Santana stared up the ceiling of Quinn's bedroom. Brittany was curled up next to her with her head on her shoulder, Quinn laying with her back to Santana on her other side. It felt like she was the dark meat filling in a blonde sandwich, and she wasn't sure she liked the feeling. Still, it was too late to move, and Quinn had been nice enough to let her sleep on the bed in the first place. Even though Quinn knew Santana wasn't interested in her like that, the blonde had been a little hesitant to let her back into her bed ever since she'd walked in on her and Brittany makin' it one day. Didn't really insult her; that was just Q. The WASP princess couldn't help the way she was raised.

Sighing, her breath made a stray strand of Brittany's hair tickle her chin, and she wrinkled her nose until the feeling went away. She couldn't move her hand to scratch it, as it was currently wedged in between Brittany's breasts.

Brittany was comfortable.

Letting her eyes flutter closed, Santana tried to focus on the soft breathing of her friends, hoping to lull herself to sleep. But as soon as her eyelids would shut, she'd snap them open again.

Rachel.

Rachel…

She'd grown up. Filled out. Santana had known she'd be absolutely gorgeous as the years passed. When she'd first had the thought, she thought she'd be right there with her, seeing it in front of her. They'd even promised, pinky swearing, giggling like mad, so loud Santana's father had to knock on the door to quiet them.

Santana bit her lip as a warm tear slipped down her cheek. In the dark, things seemed so much more fragile. Intense.

Painful.

Speaking of. She wiggled her fingers in her cast, wincing a little. That had been stupid of her. Now that some of her bravado had faded, she realized just how much she'd fucked things up for herself.

Sue would probably kick her off the squad now. Oh, she knew Brittany and Quinn would fight for her – well, as best as they could against the insane woman and come out intact with their lives and Cheerio statuses – but that didn't really make her feel better.

Wanting to roll over but prevented by the lanky body draped over her, Santana took a deep breath and slowly let it out. The ceiling of Quinn's bedroom was pretty damn boring.

"San."

Flinching at the sudden voice coming from the area of her chest, Santana waited until her heart had slowed down before responding. No sense in waking up Quinn. "Yeah, B?" she whispered.

The hand on Santana's stomach gently took a hold of the shirt Quinn had lent her, questing for the bottom. Knowing Brittany just needed the skin contact, Santana tried not to react too violently when her hand came to a stop directly onto the area above Santana's hipbone.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Brittany's voice sounded small, child-like.

Santana closed her eyes. She hadn't realized how her best friend would feel. It wasn't every day the person you trusted the most in your life revealed something they'd been keeping from you for years. "I just couldn't," she answered pathetically, hoping Brittany would drop it.

But she didn't, of course. "You're lying."

"Maybe." Honestly, she didn't know if that was true or not. "B, you gotta understand…"

Warm air puffed against her neck as Brittany raised her head, her eyes searching for Santana's in the dark. "I'm trying," the blonde said earnestly, her voice rising a bit, and Santana shook her head sharply to get her to quiet. Looking upset but talking quieter, Brittany continued, "But I don't understand."

Santana held her gaze for as long as she could before it became too hard to continue. She looked away, licking her lips. "I told you all I could."

Brittany's hand tensed on her skin. "That's not good enough," she answered stubbornly.

It has to be, Santana thought. But she didn't want to say that out loud.

Silence flowed between them. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but what could she do? Tell the whole truth? No. Way.

Quinn let out a breathy snore, and though they hadn't been doing anything, both girls froze. Ending up rolling over and smashing her face into Santana's breast, the blonde protested sleepily and flailed a hand out, pressing her palm against Santana's sternum to push herself back. Letting out an oomph and snapping her cast close to her body so Quinn wouldn't lay on top of it, Santana groaned when the blonde apparently decided that even if her breast wasn't acceptable, the side of her shoulder was for some fucking reason. Great. Now she really felt like a dark meat filling.

Quinn pressed the side of her face against Santana's shoulder as she settled on her back, mumbled once more, and fell back asleep.

Brittany's quiet giggles made a grudging smile come to Santana's face. "Good thing she's dead to the world," she muttered, and Brittany nodded against her.

Silence rose up again, but at least this time it was a little less oppressive.

But it was too much to ask that Brittany would stay quiet. "I can't believe she moved without telling you," she offered, sounding incredibly sad.

Knowing it was for her, Santana nodded, trying to ignore the pain that flashed through her.

Starting to stroke her stomach in soft, clumsy circles, Brittany spoke again, "And you don't know why?"

"Yeah," Santana coughed, then repeated, "Yeah." She winced internally, hoping her friend couldn't hear the lie in the word.

"No contact?"

Starting to get a little uncomfortable with the rehash so soon after she'd already told her and Quinn earlier, Santana noncommittally mmhmmed.

She could hear the disgusted look on her friend's face, "That's totally not cool." Raising her head again, she tensed her body and hand on Santana's stomach, pushing up a little to brush her lips softly against Santana's cheek. "I'd never do that," she whispered, absolutely sure in what she was saying.

Tears welled up the second her lips touched her skin. A whimper slipping out before she could stop it, Santana clenched her eyes and jaw shut. "I know, Britt," she choked out, feeling her friend settle back down and grab her hand that had been trapped under her, lacing their fingers together, "I know."