Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter :D

Remus's head was steaming from the Pepper-up potion he had recently consumed, and so he was in no mood to leave Madam Pomfrey's office to be laughed at by the coyotes that were James and Peter. Sirius, who had been out of it, much to Madam Pomfrey's relief ("I normally have to give him potions just to shut him up!" she confided in Remus), wouldn't have noticed even if his eyes had been open, but Remus still felt better to know he was completely alone.

With nothing better to do, Remus began to peruse the books lining the walls of the dingy office, his finger running over texts from root poisoning to non-reversible transfiguration. The very amount of books on her wall, he wondered if she would even notice if one disappeared.

"Aha," he murmured triumphantly as his finger hit a huge leather-bound book entitled Potions and Antidotes. He knew Madam Pomfrey had had to treat Amortentia before; it had been his personal experience trying to drag a love struck Sirius away from the Great Hall after he had jumped Ariadne Thornton during one of Dumbledore's speeches. Sirius had never quite lived it down.

The book was heavy when he slammed it onto the desk; he automatically looked up to check he hadn't disturbed anyone. Pomfrey was out of the Hospital Wing at present, investigating the injuries of a nasty cauldron explosion at Potions Club, and wouldn't be back for a while, but Remus couldn't help but feel he was doing something incredibly risky.

He fished through the book as quickly as he could, turning one of the pages so fast that he received a deep paper cut. He had found it. He sucked the blood from his finger and began to read the page, a smile splitting across his face.

This time he was certain the footsteps he heard clacking along the corridor outside in the Wing were real. He shot a spell at a near vase of flowers to cause a diversion and quickly copied the page onto his spare parchment with his wand, before closing the book and slipping it back into the shelf.

I should win a prize for subtlety.

Quietly, he straightened up, his ears still smoking slightly, and peered cautiously around the door to the ward.

"Madam Pomfrey?" he called. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, Remus dear," she said, straightening up so quickly that she banged her head on Sirius's cabinet. There was a loud bang as a vial that had been perched on the tabletop smashed to the floor and began to fizzle and hiss. "Oh, Merlin!" she snapped, trying to vanish it so angrily that her wand flicked out of her hand and hit Sirius.

Sirius groaned, but otherwise did not stir.

"Madam Pomfrey, would you like some help, perhaps?" Remus offered kindly. "Scourgify." The liquid disappeared.

"Oh, thank you, sweetheart," Madam Pomfrey said gratefully. "I have such an awful lot to do, what with the colds and the Dragon Pox. Did you know, Dumbledore doesn't think we should report it, because..." She stopped herself. "But I suppose it is confidential." She smiled sadly. "I hope next week won't be a problem for you, what with the cold. If you like, I could brew you a potion for stamina, but from previous experiences I know it has a terrible comedown..."

"I'll be fine," Remus assured her with a smile. "But thank you anyway." The after-effects of the potion seemed to have worn off now. "I think I'll be off. But thanks very much."

"Not at all, dear, not at all," Madam Pomfrey said with a tired smile, and Remus felt a pang of guilt. She looked like she was under enough stress without his tribulations. She'd be under more if they did brew Amortentia. Should they?

And then he thought of Peter, and how he had promised him that they would be able to swing Narcissa's affections towards him if they tried. "Goodbye then."

"Yes, yes, goodbye, dear."

Remus smiled. They were about to brew the most powerful love potion in the world. That would be an achievement in itself; one Remus was only too eager to gain.

"Where's Remus when you need him?"

James lay across the bed, head hanging off the edge, a book open. Peter was on the floor, scribbling away frantically at his Transfiguration homework, swinging his legs behind his head.

When Peter didn't answer, James spoke again. "It's really quite boring, just me and you. We haven't done anything productive since this morning. And we didn't get much further than discussing toothpaste."

"Mmhmm."

James began to wonder if Peter was actually listening. "I'm fucking Sirius, you know, Peter," he said in a loud voice. "We were wondering whether you'd be willing to go three-way."

"It'd be the only shag he'd get," a voice from the door said, and James straightened up excitedly.

"Mooooony!" he slurred happily. "Oh, thank God you're back! Wormtail's no fun. We need prank ideas."

Remus sighed. "I'm already working on one for Pete," he said so that only James could hear. "Once that's done, you'll have my undivided attention."

"Okay," James said with a smile. "I could handle sharing for a bit."

Remus nodded and lay back on the bed. "I'm cream crackered."

"You can't be; it's only midday."

"Pepper-up takes it out of you."

"No it doesn't." James hit Remus with a pillow. "You can't go to sleep. I plan on doing some homework later and I will require your help."
"What is it?" Remus asked with a sigh.

"Muggle Studies," James said, before reciting the title of the task. "'Describe methods of communication used by Muggles in the twentieth century.' It sounds bloody dull. But I know about them telly-wotsits, it's just the bloody post that confuses me. I mean, we don't hop on our broomsticks every time we want to send a letter, so why do the Muggles need vans – Oh my God. I've got it." His face had split into a beam. "What is it we've always said? Always."

"I don't know, Prongs, enlighten me."

"That the Wizarding World may have bloody good tricks, but it's the Muggle pranks that put the shock on the Slytherin's faces. Like that time we got Rabastan Lestrange." He grinned. "Do you know any Muggle pranks to do with toothpaste?"

Remus smirked. "We'll need salt. And food colouring. Some peanut butter and maybe some soft cheese." He paused. "And we'll need a house elf that would be willing to restore the toothpaste in every dormitory."

"But they could snitch," James pointed out.

Remus looked at him. "I'm not doing it manually."

"Okay," James said with a smile. "I was going down to the kitchens later anyway. I'll bully one of the nicer ones into it. They can't resist my allure."

"Whatever," Remus sighed. "You'd die without me for prank ideas, James."

"Yeah," James admitted.

"It's not a very good prank though, Prongs," Remus said with a sigh. "In fact, it's pretty lame for the greatest prank ever seen."

"Oh, Remus," James said with a smile, "this is just the start."