwaitwait. I know: Mayor Mightyfine."
Emma's silence was her confirmation.
Robert crowed. "You couldn't help yourself, could you?"
"I didn't mean to. She's, like, the one person in town I can't be with, but I can't stop thinking about her."
"You jus wanna—"
"No, no, that's the thing. I mean, yes, I want to sleep with her. Christ, do I want to. But it's more than that. I want to just be with her and Henry: do shit around the house, take them places, make them dinner, go grocery shopping, whatever. I want to make them smile, I want to take care of them, just, you know, be with them. This scares the shit out of me and hurts like a motherfucker at the same time. I've never felt this way before and I can't do anything about it. It's terrible."
Now it was Robert's turn to be stunned into silence. For the decade-plus he'd known Emma, he'd never seen her in a real relationship; he joked she was chronically unable to pronounce "U-Haul." There were some women who lasted for a month or two; one hardy soul made it four months, but that was an anomaly. Most of his friend's romantic endeavors were mutually beneficial one-night engagements.
"You there?" Emma asked, slightly scared by the quiet on the other end of the line.
"Fuck, girl," he observed, concerned. "You got it bad."
"No shit, what do I do?"
"Do I look like Ellen, woman? Hold up, just let me think."
Emma watched Denver turn over the ball. Yay. She could hear the hiss of a beer opening over the line.
"Well, don't shut her out. You still want to be her friend, right?"
"Definitely. She didn't do anything wrong. It's not her fault I feel this way. It's not like she led me on."
"Does she know you're gay?"
"Unsure, it hasn't come up in our conversations."
"She hasn't, like, tried to kiss you or jump your bones?"
"I wish. We're just friends – and I want to be friends. It just, you know, hurts. Jesus, I sound like I'm 12 years old." Frustrated, she flicked a bottle cap across the room, pinging it off a window.
"You sound like you're in love."
Emma sighed, resigned to the truth of the observation.
"You are settin' some world-fucking-record for sighs, girl. OK, here's your marching orders: As best you can, act situation-normal. Try to avoid spending any extra time around them, that'll only add salt to the wound. You're done with those extra budget meetings at her house, right?"
Emma felt a pang of loss at the reality of the statement. "Yeah."
"Wait, you could tell her the truth."
"Seriously? I can see it now: 'Hey, Regina: I know you've pretty much shut the world out of your life and I'm maybe the first person you've reached out to in years. So I want to reward your shitty luck in choosing me as your friend by making this as crazy uncomfortable as possible. I'm super gay for you and I want to have your children.' "
"Maybe not that honest. Listen, interact with her as little as possible, as normally as possible. You don't want her to feel like she did something wrong."
"Right."
"Then go to wherever you can find some ladies of the same persuasion who are down to party and get laid. That should take the edge off."
"That's your prescription: get laid?"
"Can't hurt."
Emma placed her empty bottle on the end table and laid her head back against the couch. "True."
XXXX
Tuesday dawned cruel as it always does after a long weekend. Kathryn left her house earlier than normal to make a special swing by Granny's before school.
"Mrs. Humbert," she greeted formally, taking a seat at the counter for a quick cup.
"Ms. Midas."
"Quite the party Sunday." Kathryn smirked as she took a much-appreciated first sip.
"It was. Glad you could make it." The brunette eyed her friend expectantly, wondering if they were on the same wavelength.
"Interesting fireworks display."
Ruby raised a single eyebrow. They were. "You noticed, too?"
"How could you miss it?"
"I think the parties in question may be doing just that."
Kathryn leaned forward grinning like a Cheshire cat. "I don't think they are at all, more like they don't know how to proceed."
"Can't say I blame them. Plus, one of them, you know, isn't gay."
Adding another sugar packet, the principal grinned, stirring her coffee. "Well, I think that's up for debate, don't you?" Dying to share her theory, she muttered, "There is a way."
"Huh?"
"They can be together despite their jobs."
"Get the fuck out," Ruby whispered excitedly.
"Want to help?"
The waitress' red lips parted in a wide grin. "More than anything."
TBC
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