I appreciate the reviews. I received one suggesting doing one of these one shots for "Not a year, not as long as that". I like the idea, then when I re-watched that episode (purely for research, not for my own enjoyment at all) I was reminded that the scene does not end there. In fact they go on to discuss the entail and then turn off the lights. I am not quite sure where to take it from there … except for an entire smut piece and I don't know if I could do that. I will keep it on the backburner and consider my options.
This one is not quite how I wanted it to go … but not everything can be the way you want it I suppose, so I'm just calling it done and moving on.
Cora walked back up the stairs her eyes still glassy. Her heart was full and her limbs felt oddly heavy as she took each step to the main floor. It was such a strange feeling, a mixture of pride and joy intertwined with a foreboding sense of loss and fear. She felt her heart divided, knowing Sybil would be fine without them, and desperately wanting to keep her at home. How could this have happened so quickly? When had she grown up? Wasn't she still a baby? She supposed no matter what life brings a mother's children will always remain her babies, and Sybil was the youngest of hers. Her beauty and her baby. So head strong and opinionated, such a force for happiness and good. How could Cora force her to stay at home when she of all people knew how wonderful her daughter would be. She was a gift that had to be shared, she had a goodness about her that radiated and Cora could not live with herself if she stood in the way of Sybil's sharing it. None of this made her feel any easier about the thought of her baby leaving the nest. She felt a wave of nausea at the thought and covered her hand with her mouth.
She was so lost in thought and distraction that she did not notice the maid rounding the corner until she nearly ran into her. The girl was young, laden with the tools of her trade she still managed to jump to the side out of Cora's way at the last instance.
"Excuse me My'Lady , my apologies" said the young girl before she quickly made her way down the stairs. Cora had barely had the time to speak before the girl was gone, it had really been Cora's fault and she should have been the one to apologize and yet she was feeling a little dazed and not been quick enough to respond. She watched after her as the door closed behind her and briefly considered following the girl and apologizing. It would no doubt make the girl feel awkward anyhow, and if Carson saw them she knew the maid would receive a word about being in the way of the family. Better to leave well enough alone she decided and slowly made her way to the library.
She found herself wondering about the girl as she walked. She couldn't be much more than 18 herself and she considered how the girl's own mother must worry over her. How difficult it must have been to let her go out into the world. Was she the baby of her family? Did she have brothers in the war? Cousins perhaps? It dawned on Cora that she knew very little about some of her staff and felt terribly guilty about it. Sybil had been the one to take an interest in young Gwen when she worked for them. A terribly sweet girl who had made an effort to make her life better, and Sybil had helped. It was the final straw, and Cora felt one tear too many collect in her eyes until it spilled over her cheek. Handkerchief already in hand she dabbed it gently away as she entered the library.
"Cora?" Robert asked from behind his desk. He watched as his wife approached slowly, her handkerchief dabbing her cheek, her eyes glassy. He marveled at how different she looked to him now. How capable she appeared to him, even upset as she obviously was now the war was making her stronger in some strange fashion. "Is everything alright?" he asked in concern. Crying women were bad enough, but during war time it usually meant tragedy. He steeled himself for the worst as he stood and approached her.
Cora nodded and dabbed at her eyes again. "Yes yes, everything is fine. It's just … Sybil will do well in the course Isobel arranged, I think we should let her g…" she barely finished before she burst into tears burying her head in her hands. Robert looked on a little bewildered, what was happening? Taking several steps forward he closed the distance between he and Cora and wrapped his arms around her. He was grateful for the decades they had been married. Had such a thing occurred early in their marriage he would have been at a loss of what to do. He would have looked on at his wife sobbing and felt awkward. Now he knew that she needed him to hold her, to tell her it would be alright. Despite the distance between them of late she still needed him to comfort her, for the first time in months he felt truly useful. Pulling her against his chest her held her crying body close and breathed in her scent. Things had been difficult between them lately, and yet holding her now felt so right he couldn't bear for it to end.
His arms felt strong and comfortable around her. Suddenly dissolving into tears had not been part of her plan, it had even taken her by surprise as she had thought she was managing to hold her tears at bay. But as soon as she said the words she had felt her emotions overtake her and it was completely out of her control. Better to get it out now than show Sybil and make her feel badly. Or worse, show Violet and have her scowl in disapproval. At least Robert would comfort her and give her what she needed. He may not always understand her, but he always tried and for that she remained grateful.
She let him hold her for several minutes and felt herself slowly calm down. Pulling away gently she noticed the wet patch on Robert's shoulders her tears had left.
"I'm making you all wet" she said softly.
"It's quite alright." He stood waiting for her to explain further, when she didn't say anything he spoke, taking her arm and leading her to the couch as he did. "So this is about Sybil?" he asked cautiously not wanting to upset her again. She nodded as she sat; he took the chair next to her and leaned in. He was happy to be needed, especially by Cora, especially now. The war seemed to be stretching its long fingers into every crevice of his life and destroying parts piece by piece. At least in this moment his wife needed him, had come to him, he wanted to savor this moment.
"She's been spending the last few days in the kitchen with Mrs. Patmore" Cora began.
"What?" Robert realized too late that his tone had been too harsh, too judgmental. He saw Cora's face change to a sterner expression of reproof and her back stiffened slightly. How could he already be messing this up?
"Yes Robert, in the kitchen and before you get upset and bluster about it you need to hear why"
He nodded at her scolding and tried to reign in his irritation at the thought of his daughter in the kitchens. Could Mrs. Patmore not handle her own domain?
"Apparently she asked Mrs. Patmore to teach her a few things so she would be prepared for her nursing course …"
"But we have not even told her she can go" Robert leaned back in his chair and placed his hand on his forehead, "She requires our permission to do these things, what on earth does she think she is doing?"
Cora felt the distance grow between them as he leaned away from her and began to get angry. When had things gotten so hard between them? Sometimes she did not feel she could talk to him about these things, they always seemed to differ in their opinions and he found it terribly difficult to see her point of view. They had always been so different, but it never mattered before, now for some reason it was becoming more and more obvious to her.
"Actually Robert she is of age, she does not require our permission, although I am sure she would value it." Cora reminded him gently. It was always important to tread carefully when he was feeling things were out of his control, "She has taken initiative to learn some skills that will help her in her studies, which she wants to do to help with the war. She wants to do something good, how can we deny her such a noble desire?" Cora asked in her most agreeable tone, she leaned forward and placed a gentle hand on Robert's leg comfortingly.
He opened his mouth to respond but thought better of it. He was aware of the feeling of Cora's hand on his leg and looked down at it. When was the last time she had rubbed his leg? Things had been different between them since the war, since losing their son. He longed for it o be back to normal, to be the man Cora needed again. He let out a large sigh and placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed.
"She is so much like her mother" he said as if stating a fact. "So willing to face change and make a difference" he smiled at his wife warmly and felt his heart constrict when she smiled back at him. She was so beautiful, sometimes he took her for granted and he knew he needed to be better at reminding her how much he did love her.
For the 2nd time in an hour Cora felt she might cry, Robert's response had taken a complete turn and he was now holding her hand and gazing into her eyes. It knocked her thoughts off the rails for a moment as her thoughts turned to the handsome face before her and the effect of his hand against her skin. Blowing caution to the wind she did something she would never usually do, not downstairs, barely even upstairs anymore. But these months of war, their awful loss had plagued them so terribly she felt perhaps they needed to be freer with each other, free to reignite their connection which seemed to have been unhinged slightly of late. Rising from her chair she moved in front of Robert who watched her open mouthed as she placed herself upon his lap linking her arms behind his neck.
"Cora? What …" Robert began, obviously flustered by her boldness.
"Would you prefer I move darling?" she asked with a small smirk.
"If someone should come in here Cora … it would be …" he stammered.
"They would see a husband and wife sitting together." She said calmly, gently running her hand against the nape of his neck.
"Yes but …" Robert began.
"Oh do relax Robert" Cora said letting out a small sigh of exasperation, "I have no plans to ravage you in the library, it's just a seating arrangement" she rolled her eyes and laughed. The sound of her laugh struck him to the core; it had been a while since any of them had laughed freely. Just moments before she had been crying, now she sat on his lap laughing. In the grand scheme of things he supposed this was the better of the 2 choices. He prayed his mother did not arrive any time soon, they would never hear the end of it. Deciding to give into her surprising scheme he placed his arms around her waist and smiled despite his misgivings.
"You are surprising." He whispered. Cora leaned her forehead gently against Robert's and smiled.
"Life is surprising darling" Cora said wisely. "It seems that our baby is incredibly stubborn and really very capable. Although it breaks my heart to think of her leaving, I do not think we can say no to her in this. She had a worthy desire, we aught to be terribly proud of her. I am terribly proud of her" Cora finished.
Robert took in her words, savored the way her body felt against his, enjoyed the feeling of her hands at his neck. He could not argue with her. She had taken him prisoner with her feminine delicacies, broken his anger with her words. "I suppose you are right my dear" he said gently raising a hand up to her face to run his palm gently against her cheek. "It shall be very strange indeed to see our darling daughter leave this house, but you are quite right. How could we stand in her way." He breathed in deeply savoring the closeness of his wife. Enjoying the moment, this moment before everything would ultimately change. Sybil would leave, the war seemed destined to rage on, more changes were coming … but this moment he would savor and cherish. Leaning forward slightly he lay his lips gently against hers and brushed them with a soft kiss. He felt Cora's lips for the briefest of moments before he pulled back at the sound of Sybil's voice.
"Mama. Papa." She said cheerily as she entered the room carrying a silver tray. "Oh, well look at you … excuse me for interrupting" she said with a smirk as she approached her parents.
Robert felt rather embarrassed at being found with his wife upon his lap by Sybil, Cora seemed not to care a wink and she let out a small laugh.
"I should tell you Carson is moments behind me" Sybil said pulling her lips into a forced line to hide her large grin. Cora stood quickly and gave Sybil a coy smile.
"Well that would never do" Cora said as she walked towards Sybil and straightened her dress with her hands. "What do you have there?" she asked tipping her head to the side in question. Carson entered the room as Robert rose from his seat and turned to observe the scene before him. Carson pushed a tray of tea and plates; a large space was left in the center presumably for whatever Sybil was carrying. He could imagine she had plucked it straight off the tray and carried it herself, Carson had probably almost had a heart attack.
"Yes, what is this about Sybil?" Robert said happily stepping toward his youngest daughter.
"I have baked you both a cake" Sybil said proudly, holding out the tray for inspection. "Ta Da!" she announced in a sing song voice, her smile large and wide. How could he ever deny her her deepest desires Robert thought. She was so pure, kind, accomplished … so much like her mother.
"What?!" Cora feigned surprise with a large smile and moved over to investigate the cake and congratulate Sybil on her achievement.
Robert stood back, his throat catching with emotion as he watched Sybil return the cake to the tray while Cora fussed and smiled over her. Carson kept his expression stern, but Robert knew the man well enough to see that there was gentleness in his eyes betraying his enjoyment of the moment. Robert watched as Sybil took the knife from Carson and cut the pieces herself, placing them upon 4 plates. She handed one to her mother, she placed one in his hand and he managed a smile of thanks. Robert laughed as Sybil handed one to Carson who refused, until she practically forced the plate into his hand with a smile and a please. Cora invited Carson to enjoy a piece and Robert nodded in agreement. Once everyone had taken a bite Sybil clapped her hands in delight.
Robert could not deny that she had indeed made a delicious cake. His own children were more capable than he had ever considered, they could do things that he had not attempted. Edith was driving; Sybil was baking and would soon be nursing. He suddenly felt his life was very much out of his control and it gave him that familiar feeling of desperation to regain it. He looked across at Cora laughing with Sybil, both women's eyes sparkling, his wife's head thrown back slightly in amusement. If he could just keep this moment fresh in his mind he could make it through the coming changes he thought. Just then Cora looked across and locked eyes with Robert briefly, winking at him before turning back to Sybil and Mary and Edith as they entered the room. Yes, Robert thought, if he could just keep this memory alive he could possibly make it through anything the future would bring them.