Chapter 6
"Sir—sir! You're gonna break the machine!"
John stopped punching the self-checkout machine and glared at it. "Now you listen here you iMac-fucking two-wire piece of shit. There is no unauthorized item in the bagging area, I'm fucking telling you!"
The machine made a couple of beeps.
The army doctor stroked his chin, even though he had no beard (Sarah comes along later in the story lol). "I see."
It made a whirring noise and more beeps.
"Well if you put it that way…"
The store manager that had yelled at him in the first place slowly retreated, never taking his eyes off John.
-Back at 221b-
Sherlock was chillin and having a smoke after beating up some guy cosplaying as a rug. Or maybe it was a rug cosplaying as some guy.
Anyway, John walked back into the flat, dragging the chip-and-PIN machine with him.
Sherlock looked up. "Dude what the hell is that?"
"That's my girlfriend. I named her Sarah."
"That's a machine."
"Yeah. So?"
"Fair enough." Sherlock stood up.
"You know, you could always get the groceries yourself. You've been sitting there all morning and I—"
"Sorry I can't I have to go byeeeeeee~" Sherlock backflipped out the window and into SPACE.
Sarah the chip-and-PIN machine beeped.
-Later-
John came back with groceries. Sarah the chip-and-PIN machine (STCAPM) had been moved to the corner.
J-Spice picked up a pile of bills. "Damn. I need to get a job."
Sherlock 'pffft'ed. "Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff—"
"Will you stop that?"
"We need to go to the bank." Sherlock headed for the window, but John grabbed him by the hair and pulled him out the door.
-At the Bank-
They met a man called Sebastian who worked in the bank. He shook Sherlock's hand. "Howdy, buddy. How long's it been? Eight years since I last clapped eyes on you?"
John snorted. "Clapped eyes? Who even uses that phrase?"
Sebastian's eyes came out of his skull and started clapping.
After that terrifying and scarring demonstration, they sat down to talk.
"Looks like you've been abroad a lot," Sherlock said.
"Haha yeah. Twice in the world around the month. I mean world a month twice around. World a month twice twice twice twice twice twice twice twice twice twice twice twice twice twice twice twice—" Sebastian started twitching rapidly.
Sherlock shrugged. "It's probably just the stress. Let's go see what he called us in for."
They walked into an office. On one wall there was a portrait of some flat white bread with some yellow spray paint on it.
"Hmmm…" Sherlock stroked his beardless chin.
Then the looked at the security footage. One minute there was no graffiti, the next there was a splash of yellow paint.
"Sixty seconds apart," Sebastian said, having regained his sanity.
"Hmmm…" Sherlock was still stroking his chin. The graffiti symbols from before were floating around his head.
John tried to swat them away with a broom. "I told you to stop doing that!"
-Later-
"Hmmm…" Sherlock was scoping out the graffiiti'd office with a pair of binoculars.
"Um, could you get off my desk?" said a random worker whose desk had a certain smoll gay perched on top of it.
"Silence, prole."
After a couple of hours Sherlock got off the desk. "Aha!"
The worker sighed in relief. "Can I work now?"
"Not yet." Sherlock broke the desk over his knee and created a bonfire with the pieces. "Okay, I think I have my answer. Return to your work."
The worker thrust his head into the flames. "WHY ME?"
-Later-
"We have to go talk to some guy named Edward Van Coon," Sherlock said.
"And how do you know that?" John asked.
Sherlock laughed, longly and loudly. "You're a funny, silly man." He patted John on the head. John tried to punch him in the face, but he was too short.
They stopped by Van Coon's apartment building. Sherlock rang the buzzer a couple of times, but there was no answer.
"Well, what do we do now? Wait for him to come back?" John asked. He looked up to see Sherlock zooming in through the window fifteen stories above. "Or...that…"
Sherlock scoped out the apartment, which had a bunch of rich stuff in it, such as leather furniture, nice tiled floors, a dead man lying on a bed, a fancy shower, and every single Macklemore album ever released. Wait a minute…
"Macklemore!" Sherlock ran over and looted all of the dead man's CDs. Wait a minute…
John banged on the door. "Sherlock, you wanna let me in?"
"There's a dead guy in here!"
-Later-
A bunch of police were checking out the house. John looked at the dead guy's body. "I guess he must have lost a bunch of money. Suicide is pretty common in the city, or so I've heard." He stroked his beardless chin and spoke in a low voice, "That is, without taking the lizard people into account…"
Sherlock had only heard the first part. "Pfffffffffffffffffffffft we don't know that for sure."
Just then, some random police guy swaggered in. "Whatcha doing in my crime scene? Tampering with evidence? Who the hell are you?"
"I'm Sherlock Ho—"
"I know who you are. What are you doing here?"
"Investigating," Sherlock said. "Where's Lestroodle?"
"Busy. I'm in charge here. Detective Inspector Dimmock." The new DI puffed out his chest, which was comparable to a slice of bread being toasted. Meaning his chest didn't get any bigger.
"Sure, Jan. Anyway, it wasn't a suicide. The wound was on the right side of his head and Van Coon was left handed," Sherlock said. "Get rekt, bitch."
-Later-
Sebastian was having dinner with some of his bank homies and telling dumb stories about...money, or whatever bank people talk about.
Sherlock crawled out from underneath the table. "The graffiti was a threat," he said, ignoring the surprised screams of several of the bank workers.
Sebye West scowled. "Ummmm do you mind?"
"Sorry Sebye. No time for that. One of your co-workers has been…." Sherlock put on some shades. "...Murdered."
Here's the new chapter! Sorry I took so long; I'm beginning to remember why TBB is my least favorite episode lol
For this chapter's question...would you rather have Sherlock's power of jumping out windows or John's power of dating chip-and-PIN machines?