The Short Life of a Southern Belle
Chapter 6
Author's Note: Okay adult situations in this chapter, nothing too explicit though. And I hope you like Billy, because there's a lot of him in this chapter. Enjoy!
"We'll need to find you an Earl Lowell."
"What?" I said uncertainly.
Then suddenly I understood what Ma was gettin' at. My eyes opened wide.
"Surely you ain't suggestin' I have an affair," I stuttered.
Ma gazed at me silently in confirmation. I shook my head.
"Ma, I couldn't! I love Calvin, I - I took a vow o' fidelity."
"So did Candie," Ma scoffed, "He ain't honourin' it."
Her expression softened at my hurt expression.
"Listen girl, I would never normally suggest you do such a thing," she placed a hand on my shoulder, "But if it's the only way you gonna get a baby, what choice do you have?"
I scrunched handfuls of my dress in indecision.
"I don't even know a man... a man I would trust..."
"I have a fella in mind," Ma startled me by sayin', "Billy Crash."
My mouth swung open.
"Billy Crash!" I uttered in an objectin' voice.
He was Ma's choice. Billy Crash who I'd slapped for makin' a vulgar pass at me. What irony!
She frowned at my reaction.
"What's wrong with Billy?" she asked, "He's a friend o' the family, trustworthy, you both got green eyes."
"What's that got to do with anythin'?"
"Candie'd get suspicious of a baby born with brown eyes," Ma replied, "He and Billy both have dark hair too."
"I suppose."
I had to admit that Ma was approachin' the situation rather cleverly.
"Billy was always sweet on you," she said in a soft voice, "He asked to marry you when you was thirteen."
My eyes grew large.
"He did?"
Ma nodded.
"You were too young. Your Pa told Billy that. Billy said he was fine to wait. But then Miss Lara came callin' and you went to live with the Candies... Shame," Ma muttered after a beat.
"Shame?" I echoed.
Ma shrugged,
"I thought you and Billy would have made a nice pair. Back then you seemed fond o' him."
I suppose she was right. I had been fond o' Billy Crash, once upon a time, when I was thirteen, grateful when he called me lil lady when I felt so masculine in boy's clothes. Maybe I thought he was handsome too, lookin' a proper cowboy with his musical spurs. But then I'd moved to the Big House, fell in love with a Southern Gentlemen, forgot about Cowboy Billy, forgot everything about my old life.
Maybe he wasn't such a bad choice. Actually he was the best choice.
"You sure he'd agree to do this?" I asked Ma doubtfully, "The risk involved..."
Ma rose from her chair and went to the doorway,
Dickey?" she called, "Go fetch Billy for me. Sarah Anne, you come inside."
Ma turned back to me,
"Billy come here often enough not to arouse suspicion," she said, "And Miss Lara think you only here to visit the baby right?"
I nodded.
Ma spread her arms,
"How Candie ever find out then?"
She took Jed off his mother.
"Sarah Anne, take Mary into the bedroom, help her undress."
We both stared at her wide-eyed.
"Shouldn't we wait to hear what Billy says," I said squirmin'.
Ma eyed me with impatience.
"Your fancy outfit looks time-consumin'. It's better to get it off afore he arrives."
"What if he says no?" I hissed. That would make undressin' wholly pointless.
"I'll talk him 'round," Ma said confidently, "Get in there!"
She waved her hand in the direction of the bedroom belongin' to her and Pa. Sarah Anne tailed me in. It took her a while to get me down to my chemise and bloomers. Her fingers lacked Anna's trained dexterity, the maid who helped dress me o' a mornin'. Afterwards Sarah Anne slipped out of the room. I sat on the bed, my mind racin', could I really go through with this? Lay with Billy, betray my husband, just for the sake of gettin' a baby. I ran my hand over my stomach.
I did want a baby. And Candie would never find the truth. Right now he was in Greenville, completely oblivious. I wondered if he even thought about me while he was there. Or was he too preoccupied with that other woman, that Shee-ba. Were they in bed too right now? The possibility made me ground my teeth, imaginin' Candie and a dark womanly shape movin' in congress.
I tugged at my curls in agitation. How could Candie this to me? Be with another woman for no sake other than lust. At least I had a higher motivation for what I was about to do. So I shouldn't feel guilty. If Candie could have an affair, I could damn well have one too. And when I gave him a child, he would be so happy he would forget his mistress. Forget Shee-ba.
The walls of the cabin weren't so thick that I missed Billy's arrival. I heard his voice though it was too muffled to make out the exact words. So was Ma's as she told him what he was here for.
A little while later I heard Billy exclaim,
"You goddamn kiddin' me?"
At least I'm pretty sure that's what he said. I strained to hear Ma's response, but she was speakin' far lower than Billy.
I jumped when there was a rap on the door. So she must have convinced him.
"C-come in," I dragged the bed cover over me up to the neck. I still had a sense of decency.
The door opened and there stood Billy Crash, his hat in his hands. I expected him to look real excited. Instead he stared at me with a little look of disbelief, as if he'd thought Ma had been settin' him up for a practical joke. She shut the door on us.
"Mr. Crash," I tried to make my voice as calm as possible.
I'd never seen Billy look as solemn as he did, no trace o' a smile on his face.
"Madame Candie," he murmured.
I wished he'd called me Mary. It would have been easier on my conscience, not to be reminded that I was Madame Candie, wife to another man, not the one who was about to get into bed with me. Not that he rushed over. Billy remained where he was, fingerin' the brim of his hat.
Could it be that he was nervous, Billy Crash who'd talked about rippin' my clothes off and havin' his way with me? I might have been amused if I was so damn nervous myself.
"Ma – told you everythin'..." I couldn't bring myself to say 'come here Billy and let's get this done with'.
Billy leaned against the door.
"Yeah," he said almost contemplatively.
I felt tension buildin' in my sinews. Why was he bein' so immobile? Was he havin' second thoughts?
"So – you okay with, er..."
"I'm here ain't I?" Billy said almost frustratedly.
"Well there's no need to stand on ceremony," I replied tersely, "Come over here," my face grew hot as I forced the invitation out.
Billy's spurs jangled as he took a few steps forward then stopped.
"Should take my clothes off first," he muttered, regardin' himself then me, "You, ah, you nekkid under there?"
I cringed at the question.
"I'm wearin' underclothes," I squirmed uncomfortably as I told him, "You only need to take off your pants Billy."
When Candie and I made love at night, he always insisted on sheddin' our bedclothes. I had come to enjoy the feelin' of his hands, his mouth on my breasts, the warmth of his skin when he collapsed on me post-coitus, the lazy pleasure of drawin' shapes on his back with my fingers.
I didn't want to replicate this any of this intimacy with Billy.
"I'll take off my coat and boots too if you don't mind," though he looked kinda pale Billy sounded faintly amused.
He started shruggin' off his coat. I curled my toes, a question blossomin' on my lips.
"You know 'bout my husband and Shee-ba, Billy?" I said quietly.
Billy froze with one arm still in his coat.
"She pretty Billy?" I ventured bitterly.
"Not like you," he said after a beat, slidin' his arm free of his coat.
I smiled, but it quickly fell into a frown.
"Then why Candie like her so much?" I mumbled in a wobbly voice.
Billy looked uncomfortable.
"I ain't Calvin Candie. I can't tell you."
Billy glanced at the coat draped over his arm. Perhaps my talk of Candie made him want to pull it back on and leave. I felt a surge of desperation. I couldn't let him do that.
"No," I said in agreement, "But you can tell me I'm pretty," I smiled, "I forgot how sweet you can be Billy. When you ain't bein' crass."
Billy gave me a mildly protestin' look as if to say crass, who me?
"Remember what you said to make me slap you Billy?" I asked.
Billy massaged the back of his neck.
"I... don't quite recall."
I was reasonably sure he could. I threw off the bed cover, revealin' myself in my undergarments, much to Billy's surprise. I rose from the bed and walked over to him boldly as I could.
"You said," I began as he took in my proximity with wide eyes, "You'd show me how a man... fucks..." I almost giggled. It was a little excitin' sayin' that word. Billy blinked rapidly like I'd kicked him, "a woman," I finished, my hand comin' to rest on Billy's crotch.
My mind flashed to my weddin' night, when Candie had taken my hand and pressed it against the bulge of his pants, makin' me feel his erection for the first time, "See what you do to me cherie," he'd purred in my ear.
Billy didn't have words when I grabbed him in the same area. He just groaned, pressin' himself against my hand. He was aroused, I could feel it.
"So show me Billy," I murmured.
In a flash Billy's hat and coat were on the floor and he slammed his lips to mine. Immediately I pushed him away, fightin' the urge to slap him as well. Did he think this was a romantic rendenzvous.
"No kissin'," I said sharply.
The only man I wanted kissin' me was Candie. Not Billy, who was regardin' me with a hurt expression. I softened, gave him a smile.
"Only this," I stroked the hard bulge of his jeans.
Billy's eyes sort o' glazed over. He nodded obediently.
He followed me over to the bed. I lay on my back while he leaned over me, fumblin' with his belt. When it was over, he rolled off me and lay on his back pantin' with his pants still around his ankles. I pulled up my bloomers and sat up.
I was an adulterer now. Just like my husband, though it gave me little comfort to be classed the same as him. I only hoped Billy had put a baby in me, so I never had stray outside my marriage ever again. I retrieved Billy's hat and coat off the floor, carried them over to the bed where Billy was grinnin' as if to say yeah that was good. It was good.
I dropped his hat and coat on the bed and turned my back on him.
Billy had shown me he was no Calvin Candie. He had none of his sexual sophistication. He had no sense of delicacy, no ability to pace himself. His approach was that of dog with a bone. But there had been somethin' about Billy's roughness that'd thrilled me. The look of salivation on his face as he ploughed into me, his fingers diggin' into my thighs.
I felt ashamed. I shouldn't have enjoyed it, not Billy's rundimentary style o' sex. No Southern Belle in their right mind would, especially if they was married to someone else. I was a terrible failure o' a wife. I resented Billy for helpin' me see that.
"Get dressed Billy," I told him tightly.
"In a minute," he replied lazily, "Ain't no rush."
"You need to get back to work," I said impatiently, "I need to get home," I glanced over my shoulder and snapped, "Pull up your goddamn pants."
Billy sat up, poutin' like a rebuked child.
"Yes Ma'am," he muttered with distinct bitterness.
He bent for his jeans. I looked away, listenin' to the sound of his belt being buckled, the rustle o' his coat when he threw it on. Hearin' his spurs, I turned. There was a hard glare on Billy's face. I drew back as he came near me.
"Find yoreself another whore next time," he hissed, "I don't need this shit."
I felt a swell of remorse as he stormed past.
"Billy wait," I said.
He stopped, almost at the door.
"What?" he growled.
"Thank you," I said with sincerity, "Thank you for..." I couldn't think o' a better word, "Helpin'."
Billy's face softened though he didn't smile, just nodded.
"Good day Madame Candie," he said.
"Good day Mr. Crash," I replied.
He left. Sarah Anne came in. There was a noticeable blush on her cheeks. I soon started blushin' as well, worried she'd been heard Billy moanin' through the walls. He hadn't been exactly quiet. She helped me dress in silence. I decided my feet could bear the walk home. I wanted to be alone for while. I was about halfway home when I heard sound of hooves and wheels behind me. I turned, knowin' who it had to be.
"IS THAT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE?" Candie bellowed from a distance.
Moments later, horse and carriage pulled up alongside me. Candie got out. I felt mixed emotions as he embraced me, guilt from my betrayal, resentment for his, at the same joy for him bein' back, lookin' happy to see me.
"What you doin' all the way out here cherie?" he asked.
I explained about visitin' the Lacey's cabin, tryin' not to sound nervous.
Candie stroked his beard,
"You couldn't get one o' yore brothers to give you a pony-ride?"
I shrugged. Candie shook his head, his gaze downwards.
"Look at the state o' them pretty shoes," he tutted in a voice reminiscent of Miss Lara.
"It's only a bit o' mud," I said sheepishly, "One o' the girls can clean 'em."
"I expect so," Candie conceded with smile, "But you ain't takin' another one step in 'em til then."
I gave a cry of surprise as he scooped me and carried me onto the carriage.
"Good thing you ain't heavy cherie," he said jovially as he set me down, "Get us home Franklin."
"Yes Monsieur Candie," the driver jiggled the reins and we started to move.
I jumped a little as I felt Candie touch my cheek.
"I didn't mean to whup you before," he said in a low voice, "I was just angry. I want to be a Daddy so badly, darlin'."
The yearnin' was evident in his voice.
"And you will be," I mustered a strong bright tone, "A baby will come along soon. I just know it."
Calvin looked ahead,
"Let's hope so," there was somethin' dark about his voice that made me shiver.
I steeled myself and placed a hand on Calvin's upper thigh.
"I missed you," I said quietly so only he could hear.
Candie chuckled, lookin' bemused at my boldness.
"Have you?"
"Oui," I murmured, rubbin' his thigh.
"Little minx," Candie pinched my cheek with a smile, "When we get back to the house, you can show me exactly how much huh."
I smiled and nodded. Ma had advised me to make love to Candie as soon as I could, so there could no suspicion about timin' if I did get pregnant.
Sure enough a few weeks later I kept wakin' up feelin' positively ill, and I knew, finally there was a baby inside me.
To be continued...